rudeness

[MsJanessa]

I'm just curious---have any of you ladies out there made dates to meet other T-Girls(either for romance or just friendship) got all made up and dressed up and then been stood up with absolutly no reason or explanation given at all--either by e-mail or phone? I've had this happen to me many times and it always amazes me how rude and inconsiderate it is of the people to do this. Is this a wide spread occurence with those of you, who like me, are out and actually meeting other T-Girls? And for those girls who are guilty of this---what's your reason? I understand that going out is not for every body but once you make a date you should keep it, or at least call or write to cancel it before the other person goes to the bother of getting dressed, made up, hair done etc to meet you. To do otherwise is the height of ill manners.

[Amanda Jane]

that is why i only agree to meet people at some place i would be at anyway / that way nothing lost

[Jennaie]

I met a person from the forums for coffee and we had a great time together. A few months later she messaged me and wanted to know if I would like to meet with her again. I said yes, and was looking forward to it, but for some reason she disappeared, both from the forums and with any contact to me.

I figure she had personal problems with whatever, her wife, her life, her inner turmoil. Not for me to judge, I like her a lot and she is a great person. I am not upset nor would I be at being stood up. I think with this lifestyle it is something that is to be expected fairly regularly.

[Eugenie]

Hi Janessa,

I've had a few disapointments with dates that didn't work out as I had expected, but never to the point that you mention.

The sisters I was supposed to meet managed to contact me before I was on my way to preparing myself by being well dressed and made up as for an important encounter... It remains a disapointment though.

However, we have to be tolerant and even forgiving as even when we are "going out" many of us have a double personality and sometimes the "femme" personality can't be easily expressed in case of last minute emergencies... If I'm in a meeting within my "male" activities, it may be difficult for me to call off a date with all my coleagues around me... This has never happened to me yet, but it could...

But I agree, it is very frustrating to feel let down.
:hugs:
Eugenie

[Country girl]

Ms Janessa, I have to say that I honestly think it is a universal problem. I don't care who you are , what you do, what you look like or dress like, most of us if not all of us have been stood up at one time or another. I agree, IT IS RUDE, however especially in a situation such as yours, I'm fairly sure that sometimes the other party involved just gets plain scared and that's why they don't show up. The embaressment factor could be why they never contact you again. Of course I don't know for sure but this is my thoughts. Sorry that you have had some bad luck.:hugs: CG gg

[BOOTLOVINGGIRL]

I've yet to meet anyone yet(or tried to) but I joined an adult match making site and have looked over some others and from what I read there, it's a very common occurence. Many people aren't what they say and many others probably get cold feet or have other difficulties in keeping plans. Sounds like there are many more non meets than actual meets.

[Rachel Morley]

I don't go out and hook up with others that often, but when when I do I've never been stood up......yet.

[susie evans]

that's why i go solo all the time if it fitts in with where i'am allready going that's i tend to go out a lot some times 4 to 5 times a week are on bussiness as i travel a lot during the year and allways take bioth typs of clothes it not dissapointing that way:hugs: :hugs:
susie

[melissacd]

Jan,

I have to agree that if you make an appointment you should either keep it or cancel it in a reasonable time. It is important to keep these meeting commitments or at least have the courtesy to respect the other person's time, so as not to waste anyone's time or efforts to get to a meeting place. So far I have been lucky enough to have found people who have always kept their meeting commitments, though I also get to know them through chat and email a great deal before I meet so that I can be sure that they are authentic and trustworthy. Once I reach that point I will agree to meet them.

I am sorry that you have been stood up and totally understand why you would be upset. I can only assume that those who stand others up are either totally inconsiderate bufoons or are genuine in their desire to meet but too afraid to carry out the meeting. That being said, if they are too afraid to meet then they should at least have the courtesy to cancel.

Huggs
Melissa

[Joyciecd]

I have been stood up a few times. I really hate getting to the meeting place and have the other party not show up and don't even to call my cell. When that happens I never speak to the person again.

[linnea]

I've only met another CD one time and I went to a group meeting once. I would like to meet others, but I do worry that if I get excited about the occasion, I might be stood up.
It is very rude.

[Kate Simmons]

Yeah, I've been stood up by other girls, who hasn't? I don't bother making appointments anymore really. I just tell them I'm going somewhere and I go regardless. If they show up, all the better but I don't depend on them anymore. I'm determined to have a good time even if it's by myself.:happy:

[TxKimberly]

Nope. I've met a number of girls for friendship through the internet and have never been 'stood up' nor have I stood them up. I think it is important to try and get to know someone reasonably well BEFORE you agree to meet them. Since you are just writing and reading letters typed on a screen, this is not fool proof, but so far I have met around 10 this way and have never had a bad experience.
To be honest, I've wondered if this means the odds are climbing that I'm going to have a bad experience. Maybe I should cut it out while I'm ahead . . .
Kim

[Stephanie-L]

I have only made an appointment to meet one time, and it was I that stood him up. I should have been suspicious when he would not describe himself either en femme or in drab, and had no pictures. When I arrived at the meeting place (a mall) he was in the place we had discussed with the agreed signal in sight. But he wasn't dressed in anything femme, and was in fact very slovenly appearing, as well as being extremly overweight. Both the weight and not being en femme I could have handled, but looking like a slob, no thanks. I realize that I was making a snap judgement based on appearance but much of what we gals are about is appearance. Also, I just got a bad vibe on the whole thing, I probably shouldn't have agreed to meet in the first place, but it was my first time and I wanted to be out with a friend very much. Was I rude to him? I feel he lied to me, at least by omission. I have not set up a meeting since then and that has been 3+ years. Stephanie

[Joy Carter]

Ah I was two hours late. Never again. I will plan my days better from now on. I feel I owe it to whom ever makes the commitment to meet.:o

[Kimberley]

I have yet to meet anyone but for me that is largely because there is no one locally. So that means a bit of travel and quite frankly I have an extremely limited income making it difficult at best.

Still, there are a couple of people I will get out and meet eventually.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[Billijo49504]

I've had one problem, with a meeting, not nice, so I've become a rather private person. You know, once bitten and all that. If he/she would have tried to lay a hand on me, after I warned him, it would have been messy, him not me....BJ

[EricaCD]

So far so good. No delays or cancellations in any of my social outings. Early last summer, I had hoped to meet a friend at a CDINYC meeting (which she was attending anyway). Two days before, it became utterly clear that I was not going to be able to make it due to a work conflict. I let her know immediately and she was kind enough to take a rain check. Even with that advance warning, I still felt terrible!

As far as a cancellation without any notice or warning, that is flatly inexcusable (though I'd make an exception in Stephanie's case).

Erica

[Kahlan51]

Yeah, I've been stood up by other girls, who hasn't? I don't bother making appointments anymore really. I just tell them I'm going somewhere and I go regardless. If they show up, all the better but I don't depend on them anymore. I'm determined to have a good time even if it's by myself.:happy:

I agree. I don't think this is just a problem for us. It seems to me and I'm trying hard not to be cynical , that a lack of committment ( ie not valueing or keeping your word) is rife in our North American society so of course it is going to show up more in situations that are potentially embarassing. I have only met twice with other T girls and was not stood up. I have been stood up a lot through emails and chats when I was seeking contact with other cd's though. Kahlan

[Trinni]

It doesn't matter who you are meeting, if there is not a good reason and an appolgy for not meeting that is definetly rude. I try to treat everone the way I would like to be treated and I wouldn't want that to happen to me.

[kittypw GG]

I'm just curious---have any of you ladies out there made dates to meet other T-Girls(either for romance or just friendship) got all made up and dressed up and then been stood up with absolutly no reason or explanation given at all--either by e-mail or phone? I've had this happen to me many times and it always amazes me how rude and inconsiderate it is of the people to do this. Is this a wide spread occurence with those of you, who like me, are out and actually meeting other T-Girls? And for those girls who are guilty of this---what's your reason? I understand that going out is not for every body but once you make a date you should keep it, or at least call or write to cancel it before the other person goes to the bother of getting dressed, made up, hair done etc to meet you. To do otherwise is the height of ill manners.


Well Ms Janessa, I can't for the life of me understand why any one would stand you up. :strugglin I'll bet a date with you would be far from boring. Just know that it has happened to the best of us. Yes me too. I too agree that it is very rude and chicken sh#t to not call and cancel. Why that is so hard I will never know. Just know that it is not a problem with you. It is surely a problem with them and their own insecurity and the lack of back bone to just call and cancel. Next time you get all fixed up have a plan B. That's what many of us gals do (I used to do when I was dating). That way your efforts are not a waste of time. Surprisingly I have had some of the most memorable nights when I was implamenting my plan B :devil: :hugs: Kitty

[Michelle_NY]

I'm just curious---have any of you ladies out there made dates to meet other T-Girls(either for romance or just friendship) got all made up and dressed up and then been stood up with absolutly no reason or explanation given at all--either by e-mail or phone? I've had this happen to me many times and it always amazes me how rude and inconsiderate it is of the people to do this. Is this a wide spread occurence with those of you, who like me, are out and actually meeting other T-Girls? And for those girls who are guilty of this---what's your reason? I understand that going out is not for every body but once you make a date you should keep it, or at least call or write to cancel it before the other person goes to the bother of getting dressed, made up, hair done etc to meet you. To do otherwise is the height of ill manners.

Are you joking or what Ms Janessa. I have gotten stood up way over 20 times in the past 3 yrs alone. I have come to the great anology that most of the girls I talk to on the comp (esp from NY) are just so full of crap. It just boggles my mind how I get stood up even after I think we have formed some kind of friendship. Please respond ty Michelle

[Emily Ann Brown]

I have been stood up twice by a sister.....I will take the blame both times, broke my rule of no meetings till I have known you for 60 days and had tons of contact. Those I have known under the above conditions have always worked out to be wonderful times with sisters that share a common interest with me.

I hear from some sisters here in my area that missed meetings with "admirers" is SOP. Apparently they talk fast and then cool when they have a chance to think about it. I can't offer first hand information on this area because I need an "admirer" like I need more male underwear.


Emily Ann

[myMichelle]

I met another "girl" in my area right here on this forum. We corresponded via PM's, e-mail, and then eventually via phone. We met for lunch (both of us en drab) and had a pleasant meal...We planned to get together again soon, and she Pm'd me and said she had to cancel our plans and that she was also withdrawing from the forum. Haven't seen or heard from her since...I showered and everything. I've had all my shots and I don't even bite...Don't know what happened, but she definitely got very cold feet!

[Bonnie D]

I had talked to a guy through a telephone service and he seemed quite nice so we made arrangements to meet at a mall to talk in person. I wasn't dressed but it was to meet and talk anyway. In order to recognize each other I told him the style and colour of my coat and he told me his. I went at the arranged time and waited outside the particular store. When I was about to leave a man approached me and asked if I was so and so. I said yes, he told me his name and he was the one I was meeting. I asked him why he was wearing a different coloured coat and he gave me a lame excuse. We went to talk for a short while but I was upset the whole time but gave him a chance. He was not my type so we didn't go any further with it. What upset me the most was that he wore a different coat so that I couldn't identify him and he could check me out first. If he didn't like what he saw he would have just left me standing there. The nerve! :Angry3:

Bonnie

[LanaLana]

Mabe they are scared to go out and kid themselves they can.
Make a date and panic at the last minute.

It takes a lot to gain enough confidence to go out. You are a very confident looking girl. I was lucky I got into a group to gain confidence.
A lot of cds are trembling in their stockings.

[Kristen Marie]

I think this might qualify as being stood up...or it's at least close. The most important part is that I have learned from it. This one lady from another board was begging for a get together. About my age, relatively close as to location, similar interests, etc. Twice we have set a day and both times, as we got close to that day, all communication has stopped from her end. Just stopped. Then, a few days later an email comes explaining away the non-meeting. And the excuses were lame. It's tough being a judge of character from just emails or phone calls.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Quite often my first meeting with a sister is for lunch as two guys. It takes the pressure off being out dressed for them (I have no problem with being out in public). It also means they are willing to at least be themselves before me.

Emily Ann

[MsJanessa]

Well I'm glad to see I'm not alone in this---to those of you that haven't had it happen yet, rest assured it probably will----I must confess though I've had it happen more times with so-called admirers(or in My case slaves or submissives)then other T-Girls. I've only had it happen a few times with T-Girls(out of about 60 times or so) and I really sympathize with some of you who get a false description or a fake photo and then the real person shows up looking more like Danny Devito than Brad Pitt---happened to Me once--- a sub said he was 170 lbs and 5'10", showed up was about 5'7" and 200 lbs---when I asked him why he lied he had the nerve to say that I wouldn't have agreed to meet if he told the truth. I wonder what he thought I would do when I found out the truth. well he found out when I showed him the door. I suspect that many of the no shows both butch and femme get all excited and ready to go on the internet but when it comes time get panicy and back out---as far as the T-Girls who are no shows and don't call or write--well they probably used someone elses picture because they are not confident of thier own looks(or maybe aren't Trans at all.) One final note--it doesn't make any difference how long I communicate on the net and by phone, even after a month or two of e-mails and phone calls I've had people be no shows and have never heard from them again.

[MsJanessa]

I think this might qualify as being stood up...or it's at least close. The most important part is that I have learned from it. This one lady from another board was begging for a get together. About my age, relatively close as to location, similar interests, etc. Twice we have set a day and both times, as we got close to that day, all communication has stopped from her end. Just stopped. Then, a few days later an email comes explaining away the non-meeting. And the excuses were lame. It's tough being a judge of character from just emails or phone calls.

I have heard a bunch of lame excuses also---I don't know how manytimes I've been told my mother, sister, aunt, dog etc is sick so I cant' make it--I usually allow people like that one more chance and then thats it