Oh my...she caught me!

[Bethany Ann]

Ladies,

I have had a little secret for 25 years (started when I was 10) that we all share. I love playing dress-up...always have...always will. Pretty dresses, lingerae, stockings, heels, lipgloss...curly wigs....everything!!! Last weekend my wife saw my pictures on the computer as I was doing some editing. She didnt know it was me at first, she thought I was having an affiar with another woman. She calmed down but the next morning she snuck onto the computer and did a search for photos and she found everything (thousands)...I mean everything!

Shes a very smart, beautiful, and educated woman (pHD)...so she spent two days just researching and learning before she even told me she knew. She broke down crying and told me everything she saw. I couldnt look at her for a day. Then...lots of anger and questions...it went on for days...then it happened she finally made a joke and all the awkardness melted away.

After a week we are talking and everything is going 100x better then I would have ever imagined. I feel so relieved that she finally knows, it was really my only secret with her...my wife of 15 years last month. We have a great life, both professionals, young, 4 great kids and a wonderful house. I thought I had lost it all when she began to tell me the story.

A few days ago I wandered onto this site and I have learned a great deal and I want to say thanks for that. If you believe it I have never reasearched this topic in my entire life, I always knew it was part of me. The advice I see that looks the most important now is to make no changes, take it really slow along with lots of talking.

Hello my name is Beth...and I love pretty girly stuff...hehe!

Bethany Ann

[Laurie Ann]

Welcome your story is heartwarming and an inspiration for those of us with SO's who are not so enlightened. The fact that she did research shows the love and affection she has for you. I wish you all the best.

[Trinni]

Welcome to the message board. There are a lot of mwmbers who have different situiations when it comes to dressing. It sound like you have a wonderful wife to accept your dressing. I think you will learn a lot about the different mind sets of people who dress, and a lot about yourself too. I know I have. The more I read, do and talk about it really put things into perscetive.

[Scotty]

Sounds like a great marriage to me, I'm happy for you!!!

[Bethany Ann]

Laurie Ann,

I knew everything was going to ok when she told me that first. I wondered why she went into the office for the whole weekend. Initially she was better about it than me...I felt embaressed. She forced me to look her in the eyes as we talked as she does love me and told me that first. She went over the statistics and all the other scientific data as that is what she focused on as a scientist. She formed her initial opinion off fact not some of the fantasy out there...for that Im very thankful!

We talked last night and she was asking me when and where and what do I like last night...that took a few martini's then I opened up. Im cracking up at the whole Dress and Drive thread as Ive done it dozens of times...along with the short walks and walking into business then spin and exit..hehe.

For now she does not want to see but she understands I need to do it too. Fridays she is going to take the girls for the weekly shopping trip for everything and run errands...the boys will be in school all day. That will leave me half a day to dress-up and clean the entire house....she thinks its great.

Beth

[Melora]

you and I are both lucky to have great understanding SOs.

[Tracy_Victoria]

you and I are both lucky to have great understanding SOs.

your very lucky, but don't think the path will be easier from here on, she and probably you, will still come across stony ground! knowing is one thing, acceptance is another, and totally acceptance with out problems is extremely rare, so best be perpared for problems, and hopefully they will pass you both by!

good Luck

[kittypw GG]

Beth,
I'm a scientist also. Have her join the gg forum. Great ladies, great fun and lots of support. We would welcome her with open arms. It's not easy to find other people who share this unusual life and know just what you are thinking and going through. :hugs: Kitty

[Amanda Jane]

all PhDs are not scientists, thought they are taught the scientific method, but she could be an english teacher, at least she followed her training and researched before she leaped

[Bethany Ann]

Kitty,

Im going to wait awhile, I dont want to overwhelm her with this to fast. Ive known for 25 years...her only 9 days...Im making good progress and I dont want to push my luck. Why do I feel like celebrating with a new outfit...I need to go shopping!

Beth

[RobertaFermina]

Beth,

I was about to say you dodged a bullet. WRONG.

You chose your partner well - I would thank God and/or Goodness for the gift of partnership with this magnficent woman !

[Eugenie]

She went over the statistics and all the other scientific data as that is what she focused on as a scientist. She formed her initial opinion off fact not some of the fantasy out there...for that Im very thankful!
Beth

My wife is also a scientifically minded person, Master's degree in Math plus another one in neuro-psychology (the hard side of psychology :happy: ) but as much as statistics and psychology may work for other people, with regard to her husband, the maths don't seem to compute and the psychology fades away...

I'm almost sure she went look on the internet for info about x-dressing, as she does for almost everything; and very successfully. But the subject is a forbiden one between us, regardless of the many attempts I made to bring it up as delicately as I could.

Any hints on how to be perhaps even more diplomatic in bringing up the subject, unless perhaps being blunt would seem to be a better approach, will be welcomed...
:hugs:
Eugenie

[kittypw GG]

all PhDs are not scientists, thought they are taught the scientific method, but she could be an english teacher, at least she followed her training and researched before she leaped

Please refer to Beth's reply to Laurie ann:
Laurie Ann,

She went over the statistics and all the other scientific data as that is what she focused on as a scientist.
Beth

I think that it is pretty clear that she is a scientist.

Beth
We would love to have her here whenever she is ready. A lot of gg's start off accepting but due to circumstances that are different for everyone, end up with waning acceptance. That is when the support is really needed. For me I needed to know that there were other women like me that were married to CD's and who have found a way to balance this and have a sucessful marriage and I needed to know how they do it.

All I can say is that I have never once regretted joining this forum and it's mostly because of all the great gg's and their wisdom and support.
:hugs: Kitty

[Amanda Jane]

sorry, i stand corrected, i should have more coffee before i start to read

however that brings up an even more interesting question, which is: "what information on tg have you ever read that was scientific?" by that i don't mean 'looks like science' or 'uses parts of science' / it seems to me that everything i have read from harry benjamin on has been based in the end on anecdotal evidence and not any sort of scientific survey / see the man who would be queen as a prefect example of psudo-science masquerading as science

but the idea of her talking to other women in the same position is good / if only because it will make her feel less alone and perhaps get rid of some of what she found on the web which is more or less bunk

[MsEva]

Bethany, you are a very lucky girl. I know you realize that. Treat this wonderful woman as the gem that she is. Life is wonderful with a love like yours.

[SherriePall]

Bethany Ann -- Welcome aboard. Congratulations on being found out (that doesn't sound right, does it?). A great weight has been lifted off your shoulders. And it sound like you have a great wife.

[Bethany Ann]

Oh she's all scientist, 5 years in research, 5 in teaching ,and 5 in administration. The research was limited but she also has access to all of the medical and psychological journals. She never once made fun of me, but put her energy into a higher level...im very happy and lucky. Many wives would have just left their husbands and ruined their lives. Weve been smiling and laughing alll day...she almost seems closer to me?

xoxoxo everyone....Beth

[Tammietoo]

I was caught after 6 years of marriage, and while it took my wife longer to get to where yours apparently is (mine still doesn't want to participate or see Tammie but is tolerant, and fairly understanding of my needs) I'm happy to hear that it is working out for you. Welcome to the board, my only advice is even though she is accepting, take it slow and respect her feelings. Congrats. :hugs:

[LeahCD2002]

Hi Bethany Ann,

Think you could have heard a collective moan of terror (and a sigh of relief) from all the gurls here when your wife found our your secret.

Great supports here. Make sure you take advantage.

Leah

[Kate Simmons]

Hi Bethany, It is for this very reason that I'm glad this site is kept clean and upbeat. It shows the care and concern we all have for one another. I thank the Administrators, Mods and all of you for doing your best to keep things positive. I really believe it's the first step in getting our message of who we really are out to the world. Not only that but it's a pleasure being here as well.:happy:

[Amanda Jane]

i think this board is very good, its great outreach and some good info, but the only way to get our message out to the world is to shut down the computer, walk out the door and join the world / all the web sites will never replace one on one contact / that makes it real / that makes it personal / that is where the change must happen / indeed its the only place that any change will happen / information will never replace knowing

[danam]

Bethany:
We are in very similar situations. I have not endured getting caught---yet---but I am sure that day is coming. Especially given how the computer can betray secrets so, so easily. I hope that it turns out in a similar way. I have the feeling that my wife will accept it after a brief freakout period. But it is so, so hard to imagine having that conversation. It is so nice to know that there are others out there with such similarities.
Dana

PS
Let's see some of your pictures!

[Bethany Ann]

Danam,

We just got back from dinner and had as great time with the kids. She seems closer...touching me more...closer...not sure what it is. She didnt mention it all day...not sure why. Ive been sick so maybe she does not want to press me when Im down. The funniest part was when I was in the jacuzzi next to a bunch of magazines...she went to clean up. She saw several mags one being the JC Penny Jewelery Collection. As she lifted it up she said...."are you done with this dear" and gave me the biggest smirk I have ever seen...I could only laugh...shes great. I'll give her a few glasses of wine after the kids are in bed at 8:00 and see what happens. Scored major points after I fixed the sewing machine in 2 minutes and saved her a 85 dollar service charge.

Pics are coming I just need time....and a little privacy...maybe this week as she works afternoons/evenings and I have more time then.

Beth

[linnea]

I totally agree. I love my wife very much, but I'm afraid that she would never respond as yours has. Nonetheless, I'm inspired to keep thinking about telling her about Linnea.




Bethany, you are a very lucky girl. I know you realize that. Treat this wonderful woman as the gem that she is. Life is wonderful with a love like yours.

[Andrea_girl]

Hi and welcome.

I have a wonderful SO who is fully supportive, so I know what you can have if you take it slow and talk.

Remember shes in charge and she sets the pace. don't push it too hard.

Good luck you can do this

Andrea
XX

[Missy Anne's GG]

Hi Bethany Ann,

Welcome to the forum!

You are so lucky to have such a wonderfully understanding wife! It's a great way to start if she's already joking about it!

Go ahead -- go shopping! I think a new outfit is in order. And while you're getting it, make sure you pick up a little something for that special wife!

Hugs to both of you, :hugs:

Missy Anne's GG

[kerrianna]

Hi and welcome.

I have a wonderful SO who is fully supportive, so I know what you can have if you take it slow and talk.

Remember shes in charge and she sets the pace. don't push it too hard.

Good luck you can do this

Andrea
XX


:iagree: , and welcome to the forum. :hugs:
Sounds like you have a great relationship and I hope we can help over any rocky parts - although you're doing pretty well already. One thing my SO wanted to be re-assured about was that I was still the man of the family. Fixing stuff isn't her department. :thumbsup: So what if I'm wearing a dress while doing it. :heehee:

[Sheila]

Bethany,

Fistly welcome to the forum

Secondly as Kitty says



We would love to have her here whenever she is ready. A lot of gg's start off accepting but due to circumstances that are different for everyone, end up with waning acceptance. That is when the support is really needed. For me I needed to know that there were other women like me that were married to CD's and who have found a way to balance this and have a sucessful marriage and I needed to know how they do it.

All I can say is that I have never once regretted joining this forum and it's mostly because of all the great gg's and their wisdom and support.
:hugs:

The old stumble thing can hit without warning, and if she is already a member of the GG section, it can be a major plus for both her and your relationship. the support shown is amazing but trust me we are not above swiping each other over the head with a bit of 6X3 if needs be ( but we usually reserve that until they have been a mamber of the GG forum for at least a fulll day:devil: )

Hope to see her there
Jess

[Angie G]

Hi Beth good for you being out to the wife makes life good if she is OK with it
:hugs: Angie

[Dixie Darling]

Bethany,

I've left you a private message.

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[Margot]

Looks like your wife is accepting. Have fun with it and give your new relationship time to grow.
:hugs:
Margot

[Sejd]

Beth,this is going to be good for you. You are very blessed, as I am with a "smart" GG who just want's to know the facts and know what she is up against, and then I'm sure she will support you just great.
go girl
Sejd

[Penny]

Hi Bethany, The majority of people are ignorant about crossdressing. Why? Because they choose to believe what they have be told. Only those who choose to be rightly informed come out of the darkness. Ignorance is not bliss, it is just ignotance.
My wigs offf to your wife.:heehee: I don't believe I have heard a story of discovery quite like yours. You are very fortunate to have such an intelligent and caring wife.
I wish you both the best and to be sure, we are here always and ready to assist if needed. Make us part of your family as you are part of ours. Welcome.

:hugs:

[Melanie R]

Beth,

Great account of your SO and her movement to understanding and acceptance. 26 years ago when my wife found out about Melanie one month after we were married she also begain to do research on the topic of crossdressing. Unfortunately there was little available on the topic in 1980 which the lead her to write four books on the topic. I do find that the wives who are supportive and participate usually are well educated, have a positive self image, are accepting of their own femininity and are in a relationship with open communication, honesty and love. Beth, it sounds like your wife fits these descriptions.

Hugs,

Melanie

[mia kialy]

Wow, don't know how you kept it secret from a Phd for so long, especially with all those pics! Glad to hear it worked out for you!

[Bethany Ann]

Well its been almost two weeks and she has still been good about it. We have not talked a lot in the last week as I have been sick but today I feel better. What did she do...took all the kids into town for a few hours so I could play for awhile! She said she will call on her way home. She never said a word about CD but she knows I was melting into a corset before she was out of the garage..hehe. Ive been in heaven cleaning the house in heels without a fear of being caught. No staring out the window, wondering about every noise I hear....just fun as my heels go click...click...click as I walk around;-)

Beth

[janey]

Bethany,

I'm glad it's working out for you. I told my wife a dozen years ago. First she cried, then she laughed. While she is accepting she said that she didn't want to see me dressed up around the house so I never have (when she's home). A few months ago she found a pair of panties that I missed in the dryer in with other clothes. She smiled and threw them to me and asked if they were mine. I just smiled back and took them. I think that she really didn't accept but that she just blocked it out and didn't know how to deal with it deep inside. It sound like your wife actually doesn't mind at all from her reaction and perhaps enjoys it.

Janey