Gee. What a shame to see this on Yahoo! Personals.

[Lisa Maren]

Hi all

I found this less than flattering (to CDers) advice to daters about crossdressers after I clicked a link in a Yahoo! Personals newsletter-type bulletin (I may not be dating but I believe it's wise to read the dating advice -- even if with a grain of salt -- that can be found).

http://personals.yahoo.com/us/static/singles-life_breakup-nine-signs;_ylc=X3oDMTI1b3VlNWRjBF9TAzk2NTMxOTczBF9zAwR zZWMDYnJlYWt1cC1ndWlkZS1oZWFydGJyZWFrZXJzBHNsawNua W5lLXNpZ25zLWJvbHRvbg--
(http://personals.yahoo.com/us/static/singles-life_breakup-nine-signs;_ylc=X3oDMTI1b3VlNWRjBF9TAzk2NTMxOTczBF9zAwR zZWMDYnJlYWt1cC1ndWlkZS1oZWFydGJyZWFrZXJzBHNsawNua W5lLXNpZ25zLWJvbHRvbg--)
That's a long, ugly link, so in case it doesn't work you should be able to find it by navigating from the Yahoo! Personals front page like this:

About Dating & Relationships > Singles: Life & Times > Ten Signs That He's Not the One for You

Look at sign #3: LIKES YOUR CLOTHES... A LOT

Hugs,
Lisa

[Peggy55]

That's a terrible "editorial" on us! Can they bash a particular group like that?

Peggy

[Jenn S.]

The problem with columns written on Yahoo! and MSN, I think, is that they are practically designed to leave both parties in a fledgling relationship leave disappointed. They give a ridiculously short list of "red flags" and exaggerate them so they sound like they could only be part of some horrible creep. I can't believe people actually buy into this crap. At least magazines like Cosmo put out positive tips, if unrealistic, about how to keep a relationship going.

Basically this is what this article tells one not to do:

1) Never be down

2) Agreed with this one

3) Never dress unlike a man's man

4) Never get divorced after having children

5) Don't work hard

6) Don't touch yourself inappropriately

7) Don't try to make yourself look good

8) Real men have never had family problems

9) Obviously

10) Obviously

[SherriePall]

Whoa! Run, don't walk away from a CDer! Are we that bad? Don't we have any redeeming qualities? What do our resident GG's think about that advice column?

[Amanda Jane]

well the offending passage is....

3) LIKES YOUR CLOTHES…A LOT: A man dressing like a woman at Halloween once is funny – twice, not so much. Three times and he also wants to shop at Victoria’s Secret with you, and it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship. Look, a good man may be hard to find, but you have plenty of “girl” friends. Stay casual friends with this guy if you like, but say “bye bye” to romance and find a man who prefers trousers over panty hose.

Well, is not BAD advice is it? What I find postive about it is that it does say that that its ok to have a CD as a friend, a gal-pal, to see it any different is to see it all about sex, and I thought were were trying to get away from that. I have lots of GF who like to go out with me, shop with me, ski with me, even sleep with me, they just don't want to be in an intimate sexual relation with me, and that's cool.

what does the rest of it say?????
-don't go out with a drunk/druggie - I agree
-don't date married men - I agree
-don't date anyone in love with thier ex
-avoid sex/pron addicts
-trust your instincts
-avoid violent weapon packing people - good advice always, if for not other reason than a weapon is a male compensation for a tiny weinie and an abridgement of common sense - moreover, the person its most likely to be used on is you
-dont' date people who place more value in inanmatie object than real people
-know that to a workaholic you will never be more than number two

I find nothing wrong with this with the exception of wanting to add to #3 the sentence "Unless that is what you are into" at the end of it

not bad, i find it interesting that the cd thing appears at all, much less so high on the list, must be more of us than we think

And girls, never trust a man who can not spend the night sleeping next to a women without having sex.

[Lanore]

That's why people with shallow minds should stay away from the written word. An open mind looks at the whole picture, where as a shallow mind believes what they read. I think who ever wrote the article should come and visit CD.com. But then again, it might bust their bubble.

Lanore

[Amanda Jane]

in truth, considering how many people in here confess to wanting to have sex with another boy, it might make them feels worse.

[linnea]

As some others have already written, the advice is not bad. As a matter of fact, it is really quite good. Even the comment about CDs offers the idea that a person could continue a friendly relationship with a CD if that person really likes the CD. I don't like getting "bad" press any more than the next girl, but this is pretty harmless. One other writer noted that it could have added "unless that's what you like"--I agree.

[klyde]

Pop one size fits all dating advice. Take it for the low brow conventional wisdom it is.

[marie354]

Did you notice all of the dating service ads listed?
Doesn't look like good advice to me.
:hugs:

[Amanda Jane]

considering the number of posts that feature CDs afraid to tell thier wives/GFs and the number that have and got divorced or at the least, a very much chilled relationship, then you can't call this low-brow, unless you are putting that label on all these wives and GFs / conventional seems better

Girls - at least those not in a relationship - don't lie, find a total sexual pervert super-freak who does not mind, or might even celebrate your deal in fair and open exchange for playing her game with her / that path is the happy one / be open, be honest from the start / and at the least , you might find a few GGs who will let you be one of the girls, and how bad is that?

[Lori SC]

I'm with you on this one Amanda. :yt: It's not too negative.

I do wish we were more like number 10 on the list, but you have to remember that these people are writing for the interest factor. You have to keep the reader interested, so putting something like A CDer closer to the top piques womens interest. We're exotic!:dom:

Why didn't they lead off the article with the abuser? Because that's a downer, and fewer would want to finish the article.

Hugs, Lori

[goofus]

I fired off the following email to them, and I think everyone here should do the same, let them have it, I say!!

Well, thank you so much for scaring women everywhere into dumping a guy that happens to be a crossdresser (in your Ten Signs That He's Not the One for You... And That You May Be Headed for a Break-Up - reason #3), lumping us with guys that batter women - thanks! There are thousands - millions - of heterosexual crossdressers in the world that are wonderful husbands, boyfriends, and fathers. You do a great disservice to women by advising them to break up with a guy just because he might like to dress as a woman from time to time. And I'll tell you what - I'll stop wearing pantyhose when women stop wearing trousers!


Hi all

I found this less than flattering (to CDers) advice to daters about crossdressers after I clicked a link in a Yahoo! Personals newsletter-type bulletin (I may not be dating but I believe it's wise to read the dating advice -- even if with a grain of salt -- that can be found).

http://personals.yahoo.com/us/static/singles-life_breakup-nine-signs;_ylc=X3oDMTI1b3VlNWRjBF9TAzk2NTMxOTczBF9zAwR zZWMDYnJlYWt1cC1ndWlkZS1oZWFydGJyZWFrZXJzBHNsawNua W5lLXNpZ25zLWJvbHRvbg--
(http://personals.yahoo.com/us/static/singles-life_breakup-nine-signs;_ylc=X3oDMTI1b3VlNWRjBF9TAzk2NTMxOTczBF9zAwR zZWMDYnJlYWt1cC1ndWlkZS1oZWFydGJyZWFrZXJzBHNsawNua W5lLXNpZ25zLWJvbHRvbg--)
That's a long, ugly link, so in case it doesn't work you should be able to find it by navigating from the Yahoo! Personals front page like this:

About Dating & Relationships > Singles: Life & Times > Ten Signs That He's Not the One for You

Look at sign #3: LIKES YOUR CLOTHES... A LOT

Hugs,
Lisa

[Peggy55]

FromGoofus:

I fired off the following email to them, and I think everyone here should do the same, let them have it, I say!!

"Well, thank you so much for scaring women everywhere into dumping a guy that happens to be a crossdresser (in your Ten Signs That He's Not the One for You... And That You May Be Headed for a Break-Up - reason #3), lumping us with guys that batter women - thanks! There are thousands - millions - of heterosexual crossdressers in the world that are wonderful husbands, boyfriends, and fathers. You do a great disservice to women by advising them to break up with a guy just because he might like to dress as a woman from time to time. And I'll tell you what - I'll stop wearing pantyhose when women stop wearing trousers!"

Good one Goofus! You go girl!

Peggy

[Amanda Jane]

most women can spot an abuser a mile away, but as we know from these boards CDs can lie like a rug, to thier friends, family and loved ones, like I said, the only thing I would change would be to add "unless that is your thing"

[EricaCD]

stupefying imbecility...but any person who unquestioningly accepts unsolicited advice from an internet-based advice column gets what he/she deserves. FYI note that the analysis on a few of the non-CD matters is similarly moronic.

[Amy Hepker]

That sounds Like a bunch of CRAP, who are they to say we can't LOVE or have a lasting relationship!

[Amanda Jane]

let's review...

if you have a daughter do you want her to marry...
someone with drug problems, or a problem drinker?
somone who would put thier job ahead of thier family?
someone who has a history of violence? (and a weapon is a signal of violence, make no mistake about that - to carry one is to think you need to use one - if you don't think you will be involved in violence, you don't go 'armed with intent")
someone who thinks that things are more important than people?
someone who is downloading porn, going to strip shows or hiring hookers?
someone who has other girlfriends, or past relations that they have not got over?

do you?

do you want her to marry someone who has a sexual preoccupation with women's clothes but will not tell her the truth about it?

[Sarah Rabbit]

Actually, I found the whole article rather offensive as a 'male' and a 'CD'er'

What makes these two twits such experts. I've seen plenty of really pathetic behaviour on both side of the fence when it comes to the 'Mating Game'. Tell you the truth, I am fortunate enough to be in a really great relationship (Marriage), However if I were single, the choices out there aren't much chop, I'd probably stay single...:2c:

Pity the poor fools who got stuck with these two MORONS

Sarah R. :bunny:

[Rachel Morley]

Well, you know.... what do you expect from a Yahoo dating page? It seems, to me, like a (slightly) older girls version of what you get in those lame sugar filled teenage magazines. It's all about following the flock...like moronic mindless sheep. All they said in this article was stereotypical trite for the single girl. Half the things were so obvious (don't date an alcoholic or a drug addict) and the other half were just what you are "supposed to do" to be "normal"....whatever normal is.

[Bethanygirl]

let's review...

if you have a daughter do you want her to marry...
someone with drug problems, or a problem drinker?
somone who would put thier job ahead of thier family?
someone who has a history of violence? (and a weapon is a signal of violence, make no mistake about that - to carry one is to think you need to use one - if you don't think you will be involved in violence, you don't go 'armed with intent")
someone who thinks that things are more important than people?
someone who is downloading porn, going to strip shows or hiring hookers?
someone who has other girlfriends, or past relations that they have not got over?

do you?

do you want her to marry someone who has a sexual preoccupation with women's clothes but will not tell her the truth about it?

Actually, I would want my daughter, (or my son) to marry someone they loves in the real meaning of the word, and someone that loves them back the same way. Period. No qualifications on that at all...

And before you ask, if you ask me what the true meaning of the word 'love' is, then I am sorry for you, for you have not found it. Period.

[Amanda Jane]

the "twits" you refer to are in fact people who know more about men than men do. We call them 'women."

and really, you want your daughter to marry a drunk, or a meth head (who can, by the way know what love is, they love booze, they love meth)?

Is is OK for her 'love' to beat her - because, as many such people say - they did it out of love?

[Marla S]

Like Amanda already said, it is most interesting that CDing is mentioned at all and on a high rank.
That is somehow encouraging.

One thing that buggs me a bit though, is that physical attacks are rank 9 only.:rolleyes:
These ladies seem to be a bit weird.

[jo_ann]

yeah, I'm amazed that this made the list.. does this really happen so often that it needs to be on a list?

[goofus]

FromGoofus:

I fired off the following email to them, and I think everyone here should do the same, let them have it, I say!!

"Well, thank you so much for scaring women everywhere into dumping a guy that happens to be a crossdresser (in your Ten Signs That He's Not the One for You... And That You May Be Headed for a Break-Up - reason #3), lumping us with guys that batter women - thanks! There are thousands - millions - of heterosexual crossdressers in the world that are wonderful husbands, boyfriends, and fathers. You do a great disservice to women by advising them to break up with a guy just because he might like to dress as a woman from time to time. And I'll tell you what - I'll stop wearing pantyhose when women stop wearing trousers!"

Good one Goofus! You go girl!

Peggy

Why thank you Peggy :happy:

[Amanda Jane]

does this really happen so often that it needs to be on a list?

yes.

[Lisa Maren]

It is interesting that CDs are mentioned at all. Things that are really taboo are not mentioned at all, so we might interpret that as some progress, even if it didn't exactly hit the mark.

As for the rest of the advice, yes, it's good advice (even if a ten-year-old could tell you as much lol). Thinking that #3 is problematic doesn't have any bearing on what one thinks of the rest of it.

I agree they could have at least said "if your'e into that", but I would prefer to have seen a couple more sentences, something like:

"...three times and they're probably CDers, so be advised that there is truth to that. We're not saying that crossdressers are freaks. We just mean that if you're not into that, then this is a red flag for you in the way that if you're a gal with a scientific mind, then it's probably a red flag if he takes you to the local poetry slam followed by drinks at a Po-Mo bar -- or a poetry slam at a Po-Mo bar. If you are into crossdressers, however, then more power to you."

I don't have any problem with them giving the advice that a man might be a crossdresser if he likes his female date's clothes a lot. Frankly, he probably is. I've only been en femme once for Halloween and I may be TS. The only problem is when they say things like "run, don't walk" rather than more respectful, neutral things like "might not be your cup of tea".

Hugs,
Lisa

[cdjenny]

how do you contact yahoo? we need to send them a online complaint..and ask for a appoligy...lets do it girls

if nothing else it will let them know we want stand for it

ps they are right to some degree...ge is not the one for me..but my wife is

[Rita Knight]

Hi Everyone,
I know this maybe tangential to this subject. All these online personals services are in the business to make money. They write these things in essence to get people to use their service. What no one seems to really explore is that a lot of people, including myself, have given up on the dating scene. The New York Times article article this week about 51% of American women are living without a spouse covered a lot of this area but nowhere near all of it. Does anyone know where to get more information about this subject? Incidentally, I was married and am divorced. I tried dating after the divorce and had little success. At that point I thought I might get "burnt" again and gave up.

[darling_felicity]

Don't waste a second over trash like this. It's written for one of two reasons. One, the person needs to make a buck and will say anything, two, they are infernally jealous of what we are and what we have.

Luv and pride, Felicity

[MsJanessa]

It's one of those so-called advice columns found in third rate "womens" magazines-----real GGs who are self confident, intelligent, and sexy don't usually take those things seriously---really ment for stay at home, bon bon eating, homely wannebes whose only romantic life is in their daydreams.

[crossing-the-rain]

Surprise ? No !
Angry ? No !
Shock ? No !
Feeling ? No !

Rain.

[Tracy_Victoria]

how do you contact yahoo? we need to send them a online complaint..and ask for a appoligy...lets do it girls

if nothing else it will let them know we want stand for it

ps they are right to some degree...ge is not the one for me..but my wife is

Judy Bolton and Wendy Bolton Floyd are sisters and co-authors of the upcoming book “When Did You Know… He Was Not The One?” (in stores Feb. 2007). Wendy, a professional writer, is a graduate of the Fashion Institute of Technology (FIT) and of City University of New York, Queens College. Judy is a Columbia University graduate, with a background in clinical psychotherapy and she has provided counseling for over 25 years. Her specialty is in family and marital issues. Both sisters have been on numerous television and radio programs including; CBS News, Montel Williams, and Newsday. Their website is whendidyouknow.org/

go give em Hell!!! :D

[Stacy GG]

Whoa! Run, don't walk away from a CDer! Are we that bad? Don't we have any redeeming qualities? What do our resident GG's think about that advice column?

I think alot of the column s common sense..if the guy abuses you leave. yes, i do think the CD comment was to just get people to keep reading. Though I read the website and it seems Judy is a divorcee..and when they started the book was newly divorced, so she might be a tad bitter.
Though truthfully if a guy owns weapons, it dos not mean they have a small penis or that he's an abuser. Hemight just like antique or exotic weapons...
I think in all the column should be taken with a grain of salt, and I just hope not too many people take it as real advice. I've read alot of things that say "real men don't crossdress" , I think it's a bunch of BS and I'm not going to be running for the hills because elly prefers womens clothes over mens! love: :hugs:

[Kimberley]

Ignorance is bliss. Wingnuts!!!

The real problem is not their opinions, it is that thousands of people are influenced by them. Sad sad sad.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[TV Wannabe]

whats the deal with brass knuckles, I own a set, it doesn't mean im going to be an abusive boyfriend.

[Kimberley]

...I just hope not too many people take it as real advice. I've read alot of things that say "real men don't crossdress" , I think it's a bunch of BS and I'm not going to be running for the hills because elly prefers womens clothes over mens! love: :hugs:

***********
and real men dont eat Quiche or drink white wine.....

Stacy, you are a gem!! Thanks.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[Marcie Sexton]

perhaps we need to encourage a boycott and flood their site with complaints...

when do we know some one is eat up with dumb ass, when some one write an article like that and someo one buys it !!!:Angry3:

I'm sure there are people who would buy my beach front property in Alaska where the palms wave gently in the tropical breeze

[Miss Terr]

Irresponsible. I think alot of that was attempted humor.
I think Bi-sexuality would cause a GG to pull the plug.

they never mentioned:
Borrowing money/poor financial managment.
Compulsive gambling.
Chronically Unemployed.
Thief/criminal.
Liar.
Cruel to animals.
Sociopathic.
User.
Arguementative.



so on.....But thats just my opinion--there are many women (and men) who love people with one or more (or all), of the above characteristics; and if its OK with them I am happy for them.

Until next time....

[Country girl]

Whoa! Run, don't walk away from a CDer! Are we that bad? Don't we have any redeeming qualities? What do our resident GG's think about that advice column?

I personally believe that a man who CD's is a better lover, husband,father, etc. It definately makes you more sensitive to a GG woman's feelings. I LOVE a man who is a CDer!!!! That's my opinion!!!!
:love: CG gg

[kerrianna]

The internet has made 'experts' of us all. I'm one here. :devil:

I wouldn't even connect to the internet if I had to pay attention to all the crap: bigotry, ignorance, hatred, sleaze, shameless self-promotion, money-grubbing, scamming, malicious intent....I chose to ignore all that just like I ignore most of advertising and propaganda in other media forms. The internet is like the wild wild west. It's not for the faint of heart and anyone who believes what they read (including some of my posts :heehee: , I'm kidding I try to be ethical ) gets what they get.

This particular 'advice' is just a moneymaking scheme by a couple of self-appointed experts. Personally I wouldn't bother trying to 'educate' these people, but I wouldn't say to anyone don't try. You never know, maybe you can make them think twice. They probably thought they were being 'pithy'.

[goofus]

I personally believe that a man who CD's is a better lover, husband,father, etc. It definately makes you more sensitive to a GG woman's feelings. I LOVE a man who is a CDer!!!! That's my opinion!!!!
:love: CG gg

Are you interested in being cloned? :D

[Amanda Jane]

Some of the replies sounded harsh, and uninformed.

So I checked out the two women who wrote the deal, and found they are basicaly a summery of interviews they did for the book

the basic signs they warn women againt do not include CD but rather are

Controlling Behaviors
Physical restraint
Asking or demanding that you give up essentials
Presenting you with large gifts early in the relationship
Attempts to isolate you from family and/or friends
Equating total submission with total love

Abusive Behaviors
Physically hurting you
Putting you down in front of others
Derogatory comments about you
Making you feel like you are crazy
Purposely making you feel helpless
Playing mind games

Substance Abuse
Smells like liquor, drugs or tobacco
Shows emotional extremes
Unaccountable for their whereabouts
Your money is unaccountable

Signs of Cheating
Secretive and defensive
Sly, manipulative behavior
Does not let you call him at home
Has a white ring around his ring finger
Projectile behavior
He does not want to spend time with your friends or family
Unavailable on important holidays
Only available at strange times of the day

Lack of Compassion
Lack of concern for your physical and/or emotional well-being
Lack of common courtesy
Using empathy as means to get something from you (mainly sex)
Self-centered behaviors
Being unsupportive


Judy is a Columbia University graduate, with a background in clinical psychotherapy and she has provided counseling for over 25 years. Her specialty is in family and marital issues and she puts her skills to use in this book by using her clinical expertise, in addition to her warm demeanor to provide a safe and reassuring environment to the participants.

The stories come from women across the United States. According to their site.

When Did You Know… He Was Not The One? is a collection of short stories told by women who we found to be warm, bright, and extremely intuitive. The stories are reflective of our current times and the voices of the women are engaging and empowering. Their stories range from being comical, to being poignant or touching on extremely serious issues, such as physical, verbal or sexual abuse.

Very early on we understood the need to conduct the interviews in a non-judgmental or analytical way and therefore, When Did You Know… He Was Not The One? is not a self-help book; rather it is a collection of stories from women who have “been there” and “done that”. These women have survived their experiences and are willing to share. Many have become more successful as a result of their experiences. However, some are still stuck and will probably repeat many of these types of negative relationships again and again.

In order to ensure that the stories were broadly reflective we contacted such organizations as Parents Without Partners, Visions Anew, The National Association of Female Executives (NAFE), Business Networking Group of Long Island, The Girl Scouts Association of the USA , The Fashion Group Inc., Women Business Owners Network, and National Association of Women Business Owners. As a result of these contacts, we have interviewed over 96 women across the country.

dismiss it if you will, but know what you are dismissing

[RobynP]

Overall, I think this is a fairly well balanced article. It is imperative that CDer's tell the people they are dating by the second or third date (or earlier) about their crossdressing. There should be no need to keep it a secret. Not disclosing it before marriage is an extremely controllng behavior.

Besides #3, there are many other points mentioned in the article that have been discussed frequently on this board:

#1 Not High on Life -- How many of us are "high" on crossdressing?? "If the man you are dating or married to needs an extra boost to get through the day (other than simply having you in his life) then your relationship is in jeopardy. Alcohol and substance abuse (substitue crossdressing here) will always be more important to him than you are, so step aside..." How many of us would admit that their crossdressing is more important than their partner?

#6 Sexually Preoccupied -- Some of us find crossdressing very sexual and some of us do not. "...finding out your partner is getting all hot and bothered ... (insert "about crossdressing" here"), are real red flags that he’s more interested in “me” than “thee.” Ask him about it and decide if you really want someone (or something) else turning on your man."


#7 Adores Material Things -- How excited do we get when we get a new dress or a new wig? "All women feel great when a sophisticated man wants to be with them, but if he spends more time in front of the mirror than you do, spends more money on his clothing and is more interested in what he has in his possession than what he has in you..." How much time do we spend in front of mirrors? How much do we spend on clothing? Personally, I took a look at how much I spent on crossdressing and how much I spent dating over the past several years... and I've spent more on crossdressing but not too much more... but it really surprised me...

#8 Has Bad Juju -- "A dark history or secret life can easily be hidden by a charming personality and a smile. " How many of us DON'T have a secret life? Sure, there are some of us who are very open and very much out and about 24/7. But for the most part our crossdressing is a deeply held secret.

I do think that many of us also have charming personalities! There are many good things about having a crossdresser for a spouse.

However, we should be aware of the negative behaviors that can also be part of crossdressing that we may have and work on getting rid of them.


--Robyn P.

[Amanda Jane]

"I do think that many of us also have charming personalities!" True, but there is a lot of deeply rooted sickness that shows up in the lying, hiding and the double lives that many live. To the degree that the girls were worried about getting involved with someone like that, then I think they were spot on.

So I do think that you are right on in the above reflections. There are a lot of things I read in here that make me cringe, and others that make me aware that no matter what it cost to be out, what I lost by doing it, was nothing compaired to what you have to drag around if you don't. And, what you lose by not being open, is far more than you gain in the end I think.

Thanks, I would rather have a bunch of girls I'm close to, that accept me as one of them and not have sex, then to get the sex by not telling the whole truth. Like they point out, CDs might make good gal-pals, but often they make poor mates.

[kerrianna]

"
Like they point out, CDs might make good gal-pals, but often they make poor mates.

Lots of people make poor mates, for lots of different reasons. There are a number of CDs on this site whose partners will tell you they make wonderful mates.

I really resent the way generalisations are thrown out there as if they were truth. While I like to think most people are capable of making up their own minds I know lots of people are easily influenced and will base their actions not on their own experience but on what they've been told. I find that sad. They cut themselves out of experiences and sometimes add to the bigotry and misconceptions that already exist.

I stand by what I earlier said, although I was too harsh on the authors without looking into it. What was posted on the Yahoo page (while maybe just a condensed version of what the authors have written or gathered) seemed flippant and simple minded. As anyone who has spent some time on this forum can attest to, there are many different and complex aspects to not only CDng but to maintaining a relationship, with or without CDng. To reduce relationship advice to point form is limiting and easily misconstrued.

What you describe in the book itself, Amanda, I can see as being useful information. What I was trying to say at the top of this post is that people who will exhibit controlling behaviour, be abusive, cheat, lie, struggle with addiction - will do so with other things besides CDng. Being a crossdresser does NOT make a person bad relationship material in and of itself. Obviously gender confused people may impact a relationship more radically, but NOT all crossdressers have gender issues. And if they do, it doesn't necessarily make them any worse mates than anyone else. :rolleyes:

[LindaMarie]

Angel,

You and several other posters have hit the nail on the head. The yahoo writer is writing for entertainment and the advice is very stereotypical. I'm guessing they haven't done extensive studies in how to find a compatible mate.

The other side of this is: would you want to date someone who used this checklist at all seriously?





Well, you know.... what do you expect from a Yahoo dating page? It seems, to me, like a (slightly) older girls version of what you get in those lame sugar filled teenage magazines. It's all about following the flock...like moronic mindless sheep. All they said in this article was stereotypical trite for the single girl. Half the things were so obvious (don't date an alcoholic or a drug addict) and the other half were just what you are "supposed to do" to be "normal"....whatever normal is.

[Amanda Jane]

"Being a crossdresser does NOT make a person bad relationship material in and of itself." - no, but not telling the truth DOES. Women, and this was written by women, about women, and for women, place a much higher value on honesty than a lot of men do. Moreover, women often think of the ommision as just another way to lie, while men often consider it clever.

There are a number of posts about CDs who "borrow" or just "try on" other women's clothes without permission. Often the case is that they are very intimate items, and though unsaid, with the imagined outcome. I don't know any woman who would want to be married to someone who that had to worry about that with.

Moreover, despite all the jive talk around the subject there is a very high sexual component to this. Happy will the couple be whose sexual perversions, proclivities, fetishes, and kinks match up and complement each other. Doomed is the relationship where they do not.

[Sarah Rabbit]

the "twits" you refer to are in fact people who know more about men than men do. We call them 'women."

?
:Pfft:

What, are they friends of yours?

Sarah R. :bunny:

[Kimberley]

Oddly enough they dont seem to mention that some women can fall into the same behaviours in dealing with men. It is a 2 way street but for some reason the men are ALWAYS the heavies.

[BobbieCD1944]

I personally believe that a man who CD's is a better lover, husband,father, etc. It definately makes you more sensitive to a GG woman's feelings. I LOVE a man who is a CDer!!!! That's my opinion!!!!
:love: CG gg

Bless you! Unfortunately GG's that feel this way are few and far between. Even in the alternative/kink community one would not believe the number advertisements from dominant women who list "no crossdressers"..:(

[vbcdgrl]

First, I find that the inclusion of CDing in this list is interesting. Implies that CDing BFs are pretty common. And, I agree with Amanda and others, this really isn't bad advice. Let's face it, MOST GGs can't/won't deal with a CDing
SO, so it's best not to continue the relationship.

Vikki

[Tanya K]

That's funny I have to send that to my wife

[melissacd]

I read their post and became very upset and set the authors the following email:

Someone pointed out a comment the two of you made about knowing whether he was the one and I saw this point and quite honestly I was very upset by what I read:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
3) LIKES YOUR CLOTHES…A LOT: A man dressing like a woman at Halloween once is funny – twice, not so much. Three times and he also wants to shop at Victoria’s Secret with you, and it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship. Look, a good man may be hard to find, but you have plenty of “girl” friends. Stay casual friends with this guy if you like, but say “bye bye” to romance and find a man who prefers trousers over panty hose.
-------------------------------------------------------------

I am a male to female cross dresser and I consider this point that you made to be utter crap. It only helps to continue to promote the stereo type that a man who is able to reach deep inside and connect with his feminine side is somehow less than a man. That is utter non-sense. A man who can connect with his inner female is in fact greater and more valuable to a woman than all of those macho, non-communicative, knuckle dragging, hairy, neanderthal apes out there in the world. What could be better than having a man who you can actually talk to, someone who feels and emotes and enjoys shopping and loves to share time with you and can still be a man as well. Someone who appreciates the joys of both femininity and masculinity. It is time that this world started to become more tolerant and open minded to the fact that there are many shades of gender. I ask you to be more open and understanding and accepting and even embracing of differences and start to promote tolerance. There is no need for a gender war, there is a need to be open to new things.

Melissa

-----------------------------------------------

I am sure that it will change nothing, but it made me feel a little bit better to send them my thoughts anyway.

Mel

[kerrianna]

Way to go Mel. :thumbsup: Thanks for taking the time to do that. You're right - it might not change anything but it doesn't hurt to try, instead of sitting silently being disparaged. :hugs:

[melissacd]

I will let all of you know if I get a reply. Somehow I doubt that they will respond to my message, but who knows...

[Cindi Johnson]

Be honest: how many of us would like to date a girl who acts and dresses as a guy? Unfortunately, the article may be giving good advice, even though I wish otherwise.

Cindi

[featherelizabeth]

noting that the two women that wrote the article share the same last name...
hmmmmmm. must have had the same thing happen to them. sure doesnt represent our group, though..

[Amanda Jane]

Yeah, having the same last name, my gosh, could they be, sisters? Gasp!

And, had you followed the links, you would have found they interviewed 96 women for the project, which was about - not how to find Mister Right, but the warning signs of having found Mister Wrong. The women they talked to were comming out of bad relationships, and its just a listing of the problems they encountered.

And of course they are wrong. After all, one reads the posts here and when wives find out, they buy dinner, have a party, and celebrate how wonderful it is that thier man has more underwear then they do. That must be the truth.

[ReginaK]

Some of the replies sounded harsh, and uninformed.

So I checked out the two women who wrote the deal, and found they are basicaly a summery of interviews they did for the book

the basic signs they warn women againt do not include CD but rather are... <snip>

All the good deeds in the world do not excuse stupidity. And really, that's what equating cross-dressers to wife beaters and philanderers is: Stupid.


Could you imagine the uproar if they said something along the lines of:


3) LIKES GOD…A LOT: A man going to church once a year is nice – twice, not so much. Three times and he also wants to drag you to bible study, and it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship. Look, a good man may be hard to find, but you have plenty of “crazy” friends. Stay casual friends with this guy if you like, but say “bye bye” to romance and find a man who prefers reality to fairy tales.


You'd have AFA, Focus on the Family, and every other Evangelical group up in arms against Yahoo and those women. We should do the same. We're deserving of just as much respect.


I'm definitely working on my e-mail.

[ReginaK]

Be honest: how many of us would like to date a girl who acts and dresses as a guy? Unfortunately, the article may be giving good advice, even though I wish otherwise.

Cindi

Personally, i'd be open to it. I'd be a hypocrite if did otherwise.

[Ellie]

This is the one part of it that is completely dead wrong!

3) LIKES YOUR CLOTHES…A LOT: A man dressing like a woman at Halloween once is funny – twice, not so much. Three times and he also wants to shop at Victoria’s Secret with you, and it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship. Look, a good man may be hard to find, but you have plenty of “girl” friends. Stay casual friends with this guy if you like, but say “bye bye” to romance and find a man who prefers trousers over panty hose.[/I][/I]

The romance (not just sex) between my GF and I has grown a lot since I started fully dressing. When we are out looking for clothes or shoes we are constantly flirting with each other. Crossdressing adds a bit of extra spice to our relationship.

Just goes to show that one shouldn't rely too much on relationship advice from a bunch of Yahoos! :lol:

[Amanda Jane]

"3) LIKES GOD…A LOT: A man going to church once a year is nice – twice, not so much. Three times and he also wants to drag you to bible study, and it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship."


Perfect. Because it speaks to the two things the girls are warning against. One is escalation, the other is direct participation.

Countless letters in here from GGs document that given an inch, a lot of CDs will take the full country mile. What starts out as panties, ends up with breast forms, make-up and a wardrobe bigger then the wives.

So sure, once a year is OK, but when he wants to drag you to bible study, which is what, sitting around and having a discussion about some stories that are based on collections of oral campfire tales collected thousands of years ago by men of the Bronze Age who were unaware of the size, shape, age, history, position, composition, or complexity of the planet upon which their butts were sitting, then you are in trouble.

Because, like the CD, the next stage is even more participation, they will want you to talk to their imaginary friend too. Like the CD who wants to bring it into the bedroom, they will want you to bring that pretend magical sky deity into your real life. And that can be a world of trouble.

I don't think they were putting anything down as gospel, but rather, putting up some warning signs based on experence. After all, forewarned is forearmed.

And those groups get up in arms and then what? Send a bunch of letters? Hey, its winter, got to burn something in the fireplace. Look every click on that article, no matter if you liked it, or hated it, counted for Yahoo to make more money.