Your "RED HANDKERCHIEF"

[Phyliss]

Had a rather interesting conversation today with my massage therapist about CDing. As I said to her "I don't expect you to understand fully why I do what I do." I went on to talk about the enjoyment I get and the ability to project "the illusion". The analogy I used was: the person who has a hobby of model railroading. He is so into it that he will wear the stripped coveralls and caryy a lantern with a trainman watch in his pocket.Now he knows in his mind that he's not a train engineer nor will he ever be one, but that doesn't stop him from the enjoyment of "making believe"
She asked me a question that surprised me.
"When does "make believe" stop. In your case, it seems that you carry a "red handkerchief" in your back pocket all day, everyday."
I asked what she meant.
"Over the past two years that you've been coming here I've seen a complete change in your appearance. You've let your fingernails get long, you now paint your toes, and you don't have any body hair, anywhere. You even walk differently"
Now, she's not being judgemental, far from it. She doesn't encourage me but, she doesn't discourage me either. I'm not gonna wear a bra and garter belt for my massage, (it sounds like fun, but I have some common sense). I don't wish to disturb her, by "shoving in her face" my interest. Don't know if "she's seen it all and heard it all" but I'm not gonna be the first.
Her question set me to thinking. Just how many of us carry that " red handkerchief"?
Now, I know, those members who have "made the transition" wear the stripped coveralls all day long. That's not where I'm directing my question, (although you can feel free to add any thing you want) I guess my question is to those of us who Crossdress often or at least "underdress" very often or everyday. Do we find that some of our mannerisms, actions, ways of dressing as a "guy", expressions, and a host of other day to day ways we live our life somehow come out as our "other self"
I knew that my longer fingernails had been noticed by some people, but nothing "outright" had been said. I didn't realized that my way of walking had changed at all, (that was a surprise to me).

So, how many of us, either intenionally or, if you think about it, Unintentionally carry a "red handkerchief" in our back pocket.

[Amanda Jane]

where I live, and where I go a red hankie means something I don't want. So no, I carry a lavendar one (in the right pocket if you must know).

and since I'm open, I'm out, I never tell 'secrets' to anyone and ask them to share a lie with me, there are no signals, just whatever I'm wearing that day, be it a business suit, a wetsuit, or a LBD.

[NewShy21NJmtf]

I definetly find that since I started letting Stephanie out of the closet more, my mannerisms and way of speech have become more feminine.

Amanda, I was always confused why that particular hankie was necessary, seems to me that should be obvious, hehe.

[Marla S]

I am not quite sure, if I get your question right.

I'd say there is one. Ok there are the obvious ones, finger nails and bodyhair and such, but certainly there are other things.

One thought that becomes more prominent lately, and fits somehow to my androgynous dressing, is the fact that I don't have to behave manly.

Just stopping manly mannerism, would leave me a bit helpless I think.
What to do instead ?

CDing is a way to give this non-manlyness a meaning, from this point of view.

Because I dress and live in my style 24/7 for several month now, without a break, this has effect on how I do and see things.

[Kristen Kelly]

I have crossed that fine line, my hair is longer on my head and highlighted,and missing everywhere else, ears are peirced, toes are painted, there is a difference in my walk, and the way I think, I don't have to be dressed to be Kristen

[linnea]

My ears are pierced and I wear some kind of earrings every day (usually it's just a simple stud--pardon the expression). I haven't let my hair or my nails grow unusually long, but I underdress almost daily. My thoughts and actions come from Linnea quite often and that probably shows more than I realize at times, but I've never had anyone comment about it.

[Mary Morgan]

I suppose that for those who are knowledgable about my being transgender, there are signs to be sure, but I am not sure that they are as visible to others. Perhaps it is a question of connectingthe dots, or perhaps I am pushing the envelope so to speak. For the last two years I have been coloring my hair, plucking my eyebrows, painting my nails (clear) and shaving my body hair, toenails are bright red. I don't deliberately make a show, but I also don't hide it. I think if you are looking for the signs, you'll find them, but if you are clueless as most people are, they are not there. Again, I may be fooling myself, but on another level, I am probably sending a message that I want to have received.

[linnea]

Well, you look terrific, Louise, so if anyone is reading the signals, they're getting a pretty picture.

[Rachel Morley]

I'm not sure I completely understand the red handkerchief reference, do you mean that you push the envelope and are hoping that nothing bad happens?

As far as my "gender expression" is concerned it's really progressed in the last four years. Gradually, but progressively, I have become much more feminized in boy mode. I now openly wear some really quite obvious women's clothes in public along with painting my toe and finger nails, plucking my eyebrows thin, wearing earrings, perfume, mascara and eyeliner...all in (girly) boy mode. Where will it all end?...I have no idea, but I'm enjoying the journey :happy:

[ColleenCD]

My toe nails are usually painted and legs frequently shaved. But my mannerisms are the same as before. I'm not the hairy chested hunter type anyway, but I don't scream TG either on my outward expressions.

Colleen

[Billijo49504]

I think that red hanky is pushing out the front of my shirt in 2 spots...BJ

[Penny]

So the question is have I raised a flag of surrender to CDing to the piont of raising a red flag which draws attention to a change in my manorisms, appearance and attitude? No, I appear all female or all male except for the long french manicured nails, shaved arms and hands, thinly plucked eyebrows and some things I say:heehee:
Seriously Phyliss, I don't think many others see red flags(hankerchiefs); they see only green and rarely do they get the checkered flag.
I think that everyone here deserves the checked flag!

:hugs:

Penny

[RobertaFermina]

I am not seeking to cross-over or go 24/7, however I am consciously permitting the inner manifestations of CDing, and some external manifestations persist into my MaleBeing/MaleWear life.

They are not as strong as when enfemme, though they might stand out to a casual observer because I am NOT enfemme.

I know my pierced ears, sculpted eyebrows, and nail extensions are likely to raise some attention, regardless whether anything is spoken.

Today at work I was relaxed and happy and didn't hide my fingernails as I read a document alongside my supervisor, and pointed out several paragraphs and sentences of technical information that were germane to our discussions. He HAD to notice my fingernails....and had the professional courtesy to speak not a word.

I think I am conscious of my choice or permission to blend the enfemme energy into the MaleWear/MaleBeing persona. I am unconscious of how much progress has occurred, or how noticeable....after all, it is not me that notices.



:rose: Roberta :rose:

[eleyna]

It might sound strange but I actually feel more comfortable with my masculine traits - I feel far more comfortable looking at women now, perhaps because its not just a hormonal instinct but because I have some appreciation for the effort required to project the look she has and have, perhaps, a better sense of when she has dressed *to* be looked at vs when she simply happens to be very pleasing to the eye the way she is dressed. Its not dispassionate, it's just more cerebral now.

[Phyliss]

Thanks for the answers. I had the feeling I wasn't "the only one".

The reference to "the red handkerchief" is to bring out the anaoly of the "train engineer" as in the streotypical costume of a person dressed as a train engineer, not some secretive signal saying, "I'm one too"

[DanaJ]

I know my brows and nails hsve changed a lot in the last few years, and others have noticed at times. But, the vast majority of people I interact with have never noticed I am sure......

On a side note, I HATE chatty massage theapists!!! I go in to be relaxed and worked on, not to have to carry on a conversation and concentrate on giving answers.

[Phyliss]

On a side note, I HATE chatty massage theapists!!! I go in to be relaxed and worked on, not to have to carry on a conversation and concentrate on giving answers.

I understand what you're saying. However, in this case, I've been talking to her and over a period of time the various comments that have been made, have lead to some rather intense conversations while I'm being "worked on".
Funny thing, if I don't talk, I fall asleep and don't feel the full benefits of the massage.

[suzy]

Excellent question..... Thank you!

I always carry the red hankerchief, although it isn't always displayed in the same manner... Somedays it might only be a corner sticking out and other days the whole thing is is out in front! I say, "I hope that it is often!"

Being engaged in stimulating conversation, while having a massage, seems to me like a good idea. Sounds like a good opportunity to receive the benefit of discussing an idea with a open and interested third party on your cue.... I agree with it. No sense falling asleep!:D

How far do you go with it??? That's an individual preference.... My preference varies.... depending on my feminine mood....:love:

[JoAnnDallas]

Well for me, I am a CDer and a model Railroader. BTW, I really do have the coveralls, hat, and hanky. I don't have the lantern or watch, LOL. My second biggest hobby is Model Railroading. My first is being JoAnn. LOL As for me, yes I do shave my body, I have acrylic nails, I paint my toe nails, I have my eyebrows waxed, and a lot of my body language, such as how I sit, stand, walk, hold my hands do reflect in my drab life. Even my wife knows of most of these and is OK with them. She even told our cat on day that "Daddy is looking girlly today". This coming from a SO that does not know of my JoAnn side or at least I THINK she doesn't know. LOL
So far no one at work has said or made any connection, but then my job doesn't entract a lot with the other people in the building. Most of the women have noticed things like my nails and eyebrows and have complimented me on them. They even know I use clear polish on my nails. They also know I use some cosmetics such as firming gel on my face and mortesizer, but many men are now starting to use cosmetics.

[Alyla]

Do I wear a red flag? Hmmm! My finger nails have gotten longer, not extremely longer, but I do take care of them better as well as my toenails. I have been more attenitive to my skincare. Also my SO has said I sit differently, and some of my mannerisms have changed. One of the things I wonder is if this is just because I have shared this side of myself, so she has noticed these aspects more. So I wonder. The funny thing is before sharing this with her, there were a few times when we were out eating the waitress or waiter has asked, "What would you ladies like to drink?" She, SO, gave me a quizical look, and when I replied to the waiter/waitress they profusely apologized. Must have been the voice. I kind of chuckled to myself, and said, "It was quite alright." I take no offense to this as I have always known I was different than most, and it is okay with me. People see things in their own way! We are really only projections of their way of seeing the world.

Alyla

[Dixie Darling]

Oddly enough I'm making an attempt at trying to see this from the other side of the fence. The analogy with the model railroading and the outfit to match the hobby was pretty good, but isn't such a comparison also applicable to some GGs who make attempts to emulate other GGs they se on television? As an example, merchants very often advertise their products using attractive models. Those with hourglass figures are utilized to market clothing, diet products, etc. Those with outstanding facial features are featured for cosmetics such as those claiming to give one a flawless complexion, beautiful lips and/or eyes, etc. The old saying that 'sex sells' is very true when it comes to marketing techniques and the manufacturers are well aware of this to the point that they even use feminine models to sell their products to male clients.

The point is that all these products and services rely on the perception that if one USES these products, they will make you LOOK like the person(s) who were in the commercials which were advertising them. Then there are broadcast programs such as the Miss America program, the Emmys, Oscars, all the music awards programs, and the list goes on and on. Watch almost any of these programs and you'll see most of the males dressed in tuxedos or typical drab/dark male attire. On the other side of the gender fence the women are the ones who are the 'focal points' of such events and the main subjects of all the post-program commentaries after the programs are long past. What they wore, how their hair was styled, and everything else about them is highlighted and discussed in detail. All this attention is transmitted to the viewing audience and it is not at all unusual to have members of that audience want to duplicate or emulate what they've seen. So in essence, isn't this "red handkerchief" shared equally by both genders?

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[Alice Torn]

Ihave found, that when i have onn high heels, and walk much in them, it affects my way of walking, for several days, at least, how i feel walking, in drab.