Getting used to being treated differently.

[Maggie Kay]

My wife tells me that I was a very attractive man. I never gave these things a thought so I just couldn't relate to what she was saying. The idea of an attractive man was a non-sequitor to me. Kind of like military intelligence. I did find that I really liked the company of women because they were always so friendly to me. With gal checkout clerks, smiling and chatting with me was expected. I shop a lot at Whole Foods and the women who mostly populate the store were often giving me smiles and starting conversations with me. My wife and I had a running joke that I was not allowed to go the grocery because I would be accosted by the women.

In the last year partly due to hormone treatment, my physical appearance has changed dramatically. I now wear femme tops and slacks sporting long hair and earrings. I have found that I no longer have the same experience. Now, I am ignored and sometimes brushed aside. Gal clerks just process my orders without comment. Some guys however, will open doors for me, stop their car to let me cross the street, smile at me, start conversations with me and generally pay attention to me. This is really new and pretty much creepy to me. Also let it be said that I do not think I am passing. There is some other visceral interaction at work here. I had no idea how much of our interactions are gender based. I must say that it is disorienting.

[Marcie Sexton]

Sounds like they have a problem...

either they resent you and view you as a threat < another woman to compete with> which can be good, means you're getting there:happy:

or

they don't like the idea of your transitioning, for which case its their loss...coz
no matter what is on the out side, the inside remains the same....:hugs:

I wouldn't miss a minute of sleep over it...:2c:

[Kimberley]

Kay, I can absolutely relate to your first paragraph; 100%.

Since I am not transitioning (at least for the time being.), I find the second one intriguing. This is something I never really considered. I just thought that once started, we were pretty much outcasts everywhere except within our own community.

Thanks for the food for thought.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[Maggie Kay]

Marcie,
I agree with you. I was amazed that there would be such a change. I really didn't care that much for the attention before. It was kind of embarrassing. The new way of living is better in that I am now much more honest to myself. It is not something that I am upset about but it does mess with my mind to adjust....

Kimberly,
I am fortunate to live in a pretty liberal area so alternate lifestyles are more accepted here. That doesn't mean that everybody is OK with TG, just that there are so many unusual types here that we get lumped in with the "out there" crowd.

[Kimberley]

Kay, I live in a "small city" of 350,000 that has a huge student population for 10 months of the year so one would think that a certain amount of liberal social attitude would exist here but not so. The only thing liberal here are the politicians it seems, and that is a far cry from social attitude.

Regardless, I will go out "dressed down" and occasionally get a sideways look but that is about it. Even so, I dont think I would want to push boundaries too far for a number of reasons (one being that I work part time in one of the educational institutions and conservative is the norm; except for the students of course.)

Maybe things will change in time but I am unlikely to see it in my lifetime.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[Calliope]

I used to be the guy that women found invisible. Now I have discovered that women are quite warm towards me. Maybe it's just I'm such an ugly duckling - whatever, cool. What's weird for me are the guys. It's flattering when someone offers a door but the other day some creep implored me to get in his car and that was no big fun.

[melissaK]

It's flattering when someone offers a door but the other day some creep implored me to get in his car and that was no big fun.

Yeah, some of those neanderthals you were on ship with are loose in the general population.

And yeah, I've heard from another transitioning friend years ago that while he thought as a small guy he understood giving big guys who could break him in half a wide berth; viewing them through the eyes of a woman was rather alarming. She said the difference was as a small guy the big guys would hardly notice him, but as a woman she was suddenly on their radar as a potential sex partner and she'd be stared at as they sized her up. She said she evaluated her surroundings (escape routes, safe places) with far greater care.

Hugs
'lissa

[joanlynn28]

I might add that I have the opposite effect, as a man woman would hardly give me a second look or even have a conversation with me. But as a male I was always a shy person. But now that I am practically living fulltime and am transitioning everywhere I go complete strangers on the street start a conversation with me mostly woman and occasionally a guy or too. I mean I'm treated just like any other genetic woman out there. And here is the topper, I told earlier how this guy's mother was not convinced that I was born a male, and I have spoken with the young man since and asked about his mother and what she thought of me and he told me that she is still not convinced that I was a guy. Passing makes it all that easier for me.

[Calliope]

Passing makes it all that easier for me.

Do I have a lot of mixed feelings about passing (or is it "passing"?). We all know we love it so much; every occasion is validation - and validation is our narcotic. Yet, at the same time, I want to not pass; that is, I just want to say "here I am - I am a transsexual" and I'm fine with that ... and you (society) better be fine with it, too.

[Cue Sonny's great song "Laugh At Me" right here.]

Joan, I love you so much - and, funny, I thought I couldn't stand any right-wingers! I'm a commie - yet I wanna kiss you!

Crazy, eh?

[janedoe311]

I am shy, women never took me seriously and men took advantage of me:sad: . My wife and others have said I am good looking but I do not believe them. As a woman having attention by someone like men opening doors and picking up stuff I drop would be nice even though I do not like men.

Go figure.
I wish I could pass so I could experence being "noticed' once in a while.

So I can not relate anything you said!

[SusanTL]

Hi all.

I must admit in all honesty, that I love the way men treat me as a woman. I like having the doors opened and when they step aside so I can go first. I happen to like men. That makes it so much better.

Now - The other side. Women treat me very differently. They pay no attention to me in the stores. The sale clerks try to wait on the men first. In a restrauant, the waitress' pay no attention to me what so ever.

Hugs Susan

[janedoe311]

[QUOTE=SusanTL;724585] In a restrauant, the waitress' pay no attention to me what so ever.

I like the attention, smiles and touches I get from waitress. I used to cook in a restaurant so I feel akin to waitresses.

[Bobbie cd]

Interesting...
I had planned to start a thread to lay out my rambling thoughts on just this sort of subject. I apologize if this gets a bit long and possibly incoherent, but please bear with me.

First off, until about 7 months ago, my appearance was decidedly masculine. I had worn a full beard and mustache for most of the last 3 decades. Although I am not what I would consider physically large or imposing (5'-10", 170 - 180 lbs.), I have been told at times in the past that people were often intimidated by me. When not at work, I generally wore jeans, boots, and Harley related T-shirts.

People did not usually go out of their way to speak to me or smile at me or anything like that. Cashiers and such would be business like and not overly friendly. My interactions with my co-workers were fairly typical of male relationships - (discussions around sports, cars, bikes, etc.) and not usually much interaction with the females at work unless it was directly work related.

During much of this time, I was married, raising a family, and generally pretty much in denial about and suppressing this side of my personality. When my wife passed away seven years ago, I spent a lot of time being fairly numb and just kind of "coasting" through the world.

Finally, over the course of the last year or so, and more so over the last seven months since I decided to try to come to terms with all of this and stumbled across this forum, I have begun to be more comfortable with this part of myself and I think it has begun to make me a better, and happier person. That alone may be driving some of the changing dynamics of my interactions with other people.
But I also think that the gradual changes in my physical appearance, (clean-shaven face, trimmed eyebrows, slimmer waist, pierced ears, etc.) affect the way others percieve me. Maybe it is just my imagination, but it seems to me that other people in general, but especially women, tend to be more open to me and more willing to make eye contact or start a conversation with me.
(Now I will state that it hasn't really changed much in my social life, but then I was always kind of reserved in that aspect anyway. I still am not having to fight off any advances from women :p , but what the heck, I have never been afraid of my own company.)

Anyway, it just seems that the combination of the changes in my appearance and my attitude has made a difference in how other people react to me, even in drab.

That my :2c: , but I guess I could be wrong. :D

[ToyGirl]

Ive not noticed alot of differences in how random women treat me. In men though im trying to get used to the stares etc .

Its hard not to be paranoid.

[JenniferMint]

Now - The other side. Women treat me very differently. They pay no attention to me in the stores. The sale clerks try to wait on the men first. In a restrauant, the waitress' pay no attention to me what so ever.


But I also think that the gradual changes in my physical appearance, (clean-shaven face, trimmed eyebrows, slimmer waist, pierced ears, etc.) affect the way others percieve me. Maybe it is just my imagination, but it seems to me that other people in general, but especially women, tend to be more open to me and more willing to make eye contact or start a conversation with me.

Does that mean girls like feminine guys, but if you go too feminine such that they think you're a girl, they lose interest?