I Need Advice

[Theater Dork]

Hey. I think I need advice, but I'm not even sure where I want to begin. I'm just going to throw all my thoughts out there, so this may be a little jumbled up. I appologize in advance.

Basically, I'm confused as hell. I'm 18 years old, I'm female, and I'm trying to figure out what the hell it is that I want. Sounds like every 18 year old that I know... I don't consider myself to be a typical 18 year old. I have a plan for my life already, I'm very level-headed, I'm emotionally strong, and I'm more mature than most people my age. And up until this point, I thought I had all aspects of my life pretty much straightened out.

Let me begin by saying I like men and women and I'm kinda seeing this girl. It's a long, complicated story, so I won't bore you. I guess you could say we're unofficially dating.

Lately, I've found myself attracted to women more than men. I'm not femme, nor am I butch. A few months ago, I wore things like tight jeans and low cut tops. Comfortable, yet still cute/sexy. Lately, I'd rather wear jeans that aren't so tight, but not really loose either, (not boys jeans), and a comfortable t-shirt or maybe a nice button up shirt or something. I still wear makeup because I don't like the way my face looks without it, but I don't wear a lot. My hair is about shoulder length and I usually just spray it down with harispray while it's wet, shake it, and go. With my increasing attraction to women, I have found myself to be very picky. I'm not attracted to "preppy" really femme girls, they annoy me, but I'm not really attracted to butch girls either. The best way I know to describe the type I'm attracted to would be someone a whole lot like Teena Brandon in Boys Don't Cry, except I don't want them to pretend to be a boy. That doesn't really make a lot of sense, does it? I want someone like her (dresses like a guy, short hair, the whole bit) but still admits to being a girl. See, this is where I confuse myself. I want someone like that, who would seem more like a guy, but I don't want a GUY, I want them to be female. This is where I say I'm trying to figure out what the hell it is that want! It's frustrating.

Recently, I've considered telling my parents I like women, but the girl I'm seeing doesn't want me to yet. And honestly, I don't really know if I am ready. I know they'll flip out. I think my mom already knows because of some comments she has made recently, it's just a matter of admitting it. Still, I'm scared as hell of telling them. Along with trying to figure out what I want, I have the added stress of this issue, which has caused my eating habits to change. Every time I eat, I feel really sick, which I know is because of the stress.

I appologize for the length of this thread and if you've read all of this, I thank you and for those of you who give me feed back, I very truly appreciate it .

[pocoyo]

Hi there :) Welcome to the board.

I'm sorry to hear of your stress. I really hope you get that sorted out soon.
Do you have someone you can talk to about all of this?

There are girls out there who like to dress as a boy but are content to still be a girl. Good luck with finding one lol!
Btw... Brandon Teena isn't the kind of person you are after, because he was male (he just happened to have a female body)!

I hope you are feeling much better soon.

Good luck with telling your parents that you like women. I hope they accept it and realise that there's absolutely nothing wrong with you liking girls.

[Kimberley]

Hi and Welcome to the forums...

I'm one of the "gurls" around here and these guys let me hang around cuz they kinda need some female company on this ship every once in a while.

First, let me say that from your post it appears as though you are more concerned with sexuality than gender although gender seems to be in the mix. The one thing everyone and I mean everyone has to do is separate them because they are not congruent. So. That said.

Lots of the guys here have girlfriends. No big deal and I am sure most of them would tell you the same thing so as far as sexuality goes, it is only a preference. A few of the guys are bi and again, no big deal to them either.

What you will find here is a journey and a kinship if you will of people who are definitely male, some who are a mix of both male and female and then there are the GG's.

Clothing. How you present is an expression of your mood of the moment. Some of the guys like to Xdress into their skirts etc every once in a while and that is fine with everyone. Clothing is of no consequence.

What does matter is how you feel. No one can tell you that, only you know. As I have said there is quite a spectrum here that ranges from the CD to the fully transitioning F2M TS. It is all good. No doubt you will find others of the same mindset as you among the F2M's as well as some of us M2F's who fall into the Captain's crew.

Ask questions publically or on PM's if you are a bit skittish yet and you will get honest down to earth answers. Get to know people.

One last comment. Age. Dont let it get in your way. We have other young F2M's too and they are very very cool dudes.

Hope this is of some help to you.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[Evert]

One last comment. Age. Dont let it get in your way. We have other young F2M's too and they are very very cool dudes.

Thank you Kimberley, but I already knew I was cool.. :devil: (Just kidding, give me a :hugs: girl!)
But I'm also 18. Thought you might wanted to know.

As for your question I agree with Poc's and Kimberley. Most people think black and white when they think of gender... but here we've got all shades of gray... :hugs:

[Kimberley]

Thank you Kimberley, but I already knew I was cool.. :devil: (Just kidding, give me a :hugs: girl!)
But I'm also 18. Thought you might wanted to know.

As for your question I agree with Poc's and Kimberley. Most people think black and white when they think of gender... but here we've got all shades of gray... :hugs:

************
Isnt it great being a colour blind chameleon???

Here's that hug.:hugs:

Kimberley

[Evert]

************
Isnt it great being a colour blind chameleon???

Here's that hug.:hugs:

Kimberley

Personally I think of myself as a slategray....

(And why the heck do I write grey with an a? :o )

[Kimberley]

Well if you start writing it greh, then we will make you an honorary Canadian.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[CaptLex]

Theater Dork, huh? Interesting name - just from the sound of that, I'd say you'd probably fit in with the guys here, as each one has some kind of creative interest (or more than one). I wish you luck with your parents. If you do come out to them, you may need to give them time to absorb it and adjust.

Anyway, welcome! :welcom: Glad to have you here. You're in the right place. Everyone here is at a slightly different stop on the gender road, but there is no one way to identify and no particular sexual orientation that supersedes any other. Through questions and shared experiences I think we can all learn more about where we are and that it's all good.

So have a look around, get comfortable and remember that you're among friends. :wave:

[pocoyo]

Theater Dork, huh? Interesting name - just from the sound of that, I'd say you'd probably fit in with the guys here, as each one has some kind of creative interest (or more than one)

... and some of us are pretty dorky ;)

[Kimberley]

... and some of us are pretty dorky ;)

*************
I've been accused of that.... on more than one occasion, by the same person, by multiple persons....

Think I should take it to heart??:D

I knew there was a reason you and I got along.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[pocoyo]

Hehe! :hugs:
Btw I thought your post up there ^ was lovely.
Kimbs rocks :happy:

[Theater Dork]

I would just like to say thank you to those of you who have given me feedback so far.

TO POCOYO: I understand that Brandon was a male in a females body. I just meant that I wanted a girl with a personality like his. After reading your responce to me, I realized that my statement about him made me sound ignorant to the truth of the situation. As for having someone to talk to, I'm sure I do, but I haven't until now. I could talk to the girl I'm seeing as soon as I do some damage control from the fight we had last night.

TO EVERT, CAPTLEX, AND KIMBERLY: I want to thank the two of you for making me feel welcome and comfortable and for the advice.

[Kimberley]

Theatre, glad we can be of some assistance. As to your SO, keep talking. If she has a bit of a struggle with any of this have her visit or even join. I am sure you will find a lot to discuss from these forums.

Most people really dont have any kind of understanding about any of this gender stuff and as a result they feel "threatened" when in fact there is no reason to be.

Anyway, hope you hang around and make some new friends here.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[pocoyo]

TO POCOYO: I understand that Brandon was a male in a females body. I just meant that I wanted a girl with a personality like his. After reading your responce to me, I realized that my statement about him made me sound ignorant to the truth of the situation. As for having someone to talk to, I'm sure I do, but I haven't until now. I could talk to the girl I'm seeing as soon as I do some damage control from the fight we had last night.

Aww no, no. I didn't think you were ignorant, well not in a bad way. I just thought maybe you didn't understand. Which is fine! :)
I think I know what you mean!
It's just that sooo many people don't get us FTM's at the moment, that if there's a slight hint of them getting it "wrong", I quickly try and correct them lol (both online and in real life). It's become habit I suppose. Trying to "educate" people. I hate doing it/having to do it (it's so frustrating and tiring!), but it's often necessary so that people don't see us as something completely different than what we are. <-- haha please excuse bad English, I'm too tired to correct it.

But anyway, that's not why I posted. I was posting to say welcome to the board and to show you there were people listening & responding :happy:

It's really good that you have someone to talk to, I find it really helps me to get stuff off my chest and talk things through with people. A problem shared an' all that...!
Also it can really help to get your thoughts straight and it's great to have someone that supports you.
This place is really good for talking/thinking things out too, so it's really lucky that you found it!
Feel free to post here about any problems/confusion and stuff because you're sure to get some great & helpful advice from the wonderful guys and girls here.

I hope that you make up with your girlfriend soon. :(

pocoyo

[Felix]

Hi Theater Dork and welcome to the forum. I first read ya thread last night but I was just about to go off line so couldn't answer. I get what ya sayin and it sound like ya wanna woman who dresses like a man looks like a man and is all woman behind the clothes!! Well nothing wrong with that hun cos everyone to their own. It doesn't make ya srange or anything like that that is just ya taste and good for you. Hope ya able to talk with ya GF about this stuff cos its so important to talk. You can always come here to talk we are a friendly sort as ya already know and will support ya in this. Good luck and see ya around the board xx Felix :hugs:

[pocoyo]

it sound like ya wanna woman who dresses like a man looks like a man and is all woman behind the clothes!! Well nothing wrong with that hun
Sounds like a really cool individual!

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

To echo what others have said, it sounds like you've got questions more about sexual attraction than gender identity. In other words, it sounds like you're attracted someone who's masculine but female-bodied. For what it's worth there are many varieties of butches, so it may be just a matter of finding the sort of butches you like. (It sounds like you may be looking for more the "soft butch" type -- i.e. someone who's masculine but not the stereotypical more-macho-the-most-men kind of butch.)

[ZenFrost]

Sounds like you are in the middle of the spectrum of androgyny. You can be in between femme and butch and like others who are also in between femme and butch (this applies to males and females). Don't feel bad, there isn't anything wrong with being androgynous and having an androgynous partner. Just try to realize that you can mix male behaviors with female behaviors as much as you want without feeling like you should be conforming to one or the other.

[Theater Dork]

Sounds like you are in the middle of the spectrum of androgyny. You can be in between femme and butch and like others who are also in between femme and butch (this applies to males and females). Don't feel bad, there isn't anything wrong with being androgynous and having an androgynous partner. Just try to realize that you can mix male behaviors with female behaviors as much as you want without feeling like you should be conforming to one or the other.


I've been noticing that a lot lately. Some of the things I do are still kinda femme, but others are more butch.

[Ryan]

Hey. I think I need advice, but I'm not even sure where I want to begin. I'm just going to throw all my thoughts out there, so this may be a little jumbled up. I appologize in advance.

Basically, I'm confused as hell. I'm 18 years old, I'm female, and I'm trying to figure out what the hell it is that I want. Sounds like every 18 year old that I know... I don't consider myself to be a typical 18 year old. I have a plan for my life already, I'm very level-headed, I'm emotionally strong, and I'm more mature than most people my age. And up until this point, I thought I had all aspects of my life pretty much straightened out.

Let me begin by saying I like men and women and I'm kinda seeing this girl. It's a long, complicated story, so I won't bore you. I guess you could say we're unofficially dating.

Lately, I've found myself attracted to women more than men. I'm not femme, nor am I butch. A few months ago, I wore things like tight jeans and low cut tops. Comfortable, yet still cute/sexy. Lately, I'd rather wear jeans that aren't so tight, but not really loose either, (not boys jeans), and a comfortable t-shirt or maybe a nice button up shirt or something. I still wear makeup because I don't like the way my face looks without it, but I don't wear a lot. My hair is about shoulder length and I usually just spray it down with harispray while it's wet, shake it, and go. With my increasing attraction to women, I have found myself to be very picky. I'm not attracted to "preppy" really femme girls, they annoy me, but I'm not really attracted to butch girls either. The best way I know to describe the type I'm attracted to would be someone a whole lot like Teena Brandon in Boys Don't Cry, except I don't want them to pretend to be a boy. That doesn't really make a lot of sense, does it? I want someone like her (dresses like a guy, short hair, the whole bit) but still admits to being a girl. See, this is where I confuse myself. I want someone like that, who would seem more like a guy, but I don't want a GUY, I want them to be female. This is where I say I'm trying to figure out what the hell it is that want! It's frustrating.

Recently, I've considered telling my parents I like women, but the girl I'm seeing doesn't want me to yet. And honestly, I don't really know if I am ready. I know they'll flip out. I think my mom already knows because of some comments she has made recently, it's just a matter of admitting it. Still, I'm scared as hell of telling them. Along with trying to figure out what I want, I have the added stress of this issue, which has caused my eating habits to change. Every time I eat, I feel really sick, which I know is because of the stress.

I appologize for the length of this thread and if you've read all of this, I thank you and for those of you who give me feed back, I very truly appreciate it .

Hiya Theater...
Your post does seem to show that you are confused. Firstly can I say welcome and dont be shy about asking anything here.

What I think you need to do is break down the issues you have into seperate things instead of trying to deal with them all at once. It sort of seems you have your sexuality confused, or mixed in with your gender sort of thing.

The thing is, they need to be seperated in order to deal with them. Firstly, which kinda seems the easier way, is decide who you like dating, or maybe not decide, but become comfortable with. No need for lables. I mean, if you wanna be a boy to put it bluntly it has nothing to do with the sex of who you date.

I have dated both men and women, I prefer women now, but I still dont give myself a lable, I am just greedy, lol. So anyway, decide or come to terms with that first. Once that bit is out the way, move onto the next thing.

If you are not sure what you want in terms of if you wanna be female or male, then ask lots of questions and get as much advice as you can. It really is a big decision, and not one you can really easilly go into. Remember that you are the one who ultimately can decide, not your girlfriend or family.

I have been in a situation before I sort of came out again, where I could not tell anyone what I wanted to do for fear of what a partner at the time would do or say. It is really hard, but alot of people do end up having relationship breakdowns because of it, which can sort of put you off. You may think, oh I cant do it yet because of my partner etc. Which I think is natural, but in the end the feelings wont go wont go away and will get stronger if it is what you really want.

I think that is enough to be going on with so far, but come back and let us know how you get on. Only when you have sorted and seived through your issues can you then tell others what you want to do/what you are etc!
Once again..welcome :) Ryan