It Is With the Greatest Joy... I'm Back!

[Holly]

First of all, thank-you from the bottom of my heart for all the kind posts, PM's emails and phone calls. You've all touched my life in an unbelievably wonderful and beautiful way.

We had a bit of a crisis at our house last week... some of it real, some imagined. A huge percentage of it was based on misunderstanding. I want to be very, very. very clear on something... neither my wife nor my daughter were the villains in this. There was really no villain at all. This whole experience has taught me a couple of things that I would like to pass on to you.

It all started when my wife was asked to pass a message to me. The message seemed to be critical of my lifestyle as a cross dresser. Having now the benefit of hindsight, I don't believe it was; but on that day, and with those words, that's how it was perceived.

Lesson One- If you have something to say to someone, say it yourself. Don't send someone else to do your job. Had the actual person spoken to me directly, any misunderstanding could have been cleared up immediately.

Lesson Two- If someone you love and who loves you says something that is out of character, seek clarification right then and there. If allowed to go unchecked, it will likely take on a life of it's own. And the result could be devastating.

Lesson Three- Keep your emotions in check... especially if you are feeling anger. I've never know anyone (myself included) that makes good decisions while angry. Step away for awhile if you must. Calm down and regain control before going on. If you don't, chances are that you will say or do something that you will regret.

Lesson Four- If asking for forgiveness, ask sincerely and from the heart. If giving forgiveness, give it unqualified and without reservation. You may find that you are doing some of both. That makes sense as rarely is a situation 100% the fault of one individual.

Lesson Five- Trust the love you have built up and on over the years. I don't know of anyone who loves their partner because they are perfect. They love their partner because they complete them and give meaning to their life.

Lesson Six- It's easier to change yourself than it is to change your partner. Let me give you a real life example; It used to drive me crazy that my wife wouldn't close cabinet doors. I'd get all knotted up over it and fuss and fume. And in over 38 years of marriage it hasn't gotten any better. When I discovered that I could close the doors, my anxiety dropped like a rock. How can you apply this to your relationship?

There's probably other stuff I could mention but I think this covers the important things. Always be willing to believe the best in your relationships. Resist the temptation to anticipate the worst.

[Sarah Rabbit]

Welcome back Holly:D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Good lessons:happy:


Sarah R. :bunny:

[ubokvt]

Shes back :p :p :p yeahhhhh!!!!!!!!!! life is good again. We missed you mom:love:

[Debra Lynn]

Amen

[Roberta Lynn]

Holly Thanks for sharing, nothing like advice from 'Mom' :hugs:

[GACountrygal]

:hugs: Holly
Welcome Back!!!
Glad to see things are doin better for yall!
Dont know ya really well, but you just seem to have that *karma* and instantly sent out that *sweetheart* vibe (at least it seemed so to me) Holly, yer a sweetie, and so glad to see you back!
:hugs: :hugs:
Nicole

[Cheryl GG]

Holly....what excellent words of wisdom to pass along....words to live by....thank you for sharing your insight...and welcome back...hey, is there anymore coffee left?? I sure could use a cup right now.....xoxoxoC/ :hugs:

[DAVIDA]

Holly, your words of wisdom are just the thing that we need from you! You are one of the voices of reason that keeps things on an even keel. Please continue to give your insite and advice.
Love,DAVIDA

[janet p]

:censor: :censor: Holly one last thing to say I only meet you and Toni once but I thought you were one of the GREATEST couples I ever meet. I hope you don't bury HOLLY, just put her to sleep for awhile and then come back to us in the future.:love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love:

[Michelia]

Dear Holly:

I have not been around as much as I'd like. I love this forum but my life has many demands on my time. Thus I had not responded to this thread. The time I saw it I could not believe it and it seemed something was clearly missing. There was not enough information about how all this happened. It just did not seem right. I wanted to know more but could not come out and ask.

I am so happy you have shed some light on this. Believe me, I may not have responded before, but I often thought about you while at work, or while driving, and at some pretty odd times. Sometimes I would ask myself questions about how this could all have happened. And then thought if it could ever happen to me. Could I deal with it like you had?

I really do hope you are back. I have not known you for too long, but in all the threads I have read, you have often said those things that just feel right - honest, thoughtful, and kind.

I know those girls of yours know how special their Holly/husband/dad is.

Michelia

[Barb Valentine]

Holly Thanks for sharing, nothing like advice from 'Mom' :hugs:

:yt: :heehee:

[Breanne]

Thanks for the beautiful meaningful lessons, Mom! (I say this with the utmost of respect and love.) These lessons these lessons apply equally well to all, married or not, but in all our relationships with people around us.

[Jenny Beth]

Glad you're back Holly. How true your words of wisdom are, relationships cannot flourish if things aren't out in the open.

[MJ]

Holly
i am sooo glad you are back , welcome home mum :love:

[Bobbie cd]

Add me to the list of those bubbling with joy to see you back!
:love:

I agree totally with what you said, trust in the love, and don't be afraid to ask for clarification if something doesn't seem in character. Even the most even tempered and loving person can have a bad day, after all.

It would have truly been a great loss to all of us here if you had truly had to go away, but family is family and sometimes you gotta do things you don't want to keep things going.

Anyhow, WELCOME BACK LADY!!! :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

[seyken]

Your advice is sincere and from the heart

Thank you for it

[Bethanygirl]

I am so glad you are back, and so happy things have resolved happily!
yes, trust in love...
:love:

[Scotty]

Holly those are wise words indeed, I've gone on a whatever having heard that someone said something and in fact it turns out it wasn't said that way.

Glad to see that worked oiut for you.

Vegas huh? Maybe I'll have to make a trip down there.

[Holly]

Oh, I forgot to mention one thing... there was a bit of a purge. All the tightie whities are history! :D

[Jestina]

Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ChristineRenee]

Hey sis...with those words of wisdom, isn't it about time for you to change your avatar sig to "Official CD Mom" now? :cheeky:

Once again...welcome back and congrats on your "purge". Those are the kind that we LIKE to see. ;)

[kerrianna]

:bighug: So good to see you back with us again. You gave us a scare girl.

And not only do we get to see your pretty face again, but we get some of that heartfelt wisdom you have. Thank you for sharing that. :hugs: It makes a lot of sense, but it's easy to get goofed up sometimes.

Mmmm, do I smell cookies? You'd better get to work Holly, there's a few newcomers who you need to greet. :love:

oh, and congratulations on the purge! Now if you ever feel the need to purge Holly's clothes, you'll just have to go naked :eek: :heehee:

[Sheila]

Holly,

you were missed

Jess

[cindybarnes]

Holly,
Its great to hear things may be looking up for youall !!

I know first hand how right you are about making decisions while angry, either at home or at work we just dont think as clearly when upset.
I have over-reacted more than once and am still working on controlling that part of myself

Please keep us posted on your resurection :)

Hugs
Cindy

[Raychel]

True words of wisdom Holly. I am so glad that everything is working out for you.

:love: :love:

[Carlacd]

Life is good again. :hugs: :love:

[SherriePall]

Holly -- I was checking some other posts and I saw you had replied to them. So, back to this thread I came and I read your latest post.
First, glad to see you back and, second, those were true gems of wisdom you wrote about. Thanks.

[diane59]

Boy, I don't look at the site for a day and look what happens! I wanted to post a reply so bad yesterday, I just did'nt have time so I posted without reading the Great News!!
Holly, It is wonderful to have you back:hugs:

[melissaK]

It's easier to change yourself than it is to change your partner. Let me give you a real life example; It used to drive me crazy that my wife wouldn't close cabinet doors. I'd get all knotted up over it and fuss and fume. And in over 38 years of marriage it hasn't gotten any better. When I discovered that I could close the doors, my anxiety dropped like a rock. How can you apply this to your relationship?

Can I ask you to make a footnote on this one? I tried changing the CDing part of me rather than the partner - - bad ju ju. :heehee: So, my change request is to use the line from that old Serenity Prayer : "give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things that should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other."

And as for the purged tightie whities, BRILLIANT . . . you have a new reason to shop!

hugs
'lissa

[Crissy Kay]

Oh Holly, Thats great news!! I am so glad that you are back!!! I am glad, that everything worked out for you. Thats very good advice as well, for all of us. Crissy

[Brenda Love]

wasn't the same here without you:(

welcome back:love:

hugs
Brenda:hugs:

[Barb Valentine]

Oh, I forgot to mention one thing... there was a bit of a purge. All the tightie whities are history! :D

That's OK
You needed to add some color any way :D

[Di]

What a wonderful post really made me tear up.just want you to know how glad I am you are back....:hugs:

[TxKimberly]

Welcome back "Mom"!
Outstanding advice too.
Kim

[Mary Morgan]

Holly, It is wonderful to have you back. It is wonderful that good things come from difficult times. I'm sure we will all take your words to heart. I hope for the best for you going forward. Hugs, Louise

[nataliecd77]

That was excellent advice! Don't know you all that well, but glad that ya'll seem to have come to a understanding! Hope everything continues to work itself out.
Love,
Natalie:happy:

[Missy Anne]

OK - I agree with Christine

Let's make Holly the OFFICIAL CD MOM now.

Welcome back Holly. While you were gone Mrs. Missy and I talked about you frequently and hoped you would come through this ok.

Best regards,

Missy Anne

[Missy Anne's GG]

Dear Holly,

You have been in my thoughts and prayers during this whole episode. Every day I would check this thread to see how you were doing. All I can say is that I am so thrilled that you are back!

Hugs, Hugs, Hugs!!! :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Missy Anne's GG

[kathy gg]

Holly that is great news that life is back to before....but with more wisdom to pass on to us all :hugs: ...THose are some very smart lessons and I think it is real sweet you shared them with us. I am all about the learning :thumbsup:

[marie354]

Holly, you're such a wise woman. I'm glad you could return to us and have straightened everything out. Woooo Hoooo!
:hugs:

[SandyR]

Just a newbe here, but love your contributions. Great advice!

SandyR

Huggsss....

[RobertaFermina]

Holly,

Things were good before the crisis.
Things were good during the crisis - though our guts were a-twisting !
Learning has occurred.
Crisis, once again, proves to have been an opportunity.
Things are MUCH BETTER now !

Welcome Back, Beautiful as ever, and -is it possible?- Wiser !

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Lisa Maren]

Holly, I'm so glad you're back! I don't know you that well myself, but you certainly seem to be an asset to this forum and its participants. I'm so glad we don't have to lose you!

Hugs,
Lisa

[Karren H]

I'm soooo happy you didn't go away!!!!!

Love Karren

[marie354]

Could we nominate her as THE OFFICIAL CD MOM now?

[Kieron Andrew]

Could we nominate her as THE OFFICIAL CD MOM now?
YAY!!!!! Definitely has my vote!

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

welcome back holly :love: you can keep this lot under order now lol :D

[Alice Torn]

Holly, Thanks so much, for sharing what you've learned in this situation. It helped me think. Human relationships are the most challenging things, on earth. One of the astronauts, who was on the moon, had a failed marriage later. It shows, that it may be easier to get to the moon, and back, than to maintain a marriage, which takes more work!

[Angie G]

Welcome back hun :hugs:
Angie

[janet p]

I don't who moved my reply to your going away to this one but THANK YOU! It seems to to fit in both. Glad to hear every thing worked out. Hope to see you and Toni at Diva Las Vegas.:love: :love: :love: :love:

[susie evans]

HOLLY
just read your post glad things are getting back to normal and your words are sooooo ture

susie:love: :love:

[Amanda Shaft]

Great to see you back! Keep the faith, Amanda

[Lois Page]

So glad to hear of Holly's return. Your news has brightend my day and the sun is not even up yet. Outstanding advice not only for CD community, but for everyone else.
Best regards,
Lois

[Joy Carter]

First of all, thank-you from the bottom of my heart for all the kind posts, PM's emails and phone calls. You've all touched my life in an unbelievably wonderful and beautiful way.

We had a bit of a crisis at our house last week... some of it real, some imagined. A huge percentage of it was based on misunderstanding. I want to be very, very. very clear on something... neither my wife nor my daughter were the villains in this. There was really no villain at all. This whole experience has taught me a couple of things that I would like to pass on to you.

It all started when my wife was asked to pass a message to me. The message seemed to be critical of my lifestyle as a cross dresser. Having now the benefit of hindsight, I don't believe it was; but on that day, and with those words, that's how it was perceived.

Lesson One- If you have something to say to someone, say it yourself. Don't send someone else to do your job. Had the actual person spoken to me directly, any misunderstanding could have been cleared up immediately.

Lesson Two- If someone you love and who loves you says something that is out of character, seek clarification right then and there. If allowed to go unchecked, it will likely take on a life of it's own. And the result could be devastating.

Lesson Three- Keep your emotions in check... especially if you are feeling anger. I've never know anyone (myself included) that makes good decisions while angry. Step away for awhile if you must. Calm down and regain control before going on. If you don't, chances are that you will say or do something that you will regret.

Lesson Four- If asking for forgiveness, ask sincerely and from the heart. If giving forgiveness, give it unqualified and without reservation. You may find that you are doing some of both. That makes sense as rarely is a situation 100% the fault of one individual.

Lesson Five- Trust the love you have built up and on over the years. I don't know of anyone who loves their partner because they are perfect. They love their partner because they complete them and give meaning to their life.

Lesson Six- It's easier to change yourself than it is to change your partner. Let me give you a real life example; It used to drive me crazy that my wife wouldn't close cabinet doors. I'd get all knotted up over it and fuss and fume. And in over 38 years of marriage it hasn't gotten any better. When I discovered that I could close the doors, my anxiety dropped like a rock. How can you apply this to your relationship?

There's probably other stuff I could mention but I think this covers the important things. Always be willing to believe the best in your relationships. Resist the temptation to anticipate the worst.

Holly you have a very good perception into life, relationships and love.
Much luck to you and your's.:hugs:

[Teddie]

COOL! :jumping: :jumping: :jumping: :jumping: :Party2: :yrtw:

[Kieron Andrew]

and my secret crush is.......oops wrong thread! :heehee: :devil:

[Kate Simmons]

and my secret crush is.......oops wrong thread! :heehee: :devil:Dang, almost had you too.:p

[Kieron Andrew]

Dang, almost had you too.:p
:whistling::devil:

[pocoyo]

Yay Holly!
It's great to see you.
Your words are wise and I will remember them xxx

[RachelDenise]

Holly, I'm very glad you have worked things out. You have given us all wise advice. Now if we just did what you suggest.......

[Angela E.]

And great advice too.You are the OFFICIAL CD MOM! Love:love: :love: Angela.:bunny: :bunny: :bunny: :GE: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :Party2:

[Salina]

Welcome back! I'm glad things worked out and thanks for sharing your insights.

[Amy Hepker]

That's Great Holy, Maybe we can all learn from your lessons. It's to bad that it happened but it may have just woke you and alot of us up. We do tend to jump to conclusions sometimes and there are times when we just don't hear things right, or in the way they were meant. I one time had a friend, who nothing about dressing say to me that they him and his friend found my girly things in my place while I was gone and they were there. Well that is what I thought he said. A few years later when I came out to him, he said he never knew and that what I head was not what he had said. Sometimes our minds play tricks on us especially when we are afraid or worried, and sometimes just out of the blue. It's always a good thing to check and see if that was what was said, although going through a Bad relationship with my now Xwife, I know that questions are sometimes not the thing to ask. She was a real, well I won't say it here. I went through a lot of Physical and Mental abuse from her. She turned it a round and said it was me that was Mentally abusing her. Some thing are better left un said in certain conditions.

[Juanita O]

Holly

Welcome back. Very good words of wisdom. :happy:

[Mardi]

Welcome back. See you and Toni at DLV.

Mardi

[janelle]

WELCOME HOME SWEETIE, HURRAH.
:hugs: :love: Janelle

[Lovely Rita]

Welcome back. I am so happy you are back.

[Sejd]

Dear Holly
all your points are sincere and wonderful. You've learned a lot and your insight is fantastic. I can agree on each of your points. Specially after 27 years of a wonderful marriage with Great GG. Your last post made me laugh so hard that tears came to my eyes. I have had the same experience and yes, isn't it fantastic, that we can do the things our partner just cannot and will never get to learn or do??? it's so simple, just do it!!! You are absolutely wonderful to share this with the forum.
love
Sejd:love:

[Sweet Jane]

Hi Holly

welcome back..on reading your post the other day, I felt sick to my stomach..I could not believe what I was reading..I thought that at any time each of our worlds no matter how stable was just a house of cards, ready to tumble on a whim..
I'm so pleased that it seems not now...Your relationship to me was built on communication and understanding and mutual love and respect, and frankly to see that apparently vanish was very unsettling..was very scary.
Anyhow, welcome back...I'm pleased for you..

[Michelle2008]

Welcome back Holly! YAY!!!!!! I am so happy....

Michelle

[Tammietoo]

Glad to hear that you and you wife have sorted this out. Too bad it happened in the first place. Good to see you back here. :happy:

[suzy]

Holly,

How wonderful it is to see you back! I am so glad things have worked out and your lessons are so true!! So very true! Welcome back, hon..... I am glad to see you back, but I'm still praying for you!:bighug:

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Holly,

I want to be very, very. very clear on something... neither my wife nor my daughter were the villains in this.
Ah good, it was just a big misunderstanding. I thought so. I simply couldn't believe HT was anything other than what I know of her. Anyway, I'm glad you're back, feeling happy and more learned.

Phew! for a minute there I'd thought we'd lost you. :whew!:

[Sam-antha]

Welcome back to us, Wise Wun. I am glad you are happy again.
Thank you for the Rules #s 5 & 6 they are so easy to take for granted/forget.
Huggzzes from ~Samm

[Holly]

This community is simply amazing! I cannot begin to express how I feel seeing all this care and concern. I'm deeply touched to my very soul. I can't help but wonder about how much better off the world would be if everyone shared the same level of concern for their fellow human being as we have demonstrated can be done right here... being thoughtful, encouraging, supportive, loving, becoming vulnerable enough to be able to receive all these things instead of building up social walls around ourselves to try and protect the very feelings we long to express.

Every one of you ladies and gentlemen are very special. You have every reason to feel good about yourselves. I love you all :<3:

[Country girl]

Holly! You're back!!!:clap: :dance: :GD: :koc: :Party2: I can't even begin to tell you how sad I was while you were out. It is great to hear about the purge! Glad you got rid of them ole man draws.:tongueout Are you going to be at DVL this year? I know my SO and I would both LOVE for you to be our big sis!:D Let me know if you will be there and what we need to do to get you for our big sis. OK? Soooooooo glad your back! :bighug: :bighug: :bighug: CG gg

[Carole/CCD]

Welcome Back This place would never be the same without you .

Your approach /your Thoughts /and /your sincerity are the best

[tasha]

Welcome back Holly glad your here again.
:yrtw:

[Cassy11]

Holly, welcome back
Your words of wisdom ring very true. My wife of about 39 1/2 years has a habit of not closing cabinet doors or low kitchen drawers. I wonder what kind of list she would come up with about me.

[Wendy me]

Holly glade things worked out ... your insight is unbeliveable... thanks for everything... don't ever scare me like that again....

Huge Wendy hugs.......:hugs: :tongueout :hugs: :tongueout :hugs: :tongueout :hugs: :tongueout

[Samantha B L]

It's great to have you back,Holly.And all of us can always use some advise and counsel from Mom!Hugs,Samantha

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

I'm so glad it was all a misunderstanding. Great to have you back!

[Kitty Sue]

Ah Holly you rock GIRL! Don't know you. But I like what you write and say. Glad you are back.

[susananklet]

:2c: Thank you for giving us some good pointers. Susan