Could you let go of wanting approval?

[Amanda Jane]

Could you let go of wanting approval?

Well, could you? I know a lot of people seem to fear disapproval, but I bet that is false. What they really worry about is that they will not get that approval from others that validates their life.

Which is it? Why? What is holding you back from having exactly the life you want? Is it others? Is it you?

[Kate Simmons]

I know what you are saying Amanda Jane. Hopefully, I am well on my way to doing just that. It isn't easy though and takes a lot of work. The biggest thing is convincing yourself, then everything else just naturally follows.:happy:

[Brenda Love]

A little of both I think........

Hugs
Brenda

[susie evans]

after i accepted my self the rest has been easy :heehee: :heehee:

susie

[Jenn S.]

I find it hard to fear disapproval after my mother seeing me in drag a month ago.

[RobertaFermina]

It is difficult for me to completely let go of the desire for approval from others.

At times, I very actively seek it in overt or subtle ways.

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Lanore]

I've never really looked for approval. I accepted myself a long, long time ago. My changes came slow and over the years I just seemed to blend in. To me, slow change is more accepting than sudden change. I wear the same cloths around the house that I wear in public, all female. There are however, some areas of my body that I have to be carefull with when I'm working my business, but over all there are no problems. It's a great feeling not to have to be concerned about what to put on every day or getting caught. I'm in a place I wished everyone could be. And I agree that accepting yourself is the biggest hurdle to jump, but it could also be the last one in the race.

Lanore

[Lisa Maren]

It's hard for me to let go of it, too. What's holding me back from having the life I want, though, is not understanding what gender I am. I don't need to know the whole etiology of it (at least not for dating purposes) but I do think I should know what gender I am and what to expect of myself for the future.

I also feel a bit fake when socializing and that takes away from it a bit.

Hugs,
Lisa

[MJ]

i understand what you are saying but .. for me i am who i am, love me or leave me type of deal, don't you find it odd that here at cd.com we all respect each other help each other. weather we pass or not it how we feel inside, i don't have a problem . acceptance is the key, and in my experience to date i have found that.
just be your self

quote :- Which is it? Why? What is holding you back from having exactly the life you want? Is it others? Is it you?


It's your own Fear that's keeping us back , lose the fear be free to enjoy life
hugs

[Marla S]

It's all about approval and disapproval.

Fear of or actual disapproval has certainly the main impact on how fem I dress when and where.
A lack of approval is more easy to stand and can be more easy compensated for a while, but that is only the second best choice and certainly nothing that makes you happy on the long run.
Living the life I want is not only the absence of fear. It needs approval to have some happy moments once in a while.
If there is no approval, the lack of it very soon becomes a sign of disapproval too.
The aim of outward presentation is to interact with people, because it is a language. If they don't want to talk with you, it becomes a bit meaningless.

We don't want to be ourselves alone, finally !!!

[lauraabdl]

Marla I must agree with you to a point. I need that approval to go on but I also need to express my self enfemme. I would like to be more open at home but need that approval from my SO. If only I could get her to feel or is it understand how my female side needs to express itself.
well just my :2c:

[Sejd]

You raised a very good question, but unfortunately, it's a complex one too.
the thing is that we always want approval from our close friends and family. It's just this human thing which is essential to our well being. That's why we sometimes must make some compromises. On the other hand, we have to be who we are. for example. I just went through a week of meetings here in Holland with export managers from a very big dental company. I was off course dressed as a man, but my hair is shoulder length (free flowing) and I wear earings in both ears. To my surprise, no comments or rediculing remarks, just total acceptance although no one in the company looks like that. I think that when it really matters in the professional world, it is who you are inside which really matters.
good thread dear
Sejd:heehee:

[Karren H]

So who says that I don't have the life I want anyway? As far as I'm concerned I have as close to it as possible! And who's approval would I be requiring? Not my wife's since she doesn't... And I still dress and have a blast in either gender role!!! The only valadition I require is my own!!

Karren

[bgirl]

What ever I say about this , I know that its easier said than done. For me the kicks in the ass and the pats on the back have to equal out or I voice my own version of disapproval.

[Katie Ashe]

It is more looking for acceptance from the public. I accept whom I am, and dress to blend in with the GG's. Some of 'what drives me is', I lost out in the growing up as a girl, with girls. I wanted the slumber parties, shoe shopping, make-up parties, pillow fights, private fashion shows, etc... So could I let go, hard to say. I know these things will never happen. Letting go due to my insecurity, may never happen until, I am not nessesarly accepted but treated with the common respect one should deserve as a human being.

[melissacd]

What is holding me back, excellent question:

- for many years it was accepting this within myself, I have finally achieved that goal after 38 years

- spouse - I have a spouse who has known for 10 years but does not accept. One area of moving forward requires me to resolve this stand-off or end the relationship.

- work - In as much as the people that I currently work with are great, open minded and good people, I am equally certain that many would have great difficulty understanding this, so I feel that I would have to move on to a new work environment where i could start off being me.

- kids - I have to decide whether or not my kids will understand and whether this is something that I can share with them. I believe they love me enough to accept this part of me, but then I also believed that my wife would feel that way too and after 10 years she still has not come to terms with this.

- community - The community that I am in knows me as my male persona and that male persona is such that while not ultra masculine (not seen as a male jock) is certainly fair and away not feminine either. I am not sure they could accept a femme me so I might have to relocate to do that.

- personal goals - I am still going through a journey of discovering exactly what role I want this to play in my life, minor bit part or major screen star. I have opened up to this by accepting CDing into my life and as an important part of who I am, what defines me. I have gone through a year now of being out in the community, making new friends, getting deeper into my femme persona, building a massive wardrobe (better now than my male wardrobe) and going through the kid in the candy store syndrome. I have much work to do at many levels before I can determine the real role this plays in my life. I am catching up on many years of repression.

So all in all - I just don't know the definitive answer - and that is okay, that is the beauty of all of this, it is a complex rainbow of things where the joy is in the exploration, the finding of answers and perhaps not the answers themselves.

Approval is something that we must seek within ourselves, the rest, if we get it, is just icing on the cake.

Huggs
Melissa

[Amy Hepker]

It is others and Me. I have to admit that I enjoy dressing and wish I could when ever I want too, but, I also have a life in my Male world and I don't want to give that part up. I mean there are just sometings a guy can not do in a dress and be accepted no matter what. WORK for one, and the sports we do for another. I just could not see myself going to the Drag strip enfemme and Race. They would probably through me out and ban me from ever coming back.

[Scotty]

Think twice about wanting approval from family members.

You may think you know your family, at least I did, and a simple argument is all it takes to bring out the ugly side that you KNEW existed but never showed to you.

I will NEVER look for approval from my family and luckily I did not try as I was going to. That simple argument and the consequences of it made me realize it would be a HUGE mistake.

[marie354]

I've finally accepted myself for who I am, with a little help from everyone here. Dressing as I want has a lot to do with it and I do dress every day just the way I want to whether it is as Sandy or Sam. They both need to exist in some form or another. Some people do not like Sandy, some like neither, but I am the same person either way.
As far as other people accepting me... That might take a while to accept. I have lost some friends because of it, but my true friends are still with me through thick and thin.
Now ask yourself this... Does anyone else matter if your family and friends are by your side?
:hugs:

[julie w]

a very good question , as a male I am confident and dont care if people like me or not , I did martial arts for many years when I was younger even to day
I think if someone started trouble with me I wouldnt be a push over.
BUT when I am out enfemme I worry about what people think especially
young women ,I know its a waste of time , I am working hard to over come
this ,If you trully dont give a damn then you can go out and enjoy cding
I know cd s that go everywhere dressed and dont care and have a good time

[Christina Nicole]

Homo sapients are social beings. Approval, and therefore consequently conformity to norms, is a normal and natural part of community. To say that one can exist without the approval of others for who we are and what we do is nonsensical. For if we did not see out approval and community, this forum simply would not exist. We might as well, therefore be hermits.

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole