Need some advice...

[Suzie S.]

Hey everyone! Hope this isn't too deep this early in the morning! I'm trying to put this into words for the first time. I'm a happily married CD with an accepting wife (bless her heart)! I'm sort of a late bloomer to all of this. I've been actively crossdressing for 11 years. I've had urges to do it earlier, but didn't start til after I met her. The desire became reality once exposed to and surrounded by all of her stuff since we lived together. I was honest from the start with her and told her of my curiosity about wearing her clothes. I asked and she started to help me dress. My curiosity stemmed from a previous girlfriend who dressed me as a woman for Halloween a couple times. I instantly took a liking to dressing up since then. I was attracted to pantyhose the most and my ex GF didn't mind me wearing them. I never dared try to explore anything further. That was as far as it really went back then.

Well here I am now, a crossdresser in every sense of the word. I am very fortunate to have a wife that accepts this part of me. She has seen the progression of my CDing since it's beginnings. Since we don't have children it makes things less complicated. I can dress, for the most part, anytime I like. I have never been out dressed, except for Halloween. So here's where my worries strat setting in.

I've noticed myself slowly, but steadily, becoming much more interested with crossdressing as time has gone by. I spend more and more time dressed. I know that CDing can go in cycles sometimes, but I can't seem to get enough lately. Since I'm an early riser and my wife is a late sleeper, I dress every morning for a couple hours. Half the time I change before she wakes, as she does need me in male mode too. On weekends I sometimes dress all day.
I just can't seem to control the urges the way I used to. I've recently started having thoughts about going out enfemme. I think it's something I need to do.

Whats really scaring me lately is that I've started having fantasies of what it would be like to actually BE a woman, you know, with all the correct anatomy etc... I used to see a woman walking down the street and wonder what it would be like to wear her outfit. Now I sometimes wonder what it would be like to actually BE her. I'm really starting to think I would like to be a woman. It's kinda scary.
Have any of you had any thoughts/fantasies like these? Do they subside or get worse? Are these thoughts and fantasies trying to tell me something, or am I going through a phase right now? I'm too embarrased and ashamed to bring this kinda thing up to my wife. I'd love to hear any thoughts you all have on this. Any other CD's get feelings like this once in a while? Are there any GG's who has had a boyfriend/husband approach this subject?

I'm sorry this is so long, I've rambled enuf 4 now!!!
Thank you for any input!!!

Hugs, :hugs:
Susie S.

[loki_uk]

Whats really scaring me lately is that I've started having fantasies of what it would be like to actually BE a woman, you know, with all the correct anatomy etc... I used to see a woman walking down the street and wonder what it would be like to wear her outfit. Now I sometimes wonder what it would be like to actually BE her. I'm really starting to think I would like to be a woman. It's kinda scary.

Have any of you had any thoughts/fantasies like these? Do they subside or get worse? I'm sorry this is so long, I've rambled enuf 4 now!!!
Thank you for any input!!!

Hugs, :hugs:
Susie S.

I get fantasies about working dressed as a women, and yes all the time I look at women it's a mixture of phoaaar and would I fit that dress, those heels...quite conflicting signals and a bit strange sometimes

I bet we all wonder what it would be like to wear some womens outfit when we're out shopping, so don't stress

I think you're thoughts get worse, but thats only as you become more honest with yourself over who you want to be, but theres a huge gulf between wanting to dress as a woman and wanting to be a woman

[Vicky_Scot]

I would not worry I think we all fantasies about being a real woman from time to time.

When your dressing becomes all consuming and takes priority in your life over eveything else then thats when you should start to worry.

[suzy]

Hi Suzie,

My God...this is getting even scarier......I have the exact same thoughts and wishes as you just described...we are twins! I mean, from the same name, same avatar, and now all of the same "feelings"....I was a "late bloomer" and goodness....sure, I have had those feelings and desires...exactly...You just described me perfectly... How scary is that!!

Now, I don't find it to be concerning at all. Get on with it... It's like eating the first couple of bites out of a bowl of ice cream....it's tastes so good that you want more and maybe so creamy that you can even envision the flavorable sensations that are to follow... (is that an accurate analogy??) Anyway, Yes..I share the same feelings and desires and have acted upon them to a degree... One step at a time...day by day...enjoy this new freedom... love life and be thrilled that your wife is accepting...maybe she'd enjoy joining the forum also.

Above all.... Don't worry about it... enjoy it!:love:

[Joy Carter]

Like the others said don't worry about it. The other is sex. You didn't mention it, but most women are turned off by a male wanting to act out the woman's role. I'd be very careful on this subject. It can hurt more than you can imagine.

[ronda]

: don't get to worried we all have had the same feelings at one time or another it's like a kid in a candy store at first you want to eat all the candy then we settle down and just eat what we like. :hugs: :happy: Ronda

[Donnadcd]

It's like you read my mind. I know it's just a matter of time for me. You are definitely not alone.

[Amy Hepker]

Hi Suzie,
I think we all go through this, it is just part of dressing. It will control you if you let it. No one can tell you if you are a good canidate for SRS, that's up to you. You do have a lot to deal with in more ways than one and you need to look at it all. Sometimes the Fantasies get carried away and sometimes we do things before we really think about it. Take it slow, figure out what YOU really want in the world. It may or may NOT be what your wife wants. This may reflect your decision too. Not all women want to be married to another woman. Can you live without her??? Can you pass well enough to work after SRS, because chances are you will be alone, oh, you may have friends, but will they support you finacially??? Think about this too, Think don't fantisize, Just think about all the guys hitting on you. Is this what you want, to be with a guy??? Or to have a guy man handle you??? There is a world of things to think about and only you control your life. Live it as you can and enjoy!!!

[Billie1]

I wouldn't be overly concerned at this point. As long as the fantasies remain that (just fantasies) and don't interfere with your day-to-day responsibilities, I believe that they are healthy expressions of who we really are. Repressions are much more stressful, and only create the guilt and uncertainy that keeps therapists in Lexuses. (Or is that Lexi?) Dream on!

[wabnaok]

Suzie, I sent you a private message with more detail. You are not alone.

[Casey Morgan]

Suzie, those fantasies of wanting to be a woman can be any number of things, from what I understand. Let the fantasies happen and see what you discover about them. They aren't uncommon, and although the fear is that they mean you want to become a woman, this fear is unfounded unless and until you KNOW otherwise. Relax, enjoy the fantasies, and know that no matter what they mean, you aren't alone in having these fantasies.

[Karren H]

I don't have fantasys..... especially about crossdressing.... I don't want to be a woman.... and I'm very happy living in both genders when i have the chance.....I figure that I'm living my fantasy.... and it couldn't get much better than this...

Love Karren

[noname]

You mentioned going out in femme. Perhaps you could go out, but not total femme? I'm ok being a guy and don't wish to be a girl if you will. Maybe go out with some girl jeans and a neutral top? I dress almost every day, everywhere I go. ( cept work ) I've rarely had a problem. As long as you look well put together it will probably go more smoothly than you imagine. Sure, I've had a couple people make comments and stare, but I've also been asked what brand my jeans are and have recieved other various compliments. I suggest you relaxing ( easier said I know ) and just be yourself. It really does get easier. I think you'll also find the less you care, the less others will care. I've also found that not caring made cd'ing much less of an issue for me.

[CDTiffany]

I agree with Rhonda, Sometime's it bite's you really hard, and you think to much.
A few week later, you learn how to live with it, and go on. If you have a happy life (on the other side) DONT forget about it!!! Your crossdressing time, will find it's place.
XOXO Tiffany

[lowlavalentine]

I've heard from a great many cds that the urge gets greater as they get older. I experienced the same sort of thing. Wanted to be more than just a cd for a while. Pursued hormones for a while, then reassessed the situation and decided that really wasn't what I wanted. Now back to some sense of balance, although it remains a finicky scale, able to tip one way or the other with very little warning.

[Amanda Jane]

fantansy is not reality or else most of us would have run out of space in our backyards for the bodies. It is a great human ability to try to put yourself in the shoes of another person. No harm done.