what have wifes got against cds

[vicky lee]

i am giveing you an update to my wifes views
as i said in previous treads we are separated so i telled her i was going on one of these complete makeovers which i really wanted to do for a long time now
she blow up at me then all the questions what do you want to look like a woman for when you had me she said i dont like it you haveing this makeover
thats ok ur not haveing it i dont know what to do i do love my wife still she was excepting so much at first but now no way no talking to her no meeting her half way or going it slowly what can i do
if i want my wife back i think its down to give it all up
and i know i couldnt help anyone been here before love to here ur views

[Brenda Love]

This sounds like your at a major crossroad in your life and you have a big decision to make! I would sit down and think "what do I love more CDing or my SO." for me it's an easy choice,dress in private and nobody gets hurt!.:2c:

Hugs:hugs:
Brenda

[Tracy_Victoria]

Wifes don't marry guys because they dress up as a woman. even the ones that know.Understand/fully Accept there husbands dressing!

I woman marries a guy for love, (generally) therefore it's a massive shock to the system to find out the person they knew, or thought they knew, does this, ie question then arrise, do they really know that person at all.

Try turning it around, you come home early from work, to find your wife, dressed in a mans 3 piece suit, showing no signs of her bust, yet what clearly seems to be a manly bulge, sporting manly shoes, male wig, and fake beard. Would you not wonder what the hell was going on?

That why she does, if she finds out by chance you do this!

[Karren H]

I agree with Tracy_Victoria..... Must be a great shock.... And I don't blame my wife for any of her negative feelings!!! I'm just glad she still accepts me as her husband! And as long as I keep my "hobby" out of her face, she's a happy girl!! Were both happy girls!!

Love Karren

[melissacd]

Vicky,

I am going through a similar thing, my wife does not accept my cross dressing either. After 10 years of her knowing about it and me not doing it, I could not do it anymore. I had to start again. It is who I am and it is who I must be. The situation that I am in now is that she and I are starting counseling. She is totally against the dressing but has agreed to give this another try for the sake of the relationship. We are both in agreement that we have to come to some resolution on this to save the marriage, although we both also agree that if we cannot get resolution on this this time around then we will have to end the marriage.

I cannot and will not stop being a cross dresser anymore so that part is not negotiable with her, however, I am willing to work with her to define a frame work, a set of soft and hard limits on my cross dressing. If she can agree with that then we may have a chance of saving it, if she insists on me stopping the cross dressing then the marriage has to end. It is about that simple.

There are some who can give up cross dressing for love, but many of us cannot because it is too integral a part of who we are. I am in the second group and if being that type costs me my marriage then that is the price I must pay. It is not for everyone, but that is the way it has to be for me.

All the best in resolving your situation to a level that is acceptable to both of you. Remember that you have a vote in this too, it is not just her decision.

Huggs
Melissa

[Bev06 GG]

Hi Vicky,
Some women just cannot accept Crossdressing full stop. It doesn't make them a bad person and it certainly doesn't make them any less of a good wife than someone who has no problems with it and is fully supportive. I think like has already been said, you have to weigh up who or what is more important to you, but then so does she. I can't really give you any advice as to what to do because I dont know either of you personally and even if I did, what works for some doesn't for others. All I can do is pray that you will beable to work something out between you in order to continue your relationship.
I am firmly of the opinion that if you do truly love each other then there is no mountain too high to climb, and I hope that doesn't sound patronizingly simplistic.
I wish you both the best of luck and hope that you can sort something out.
Take care
BEV

[Kristen Kelly]

I agree with Bev but I have found out myself not something easily given up. :iagree:

[Tracy_Victoria]

Hi Vicky,
Some women just cannot accept Crossdressing full stop. It doesn't make them a bad person and it certainly doesn't make them any less of a good wife than someone who has no problems with it and is fully supportive.
BEV

There are many different levels of acceptance, my partner trys to understand and I think she does, she just she struggles with seeing my female image. I've always had her blessing and my like Karren, she okay with it generally.

Unfortunately some can deal with it, some love it, and some hate it. but what ever the situation normally it's true that the longer it is that they find out, the more hurt they are. and who can blame them really. they have been living in a lie!

[TxKimberly]

I should imagine that it would be a very rare girl indeed that grew up thinking to herself "Gee, I can't wait until I grow up so I can marry a cross dresser". Nah, couldn't see it. More likely, she grew up dreaming that some day her white knight in shining armor would ride up on a big white horse (preferably a Clydesdale) and whisk her away to a life in a huge home with a white picket fence. No doubt once there, she expected he would give her 3.5 children and ply her with roses and diamonds for the rest of her life.

OK, don't flame me, I know this is a bit exaggerated, but I am trying to make a point. Most people have dreams and expectations for how they expect and want their lives to turn out, and it's a fair bet that finding out your big strong knight would prefer to wear your princess dress than his armor, has got to be one hell of a departure from your expectations.

I'm sure this analogy must have been made here at some time, but imagine your wife came to you and said she wants to grow a beard and get her head shaved? I don't know about you, but that is NOT the picture I had in my head for the wife I would someday grow old with. I MIGHT be able to adapt and accept this, but I can assure you I would NOT be pleased or delighted at the idea.

Kim (Trying to see it from the other side)

[vicky lee]

once again i have to thank you all for ur replys
i have not long ago phoned my wife and shes comeing over so we can talk about
it least thats a start i would like her to join the ggs section on here to talk to others about it well will see how it gos let you all know what happens
thanks again to all of you

[MJ]

Hi Vicky,

Some women just cannot accept Crossdressing full stop. It doesn't make them a bad person and it certainly doesn't make them any less of a good wife than someone who has no problems with it and is fully supportive. I think like has already been said, you have to weigh up who or what is more important to you, but then so does she. I can't really give you any advice as to what to do because I dont know either of you personally and even if I did, what works for some doesn't for others. All I can do is pray that you will beable to work something out between you in order to continue your relationship.
I am firmly of the opinion that if you do truly love each other then there is no mountain too high to climb, and I hope that doesn't sound patronizingly simplistic.
I wish you both the best of luck and hope that you can sort something out.
Take care
BEV

i am sorry to hear that but . bev is right my wife could not accept it either now i am single . i wish you the very best but you can't stop dressing
just go and have your make over and have fun, life is too short you only live once if you don't you will regret it , good luck
hugs Marissa

[Joy Carter]

I cannot understand a spouse who wants to control a situation with the "Me or the highway" attitude. I mean, they couldn't have loved you unconditionally enough to want to at least work though this some how.

[Amanda Jane]

I don't know about wives, but I do know about women, and they value honesty. They have a much easier time if you are up front about it and tell the truth from the start, so that they can choose if they want it in their life. What happens all to often in these situtions amounts to a fait accompli. No body likes that. Wives adopt a 'my way or the highway' attitude, because that is pretty much what you presented to them. Or worse, you are changing the rules in the middle of the game. Again, who likes that?

[melissacd]

I can cannot understand a spouse who wants to control a situation with the "Me or the highway" attitude. I mean, they couldn't have loved you unconditionally enough to want to at least work though this some how.

It may be hard to understand, but unfortunately there are many wives out there who have that attitude. As said earlier, it does not make them bad, it just means that it is something that they did not bargain for in their life. In as much as I am saddened by my wife's lack of understanding and do not want to separate, I have to accept that her life view and my life view may have diverged in big measure because of my dressing. She and I each have to make our choices based on the context of the current reality.

[melissacd]

I don't know about wives, but I do know about women, and they value honesty. They have a much easier time if you are up front about it and tell the truth from the start, so that they can choose if they want it in their life. What happens all to often in these situtions amounts to a fait accompli. No body likes that. Wives adopt a 'my way or the highway' attitude, because that is pretty much what you presented to them. Or worse, you are changing the rules in the middle of the game. Again, who likes that?

Yes, you are so right and I have had to temper my thoughts about this with that in mind. It is why I feel that separating may be the right answer, because it is not fair to force her down a path she clearly does not want to go and it is not fair that I should not be able to go down the path that I need to go down. Sometimes, in a relationship, it is just time to say goodbye.

[Tracy_Victoria]

I don't know about wives, but I do know about women, and they value honesty. They have a much easier time if you are up front about it and tell the truth from the start, so that they can choose if they want it in their life.

Sorry thats a Myth!

My Partner will admit to having fallen in love with a voice on a phone (as did I) we started dating and when I know it was getting serious I told her. She has tried over 14 years, yet in that time she has seen me dressed no more than three times. Knowing does not make it any easer, if anything it harder, as it is a two way tug, wanting the guy, not wanting the dressing! Dispite knowing, dispite giving me space, dispite trying for me, we both know deep down she would prefer I did not do this.

it's not a Yes I'll accept it, or No he crossdresses so I'll dump him situation, the feeling run deeper than that for most!

[Kate Simmons]

I had to honestly stop and consider this one, leaving tolerance to the side. I was thinking what I would do had I been born a genetic woman and learned my dear husband of 5 years, the manly man I married liked to dress in women's clothes. Not an appetizing meal for sure. I took it one step further. Let's just say I was a M T F TG person who had successfully transitioned and integrated myself back into society and saw myself as a "normal woman". Would I automatically accept my SO's crossdressing? Not necessarily. I say this because I have a friend who is exactly that way. She has transitioned and will not allow her SO to dress, even though he is a CD because she wants a man who is a man, not one who is part woman. You never know how people are going to react.:happy:

[Sasha Anne Meadows]

Well my wife likes me and encourages me to be Sasha Anne. But I don't know why. Not braggig just asking.

[michellebesweet]

My personal view is that wives and SO's don't fully understand what we are feeling, because they are already women and have experienced the ups and downs, and wonder why we want to be like them. They don't understand the male perspective and how being fem gives us a sense of peace of mind and pleasantness. I also beleive, Wives and SO's think that we are stealing something from them, or depriving them on something from us. Things such as sex, emotions, feelings, time, and trust.

We just need to reassure them and not deprive them of these things that make a relationship work.

[sherell]

I think tracy is right. Think of it the otherway round. Learn to to do it in secret or be prepared to lose her.

[kathy gg]

Wow...I hate to disagree....where to start...

Okay no, I can never understand what any cd is feeling because I am happy to present as a female. But I bet the ftm's hae a pretty good idea....


Secondly I am not feeling that my sweety is *stealing* someting from me. I never have. I looked to date and eventually marry a cd...I did not look for this only to project negativity on anothe person.

So ....I just ask that people with these views please realize that there are a few of us gg's who dont' feel threatened, or weirded out ...or really anything bad because our guy likes to *sometimes* be a girl. There are actually quiet a few very cool and accepting gg's...even gg's liek myself on this forum that find statements like this, that paint very broad negative idea's on us all, to be a bit offensive.

I am actually very comforttable with who I am and where I am in my life. I completely support who my sweetie is. trust me, if I was not completely comfortable with this stuff I would not have looked for a cd.

SO..please....just dont' make asumptions about all SO's based on one persons bad expericne.




My personal view is that wives and SO's don't fully understand what we are feeling, because they are already women and have experienced the ups and downs, and wonder why we want to be like them. They don't understand the male perspective and how being fem gives us a sense of peace of mind and pleasantness. I also beleive, Wives and SO's think that we are stealing something from them, or depriving them on something from us. Things such as sex, emotions, feelings, time, and trust.

We just need to reassure them and not deprive them of these things that make a relationship work.

[tommi]

I think tracy is right. Think of it the otherway round. Learn to to do it in secret or be prepared to lose her.


I agree with Tracy_Victoria..... Must be a great shock.... And I don't blame my wife for any of her negative feelings!!! I'm just glad she still accepts me as her husband! And as long as I keep my "hobby" out of her face, she's a happy girl!! Were both happy girls!!

Love Karren

I know that Imust keep mine out of her face I only do it when she is not home ,Summer time is great because she goes away and I get weeks on end to myself.

[IMkrystal]

I Am Totally Confused and Frustrated From Your Responses!

Ever since joining CD.com I have been trying to get a consensus on how to better handle how to introduce this topic into a relationship. I concluded after reading many of your threads that honesty was the best route. I had gone through a relationship where I had kept this a secrete for many years before one day telling. I feel this had something to do with our breakup.

Taking the opposite route, I have posted to different types of dating sites, alternative and plain, and mentioned my interest in CDing. After being on these sites for more than 6 months, the number of response I have received has been a dribble.

Having recently posted this subject in this form "Web Site Dating”, One member suggested taking a slightly different tack, by indirectly suggesting this subject.


“At this point, if I was on a dating site, I would spin it as a positive thing since a dating profile is like a resume. I might say something like:

"I'm looking for a very open-minded woman who enjoys a guy who is able to be a man, but also is in touch with his feminine side. I'm a great shopping buddy and I fully understand the pains that a woman goes through in the name of beauty, if you know what I mean."

That leaves a bit of mystery for any potential daters”.

To tell, to not tell, or to just suggest, leaves many of us stuck, and paralyzed over what is the safest way to present this subject. If we can't decide, at least we have solace in knowing that many of us are struggling with this subject. Some of you have suggested it is easy to understand why women respond to us in a negative manor. After all, how would we feel if we found our "SO" wearing a man's suite or having a shave head? Women's Rights have existed and continue to advance today.
Maybe in seventy-five years, Crossdressers will be able to display their behavior without the associated stigma.

[Sandygal]

It's so hard to reply to this. Why? Because the act of crossdressing is so confusing to ourselves, how do we explain something to our SO when we can't understand it. I have had a tearful night with my wife after coming out to her after 28 years. Afterwords she gave me a hug and told me not to worry. She said 'I'm still here ,aren't I? It was a great relief to have someone to share my life long secret. Over the last 2 years she has seen tiny things. Maybe panties showing now and then. It will turn her off sexually for the day, but thankfully she isn't mean to me. I know she doesn't like it and I love her to much to wave it in her face. So yes I'm glad she knows, but I still stepped a little bit back into the closet. I'm still crossdressing like I have before. But if she catches me, I don't have the fear of her leaving me anymore. Then again if crossdressing is more important than your SO, then why keep it a secret? Life is so confusing.

[sonyinohio]

my wife knows supports and helps me get ready when we can which is very rare due to 2 kids and one on way but usally i keep something femine on at all times be it thongs or toes painted or even doing dishes in my heels

[Tracy_Victoria]

I think tracy is right. Think of it the otherway round. Learn to to do it in secret or be prepared to lose her.

I don't think that the solution either. basically talk is the only answer (raise the subject, get her views), then you must judge if she can handle this or not. more sensitive people seem to take the news harder. Love can avail, but the case is, is it strong enough!

[Amanda Jane]

if you have to hide an important part of you, then I'm not sold on the love deal. Love can accept, play along, go along to get along and get in return. If you settle for something that is just settling, not loving. No one is perfect. As I said in another place, happy is the couple that share their kinks, that find a way to give each what they want. Sad is the couple that is not meeting that ultimate give and take that is at the heart of love. But I'm a romantic, so that might not count.

And I stand by what I said before. Women value men who are honest. In the long run marriage might fail for money, but in the short run women dump boys who lie to them.

[raksha GG]

I think tracy is right. Think of it the otherway round. Learn to to do it in secret or be prepared to lose her.


Please don't think deceit is the way to get what you want.

Dave (Tracy-V) doesn't do it in secret, I am always aware of when he wants to dress, and try and arrange things for him so it can be accomodated. Sometimes this isn't possible, like yesterday for instance, he wanted to go to a CD meeting, but it meant leaving the house early evening, and explaining *why* to the kids was going to be tricky (they don't know about the dressing), finances are stretched so there wasn't the option of me taking them out to amuse them (and why would I take them out when Daddy was at home) so he decided to give this one a miss........ I know it wasn't easy for him, but I hope he realises how this 'giving' side of the CD'ing makes it so much easier to deal with.

[Joy Carter]

Then again if cross dressing is more important than your SO, then why keep it a secret? Life is so confusing.

No way is CDing more important than she. With me accepting my CD nature, it has greatly improved my mental state and she knows that. So it has had it's plus side. I know I'd walk through fire for her. Just that walking through fire would be easier than ignoring who I am.

[TxKimberly]

I Am Totally Confused and Frustrated From Your Responses!
Women's Rights have existed and continue to advance today.

Yes, but don't forget that women had to stand up, fight for, and DEMAND those rights. Not many of us are so far out of the closet that we are going to be willing to do this. Not to mention that women had a few "advantages" or tools that we don't. Women were the mothers, sisters, and daughters of the men that eventually changed our laws and society to assure them of these rights. No doubt they were able to bring a good deal of pressure to bear on these men. While we are no doubt the fathers, brothers, and sons of some of these same people, they don't KNOW it because we're hiding.
Kim

[Amy Hepker]

Hi Vicky,
I am sorry to hear of your plight. Alot of us have been down this road, and some of us a couple times over. It is really hard for a GG to understand. They think it will go away if they fumor you for a while with it. But, that only intesifies it. We want it more and more. It is like an addiction, the more you have it the more you want. It's not that we LOVE our GGs any less, as a matter of fact if we are accepted by them we LOVE them even more. It is within themselves as to whether and how much they will accept us as we are or as we will be. LOVE is deeper than the clothes we wear. There are a lot of people (not only GGs) out there, that are unable to accept us as we are. There is the families and friends. What will they say. What will they do, will they isolate both of you or either of you. She may not be able to handle the situation. You have to look at it from her side too. But you have to look within yourself and find out what you really want and can handle yourself. Our love to dress has nothing to do with our LOVING them. We do LOVE and we can LOVE and maybe more than others will ever be able too. But there are alot of GGs in this world, that cannot handle our way of life. If may think you can just through it all away, That may look good on paper and you may think you can do it, but it will always be there lerking inside of you ready to come out and your life can be real hell until you do let it come out again. The only thing you can do is try to talk to her and let her know how much you do love her, but this is a part of you and you won't be able to keep it underwraps forever.

[noname]

I believe it is because 98% of the population do not view things objectively. I think most SO's are not comfortable with it, simply because they are comfortable with what they know. I hope one day society can view people for who they are instead of what they expect from them.

[Cheryl GG]

There are struggles in any relationship....no matter what type - business...friendship...intimate - when when you start throwing wild cards in, that relationship begins to be tested and the depth of its strength shines thru....there must be compromise in a marriage when agreements cant be reached (no matter what the issue at hand is)...even if that compromise is in an area that we dont necessarily feel just peachy-keen about....if a compromise is not something that one of the partners can live with-deal with-cope with-work thru- then there is a problem I personally think.....when CDing comes to light in a relationship there is so much confussion, so many questions, so many different emotions for BOTH partners.........my thoughts are that not everyone in this world is capable of accepting/living with a CDing SO for many various reasons and that the SO struggles in remembering that the CDer is still the person they married in many cases as they are overwhelmed by the dressing itself and what society has taught them to be "NORMAL".....society in general - they reject/push-away what they dont know or understand - what they dont know or understand they fear....and yet most wont seek out the knowledge needed to help put those fears to rest....but thats just my own personal thoughts on the matter.....below is a link to an article I wrote not too long ago....maybe you could print it out and see if she would be willing to give it a read, it might help her to understand some of what she is feeling and offer some understand of what you could possibly be feeling currently with regards to her as well....I wish you luck and I hope that things work out for both of you....xoxoxoxoC/

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=48586&highlight=Life+Dream

[Kitty Sue]

Interesting topic. I have to agree w/Tracey Victoria, I would be surprised if I came home and my S.O was dressed as a man. How hypocritical of me! I doubt I would end a relationship over it. But I wonder how I would take it. Interestingly I find it easier to tell a woman I am bisexual before I tell her I am TG. I guess I am not as accepting and as open minded of others as I sometimes like to believe.

I love this site. You all rock! Some many great topics and thought provoking ideas!

[susananklet]

:2c: There are wives out there that may not "like" your crossdressing but will allow it and understand your need to do it and enjoy it. Susan:2c:

[Kathryn Philips]

My wife is extremelly homophobic and has this strange theory that all males who like wearing female clothing are gay. She believes that if she would allow me to dress, I would immediately become homosexual. I told her about my weakness for female clothing and told me I should see a shrink to get "cured". I realised at the time that she would never accept or permit my CDing. You will all agree that I am neither "mentally ill" or able to get "cured" and in any case I dont want to ever loose the "woman whithin". The one who needs a cure is my wife.

[Jan Griffin]

Well, you are still alive! If it had been my wife she'd killed me before leaving. So you have two blessings. The third - not being accepted by her - lots of luck - But two out of three is pretty good

[Tracy_Victoria]

Please don't think deceit is the way to get what you want.

Dave (Tracy-V) doesn't do it in secret, I am always aware of when he wants to dress, and try and arrange things for him so it can be accomodated. Sometimes this isn't possible, like yesterday for instance, he wanted to go to a CD meeting, but it meant leaving the house early evening, and explaining *why* to the kids was going to be tricky (they don't know about the dressing), finances are stretched so there wasn't the option of me taking them out to amuse them (and why would I take them out when Daddy was at home) so he decided to give this one a miss........ I know it wasn't easy for him, but I hope he realises how this 'giving' side of the CD'ing makes it so much easier to deal with.

Thanks Love

you know you and the kids always come first. As you said, another time, maybe.

[Tracy_Victoria]

My wife is extremelly homophobic and has this strange theory that all males who like wearing female clothing are gay. She believes that if she would allow me to dress, I would immediately become homosexual. I told her about my weakness for female clothing and told me I should see a shrink to get "cured". I realised at the time that she would never accept or permit my CDing. You will all agree that I am neither "mentally ill" or able to get "cured" and in any case I dont want to ever loose the "woman whithin". The one who needs a cure is my wife.

Unfortunately it's a common thought, also many are so stunned that they have one impression of what Crossdressing means, and they then shut down and there is no way to reach them with the truth. the recent poll on sexuality showed on this site it was about 3 to 1 of hertosexual to homosexual TV's/CD's however I think the ratio is greater than that if you think about it logically. Ie there will be a lot of men doing some form of CDing in secret, never visiting sites like this, for fear of being found out. it's most likely there married and hetrosexual, over being single and free to do as they please.

I'm just so glad I can talk to Raksha about my needs, I know she struggles with my dressing, tracy and her may never be in the same room again, it a shame but something I have now accepted, however, I'm glad she has an open mind, and is trying, and really I can ask no more than that can I

Thanks Hun :hugs: :love: :hugs:

[Amanda Jane]

Or it could be far more, gay and bi CDs would find very little on this site that would apply to them.

And gay CDs could care less about what the wife thought. Not one of their problems.

[Sweet Jane]

what have wives got against crossdressers....

hmmm..unless you walked down the aisle in the gown then lets face it, you have surprised them with your "new look".
I think most wives want a husband, and have a hard time reconciling someone in a skirt, make up and heels to that role. Some don't mind when they find out, some tolerate it and some are just completely put off..even disgusted in their husband deviant behaviour.
If I had my time over, I most certainly would actively search for the wife that might have put me in a gown on my wedding day..or at least at a private affirmation of vows ceremony. It would be a little easier having the enthusiastic support of the person you love the most...but, hey, I'll settle for tolerate!!
So yeah, I don't think it is the wives fault in any way if you have misrepresented yourself a bit with regard to how you wish to appear..it really is the crossdressers problem, and IMO it's they that must somehow shift the most, to find acceptable common ground.

[bobby-joe]

I don't know about wives, but I do know about women, and they value honesty. They have a much easier time if you are up front about it and tell the truth from the start, so that they can choose if they want it in their life. What happens all to often in these situtions amounts to a fait accompli. No body likes that. Wives adopt a 'my way or the highway' attitude, because that is pretty much what you presented to them. Or worse, you are changing the rules in the middle of the game. Again, who likes that?

I agree with how you summed up The dishonesty and changing of the rules mid way is what bugs me the most. Also the thought that one of us getting what they desire and the other is not......"my way or the Highway" who is offering this the CD or the SO??????? CD

[Sheila]

Today may not be the best day for me to answer this as I am in a mini flap at the moment but it may highlighten the reason that sometimes we seem to be less accepting than at others.

6 months ago I discovered his cding, not a problem with the cding, (the lies and deceipt prior to my discovering took some getting over), then there was the "it's only lingerie thats all", now we have gel filled bra's, skirts dresses, blouses, shoes, make-up, body hair shaved, tucking and yesterday another little gem that is floating round my brain, not entirely cd related but cding is certainly the plus side for this for him. so where does it end ?? And to be fair to my cdr I have been instramental in helping and encouraging him to discover his other side, but sometimes the more accepting we are the more we fear losing you as our male partner entirely

Jess

[Tracy_Victoria]

I agree with how you summed up The dishonesty and changing of the rules mid way is what bugs me the most. Also the thought that one of us getting what they desire and the other is not......"my way or the Highway" who is offering this the CD or the SO??????? CD

I don't really thing thats fair. it's okay to say yes to something and then change your mind if you feel it is not a good Idea, or it is not working. how many times have you changed your mind in your life, and you normally do so for good reason. People do thing for good reason, they don't just change there minds to spoil your day!

Best Example I can give is Raksha and My relationship, she is fully ware of my dressing as Tracy, she knows I do so fully She seen me dressed and she knows there is a picture in my profile. When we first met we soon discovered that she has difficulty with this, Dispite me telling her all about this, and dispite her saying it wouldn't be a problem. It never was a problem originally it became one as she became aware of my crossdressing. She didn't just change her mind because she wanted to, she did so, because she had to for her. (and in turn for us, so we didn't lose what we actually did have!)

I don't blame her now for that reversal, But sadly I did in the past before I was fully aware of the fact! It's been hard and yes we have had cross word over the issue in the past, because my goal was to be totally honest with her, and have a friend I could share my life with, and Tracy is a part of my Life. But Now I can't hold anything against her, for the fact is seeing me dressed as a woman was damaging the great relationship we have together as a Man and a woman, specially as that relationship is far far more important that the one I hoped would develop between Tracy and Raksha

We never know how we will feel before we try something, and if someone is programmed deep down with a gut instinct (which really is self protection) it is always going to be a difficult task to change that. it's like people who have fears of Rollercosters, Dispite them seeing endless people getting on and off safely, dispite it working safely for years, their fear is as soon as they get on it, it will crash. and no matter how you present the facts, it's almost impossable to sway them from there own feeling, which is if they never go there or never climb on the coast, it will never harm them

As for Raksha and I, we walk the central reservation together at times, she give me space on my side of the road when I need it, but I live on her side more than mine. She is able to come over to my side when she is able to do so, by visiting here, reading my posts, my points of view on these subjects, and seeing pictures of the other me, which she knows a little about. Together we are hoping to grow, but I've started by admiting (from my side) that she and Tracy will never probably be able to be in the same room together, yet she still tries. and for that I love her very much! (and by admitting to giving in all the way, anything that does happen is a bonus!)

However it's not her fault, that she changed her mind for the sake of our relationship. she Can't help her inner feeling or fears. and dispite all this she still keep trying to accept this for me!

Thanks Love, your a Diamond, and my Rock :hugs: :love: :hugs:

[featherelizabeth]

i am giveing you an update to my wifes views
as i said in previous treads we are separated so i telled her i was going on one of these complete makeovers which i really wanted to do for a long time now
she blow up at me then all the questions what do you want to look like a woman for when you had me she said i dont like it you haveing this makeover
thats ok ur not haveing it i dont know what to do i do love my wife still she was excepting so much at first but now no way no talking to her no meeting her half way or going it slowly what can i do
if i want my wife back i think its down to give it all up
and i know i couldnt help anyone been here before love to here ur views

realise that your lady will not accept your cding; it is now up to you to decide if you want to continue with her...can you accept the fact she disapproves of what you do whilst you hide your stash? had the same experience some years ago...chose me instead. unfortunately you must choose as well, just look out for number one. hoping children are not involved.
its hard to quell those feelings, even more difficult when the repression of a partner forces you to go undercover.....GOOD LUCK.

[Melinda G]

Dispite these repetitive threads every few days, this is a no-brainer. Just reverse the situation. Imagine that wife you love, with a mans haircut, no makup, mens underwear, mens shoes, pants and coat, or a mans suit and tie, and doing it for sexual reasons! With very few exceptions, crossdressing and marriage don't mix. And those who are "OK with it", may be quietly considering their options, and making other plans.

[Kerry Owens]

For everyone this whole boat is full of a lot of emotions, learning and rough spots. I'd say that no one has a easy time of when there are two folks in a relationship and figuring out where what part cd has in the relationship is like nailing jello to the wall.
Everyone has a different viewpoint, everyone is at a different step on the staircase if not in a different step in a totally different dance. The only thing I've learned is discuss, talk, communicate and being able to trust that we both care about keeping those essential lines open.

[Bethany Ann]

I agree with Karren...I keep things cool in front of my wife and she is fine. She loves me for me...she knows I have dressed for 30 years, weve been married for 15...it existed long before her. I think the challenge is to not overstep our bounds and give them everything they want first. We can have the few precious moments left over to get all dressed up and have a little fun.

Beth

[Marcie Sexton]

I would suppose that we are all of the same generation, the baby boomers, as sad as it is to say they, we were raised with conservative views about evry thing. GG's were gg's, gm's were gm's...I would suppose it is a shock to the system when the "man" she marries comes out dress like a woman...

Some of us are lucky, having a SO that can open their mind and be willing to accept us...maybe the literal view of a traditional wedding vow, "for better or worse" come into play...

I for one consider myself "very lucky" with lots of hard work, fussing, cussing, tears, fears and love we have worked through our problems of traditionalism...