Rachel Signy
01-20-2007, 03:17 PM
After a four year break I finally went out dressed again. Nothing ambitious, I just went for coffee, but it's a start.
I threw everything out 2 years ago - not out of revulsion or anything, I just hadn't been interested for a long time. Today I found myself with very few suitable clothes. I wore a beige/cream top with a wide cowl neck - I don't have much chest hair but I had to shave a small patch: the top is kinda low-necked. I don't have any skirts yet so I wore Levi's with my boy shoes (black walking shoes).
One reason I've been hesitant to go out is because I don't have any suitable jackets (I live in Canada where such things are necessary): my choices were my spring jacket (TOTALLY masculine!) and my parka (which looked butch on me). I went with the parka. Ah, the joys of getting all your clothes as gifts from your kind family!
I wore makeup of course (no way to pass without it, for one thing!) - I am batty about MAC studiofix. My lipstick was MAC too - twig, which is pinky-beige. Going for a subtle look.
Quick survey - can I pass? Hair (4 inches long and styled curly) - Well, *I* think it's hot and if you don't think it's girly enough you can jump in a lake. Makeup? Excellent. Top? It fits really well (it's a 1X) but it follows the curves of my body and really shows my oversized waist. But hey, I've lost 45 pounds, only 25 to go, and 2/3 of passing is attitude anyway. Similarly the jeans show my slim hips (and they're men's Levi's) but at least I'm following a feminine philosophy of dressing so they fit well (ie snugly). I don't think women's jeans would work as well without padding. Of course I'm only giving feminine cues with the upper half of my body, but oh well.
padding - by the way I threw out my breast forms and am making do with nylons filled with rice. We do what we can (with our budgets - I don't have a lot to spend).
Then everything goes in the purse. I have to do the butch thing most of the time so I use a purse in girl mode even wearing jeans. It had been a long time and I got a bit confused because of 2 changes: I don't smoke :thumbsup:, and I decided to carry the bare necessities loose rather than take my wallet: driver's license, bank card, Starbuck's card, and a $20.
The Outing
I got out of (and back into) the building without being seen. I live in a condo with about 20 apartments and I know quite a few of the neighbours. I've decided that I don't care if they know I'm genderqueer (whatever their term for it is) but it was nice not having to deal with people.
Starbuck's was full. I went to a neighbouring place - one that I go to sometimes anyway - and if I didn't pass for the staff they certainly didn't treat me as odd. The only one there who I thought would know me was the manager, and I didn't talk to her. I had a lovely time drinking coffee people-watching and pretending to have been stood up by someone. (I forgot my book and felt a bit odd just sitting there, but oh well).:coffee: :dance:
PS: when I spoke to my server I was VERY happy to notice that my voice worked. Nice female voice. But I was coughing occasionally as I sat there and avoiding a bass rumble when I cough is one of the hardest things.
I threw everything out 2 years ago - not out of revulsion or anything, I just hadn't been interested for a long time. Today I found myself with very few suitable clothes. I wore a beige/cream top with a wide cowl neck - I don't have much chest hair but I had to shave a small patch: the top is kinda low-necked. I don't have any skirts yet so I wore Levi's with my boy shoes (black walking shoes).
One reason I've been hesitant to go out is because I don't have any suitable jackets (I live in Canada where such things are necessary): my choices were my spring jacket (TOTALLY masculine!) and my parka (which looked butch on me). I went with the parka. Ah, the joys of getting all your clothes as gifts from your kind family!
I wore makeup of course (no way to pass without it, for one thing!) - I am batty about MAC studiofix. My lipstick was MAC too - twig, which is pinky-beige. Going for a subtle look.
Quick survey - can I pass? Hair (4 inches long and styled curly) - Well, *I* think it's hot and if you don't think it's girly enough you can jump in a lake. Makeup? Excellent. Top? It fits really well (it's a 1X) but it follows the curves of my body and really shows my oversized waist. But hey, I've lost 45 pounds, only 25 to go, and 2/3 of passing is attitude anyway. Similarly the jeans show my slim hips (and they're men's Levi's) but at least I'm following a feminine philosophy of dressing so they fit well (ie snugly). I don't think women's jeans would work as well without padding. Of course I'm only giving feminine cues with the upper half of my body, but oh well.
padding - by the way I threw out my breast forms and am making do with nylons filled with rice. We do what we can (with our budgets - I don't have a lot to spend).
Then everything goes in the purse. I have to do the butch thing most of the time so I use a purse in girl mode even wearing jeans. It had been a long time and I got a bit confused because of 2 changes: I don't smoke :thumbsup:, and I decided to carry the bare necessities loose rather than take my wallet: driver's license, bank card, Starbuck's card, and a $20.
The Outing
I got out of (and back into) the building without being seen. I live in a condo with about 20 apartments and I know quite a few of the neighbours. I've decided that I don't care if they know I'm genderqueer (whatever their term for it is) but it was nice not having to deal with people.
Starbuck's was full. I went to a neighbouring place - one that I go to sometimes anyway - and if I didn't pass for the staff they certainly didn't treat me as odd. The only one there who I thought would know me was the manager, and I didn't talk to her. I had a lovely time drinking coffee people-watching and pretending to have been stood up by someone. (I forgot my book and felt a bit odd just sitting there, but oh well).:coffee: :dance:
PS: when I spoke to my server I was VERY happy to notice that my voice worked. Nice female voice. But I was coughing occasionally as I sat there and avoiding a bass rumble when I cough is one of the hardest things.