Does it run in the family

[SusanTL]

Hi all.

I received a phone call the other day from a cousin of mine. We are about the same age -25. This is the first time my cousin has ever called me. We have seen each other many times as kids growin gup and attending family functions. Ww were always close back then and very friendly with each other. Once I came out and started living full time female, I lost all contact with my family, except with my sister. Well out of the blue I received a call from my cousin wanting to meet me for coffee. I was a little surprised, but I said - ok.

The next day after work I meet him at a local coffee shop. He was already sitting there when I arrived. Of course he did not reconize me. It has been many years since we spoke or he has seen me. went up to him and said hello. His mouth just drooped open and said - wow. You look great. I smiled and kissed him on the cheek. I sat down, ordered my coffee and we started to catch up on old times and family gossip. Since I have been out of the loop for a long time many things have happend that knew nothing about. It was good to catch up and gossip. I could sense that this was all chit-chat and there was another reason I was called to meet him.

I then asked, "Please tell me why you called after all this time and wanted to talk". My cousin took a few minutes and then asked me not to say anything to anyone about this talk. I promised I would not say a word. That is when he said to me. "I want to be a girl! I can not longer live as a male.I want to live and work as a woman like you". I was just stunned. I was wondering what was on his mind, but I did no think it was this.

After he told me this. He opened up and told me everything. His like s and dislikes, how he has always felt. I knew and understood exactly how he was feeling. He was reaching out for the first time and wanted and needed my help. I realized he was looking for a mentor and someone to help guide him. I of course said yes, I will help you any way I can. After all he is family.

Now for the big trouble. My family was never accepting of me. Neither were my aunts, uncles, or most other cousins. Only a couple of my older female cousins will even talk to me. I think once it gets out to the family that I am helping my cousin, they will hate me more then before. I was hopein gover time they may come around and accept me. However by helping guide my cousin they will think I correupted him and I changed in from male to female. Because they do not understand any better. I can not and will not turn my back on my cousin in his time of need. As they all did to me.

The forst thing I am going to do is set him up to see my doctor at the GID - Gender Idenity Clinic", I go to. This way he will start off in the right direction working with doctors and professionals in this field.


Please friends tell me what you think. As I wrong for helping my cousin which in turn will makethe family even more mad at me.

I know in my heart I am doing the right thing, at a high cost to me.

But I feel we T girls must help and support each other. Because no one else is going to help us. So we must form a type of sisterhood and support and help each other. Cousin or no cousin, I would help her. So in my mind, from this point on. He is now a she, and no more his,it will be her's.

Please tell me what you think?

Hugs - Susan

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

when i saw ur thread : "does it run in family", i immeditaley came to post, as i wanted to reply to this, ( although after reading it, maybe its away from what you are talking about ).
when i was little my real father had a sex change, the full op !!!! i havent seen him since i was 6 ( now 41 ), and it was totaly shut away from me, taboo subject etc. its never spoke of anymore, ( isnt allowed ) !! mym mum re-married & has been married for about 27 years now again !!
BUT.... i remeber when i was @ school, & the other kids found out about my real dad, they started asking me :
"if your dad is now a woman, does that mean you want to be a man" !! ?? :Angry3:
i suffered a couple of months of bullying, torments etc because of this !! .... ( thats why :"does it run in family" ) , struck a chord in me.
for me NO NO NO NO !!!! most defo not. being on forum has helped me alot to "understand" about things on this and c/d subjects. i didnt find out till i was 13 !! about what had happened to my dad, and thats it as far as family is concerned :sad: he's dead & burried :sad: no questions, no nothing :sad:
yes, i do think about her sometimes, whats she like/looks like, & wonder if she ever thinks about me ?? & it DOES hurt very much. BUT if another member of my family, decided they wanted to go through same, id be there for them 100%.
so i can understand very well what you are saying, your "dammend if you, dammend if you dont". but, you are standing by a memeber of your family, kin come first, & thats what you are showing , by standing by them :happy:

[Alaceann]

I believe you are doing the right thing. You only have one family and you need to help those that ask for it. with time the rest will realize how good a person you are.:hugs:

TO Wickedblonde
Perhaps she looks at this site and could notice something familiar in your eyes and thy to contact you.:love:

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

I believe you are doing the right thing. You only have one family and you need to help those that ask for it. with time the rest will realize how good a person you are.:hugs:

TO Wickedblonde
Perhaps she looks at this site and could notice something familiar in your eyes and thy to contact you.:love:
i keep wondering that, alaceann. all i know is shes called racheal :sad:

[melissaK]

[QUOTE]He was reaching out for the first time and wanted and needed my help. I realized he was looking for a mentor and someone to help guide him. I of course said yes, I will help you any way I can. After all he is family.

I feel that way about my family too . . . And about people in need in general.


I think once it gets out to the family that I am helping my cousin, they will hate me more then before.

The key words you used are "I think." Always wise to anticpate, but keep your mind open to the possibility your prophecy will not be fulfilled, or not universally fulfilled by them all.


I can not and will not turn my back on my cousin in his time of need. As they all did to me.

If they "all" turned their back on you, then you have very little downside here. . . .


The forst thing I am going to do is set him up to see my doctor at the GID - Gender Idenity Clinic", I go to. This way he will start off in the right direction working with doctors and professionals in this field.

Now that act alone may be the most humanitarian thing you ever do. I wish it would've happened to me earlier in my life. I had a period of time at age 24when I wish someone would've pointed me that way - a lot of mental health issues might have been avoided by me. I'm OK with my life, but when I reflect on it, there were pivotal moments when perhaps having chosen another path would've been better. That's one of them.


I know in my heart I am doing the right thing, at a high cost to me.

I'm with you on the first clause, not sure I agree with you on the second one. If they "all" turned their back on you, I'm not sure what the real cost is to you. You think maybe a "hope" they'll change and accept you will be dashed? I think the opposite. I think there is a greater chance you'll be accepted now. Someone else agrees with you - some other family member. Having the moxy to do what you know is right earns respect too.

Just be sure your own emotions with regard to your family don't skew your judgment here, however subtly. I think the referal of your cousin to professionals who's objectivity can't be questioned, will provide your cousin with the safe guard against that. And it will provide you with an argument to protect against your family saying that you had something to do with his decision.

A most interesting time in your life!!

Hugs,
'lissa

[Holly]

Susan, It's very sweet of you to come and ask our opinions. But the reality is that you already know that you are doing the right thing. The fears of how the remainder of your family may (or may not) react are actually incidental. You are a dear to take your cousin under your wing. Truthfully, how much better for you would it have been to have someone caring and understanding by your side when you finally came to accept who you are? Honey, if you're looking for reassurance, you ARE doing the right thing!

[Siobhan Marie]

Susan, I would have to agree with Holly hon. You already know deep down that you're doing the right thing by helping your cousin. When all is said and done, family is family and you help them in any way that you can. I know that if one of my cousins came to me and told me what your cousin told you, I would do exactly the same thing and to hell with the consequences.

:hugs: Anna Marie x

[suzy]

Susan,

You are doing the right thing...unfortunately it comes with a price, but it must be done and it should be done, family or not, any person needing help, deserves it and we all should stand tall and provide it. This is a sisterhood and we do need to stand together.:2c:

[SusanTL]

Hi All.

Thank you all so much for your wonderful words.

It makes my heart feel good knowing I have so many wonderful sisters and friends out there.

Hugs Susan

[Sarahgurl371]

Susan I think that helping her out is the right thing. Both you and her know the facts. She sought you out. She came to this realization in her mind. The only thing you are guilty of is being a friend. And in my book that is certainly not a bad thing.

Your family already deserted you. They will probably do the same with your cousin. So yes, absolutely, support her. Hey, your accepting family just got one bigger. Maybe this will cause some of them to re think their position and get some information about Tg/Ts issues. And that can't be a bad thing either.

[AmberTG]

I have to agree with the others here,
she came to you for help, refering her to the clinic is the single best thing you can do for her. It'll get her on the right track to where ever she decides that she needs to go. The next best thing you can do for her is be supportive, you may end up being the only family member that she ends up having.
If your family has already abandoned you as you say, then you have nothing to lose in this, they either won't or will eventually come around to you but don't hold your breath waiting. Quite often, they never do come around. The old you is dead to them, you eraced him with your transition and sometimes, family members just can't handle the new you. It's unfortunate, but it happens. I hope that eventually that will change for you, but might never change.

[Nicole_P]

Well- I didn't think it ran in families- until I found out my dad was transgendered also- He passed away 20 years ago at the age of 55, and I still wonder if the stress of being trans contributed to his death. He died of a heart attack, and I was never able to tell him about me. I found out from my mother. I also have an ex-brother in law who I recently found was also trans. I don't know what the odds are of 3 people in such a small circle to be tg, but it has to be astronomical!

[Kimberley]

Does it run in families? I would say no and for a variety of reasons that to get into them would start another thread.

Susan you are doing the right thing, right for your cousin and for you. Families are well, all too often dysfunctional. It is a fact. Your families have already rejected you and made no effort (that you state) to make any kind of reunification. What more can they do to you about your cousin? They will follow the same course with him/her as they did with you and once done all the talk in the world is meaningless. You seem to learned to ignore it and you will have to help your cousin through the same.

I wish you both the best of luck, love and laughter. You will need it and you have each other for support.

:love:
Kimberley

[Lisa Maren]

Wrong? Helping a loved family member when they need to be helped more than at any other time in their life? How could that possibly be wrong? Your family will think what they think. Their rejection of you is their responsibility, not yours. As long as you're trying with them (and it certainly seems that you are) then you're not doing a d@mned thing wrong.

I may well be transsexual too. At least, everything I can come up with is telling me I'm female and even things I'm dreaming about seem to mean major change, transition, repressing myself, inner femininity, worrying about others before myself too often, sound familiar? No matter what I finally "figure out" about myself, I am very scared about telling my family (my mother's very Catholic and my father was in the US Marines -- ugh), I'm scared that they won't be able to deal with it. Half of what keeps me from telling them is the fear of ending up alone. I don't know whether I should believe that or not, but sometimes it's really hard not to be scared about something if you truly don't know what to think. I guess there's only one way to find out, but I'll do that when I'm good and ready.

Good for you for helping out your cousin. You have shown love, openness, compassion and even virtue when the rest of your family is... at the very least having terrible trouble doing that. I pray to God that I will end up with at least one family member or relative like you -- I'm going to need it, too.

You are an angel!

:hugs:

Hugs,
Lisa

[Sejd]

Dear Susan
You are doing the right thing. I know because I have experienced it running in my family too. I still have to discover if my half brother is a trannie like me, since I don't know him very well, but I now for sure that my dad was. Anyway, I hate this word: Condition, I even hate the term genderdysphoria, it just sounds like some effing disease, like there is something wrong with us. The more I embrace Sejd, the more I understand that this is who I was meant to be by whoever sent me here, and when I go back, it's going to be as Sejd.
love :love:
Sejd
By the way, your post inspired me to write to my brother who lives in Thailand. I sent him some of my pics from Holland. I wonder how he will respond? For himself, I hope good. I love and accept myself the way I am now.

[Calliope]

Susan, It's very sweet of you to come and ask our opinions. But the reality is that you already know that you are doing the right thing. The fears of how the remainder of your family may (or may not) react are actually incidental. You are a dear to take your cousin under your wing. Truthfully, how much better for you would it have been to have someone caring and understanding by your side when you finally came to accept who you are? Honey, if you're looking for reassurance, you ARE doing the right thing!

Yup - there it is.

[SusanTL]

Thank you all so much. You all have made me cry.

Hugs Susan

[Wendi {LI NY}]

well susan ,I think you are doing the right thing for your cousin. I am sure she is thank you from the bottom of her heart to have a friend and cousin to help her ,As you know it is a scary and fearful thing she is going though. Has for your family ,i think they will come around ,some of them .If not,
it is your life and you have to live it .
your cousin is your family ,so enjoy her company .Right now she needs you more. Helping a Sister is a great and rewarding feeling .I for one help a few t-sisters and my heart swells ever time i see them or think about them ,..
Hugs and Kisses from a t -sister Wendi:love:

[Shellybean]

Your family is not part of your life it seems and what will it matter if they hate you this much or that much; hate is hate is it not? I lost my family and friends and nowit looks like i might loose access to my son as well. I am scared all the time but I will help him out in any way I can and I am sure there are others who would do so as well. So ppoooopoo on family. We gotta stick together.
Hugz
Michelle

[Marcie Sexton]

In my mind you're doing exactly what should be done...Help a family member, or a friend for that matter when they need it...

Having been there and done that, I'm sure you can help put and keep him/her on the right track...

Well done...People like yourself are to few and far between..."A True Friend in deed"

[SusanTL]

Hi.

Thank you all so much.

You girls are the very best....

Hugs Susan

[Sheila]

Susan,

Gotta agree with Holly and all the others, the absolutely right thing to do

:hugs: Jess

[Natasha Anne]

I jumped into this thread with both feet because I find this an interesting topic. My grandfather's cousin transitioned MtF when I was in my teens. The family was quite shocked because she did it so quietly and the family only discovered when my grandfather and grandmother went to visit her. They arrange to visit with her, and everything was okay, but when they arrived they were given a little bit of a shock. I'm not sure her approach was right, but that's for another discussion. For the record, my family was just as accepting of her, as they were of me now. They struggled with it, but they worked through their struggles by asking constructive questions and dealing with the aspects that they knew were there issues to deal with on their own.

I've found support from family, friends and strangers to be incredibly helpful. A kind word and some good advice now and then helped keep me focussed on what was important in their lives and mine. It kept me grounded. So keep up the support. All people in transition need someone safe to talk to.

So, is there some genetic origin to this or not?

[Colleentg]

Yes, be a very supportive person. Put yourself in their place and the need to become something you feel is very important to your life. You'd ask for help too, I'm sure.

It does not run in my family, not even with other relatives. But I was lucky to receive the right 'gene', to be something more special than the rest. In fact, I have a more open mind to such issues. The downfall, they want no contact with me, but neither do I. I cant and wont put up with their insults, put-downs, and pushy dictating demands.

[Kristen Kelly]

If it were me I'd do the same as you and be there to help family. I do it with all the girls here as I am always open to questions about what I have gone through, and listen to many chatting about there problems and life. If I can help 1 person put there mind at ease I am a better person for it. My Yahoo IM is KristenKelly77 add me if you would like to join my friend list and chat I dont judge and am a good ear.