I would be more out of the closet if...

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Elsewhere, someone posed this question. For myself:

...if I knew that I wouldn't hurt me professionally. I don't think it would, but who wants to find out the hard way.

...if wouldn't cause my family to worry. I'm pretty sure they'd be accepting. But I can see where they might be worried for me.

Initially when I answered the question, I mentioned being worried about being ostracized by people I know. But on reflection, I realize all my friends and acquaintances who I've told have been pretty accepting. If I come out to someone who's not -- well, then they weren't really good friends anyway.

But one thing does give me pause:

...if my crossdressing wouldn't overshadow everything else when people think of me. (Sort of like how it's never "comedian Eddie Izzard (http://www.eddieizzard.com)," it always seems to be "transvestite comedian Eddie Izzard.") I'm perfectly happy to be seen as a crossdresser -- it's just that "crossdresser" is only part of who I am.

So for the time being, selective disclosure works for me.

How about you?

[Marissa Mae]

I totally agree with you on the points you raise here, Marlena. I too feel like as soon as you become public with dressing, everything else about you will be cast in a new light, and people will perceive you as "my friend who was once "normal" but now wears womens clothing" :(

Society sucks. But what can we do, right? :o

[Joy Carter]

I'd love to be "Out And Proud" just to borrow a quote. But I suffer from the same fear as all of you. Maybe when I totally retire things will be better, and I can be more myself out in the public.

[Synchronicity]

I am TS and in the throes of transitioning to full-time life as female, so I have no choice other than come out of the closet. It's all or nothing -- easier said than done, but absolutely necessary.

[susie evans]

those are intersting points it depends on were you are in life if you are working it could pose a problem family/kids
realitves ect ,retired maby not as much.....just a thought

susie

[Lindsay]

...if my crossdressing wouldn't overshadow everything else when people think of me. (Sort of like how it's never "comedian Eddie Izzard (http://www.eddieizzard.com)," it always seems to be "transvestite comedian Eddie Izzard.") I'm perfectly happy to be seen as a crossdresser -- it's just that "crossdresser" is only part of who I am.

That's a big one for me. I'd add:

* If I didn't live in a place where queer-bashing is a sad fact of life

* If people could see a man CDing and not think "he's getting his rocks off"

* If I didn't look so bloody awful when dressed

* If it wouldn't make people think badly of my wife

[Amanda Jane]

I live in a place where its not big deal, but before that, I did it anyway. "Society sucks. But what can we do" You can ignore society, its not like "society" is going to show up at your door and chew you out. Most of this is in our heads, largely because we feel like we are so important. The truth is, most people don't care about it, because they really don't care about you one way or the other. SF is full of girls who moved here because where ever they were before 'sucked'. Our gain.

[Natasha_82]

I'm kind of in the same boat as you. I've built up a GREAT LIFE for myself in terms of my bussiness and networking and if I come out all of that would be ruined however with that being said I have found I only have the need to CD every know and then for sexual pleasure and have on many times gone for aslong as 2 months without CDing and when I finlly did go dressed it was only for the evening and after that I didn't have another urge to CD for quite some time after that. I guess it just comes from the fact that not all of us here CD for the same reason

[Brianna Lovely]

I think it's all a matter of perception, and we're not likely to change peoples views, over night. So, we can either be who we are, or let other people tell us who we should be.

A rough quote from a TV drama, Law and Order, "Am I a black lawyer, or a lawyer who is black?"

People are always going to "see" you, as you present yourself, whether they "accept" you or not, is their problem.

But, it's my opinion, that we will never be accepted, if we stay in the closet. People won't accept, what they can't see, so get out there and be seen and change people's opinions, by being who you are.

If enough of us "go out", eventually, we will be seen as "normal", then the next generation of "girls", won't have to worry about what therir family or boss may think.

[Kristen Kelly]

I walk when out dressed with my head up, make eye contact with people speak out so I can be heard, not ashamed of who I am. This did not come overnight, and would be out more to the world if I did not fear loosing my job for some idiot that had a problem. :iagree:

[Karren H]

Darla, Darla....I mean Marlena, Marlena, Marlena... You never call, you never write anymore. Sigh...... Then you pop in with a flurry of really great posts... Makes my head hurt just reading them!! Hehehe.

:D

I don't know... I'm happy doing what I'm doing and could care less who knows... Many probably already suspect... And it would probably hurt me professionally but in 2 months and a few days.... It won't matter much ... Lock in that retire medical!! :). Pensions already locked it sooooo...

I'll just contine to do what makes me happy... And I don't really care if anyone knows I like to play ice hockey!! :D

Ohhhh. You were refering to crossdressing?? Thought I was on icehockeyplayers.com.. Always get those two confused.. Damn... Think I posted a thread on bras and panties on IHP.com... Better run and go delete that!!! Lol

Nice to see you back girly!!

Love Karren

[Kristen Marie]

There's a promo for the TV show "Monk" where he is walking through his ideal town. Everything is the way he would like it, but it's only a dream. You may have seen it.

I kind of have that feeling about my fem side. It's a great place to go, but realize I don't really live there. This past week we had First Event in Boston where I could be Kristen for two days. I loved it. It was like being in my own town with accepting people for two whole days. I'll take that anytime and not fret not being able to dress publically that often.

[Cyndie]

Thanks Marlena, that was all put very well. I could not expressed my feeling better.

TTFN :hugs:
Cyndie

[Casey Morgan]

I guess my answers would be:

... if I was fairly sure I wouldn't be ostracized by my family. I took a risk telling my parents and I hope I never have to go through that again. My sister though was OK with it. But I'm not strong enough right now to lose my family. And yes, the one(s) who are OK or trying to accept this would accede to the more forceful members of my family if they refused to accept this. I watched my mother do this when I came out.

... if I knew what the heck I wanted out of being transgendered. Being myself isn't yet a good enough reason to upset the apple cart; I need some reason to disrupt things, to make everyone look at things differently. Yeah, I know, but that's what I'm dealing with right now.

... if I was pretty sure it wouldn't cost me my job. I have skills but not the formal education to go with it. I'd be back to being stuck in a job that really didn't make use of my talents.

[tommi]

That's a big one for me. I'd add:

* If I didn't live in a place where queer-bashing is a sad fact of life

* If people could see a man CDing and not think "he's getting his rocks off"

* If I didn't look so bloody awful when dressed

* If it wouldn't make people think badly of my wife

Ditto