A message to younger cd's

[Bethanygirl]

I suppose I will get flamed by some, but I feel the need to say this, so know up front that I am not trying to condemn anyone, or questioning their choices made in life. We all know what forces led us to become who we are publicly, and no one else will ever be qualified to know why we have done, and become, who we are other than oneself.

That said, I would like to point out the lifetimes of hurt, confusion, and distress that being trangendered to whatever degree, causes most people, and their loved ones, when it is not accepted and acted upon in an open and honest fashion by the cd throughout his/her life. I am not implying that one's life and its achievements are diminished, only that there are issues that prevent the full enjoyment and peace that come to someone who is not hiding a part of themselves away from the world, and ultimatly, themselves.

I understand that most who have followed this course have built lives, the momentum, and value of which do not permit disclosure as a reasonable alternative, and this is not directed at them. This is directed at younger people who have not made the decisions in career, and long-term relationships that are invested for a lifetime, past or future, yet.

If you are young, unattached, and just starting out in a career/employment path, I would say to you, look at the posts here, really read them. Do you not see yourselves after decades of longing, hoping, hiding, and hurting, in the same place as many of these people. Nobly as they have born and dealt with all of this, and as much as they have built for themselves in achievements and relationships, do you really wish to go through it all the same way?

I am telling you, you do not have to. You can be brave, and strong, and live on your terms now, while you still can, and still build all the worth and value into your lives that everyone here has. And still be you, all of you, every facet of you.

It won't be easy, it really was harder for those who hide their transgender side. You will fight prejudice, and social pressure in your time, but most of it will be spent in day-to-day life, just like anyone, and you will be happy, because you are yourself.

Say what you will about dabbling being fun, and it is just a 'sometime' thing you like to relax with, if that is true, this message is not for you, but if you don't believe these protestations in your heart of hearts, or you suspect that excuses about it being 'harder' to live as a woman are just that, excuses. Then you should 'bite the bullet' and come out, full time, and make the world accept you.

Do it for future generations, for we may have some transgendered children, or grandchildren, but mostly do it for yourself. It is your time, now.

Okay, that was my piece, I have wanted to say this for some time, now those uncomfortable with all this can have their say, but someone may read this, even if just one, and have a better life because of it, that is my fondest hope and dream. Good luck!

I love you all...

[Tanya83]

Well said. :thumbsup:

[Kimberley]

:iagree:

Well said Bethany.

My only comment is that it applies across the board without exception because even the "sometime thing" can possibly escalate and that is a reality that has to be faced by one and all.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[amanda barber]

I can't add anything to that.

Well said.

[Amanda Jane]

Great stuff, it needs to be re-printed everywhere, shouted from the rooftops and carved in stone.

Reach out, join, participate, be a part of something greater than yourself. There are many real life resources, groups, and organizations allied with transgendered persons. Get involved with them, it will make your life a lot easier.

Get educated. Some of my friends have a running joke about how many PhD they know who are beach bums and snow bunnies. A good education gives you the ability to live the life you want. There is no substitute for a good education.

Remember the most important things in life are not things.

Before you get dependent on a car, learn to do without one. Most people work about two months a year for that hunk of metal in the driveway. To structure your life without one will give you a year off for every six years you work.

Honesty is not only the best policy, its the only policy. A bed of lies is a very bitter place to try to find rest.

The only approval you need is your own. Hold true to that and you will get more than you ever need. Get addicted to the approval of others and you will never find enough.

[Tasha Meredith]

I have to say I was moved to tears. Being close to graduation it feels like I'm at that turning point in my lifestyle. I feel like if I'm going for FFS someday I need to start being honest with those close to me. I can't add anything to what was said.

[kimmigir1]

well said i hope that message is conveyed to all and that it helps a lot of ppl i know it shed some light on things for me

[Jenn S.]

A good message, indeed. I've learned not to make too many long-term plans besides a good paying career that would be sympathetic to a TG. I suppose with this lifestyle, all one can really do is take it day by day, anyway.

[Kristen Kelly]

Great post, all I can add is to learn to accept yourself for who you are, we do not choose this path, most of us have grown into it, the sooner you can say I cannot change who I am you can live your life without the guilt.

[Lanore]

That is very well said Bethany. So many things can change when one fights the feelings.

Lanore

[sara_also]

A great post.
I discovered late in life that happiness comes from the truth in all things.
Not just the clothes that one wears, but in all things. Just my :2c:

[Bobbie Jo]

I'm in my mid 50s now and when i was growing up in the late 50's and early 60's this life style would not have been heard of.But i do think if i was in my late teens now it would've be alot easier for me to come out.I have thought about this same subject for many,many years and i would have probably lived my life in a whole compleatly different way.
As for you younger girls please try to take my advice and move faster for your dreams.These years are alot different from when i was growing up.
I would probably give anything to be born 20yrs ago than 55yrs ago.
Thanks for reading this and remember this was just my wish it may not be yours.

[wabnaok]

Bethany, very nice and well put!

[Casey Morgan]

That was excellent Bethany. Well done.

I'd just like to add that the younger folks shouldn't get discouraged by the stories and experiences of those who went before them. I'm only 38 but the world is a much different place then it was even when I was in high school. I didn't know until a year ago that anybody COULD be "between genders". It wasn't something I had heard of in the media, so I didn't even know you could find anything about that in the library.

The depression and self-loathing I lived with for so many years was largely born out of my own ignorance. Today you have access to information in a way I could only dream of when I was young(er). Society has also changed in some small but significant ways. My experience doesn't have to be yours anymore than mine had to be my grandfather's.

[melissaK]

I wrote a sarcastic flame of your advice Bethanygirl . . . but I couldn't go through with it. Its not a laughing matter. My posts are full of my self-analysis over years of repressed feelings and consequential emotional pain. Very real pain. I agree very much with what you've said and I hope everyone will keep the link to your thread, read it over a few times, and pass it along when appropriate.

Hugs,
'lissa

[JoAnnDallas]

I have to echo what Bobbie Jo said. I too grew up in the 50/60 time frame. The main reason that many of us older girls have stayed in the closet, even to wifes, is the fear that we were alone and what we were doing was dirty and evil. Also many of our wifes were raised that behavor like this was sinful and perverted.

Today and with the internet and forums like this, you no longer have to worry about am I alone and you don't have to fear it like we did. When I was growing up I would have be considered as being Mentally Ill. Today medicine reconizes that this is not a Mental Illness.

The younger people are more tolerant than our generation, thus no longer see it as sinful or perverted.

Today, if I was getting into a new relationship, I WOULD be up front about this. When I got married, it was not the case. The last thing you want to say to the girl that you wanted to marry was that your a crossdresser. She would have run as fast as she could to get away from you and then would have told all her friends about you and etc. Yes, you still have that problem, but not as much as we did back then.

Crossdressing is more in the open now adays. Today if you pointed out a TG to someone in the Mall, you may get a "WOW", in my time, if you did the say thing you would have gotten a "How discussing, perverts like that should be locked up".

[Amanda Jane]

in fact, many were locked up.

And its not the internet, and forums that help people feel they are not alone, its groups like TGSF, or the Diablio Valley Girls, the Transgender Law Center, Gay/Straight Alliances in schools, and the rest of the real life groups, that help people make real life connections. But they have to make the effort to go out and be a part of them. In order for that to happen they must first be honest enough with themselves to understand they ARE a part of that.

[TxKimberly]

. . I'd say that is possibly the best advice I've seen on the topic. Very well said Bethany. If there's one thing I regret most, it is the years lost and spent scared instead of coming to terms with what and who I am and enjoying it.

Kim

[MJ]

Great stuff, it needs to be re-printed everywhere, shouted from the rooftops and carved in stone.

Reach out, join, participate, be a part of something greater than yourself. There are many real life resources, groups, and organizations allied with transgendered persons. Get involved with them, it will make your life a lot easier.

Get educated. Some of my friends have a running joke about how many PhD they know who are beach bums and snow bunnies. A good education gives you the ability to live the life you want. There is no substitute for a good education.

Remember the most important things in life are not things.

Before you get dependent on a car, learn to do without one. Most people work about two months a year for that hunk of metal in the driveway. To structure your life without one will give you a year off for every six years you work.


Honesty is not only the best policy, its the only policy. A bed of lies is a very bitter place to try to find rest.
The only approval you need is your own. Hold true to that and you will get more than you ever need. Get addicted to the approval of others and you will never find enough.

excellent Bethany i hope someone will take note, please don't go through the heart ace many of us have gone through..
Amanda that is a great quote

[Shaquani]

Hi Bethany,

Just wanted to thank you for your posting, it provided just that extra bit of incentive to finally spill the beans to a close friend that I am transgendered. Her reaction was more than I could have hoped for: "I'm not really surprised", and "you're still as valuable to me as before". It was absolute bliss to tell her my story.:hugs:

For a while already I had been planning my "disclosure strategy". Last Tuesday evening I figured the circumstances were ideal for coming out to my friend: her husband was out for some meeting (I'm not yet comfortable telling this to a male :redface: ) and I had just finished fixing some glitch on their computer :smashcomp , (which was the "official" reason for my visit). She'd made :coffee: and after some smalltalk she asked if I wanted to play scrabble. That was the "take-the-plunge" moment, that split second when you realise something big is about to happen. I had read your posting just before driving to their house, and it had felt like such a confirmation of my resolve. I'm sure it now helped flip the right switches in my brain so I was able to answer her question by saying "No, no scrabble, I need to tell you something instead" ....

Fond regards from Shaquani :love:
(who at 45 can't really even be considered a "younger CD")

[Glenda58]

Well said Bethany. Being 59 and in and out of the closet for years. 2 marriages EXGFs it can be hard on you. Lonely nights with no family or friends because you dress. If I could turn back time and start over without CDing I would.

[AmandaM]

Bless you! This is me to a "t". If I could do it all over, I'd do like Bethany. As a 60/70's kid, it still wasn't free, and no internet. If I was single and 20 now. :)

[PatyR]

I think it is a great posting, thank you