What If You're Caught By Your Child?

[Tanya83]

I have a five yr old and my wife is all freaked out about me wearing a nightgown to bed.
She is worried that if my daughter sees me in a dress, she could be mentally harmed.

I really don't want my daughter to see me this way but I really want to wear the nightgown to bed!

I've managed to keep the covers on me and she hasn't seen it yet but as we all know, anything can happen while your asleep.

I'd love to hear some of your thoughts and comments.

:happy:

[Stephenie S]

"Caught"? By your child? Is she some kind of miniature clothing cop?

Who is the adult and who is the child? Don't you have things a bit reversed here?

Steph

[sonyinohio]

my kid knows and it has not affected her

[Tanya83]

Perhaps I used the wrong word.

I meant, what if I'm seen by my kid.

[KewTnCurvy GG]

My question would be are you prepared to discuss your cd'ing on a level she would understand. I think it would be more important that you AND your wife be prepared for what you would say to her.
Kew

[bobby-joe]

I wonder what to say if my teenage daughters catch their Cd dad in full or semi dress. I wuold want him to explain it to them, but I think they would rather discuss it with me. How do I not let my true feelings for his activity taint their thoughts? They think he is sooooo wonderful and sooooooo fantastic, I worry it would burst their ideas of him. I keep thinking of how I would explain it to them (and his mother who thinks he is golden haird boy)(and my parents) if he was injured/killed in CD mode, and it got out in press????????
Any clues??

[Tanya83]

My question would be are you prepared to discuss your cd'ing on a level she would understand. I think it would be more important that you AND your wife be prepared for what you would say to her.
Kew

Yes that's a tricky part and I guess trying to avoid that situation is what she wants to do.


Available to date huh? Gonna be in Florida any time? :heehee: :hugs:

[AmberTG]

5 year old kids are quite accepting of things that happen around the house, their innocence allows them to think these things are just normal things with just a simple answer to a question. A few years from now things will probably be different.

[Marianna Julianna]

I was caught by our teenage daughter last year, mind she's 19 now and thinks she's seen it all, well she had until then! She said she was staying over night at the pub where she works, then decided not to but didn't tell. It's a different thing to the original post but she seems to have taken it well, she asks nothing but has referred to me as her 'other mum' and is glad I'm in touch with my feminine side, hmmm. I sometimes wonder what would happen if our 9 year old boy found out, he'd likely shrug it off and go back to playing his computer games. I'd like to tell him now, but the wife says no, one day no doubt he'll find out too but for now all goes on as usual.

[sp@nky]

I really don't want my daughter to see me this way but I really want to wear the nightgown to bed!

:happy:

what is more important to you,,, your desire to wear the gown or making sure that your daughter does not have any kind of mental distortion(if any, you never know) ITS up to you, you know your daughter and if you think she will understand props to you

[Helen MC]

I don't have any children as I have mentioned on another current thread.

However, this thread reminded me of a long forgotten incident of about 30 odd years ago when I stayed overnight at a workmate's house . I had been invited home by him and his wife for a meal but the weather had turned for the worse and as we had been drinking I could hardly ask to given a lift home. They suggested I slept on the couch in their lounge which folded down into a bed. This suited me and I did so.

In the morning I got up and was getting dressed and stood in a pair of white panties with a star pattern on them . The door opened and their 7 year old son came in. With the directness that children are well known for he, having obviously seen my briefs, said , "Your underpants are just like my mummy's panties" I blushed and wondered what to say, as if you tell a kid not to mention something they will broadcast to everyone repeatedly. I said that these were a new style of underpants for men. At that time flyless coloured briefs with elastic through the legs and waist were begining to replace the old style Y-Fronts in the UK. The kid seemed to accept this and merely said, "My daddy wears Boxer Shorts and I wear Y-Fronts" . I quickly changed the subject as I climbed into my trousers hiding my women's panties from view. I sat at Breakfast dreading that he might blurt out that I wore panties just like his mummy's but he was preoccupied by the TV programme and I was glad to eat up and the weather having improved accept a lift to the railway station and go home. If he did say anything to his mum or dad about their visitor wearing panties I never heard anything about it and although I was apprehensive there were no "knowing looks" etc from his dad when I saw him again in work that Monday. I assume that the kid forgot about it as kids do if something does not directly affect them. He will be 37 now and I wonder if as he got older he ever remembered the 25 year old man wearing patterned panties just like his mummy's. He could well be a father himself these days.

[susie evans]

our twenty five year old daughter came in the house one time un anounced as she has been very independend since collage her comment was i should go and have a pro,help with some diffrent make up i would look better and she could recomend some one if i liked it bothered me a hole lot more than it did her :o

susie e

[janedoe311]

our twenty five year old daughter came in the house one time un anounced as she has been very independend since collage her comment was i should go and have a pro,help with some diffrent make up i would look better and she could recomend some one if i liked it bothered me a hole lot more than it did her :o

susie e

about this CD "sickness" you have!

[TxKimberly]

My 3 year old daughter HAS seen me in a nightgown AND my 17 year old son just recently figured things out by snooping on the computer. The world did not end, it didn't even shake.
My daughter: "Poppa! That's Momma's!"
Me: "I know sweet heart, Momma said I could borrow it"
Her "But it's for a girl!" (by the way, who the heck told her that??!! It sure wasn't me!)
Me "Boys can like pretty things sometimes too! Is that OK?"
Her "It's pretty"
Done - end of conversation.
Now lest I appear TOO cavalier, this WAS the last time I've done that. I tried to give my son as close to a normal life as I could while growing up, and I intend to do the same for my daughter. I wouldn't want her picked on because of me, nor would I confuse the little one by asking her to lie or keep secrets. If she were ever to say something to someone, I would have no choice but to back her up. I couldn't call her a fibber or leave her hanging to save myself - hardly the ethics I want to instill in her.

I have already posted about my son figuring it out and wont bore you by repeating it again. Suffice it to say that even with him, at his advanced and wise old age (ha ha ha) it was a nonevent. Once he found out I was not gay and had no intention of getting SRS, he couldn't care less.

Kim (AKA Poppa)

[JulieC]

I have kids (all girls) and my wife and I have decided not to tell them. If they should find out, they find out. But, we've no intention of putting this before them. Eventually, I'll need a lockable place for my femme clothes. Right now, they're young enough I don't have to worry about that..yet.

I had concerns that if I had a son he might be a crossdresser. Of course I'd be 100% supportive. My wife and I discussed this before having kids. When we'd finished having them, and they all turned out to be girls, I noted "Well, at least we don't have to worry about them being addicted to pantyhose!" :lol:

Of course, the girls could crossdress too. Less likely. Though, I wonder about one of my daughters at times; she's made mention of being a boy sometimes. Nothing to it at this age (3) I suppose. But, again I'll be 100% supportive if she finds she's TG in one form or another.

[Salina]

As a father of 6 and 3 year old girls the subject of Daddy being a CD has come up with my wife and I. We mutually decided that at this time I don't dress in any way shape or form when they are home. I am trying to instill in them that boys and girls roles aren't black and white and it's ok for girls to like things that are traditionally for boys and vice versa. I'm also teaching them that just because someone may be "different" in regards to race, religion, mental or physical handicaps...whatever the difference, doesn't make them a bad or "weird" person. I hope they grow to look at the person inside and not the cover on the outside. I don't have a grand plan for coming out to them in the future, but sometimes these things happen by accident. If that ever happens I hope that what I'm teaching them today will affect the way they react should they ever find out.

[Melinda]

This also concerns me deeply. My wife and I discussed it with a therapist who specializes in gender issues. Her response was that deciding whether or not to tell our son (6 yrs) was a personal decision we would need to make. She emphasized that there is a gender latency period between the time a child discovers the physical differences between boys and girls and the time they start to create a social gender identity when puberty starts in their social group (10 yrs or so.) She said this is the best time to tell unless you wait until the gender identity is pretty well complete, somewhere around late high school, 17 or 18 yrs. According to her, finding out during the pubescent period is by far the most dangerous. With this information in hand I would say that, if you are going to dress at home at all, there is a good chance the child will see you at some point and it might be the best thing for them to tell them. Wow, that's scaring me to death.

Kids are smart, in some ways smarter than we are, and pick up on unspoken things very easily. I am concerned that hiding something this important may give a couple unspoken messages that I don't want him to learn. I don't want him to pick up habits of secrecy and hiding things from loved ones and I don't want him to feel that being different is something to be so ashamed of that you can't even reveal yourself to your family. Of course I'm also unwilling to entrust a 6 yr old with a secret that could cause us tremendous pain and embarrassment and, franky, I'm just plain ashamed to tell him.

This stuff is really hard. :(

[cocopuff's girl GG]

My 16 yr old son found out about my SO's CD right before Christmas, One of the first things he said was great now I don't know whether to get him a wallet or a purse. :lol: We all had a laugh and he's been ok with it although he say's it's alittle weird and he doesn't quite understand it doesn't seem to bother him but he did say if some of his friends came over would he mind going upstairs to keep his friends from knowing. My SO agreed he wouldn't mind so the CD is just for family. :love:

[Stephanie Scott]

Wellllll, I have VERY recent experience. Hope you enjoy; I posted this on another site and didn't want to have to remember everything to recount so here's the "cut and paste:"

Yesterday afternoon, my wife took the kids to a party and asked me if I were going to dress up. I said I probably would and do some cleaning, and she said ok; that she'd call on the way home.

Well, I got dolled up in a frilly blouse, blue floral print skirt, did a halfway decent job of putting makeup on, pulled my hair back in a ponytail w/ a blue hairtie, and got to work. I got a lot of cleaning done and had just sat down in front of the TV in the basement when I heard my 7 yr old daughter come inside upstairs and yell, "Daddy, we're home!"

I was trapped! No way really to get from the basement to the 2nd story bedroom. I heard them hanging their coats up in the closet and thought it might be my opportunity, so I kicked off my high heels (I've learned a lot from watching horror movies), and trying to turn the clock back 20 years to my college football playing days, I turned on the speed to try to get 2 flights up and make it into my bedroom before my daughter and 6 yr old son saw me.

Almost made it, too. (All the milkshakes I've eaten in the interim 20 years have slowed me down a couple tenths of a second!). I heard my daughter yell, "Daddy! You're wearing a wig and a dress," just as I was slamming the door behind me. BUSTED. Ohmygosh; I was terrified because I knew my wife didn't want the kids to know (she forgot her cell phone). I quickly changed and washed my face while the kids were banging on my locked bedroom door. They were yelling that they wanted to see me all dressed up and were disappointed that I walked out in my boy jammies.

I went to my wife, who was still downstairs, and she apologized profusely for not having called, and she told me I needed to figure out what to tell them; she was staying outof it.

I asked her instead to help me explain it -- that if she demonstrated that we were together on this and she didn't have any problem w/ it, the kids would be ok w/ it (Ags 7 and 6 are great ages for revealing this kind of stuff -- old enough to keep secrets and young enough not to judge).

My fantastic wife said, "You go and start to talk to them; I have an idea." So I went to my son's bedroom and asked them what they liked to pretend to be when they dressed up. My son put on his tiger suit, and my daughter clipped on a zebra tail. I told them that grownups like to pretend sometimes too, and in particular I always liked to dress up and pretend to be a girl. That it made me feel good and I had a good time with it just like they did when they dressed up as something else. I also explained to them that this was just something we should keep w/in the family, unless I told them it was ok because there are a lot of people out there who don't understand or like that some people like to do this. They acted like they completely understood and begged me to show them what I looked like.

At that point, my wife walked into the room wearing one of my suits and ties! The kids laughed uproariously and thought it was way cool and funny. I told them I would show them another day what I looked like while dressed, but they wanted to see what it was that I had worn, so I showed them everything from the wig (which my daughter tried on) right down to the panties. They laughed, but in a fun way, not a mean way.

When they went to bed, I said prayers w/ each one of them, but as I was walking into my son's room, he said, "I don't want you to dress up like a girl." I asked him why not and asked him if he would like it if I told him not to dress up like a tiger, and he said, "No, Dad, I mean I don't want you to dress up and hide it from us. I want to see you." I asked him if it would be ok if I got dressed up like a girl and showed him another time, and he said, "Yes, Dad; maybe I can dress up like a vampire and show you what I look like." I told him that would be wonderful, and he said, "But [i]I[i] don't want to wear a dress and dress up like a girl!" I told him that was perfectly fine, and that I didn't necessarily want him to, but if he did, it would be ok w/me. He said he didn't, so I said "good."

Out of the mouths of babes...

Last night I went to bed in my wig and a pretty little lilac colored chemise. Not sure if my wife saw me as she had already gotten in bed, but she didn't say anything negative if she did. I took it off this morning before the kids came into the room. I'm not planning on purposefully dressing in front of them (except for the one time I promised and Halloween or some other rare occasion), but at least I have the relief of knowing that it's no big deal if they happen to see me, and I don't have to hide!

Freedom!

Anyway, my wife gave me 2 eyeliner pencils this morning that she wasn't going to use, and my daughter just asked me if I would go upstairs and dress up like a girl. I said, not today, honey, and she said, "awww Daddy, but I know alot about makeup!" Lol. I told her that maybe she could show me another time, and she said, Ok.

[Tanya83]

^^That's a great story and you are so lucky to have such an understanding family.

Me on the other hand, not so lucky. I'm separated with my wife right now and things are not going in the right direction. In a couple months I'll be living in a separate dwelling and soon to follow will be the divorce.

This comes with mixed feelings for me cause hey, I get to wear whatever I want whenever I want. But I'm still going to lose my home.

Making up just does not seem possible.

I'm not going to risk having my daughter see me right now. Perhaps one day I'll tell her. Who knows...

[TxKimberly]

Your wife's actions here were WAY cool! Not only did she stand with you to support you when you needed it the most, but her wearing your suit defused the tension. What a brilliant and kind thing she did. Also in my opinion, your own actions were just about perfect - that is pretty much exactly the way I would have explained it myself.
Kim


Wellllll, I have VERY recent experience. Hope you enjoy; I posted this on another site and didn't want to have to remember everything to recount so here's the "cut and paste:"

Yesterday afternoon, my wife took the kids to a party and asked me if I were going to dress up. I said I probably would and do some cleaning, and she said ok; that she'd call on the way home.

Well, I got dolled up in a frilly blouse, blue floral print skirt, did a halfway decent job of putting makeup on, pulled my hair back in a ponytail w/ a blue hairtie, and got to work. I got a lot of cleaning done and had just sat down in front of the TV in the basement when I heard my 7 yr old daughter come inside upstairs and yell, "Daddy, we're home!"

I was trapped! No way really to get from the basement to the 2nd story bedroom. I heard them hanging their coats up in the closet and thought it might be my opportunity, so I kicked off my high heels (I've learned a lot from watching horror movies), and trying to turn the clock back 20 years to my college football playing days, I turned on the speed to try to get 2 flights up and make it into my bedroom before my daughter and 6 yr old son saw me.

Almost made it, too. (All the milkshakes I've eaten in the interim 20 years have slowed me down a couple tenths of a second!). I heard my daughter yell, "Daddy! You're wearing a wig and a dress," just as I was slamming the door behind me. BUSTED. Ohmygosh; I was terrified because I knew my wife didn't want the kids to know (she forgot her cell phone). I quickly changed and washed my face while the kids were banging on my locked bedroom door. They were yelling that they wanted to see me all dressed up and were disappointed that I walked out in my boy jammies.

I went to my wife, who was still downstairs, and she apologized profusely for not having called, and she told me I needed to figure out what to tell them; she was staying outof it.

I asked her instead to help me explain it -- that if she demonstrated that we were together on this and she didn't have any problem w/ it, the kids would be ok w/ it (Ags 7 and 6 are great ages for revealing this kind of stuff -- old enough to keep secrets and young enough not to judge).

My fantastic wife said, "You go and start to talk to them; I have an idea." So I went to my son's bedroom and asked them what they liked to pretend to be when they dressed up. My son put on his tiger suit, and my daughter clipped on a zebra tail. I told them that grownups like to pretend sometimes too, and in particular I always liked to dress up and pretend to be a girl. That it made me feel good and I had a good time with it just like they did when they dressed up as something else. I also explained to them that this was just something we should keep w/in the family, unless I told them it was ok because there are a lot of people out there who don't understand or like that some people like to do this. They acted like they completely understood and begged me to show them what I looked like.

At that point, my wife walked into the room wearing one of my suits and ties! The kids laughed uproariously and thought it was way cool and funny. I told them I would show them another day what I looked like while dressed, but they wanted to see what it was that I had worn, so I showed them everything from the wig (which my daughter tried on) right down to the panties. They laughed, but in a fun way, not a mean way.

When they went to bed, I said prayers w/ each one of them, but as I was walking into my son's room, he said, "I don't want you to dress up like a girl." I asked him why not and asked him if he would like it if I told him not to dress up like a tiger, and he said, "No, Dad, I mean I don't want you to dress up and hide it from us. I want to see you." I asked him if it would be ok if I got dressed up like a girl and showed him another time, and he said, "Yes, Dad; maybe I can dress up like a vampire and show you what I look like." I told him that would be wonderful, and he said, "But [i]I[i] don't want to wear a dress and dress up like a girl!" I told him that was perfectly fine, and that I didn't necessarily want him to, but if he did, it would be ok w/me. He said he didn't, so I said "good."

Out of the mouths of babes...

Last night I went to bed in my wig and a pretty little lilac colored chemise. Not sure if my wife saw me as she had already gotten in bed, but she didn't say anything negative if she did. I took it off this morning before the kids came into the room. I'm not planning on purposefully dressing in front of them (except for the one time I promised and Halloween or some other rare occasion), but at least I have the relief of knowing that it's no big deal if they happen to see me, and I don't have to hide!

Freedom!

Anyway, my wife gave me 2 eyeliner pencils this morning that she wasn't going to use, and my daughter just asked me if I would go upstairs and dress up like a girl. I said, not today, honey, and she said, "awww Daddy, but I know alot about makeup!" Lol. I told her that maybe she could show me another time, and she said, Ok.

[janet p]

I have answered a similar thread before when my step-daughter was about 5 or 6 she asked why I always covered up when she came into the bedroom(I always slept in a nightgown) we desided to tell her about my Cding but that it was a secret and couldn't go out of the house. She is now 20 and has told many friends but not before asking me. She has no problem with it. If you explain it to them and not make it seem wrong children have no problem with it.:love: :love:

[Michelia]

We have a six year old boy and ten year old girl. They know everything thing. See everything. It is totally natural for them. We are all very close. I do not lose sleep about them ever finding out or worried about me lying to them or that they may hold it against me. We took a long hard look at this and decided there was nothing wrong with CDing. So why make it a shameful secret? It just is not an issue in our household. It is always present and it never gets mentioned. It is just part of life. Some think they are being somehow corrupted. This is baloney. My kids never have watched TV. TV corrupts. My kids are so innocent the 10 year old still believes in Santa Claus! Yet they are so accepting of different people it is amazing. I actually think it has done them a world of good in ways I never anticipated!

Michelia

[Carroll]

Funny this subject is here now. I have a 5y girl and a 8y boy. They both know but the girl sometimes will tell me to take it off. I just picked up my son today from school because he is sick. I asked him if I could dress while he was home. He just looks at me and say "it wont bother me" so Here I am !

[Marcie Sexton]

Stop and wonder a minute or two...

I have an 18 y/o, he seen me in my bikinis, although they look like a mans...guess you could call them unisex, but he paid no attention...

As a matter of fact he had dabbled in cd'ing too...eyes, nails, and a few female tops....guess the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree:heehee:

[PatyR]

That is something that really freak me out. I don't know if I would be ready to explain my daughters about this. However, I still enjoy CDing and I'll try to do it without their knowledge. I hope in the future I can tell them and explain them.

[Sandra]

Whether they see you or not kids are not silly no matter what age they are. We told our daughter when she was 14 after one to many times of being nearly caught, her reply was "yeah I had an idea" she has been so accepting. We told her that it didn't have to be kept a secret and if she wanted to tell/talk to her friends about it then that was ok with us. Of course after this Nigella had to go looking in Amy's room for her clothes because she was always borrowing them.

[janedoe311]

Most young ones will not have a problem and belive anyting you say, "trying on a halloween costume, do not tell mommy"

When my little one was about 3 she said to me I wish you were a mommy instead of a daddy. I said why, she said because then you will have big boobies. :heehee: Out of the mouth of babes.

The only problem with kids finding out it that they will tell mom. It is very hard for them to keep a secrete.

[Melanie R]

In every case I know about where a child under the age of 6 sees and is told about his/her father's dressing, the results have been positive. More so than when a child is an adolescent and discovers the dressing. A lot of the child's response depends on how the parents handle the issue. If the mother is not accepting, the child may follow the mother.

[Penny]

I wonder what to say if my teenage daughters catch their Cd dad in full or semi dress. I wuold want him to explain it to them, but I think they would rather discuss it with me. How do I not let my true feelings for his activity taint their thoughts? They think he is sooooo wonderful and sooooooo fantastic, I worry it would burst their ideas of him. I keep thinking of how I would explain it to them (and his mother who thinks he is golden haird boy)(and my parents) if he was injured/killed in CD mode, and it got out in press????????
Any clues??
We hava alway repected each others privacy in our family so we sleep with the door closed and all knock before entering. When my youngest son was
10 I was in the bathroom wearing a nightgown w/boobs and wig when he walked in on me. He snickered and said he had knocked by there was no answer so he opened the door and the bathroom light was on. The next day I had a long discussion with both his 13 year old brother and him. From then on, I frequently dressed while both were at home. This didn't effect him or our relationship. He is 27 and has his own place with a good job and is well adjusted. No mater how I look to all three of my sons, I am still dad.
Perhaps at an early age, a child may tend not to keep it to themselves. But then again knowing might be easier to accept.
The important thing is to know why we do the thing we do so we can help others to understand us should the need arise.


:hugs:

[lowlavalentine]

My eldest son (now 25) discovered a photo of mine en femme while he was rummaging through one of my more feminine coats. He was remarkably cool about the discovery. No big deal to him and amazing to me.

[lisatgirl]

tanya,i feel so sorry for you.email me hon xx