Time will tell

[Rachaelb64]

Having been on this site for a few weeks now has got me thinking about my cross dressing. I suppose I am at a sort of cross roads with it. It difficult to explain really, but I'll give it a go.

I've been doing some re-self assessing, I suppose. Now I'm never going to pass as woman, I am always going to be a 'Bloke in a Dress' there is no getting away with that. It is more of an attitude really. When I'm dressed I'm still me, I have the same likes and dislikes, I still feel like me I dont feel in anywhy female.

So I asked myself again! Why? I dress less when I'm happy or in a raletionship I'm happy with, and dress more when I'm depressed and alone. Which at the moment I would say I am, but I'm not really. OK I'm alone, but emotionally I'm ok, I think I hit a sort of equilibrium in my emotion state. I haven't dressed now for about two weeks, or felt the need to (this going from dressing every 3rd day or so).

My best analogy, is that of a recovered alcoholic, they know they are still alcoholic and they still desire alcohol, but the know they dont need to have the acohol to live thier life to the full.

It seems the same with me I know I'm a cross dresser, I still have the desire, but at this point in my life do I really need it?

I know some of will think I'm being foolish. But I feel it is a road I must take at the point in time to see were it leads me, I'm walking in the desert.

:happy:

[Marla S]

I think this stress-relief or anti-depressive effect is a bit overrated.
I don't think it is comparable to a recovered alcoholic.
I'd rather compare it to reading a good novel. You dunk into kind of a "dream-world" that distracts you from the sorrows and the stress.

[Rachaelb64]

Emotional crutch?

We all to a lesser or greater degree, trying to escape from reality and how we do this varies greatly. Some blind themselves with alcohol and/or drugs some 'escape' into a different personsa via crossdress, historical re-enactment, star trek etc

We all have our own mental image of ourselves whether this is being 'superman/supergirl' or just the best driver in the country.

Our dependence on the way we chose to 'escape reality' is always based on an emotional state.

Accepting who and what you are has an impact on your life and the the way you chose to live that life from point acceptance.

Until we accept ourselves we cannot walk the path that fate has chosen for us.

:happy:

[Tracy_Victoria]

Rachael

Just do what you need to do. many of us have limits of what we can and can't do dressed. The secret is to enjoy what we can do, and admit to ourselves (and more important) accept what we can't.

happiness is wanting what you have, not having what you want!

[bgirl]

I think you sound like so many of us. Untli you said "bloke" it could have been my own words. I don't pass either, but so what! If they could only look on the inside.

Even to the point of trying to explain what it is. Even to the point of trying to understand why. I can only answer for me.

It is not an it. It is only a part of who not what I am.

Why? Damned if I know! Why not me! I get a headache when I think about it.

Acceptance. For me that is the only answer. All the whys and explanations can only be acedemic at best. And all of this is a part of who I am. I didn't ask for it . I don't understand it, but it is the way of it.

[tommi]

:yt: If nothing else it is a nice fantasy that when I keep myself under control
I definitely enjoy the look and feel of the clothes and the primping that goes into it.

[Rachaelb64]

Boots!

My High Heel Boots! Thats what I most desire to waer!!

Does I have boot fetish?

:D

[Rachaelb64]

I have no desire to be female, or have a resignment, or act like a female. I dont want to be en-fem 24/7. I dont even wear lingerie under my male clothes and have no desire to. I have no desire to 'come out' anyone (unless they ask). I have no desire to go out dressed or even pass as female, that would be...:lol2:

I hate chick flicks in whatever mode, give me a good sci-fi/horror/comdey/action movie (hopefully all in one). I like watching footie (soccer) going out with my mates getting w*nkered and playing pool. I drink beer, shots and being English have no qualms about drinking wine. If its got alcohol in it we'll drink is our national motto

I like watching the female form especially in summer and yes I do have alpha male tendencies, but gratefully not the ego to go with it.

So why do I crossdress? It started out a teenage sexual relief, then when on to a coping mechinism for stress.

I dress part-time to de-stress (and if there is a willing girlfriend sexual games):dom:

I'm happy with it that way. It is not a major part of my life and I have no desire for to be. And no I am not in denial (too many crocodiles for a start). I feel there is underlining pressure to be what other crossdressers feel and crossdresser should be. But I'm an individual and I have always gone my own way, not always the right way, but it was my way.

So here I am, a part-time dresser who just needs a little escapism now and again.

So thats my rant. :happy:

I am going to meditate now:meditate:

[Michelle 51]

Sometime's if your a closet dresser(I am)it get's kinda mundane after a while.I envy the girl's who get to go out in femme but for some of us that's not possible so it get's a little boring sometimes but the desire doesn't seem to go too far or stay away very long.It alway's seem's to find it's way home like an old tomcat......Justabit

[veronicagirl]

Who knows exactly why we do it; but we DO! I'm sitting here, all sweet in pristine white and girly pink. Tonight, I've got a cards league to go to. I'll be the man's man others know me as. I have no qualms with either side of my life.

[Kelsy]

I think passing as a female (which would be wonderful to be able to do) is the privilege of a small minority of CDers. But I have heard it said here many times and I tend to agree. That presenting as a female with a certain confidence, is as good as passing. Being able to just go out and be who you are, without any hassles with the exception of a few stares or a giggle or two is all I can hope for and I'm willing to except that!! Passing is over-rated in my view, though I will always strive to acheive it. I have always loved the androgynous look ,blending female with male, and find it very satifying as well and it is fun. It keeps everyone guessing. This is an emotional crutch for me I am affraid, the fantasy does dim the reality but also tends to color my world.!! :happy:


Jennifer

[Katrina CD]

I don't feel that my dressing is so much to escape reality, but more to enhance reality. When I dress I am still the same person, I can show more of who I am. I have always been a sensitive guy, but not feminine. I don't really care for a "chick flick," but will watch them with my wife. I enjoy many things that are not typically macho man stuff. But there are plenty of manly things I do like. I certainly like to watch the female form, then wonder how the outfit would look on me. My wife shares some of my likes of manly stuff even. She likes fast cars and hockey, especially the fights. She likes sports more than I do, which isn't much more than I have a few favorite teams.
BTW, I am the world's best driver.:swear:

We all dress to differing degrees and for different reasons. This is what makes us all happy in our different ways. Just like some of us can pass with some work, and some of us don't have a chance. I used to think I had no chance untill I got a little help. We all change whether it's for ourselves or someone we love. We are still ourselves. As long as you remain true to yourself, keep doing what you need to do. Even if that is nothing at all.

Katrina

[RobertaFermina]

So here I am, a part-time dresser who just needs a little escapism now and again.

What do you escape into?
Take away the clothes you wear enfemme, and the makeup, if any, and what you are left with is the feelings, and power you create for yourself.

I myself move into personal ease, and tenderness. I know that by giving love, I get love. So I believe that by expressing feminine sense, receptivity, and generosity that I receive the same....even if no one else is present. I really need that!

I create a power to be more present, and playful and entertaining - more fun, and with personal ease, more access to wisdom. That serves me, and others.

What do you create? I believe that is what you are getting. Could you get there any other way?

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Rachaelb64]

We all have to escape from time to time.........

Lose yourself in a film or book, do a country walk, go on holiday (were people do things away from the eyes of their friends).

We all escape from ourselves now and again, it part of human nature