Wondering about therapy

[Rachel Signy]

I've noticed that several of the regulars here highly reccommend counselling for people unhappy with their birth gender. I've thought about pursuing this for some time, but I'm not having an urgent crisis so I've put it on the back burner. But I'm seeing my mental health caseworker tomorrow and I'm really thinking of asking for a referral.
The thing is I don't know how transgendered I am. On one extreme, I'm not at all interested in SRS; on the other hand I don't really identify with my birth gender even though I usually present myself as a male. My behaviour has been crossdressing, but my style is less feminine than most.
I prefer women and am single. It's been a very long time since I've had a partner who found it worse than excentric - I've been very lucky that way. My closest friends are bisexual women and lesbians - men, straight or gay, are from this other planet from me, and straight women are pretty odd too from my point of view.
There's little in my life holding me back from whatever gender expression I want, but I'm not sure what I want. Probably to keep things more fluid than is practical. So does anyone have any thoughts on counselling/therapy?

[Lauren B]

I've noticed that several of the regulars here highly reccommend counselling for people unhappy with their birth gender. I've thought about pursuing this for some time, but I'm not having an urgent crisis so I've put it on the back burner. But I'm seeing my mental health caseworker tomorrow and I'm really thinking of asking for a referral.
The thing is I don't know how transgendered I am. On one extreme, I'm not at all interested in SRS; on the other hand I don't really identify with my birth gender even though I usually present myself as a male. My behaviour has been crossdressing, but my style is less feminine than most.
I prefer women and am single. It's been a very long time since I've had a partner who found it worse than excentric - I've been very lucky that way. My closest friends are bisexual women and lesbians - men, straight or gay, are from this other planet from me, and straight women are pretty odd too from my point of view.
There's little in my life holding me back from whatever gender expression I want, but I'm not sure what I want. Probably to keep things more fluid than is practical. So does anyone have any thoughts on counselling/therapy?

Personally, therapy was the best thing that ever happened to me. We discussed TG issues in great depth, but we also touched on things from my past that were affecting me today. However, we also went into some spirituality issues, and that was probably the most beneficial part about it all for me. My worldview and my view towards myself and my "TG-ness" is completely different now than it was before I started therapy, and in a good way. Shop around, find someone with whom you feel comfortable, and then once you do feel comfortable, keep as open a mind as possible.

[Stlalice]

Rachel,
The benifit that therapy provides is mostly about understanding and accepting that unique person that you are. It doesn't automatically mean that you are going to transition - merely being able to be at peace with yourself is reward enough. The one thing I would make sure of though is that your therapist has a strong background in gender issues. A therapist without this background may well lack the insight/contacts to be able to help with your issues/problems and some may do more harm than good. Take it slow and trust your gut feelings about how you are treated - you can and should change to another if things don't feel right. Good luck and stay in touch. :2c:

[Marcie Sexton]

My advice for what its worth...see one any way...They can allow you to rant and clear your mind...It is the best money I've ever spent...Perhaps help you determine who you really are...

[Rachel Signy]

There's a gender clinic in town and I should be able to get in free. Sounds like any objection would be based on laziness, eh?:happy:

[Calliope]

[...] I've thought about pursuing this for some time, but I'm not having an urgent crisis so I've put it on the back burner. [...] There's little in my life holding me back from whatever gender expression I want, but I'm not sure what I want. Probably to keep things more fluid than is practical. So does anyone have any thoughts on counselling/therapy?

If it ain't broke, don't go to fix it, hon.

You sound content with where you're at.

[Rachel Signy]

If it ain't broke, don't go to fix it, hon.

You sound content with where you're at.

I talked to my mental health worker and she agreed with you, Calliope. She said I sounded like I pretty much had things figured out and was happy, and doing ever so much better than a few years ago.
If I ever want to transition I'll know who to talk to. Meanwhile she didn't see the sort of conflict that would need a referral. I'm fine with that.

[Toyah]

I have said it before and will say it again they are the biggest rip off merchants going what you need is a friend, they are free, will listen and will not send you off on years of useless definitions. Hunny you know who you are you do not need some over opinionated usually very weird psycho freak to take your money for listening

[ChristineRenee]

Rachel...I've had about four gender therapists over the course of my life since I first went to one at the age of 41 in 1991. If you get a good one...it is very helpful. If you don't...it's a complete waste of time and money.

I had one good one out of four. That has been my experience with them.The first was a woman...who was the best of the four and who helped me the most despite never having a case quite like mine before. The other three were asshole men who thought that they knew me better than I knew myself. Needless to say, I didn't go to many sessions with any of them. :sad:

[CaptLex]

I have said it before and will say it again they are the biggest rip off merchants going what you need is a friend, they are free, will listen and will not send you off on years of useless definitions. Hunny you know who you are you do not need some over opinionated usually very weird psycho freak to take your money for listening
Granted, therapy is not for everyone, but your statement is a very broad generalization, Toyah, and may be doing someone a disservice if they really need therapy. If you say that it was a waste of time and money in your case, I'll believe you, but believe me when I say that therapy was a lifesaver for me - and definitely a sanity-saver. It may not be your cup of cocoa, but don't try to discourage everyone, as some people may actually benefit from it.

[Tamera]

I seen a Shrink years ago when I was going through my 1st divorce. He didn't help me in any way. He basically was there to talk to. I made my own decisions. The cost then was like $125.00 an hour. I told myself then I would never see another one. I can make my own decisions for FREE$$$.

You will find many friends here that will answer your questions.

My suggestion would be to explore your avenues and pick out the one that makes YOU!! happy. No matter if its CD'ing or actually having surgery. Also remember that some of the decisions expecially surgery might not be reversible. So investigate yourself. Many of us here will help support your decision and help with your questions.

Besides sometimes a SHRINK will get you into a support group. What better support group than this one.

[tommi]

I went thru therapy 6 years ago, at the time it is what saved my marriage.
It is definately a useful tool and they can help you open up to yourself and any others about what is and might be bothering you.
You have to be honest with yourself if you take this avenue or there is no
sense in doing so. :hugs:
Good luck:love:
Tommi

[melissaK]

I can make my own decisions for FREE$$$.

Yea, prison is full of folks who made their own decisions for FREE$$$ . . . OK that was sarcastic and not helpful. I'm sorry. But to slam the whole field of psychology as worthless and replaceable by "a friend" or "a chat group" is, IMHO, a pretty outrageous thing to do.

Calliope's observation that therapists help most in times of distress is valid. If your aren't in distress, the need is significantly less. But, the fact you are thinking about it probably means you think you could use some help on some issues.

And yes, many have had what they classify as bad therapy experiences. Therapists are people too - some understand what they are doing better than others. Just like some mechanics fix your car, others don't - and you get a bill either way. But I've had some great therapy experiences that have made my life better. And there's a testimonial or two in posts above.

And some folks go to therapy with incorrect expectations. My car mechanic analogy breaks down here because the only one who can fix your thinking is you. There are no "mind mechanics." But therapists can help you diagnose a problem and help you change how you think about things. How that process works requires you verbalize issues in front of a witness. That simple act changes how your think. So, yeah talking to a friend can sometimes get you similar results.

But, we have trouble being honest about ourselves, and we avoid dealing with important issues. A trained therapist will nudge you into these areas so you don't just keep repeating past behaviors and decisions over and over.

Odds are your friend is biased about you and/or themselves and they will not lead you to objective insights about yourself. And, believe it or not, when you earn a PhD in psychology, you do learn a thing or two. Your friend probably lacks this knowledge.

If you have an insightful nature, you will read books related to your issues, and therapy provides a structured forum where a professional helps you obtain even more insights into yourself. If obtaining insight isn't important to you, (there are schools of philosophical thought where self insight is irrelevant, only deeds matter) then therapy is not going to be any use to you.

"You get what everyone gets - you get a lifetime." At the beginning of each day, its your life, your path, your choice.

hugs
'lissa

(quote from Neil Gaiman)

[AmberTG]

My therapist doesn't tell me what I should think, she asks me questions that I have to find the answers to within myself. She helps me explore those questions to find the ansrwers. She also likes to keep me on track when she knows that I've been avoiding something that I need to look at in myself, she's a guide, not a "fixer". It has helped me quite a lot with various issues, not just gender issues. All the issues tend to get tangled together, and sometimes need to be seperated to be able to see them for what they are, I couldn't do that myself, I can't "see the forest because of the trees".