Breaking Promises

[Jerry]

I need help.

My wife and I have set up some rules. Not around the kids. Not out of the house. No alcohol. etc.

While on a trip this week, I stopped into a mall and spent hours going from store to store. I had left over Christmas money and I wanted what I wanted. I bought two outfits and headed for the hotel. This was against the rules.

Now I feel bad and she is mad.

Comments, please.

Are the rules fair? (I agreed to them, so maybe that is irrelevant.)

I feel like it wasn't that bad a transgression. It's been over a year that I promised that, and I don't plan on making it a habit.

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH.

Jerry

[Danielle1960]

Hi Jerry

I won't judge what you did because I might have got excited about all the neat stuff and did that too. But if you want the wife to gain trust about your dressing and you, then you need to really stick with the aggreements. It is hard but time is on your side as she slowly comes around and lets you do more.

Hope that helps a little bit
Danielle

[DonnaT]

I don't think you technically broke the rules. Closest one being not out of the house. But I would consider the privacy of a hotel room "in the house." Out of the house would be out in public.

But that's me, your wife may feel different.

[Chrissycd]

ask her to shop for you. That would make it more fun, and there is no risk of being "caught". Or shop via internet. It might be smart to think about whether it was the sale itself, or some other deeper motivation that caused you to break the rules. The fact that the rule is "old" shouldn't make a difference if you agreed to them. Maybe you just need to "adjust" the rules a smidge for the sake of your sanity. Better put the tail between the legs and apologize profusely first, though.
Chrissy

[Helana]

Hi Jerry

Thanks for joining us and sharing your thoughts. Stick around as there is so much great advice and information here.

For me rules are rules. She granted you her acceptance of your CDing based on those rules. I presume this is a delicate matter for her so breaking your promise on this matter is a big deal. Remember she is most likely afraid that your CDing will escalate into something more than she is willing to accept so buying outfits and then you going to the hotel she probably thinks is the start of a slippery slope downwards. You also have to consider how much truth there is in that too.

Suggest you need to have lots of long talks and tell her that you want to adjust the rules because your CDing is becoming more important to you. In the meantime ask for her forgiveness in breaking your promise and back off the CDing until you can come to a new arrangement. But dont push her, take your time and listen carefully to what she is saying.

Hope that helps. Just remember to keep loving her more and more. The fact that she gave you her acceptance in the first place was a signal of her love for you so make sure to double that in return.

[Lauren Richards]

Don't read this if you are looking for sympathy, or some technicality making your actions somehow acceptable, or some way to dodge responsibility. Not happening tonight.

Sets of rules are the way folks define their limits, and are a good way for people to handle difficult situations - like having a CD in the house. We all live by rules. We all are human, and sometimes break them. Welcome to being normal. There are generally consequences to breaking rules, however. Welcome to the real world. If you and your wife have agreed to some rules, then breaking them when you feel like it is a violation of trust. Expect consequences. Expect her to wonder what else you have done. Expect it to be a while before she trusts you again.

This may be a good time to sit down and review the rules you have between you, and figure out how they can be changed if they are not working. Next time, talk first. This time, apologize, and really mean it.

[Holly]

I've got to agree with the rest of the girls here... you broke the rules that you agreed to. That's not something that is going to endear you to your wife. Maybe if you thought about it this way... when she accepted that fact that you are a cd, she put her trust and faith in you that things would stay within certain boundaries you both agreed to and, presumably, both accepted. When you stepped outside of those boundaries, it was a direct assult on her faith and trust in her. You my dear sister, have some serious making up to do.

Honey, I hope this doesn't sound too harsh. But as you delve deeper into this lifestyle, the full trust and support of you wife will become more important to you. Better to correct things now than wait for something more serious to crop up between you. Perhaps if you read some of the posts in some other threads, you will have a better understanding of just how important this can be.

All that being said, I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you asked the queastion. We really are all about supporting one another here. We try to do our best to to watch out for the best interests of the sisters.

Hugs

[Wendy me]

you made the rules ...........the only thing you should do is put in a shopping clause
shopping is a cd's weak spot..........................

[Vickie-CD]

Having money left over from Christmas!! Wish that would happen to me. If your wife is mad, I am assumeing you told her, you feel bad about it, so you must love her very much. I think love and being honest is the best solution to most family problems. Our mistakes (and I've made many) are what we learn from.
Best Wishes,
Vickie

[Danny]

I need help.

My wife and I have set up some rules. Not around the kids. Not out of the house. No alcohol. etc.

While on a trip this week, I stopped into a mall and spent hours going from store to store. I had left over Christmas money and I wanted what I wanted. I bought two outfits and headed for the hotel. This was against the rules.

Now I feel bad and she is mad.

Comments, please.

Jerry

First of all, as I'm sure you know, a wife's acceptance is VERY!! important. And if there are rules, she will be the one who interprets them. So, you need to apologize and regain her acceptance and approval. Absolutly GROVEL if necessary.

In the long run, you could try for a change in the rules, or at least the interpretation of the rules. I guess the store purchase and the hotel room venue both violated the "not out of the house" rule. If that rule were to be interpreted as "in private", a hotel room with a locked and bolted door is very private. (Lots of private activities take place in hotel rooms ;) ) Maybe in the longer run, you might be able to alter the rules as they apply to store purchases. You could argue that you have to buy your clothing someplace. And not being able to shop would be, for me, a terrible restriction.

[orchard]

and these sound rather harsh. It sounds like a real talk with your wife about crossdressing, is what is necassary, not a disscusion on a set of rules SHE sets to make herself feel OK with you dressing.

My guess, she is frightened to death about the whole thing, these rules made her feel safe, even if they are silly.

lol
orchard

[Tamara Croft]

Rules are rules!!!! Whether they are silly or not. It's hard enough for a GG/Wife to accept her partner is a crossdresser for a start, but breaking a rule leads to breaking more. If you both agreed to these, then you should stick to them. If you made a rule for a child and that child broke that rule, he/she would be punished for it.

If you aren't happy with the way things are, simply talk them through with your wife and try to reach a compromise. I'm not surprised she's mad with you!!!!!

Tamara x

[Sunshine]

My girlfriend and I have rules too and I do not want to break them. Though she is completely supportive of me, I would imagine it must be a bit hard for her in a way (or 2). I would never want to hurt her or change the closeness we share. I think the suggestion here, to have her shop for you is a great one! Honey shops with and for me all the time and she loves it.

Think about her feelings and how lucky you are to have such an understanding wife. Don't break the rules..

[SilkenPrincess]

Jerry,
We love you. But, you broke your promises. You know you did, that's why you felt bad. From your wife's point of view, if your solemn agreement with her on this issue was not to be honored, what other agreements can also be dishonored? That is the point of contention here, and she has a valid position. Can it be fixed? Sure. I am assuming that she knows of your transgression from you telling her of it. If that is the case, your "up-frontedness" will go a looooong way in patching this up. I would suggest that you go overboard in showing your dedication to promises made to her for a while in order to reaffirm your faithfulness to her and rebuild her trust. If, however, she learned of the offense from another source, I wish you well! Life in that case will be difficult at best. Don't think that you are alone in this, though. I have been where you are! My own "transgressions" ultimately lead to the "Ultimatum". Lets just say that life has lost some of its "silkiness" since then. Thankfully, I have you and the other girls here to at least express my femininity via this forum, or else I'd go nuts. In any event, Jerry, my thoughts are with you. I wish you the best, and you can PM me if you'd like a shoulder to cry on or someone to share a laugh with.
Love,
SilkenPrincess

[ChristineRenee]

I have to agree with the consensus of opinion on this one Jerry. You EFF'ed up! Time to fess up and mend fences here. You got some trust to rebuild now so you best get to it. Like it or not, if you break rules that you have established between the two of you...you gotta face the consequences. When you are single, you do what you want, when you are married, it raises the bar of responsibility, and when you add kids to the mix, it raises that responsibility bar just that much higher. So work on rebuilding your trust with her...even at the expense of putting aside CD'ing for awhile if that's what it takes. Take your punishment now and preserve your CD'ing privileges for the future.;)


Hugs,
Christine Renee

[TrueGemini]

Interesting problem. If I understand the problem right, she was not mad at you for shopping, but for dressing up in the hotel afterwards. Now I know that dressing is a very personal thing, and very sexy to do, but if you did agree to not do it without her, then you have to abide by these rules. I also think that you did the right and honest thing in telling her about it, and that is something that will probably help earn the trust thing back.

I happen to enjoy an excellent relationship with the love of my life (a GG) who not only accepts my other side, but actually encourages it. But we have rules too. I can get dressed without her if I so desire (she likes when I do and then gets a thrill when she finds out) but if the inclination to dress around others ever happens to occur to me (which it hasn't) she has made it clear that she must be present. Never cheat with anyone, male or female, although again, if I ever have the opportunity or desire to be with a man for real, she wants a hand in the choosing of this man, and wants to be present for any and all activities. Also something that has not happened, but she feels more strongly than I that it will happen one day. I do believe that she would love to see it.

Getting back to the topic, I for one would never break my agreements with her. She has helped me open up a whole other side of my persona that while I may have suspected was there, never carried through with it. If I were to ever break my promises to her, I would lose her, and that would be the worst possible thing to ever happen to me. Good luck.

[Danny]

All the talk about these marriage "rules" is truly depressing. Yes, I realize that even I advised Jerry to work within the rules....but only because he had already agreed to them.

These pseudo contractual arrangements about when and where and why and with whom and around whom, etc., etc.,.....if this is really serious stuff, it's enough to put you off of any idea about marriage.

I have a hunch that even a crossdresser marriage can work with only the old fashioned love and respect between the partners and with the only applicable "rules" being the marriage vows.

[TrueGemini'sWife GG]

Interesting problem. If I understand the problem right, she was not mad at you for shopping, but for dressing up in the hotel afterwards. Now I know that dressing is a very personal thing, and very sexy to do, but if you did agree to not do it without her, then you have to abide by these rules. I also think that you did the right and honest thing in telling her about it, and that is something that will probably help earn the trust thing back.

I happen to enjoy an excellent relationship with the love of my life (a GG) who not only accepts my other side, but actually encourages it. But we have rules too. I can get dressed without her if I so desire (she likes when I do and then gets a thrill when she finds out) but if the inclination to dress around others ever happens to occur to me (which it hasn't) she has made it clear that she must be present. Never cheat with anyone, male or female, although again, if I ever have the opportunity or desire to be with a man for real, she wants a hand in the choosing of this man, and wants to be present for any and all activities. Also something that has not happened, but she feels more strongly than I that it will happen one day. I do believe that she would love to see it.

Getting back to the topic, I for one would never break my agreements with her. She has helped me open up a whole other side of my persona that while I may have suspected was there, never carried through with it. If I were to ever break my promises to her, I would lose her, and that would be the worst possible thing to ever happen to me. Good luck.

Hi, my honey!!!!

I love you so much, baby!
But Shhhhhh with the "She would love to see it" part!
You're making me blush...

Your loving wife,
Pattie

[TrueGemini'sWife GG]

All the talk about these marriage "rules" is truly depressing. Yes, I realize that even I advised Jerry to work within the rules....but only because he had already agreed to them.

These pseudo contractual arrangements about when and where and why and with whom and around whom, etc., etc.,.....if this is really serious stuff, it's enough to put you off of any idea about marriage.

I have a hunch that even a crossdresser marriage can work with only the old fashioned love and respect between the partners and with the only applicable "rules" being the marriage vows.
Marriage isn't for everyone, Danny.
I agree, the vows of marriage should be enough, but in the society we live in today, to most, those vows mean nothing anyway. Being married to a CD is the most rewarding things in my life. We have a closeness that I don't think most "traditional" couples have. These rules we speak of, were made by both. Not just me and we are very comfortable with them. They just work for us.