Dressing limited, so why don't you take the time avaiable ??

[Sheila]

because of family circumstances my DH dressing is very limited.

CDR'S REPLIES ONLY PLEASE

Can somebody please explain to me when dressing is so limited and you actually have an SO who is willing to give up an evening out with friends for you both, to give you time to dress, why the heck you don't. Tonight I put off, both of us going to friends for a meal and drinks (good company, good food and drink)for us to give Martin dressing time, sent young one up to room to watch TV (with extrs time and extra goodies cos I felt guilty) and he didn't yet he will say that time is limited.

I do know that you have to sometimes be in the mood, but it is no good moaning about lack of opportunity, if when it arises you don't take it, I am reallly confused and bewildered, for so many moan about not having an understanding SO but those that have seem to abuse our co-operation.

You really are the limit sometimes

Jess

and yes I know I said I wasn't going to post here, but sometimes the other genders confuse me ------- that's my excuse and I am sticking to it

[Holly]

Jess, we never said that we were easy to understand :tongueout .

[MsEva]

Most likely fear of being caught by your youngone. I know that would really put me off. I can't speak for Martin, but I would be way to edgy to feel comfortable.:2c:

[janelle]

Tell me if i am wrong, isn't it said that women are hard to understand anyways? Why would we be different.:2c:

[tanya3]

for me i would never dress with a young one in the house .i would not put my wife in a situation like that . yes my time is limited also , but i respect my wife and children maybe you should be glad martin won't dress in front of the kids
Tanya

[Glenda58]

Jess we don't know what we want. We're worse than women about what we want when we what it. Sometimes when it's easy it takes away the trill of dressing for some of us it's the taboo of dressing that makes it exciting a turn-on. As we get older things change. I can't talk for your SO but I don't like dressing all the time there are times like now I haven't dressed in over a month and I live alone.

[Tracy_Victoria]

Jess

I thing your missing lots of points here. firstly this is not a tap we can switch on and off. Yep I know some here want a be, 24/7 but I can certainly see where martin is coming from in this case.

I love to dress, but when I'm ready, some times I have clearence to do so, my SO has made plans, the kids are at school, I have 3 green lights and yet I can't be bothered to do so. it can be, very much like bottling a bottle of pop, you keep shaking it, and when you come to open it, it's flat, there is no fizz at all.

This is a really difficult hobby, and you can't believe how stressful it can be to want to dress and bottle it up for family, but we do (well us married guys that are not 24/7 with kids), and Martin and me sound very alike, ie with kids about, your always unsure, always on your guard, you can never relax, and maybe it like that for martin. maybe he just felt it was not right, something I have done myself many times.

I hate to put it down to such a crude form, but think of it like sex, or chocalate, all day you can crave it, want it, but when it presented on a plate your just not hungry, or the moment has gone. sadly crossdressing can be like that, and there is a real difference to having a green light, and having one when you need it.

I hope this hopes

[JenniferMint]

Maybe he wasn't in the mood to dress on that particular day?

[Sheila]

Jess

I thing your missing lots of points here. firstly this is not a tap we can switch on and off. Yep I know some here want a be, 24/7 but I can certainly see where martin is coming from in this case.

I love to dress, but when I'm ready, some times I have clearence to do so, my SO has made plans, the kids are at school, I have 3 green lights and yet I can't be bothered to do so. it can be, very much like bottling a bottle of pop, you keep shaking it, and when you come to open it, it's flat, there is no fizz at all.

This is a really difficult hobby, and you can't believe how stressful it can be to want to dress and bottle it up for family, but we do (well us married guys that are not 24/7 with kids), and Martin and me sound very alike, ie with kids about, your always unsure, always on your guard, you can never relax, and maybe it like that for martin. maybe he just felt it was not right, something I have done myself many times.

I hate to put it down to such a crude form, but think of it like sex, or chocalate, all day you can crave it, want it, but when it presented on a plate your just not hungry, or the moment has gone. sadly crossdressing can be like that, and there is a real difference to having a green light, and having one when you need it.

I hope this hopes


It does and it dosen't hun,

When our young un goes to bed that is it he never ever comes down from his room or into ours unless he is at deaths door, time is really very limited here to perhaps one night a week or 3 nights a fortnight depending on the shifts the elder one is working. Tonight he was working, going out and staying out all night ( a rarity), we were invited to a friends for a curry (which we both love),and drinks with good friends.

I made our excuses, so as to give him the most of this rare opportunity, and I just feel as if he has kicked me in the teeth, especially as he complains about the lack of opportunity to dress.

Maybe he prefers being in the closet and it being solo, but I an blowed if I can understand the cdr's who wish for the earth and havn't got it and the one's who have and don't make the most of it Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Jess

[Lori SC]

Can somebody please explain to me when dressing is so limited and you actually have an SO who is willing to give up an evening out with friends for you both, to give you time to dress, why the heck you don't. .

You really are the limit sometimes

Jess


Aww Jess, we're not all the same you know....

So rather than us trying to read your DH mind, why didn't you ask him yourself? Since you didn't here's my possibilities... :2c:

First, how much advance notice did your DH have that he could dress? If it was a surprise, maybe that explains his lack of enthusiasm. If he had a few days to think about it beforehand, he would be more psyched to dress. Finding the opportunity all of a sudden was never as satisfying for me.

Maybe he wanted to go to the dinner? Who decided not to go? You or both of you?

Was DH tired from a a long day or whatever?

And finally... Yes, for some reason, we just don't want to dress and can't explain why.

But I am sure your DH appreciates all you are trying to do for him - Thank you.:clap:

Hugs, Lori

[Marla S]

I made our excuses, so as to give him the most of this rare opportunity, and I just feel as if he has kicked me in the teeth, especially as he complains about the lack of opportunity to dress.



Dressing by opportunity is not normal, joy on command is not possible.
Hence it is even logical that it is moaned in both cases once in a while.
Probalby more than passing a CD wants to act normal (CDing as a normal part of life; some seem to have resigned already though). That is not given under the circumstances you've described.
Hence the reactions are not "normal" or predictable.

[RobynM]

I understand your frustration Jess, we can be very difficult people to deal with.
I don't know your personal circumstances and I certainly can't see into your partner's mind but there are a few possible reason's that I can see. I should point out that i'm someone who would prefer to present as female full time so my views may be a little skewed but I think I have aquired enough experience over the years to make valid suggestions.

First, and most obvious, is the Dancing Bear Syndrome:- The decks are clear so now you will perform. However generous the thought and planning may be it is still a command to perform on request. I suspect that most Crossdressers/Transvestites want to dress when they feel the need rather than when the timetable allows.

I know that we can feel very uncomfortable dressing in the presence of people who don't really like it but are trying to be kind and accomodate our needs. Some of us, whilst craving approval from partners, are actually more comfortable on our own in our own fantasy world.

Good old Forbidden Fruits - a lot of TG people enjoy the thrill and risk of getting caught, if everything is planned for them the fun dissappears.

To be honest, in the situation you describe, I would have made the effort - for your sake - but I might not have been comfortable. The simple truth is that we want to be who we are whenever we need to, be that all the time or when our very eratic moods prevail. Whatever it is that drives us is not governed by practicallity or logic.

My guess, and I apologise unreservedly if I'm wrong, is that on that occasion your partner simply thought " If I can't when I need to I won't dress on demand". A little protest if you like.
As I said, we're far from easy to live with.

[Samantha B L]

There are a couple of different ways of looking at it that contradict each other if you compare the 2 and I'm sorry,Jess,I realize that this isn't much help.your guy should have appreciated your magnanimity in you letting the evening be his in which to cd and he should have been a good sport,even if he was in one of those times when dressing seems "blah" .the excitement of dressing would come back in a few minutes and that would be that.Number 2 opinion is he could feel uncomfortable about the presence of little kids in the house while he is dressed and there is also this thing cd'rs go through of being high on cd'ing and then being lukewarm on cd'ing.

[susie evans]

that's part of the challeng lear how to move quick
:heehee:

susie

[Billijo49504]

Hi Jess, Just realize that we are men that think we are female, are you confused yet. So most of us that have SO's that are helpfull, just aren't sure it's safe to dress ,because of what ever. The kids are home, someone might come to the door or something might happen. You think women are complacated, you haven't seen nothing yet, us CD's are even worse. I know, I'm one....BJ

[krisla]

Jess, can't speak for your SO, but sometimes I don't dress even when I have the perfect chance cause I am too tired to do all the work (lazy). I know poor excuse but sometimes that is all it is. Krisla

[Michelia]

First I must say I am truly happy you are still posting. I never got a chance to reply but I read all the posts involved and I must say you were right to be hurt and disappointed so. But keeping a balanced view, I really do not think anyone was gunning for you and it was more a case of careless wording rather than an attempt to insult you.

As far as spending time dressed, I think if I only had very limited opportunities to dress, I would be raring to go when the time came. But if my GG would allow me some freedom then maybe the desire would not be accumulating to the point I would be dressing just to take advantage of an opportunity regardless of how tired I was at the time. But CDing can be a lot of work, especially when you like to go all the way with it. It sounds like Martin may be striking a balance in his life with CDing and that may not be a bad thing for him (or you!)

Personally, I am lucky because I dress anytime I want to any degree I want. So I may not be dressed or not or I may just be wearing my heels in drab, or I may have a skirt and top and heels but no make-up. The only time I do not do this at home is when the kids may have a little friend over. Other than that, I do not worry about what the kids see or do not see. They are very well adjusted in this. My dressing never gets mentioned and no one ever talks about it. This makes it worry-free when we have guests. At home everyone is used to it. The subject has been discussed very openly in the past. All I get is the occasional compliment when they realize it is a new pair of shoes or I just shaved my legs, etc.!

Regards - you sweet and caring lady -

Michelia

[Kate Simmons]

Hi Jess, Since I live alone and am retired, you'd think I would dress all I could. I do for the most part but sometimes I just don't. Kind of hard even for me to understand sometimes. This M T F "mystique" is nutty sometimes. I usually have a set routine, like body shaving every other day but sometimes actually have to push myself to do it. I guess we know we have the option (probably subconsciously) to "fail" to guy mode when we don't feel like doing it. It's times like that when I can really appreciate what women go through to look nice and wonder how they continue to do it. Still, once I get started after pushing myself, I start getting into it and once finished, feel a lot better about things and realize it was worth the time and effort. I really don't understand it myself sometimes, so to answer your question, I have to say I honestly don't know. Maybe it's just a "guy" thing or rather a "guy/girl/guy" thing.:happy:

[dods460]

Personally for me, I am just not in a glamorous mood, I just don't want to get dolled up. I live alone and am out, and I mean I leave the house and go shopping with make up and what have you on, but sometimes I'm just not feeling it and I let my beard grow in and just wear work clothes everywhere.

[Raychel]

I guess the question that I would have is.

Did you tell him that you were clearing out the evening so he would have time to dress?

This is sounding like a communication problem to me. My wife and I have this problem at times. If it wasn't made perfectly clear to him about what you were doing. Maybe he really wanted to go out with the friends. Or maybe he was hoping to some cuddling time. Maybe he was being considerate of you and just being your manly man. You should come right out and ask him. You could be surprised at his answer.

[Sheila]

thanks for the replies folks and yes we agreed that we would not go out and yes it was so that he had dress time. I asked him this morning why he hadn't dressed last night and he said he couldn't be bothered :eek: :confused: but hey ho.

Jess

[Raychel]

he said he couldn't be bothered

Now that is just plain inconsiderate. After canceling your plans and all the preperations. I think that you have a right to be pissed.

:angry: :spank: :spank: :spank:

[Angie G]

Jess My wife knows and time is limited and I take all the time I can get I'm always in the mood :hugs:
Angie

[Katrina CD]

Jess, I think you do have a right to be a little miffed. I know if my wife was understanding and cooperative, and made time for me to dress, I would jump at it. But then that would be a dream come true for me. Maybe it's like some of the other girls said, if he does it all the time, maybe it's not a big deal. As far as my situation goes, I would live to just have a wife that is supportive.
I'm sure he didn't mean to make you mad, but we all slip every once in a while.

Katrina.

[suzy]

Well, there are a mulitude of possible reasons.....

With me, I have to be in the mood. If I am not in the mood, then it is a waste of time and energy, for all.

I can also say that if young ones are in the house....that in and of itself would put me out of the mood.

For me the greatest fear is being caught and especially being caught by one of my children. It just isn't gonna happen! So, listen.....remember this... this isn't all about you (or any of the SO's)...it's about us too!:hugs: We have to be in the mood and the time must be right or it won't happen. Thanks for asking! :hugs:

[marie354]

There are times when I just need to be Sam. I dress most of the time anymore, but Regina needs her Sam too. Especially if we're feeling a bit frisky, if you know what I mean. Maybe he was in a mood for something else and that just threw him off a bit. There are times that I get up in the morning and say... What should I wear today? Let me think... Oh I should go cut the grass of straighten the shed or whatever. Now if my SO poped up and said that that time would be a good time to dress, it would throw me off a bit. If the grass was already 6'' the choice whoud be to cut it. But I'd have to think about it very hard. I love dressing up as much as I can, but there are times that I need to do some "dirty jobs", and I'm not messing up my nice clothes to preen the lawn. Maybe I just wanted to spend the day loafing on the couch watching movies.
You know... I don't know how to explain it. I can be as moody as my SO sometimes and at other times be very logical. It must be that odd chromesome floating around somewhere I guess.
:hugs:

[Raychel]

I know this is not my thread, But I have to say that this whole "Not in the mood" thing is all new to me. I never would have suspect that it was an option to be "not in the mood" I know that it sure is not an option for me. I am always in the mood, and especially so if the time were to be made special for it.

That would be kinda like my wife saying "Do you want to fool around later"
Of course I alwasy want that. And asking that question just make me go into overdrive.

So if my wife were to tell me that she was going to make time for me to dressup. That would just send my brain into overload. Which Outfit am I going to wear. What Underwear. Which pantyhose. What shoes.
:Pullhair: :Pullhair: :Pullhair:

WOW I am working up a sweat just think of the possibilities.

[Sally24]

I understand your frustration and he may be frustrated too. The mood thing can be unpredictable. Also, if he is a perfectionist like me, then there is that feeling that you might not do a good job and by avoiding dressing, you avoid failure. I'm sitting here as I type, my wife has given me from 10-3 to dress, and at 12 I still haven't started. I did my e-mail to my T-girl group, read some posts here, and done a little research online. Some days it is hard to get started and I don't always know why.

Try to be patient. If he wants to talk about any associated problems he will get there sometime. Be available for his needs, and he for yours, and eventually you can find a comfortable routine that will work for both of you.

Sally

[Jammie Lyann]

Hello Jess , I seem to be in the same boat, my SO and our children know about my CDing. I have even gone out to an event with my Wife as Ivy , however for the most part, part of me still likes to stay hidden, and I even told my Wife that. So if an when I get a day when no one is home I take advantage of it, But I still feel shy about dressing around my wife, an yes I would love to beable to dress more often, an in the future when children are out of house I my be more relaxed enough to dress around my Wife more often. if she wishs me to do so.

[Marianna Julianna]

Well I must admit that have been times when I could have and didn't, but I don't like my wife to think that I'm going to take every chance, when sometimes I know she'd rather just have some 'us' time with me not being Marianna, I like her to know that's she's not just special to me because she accepts me dressed but also because I love her for herself as well. Mind you, it doesn't happen often but she always seems to appreciate it, even if, like you she doesn't always understand why I don't use that one opportunity. It's a question on balance, I think.

[BobbieCD1944]

and he said he couldn't be bothered :eek: :confused: but hey ho. Jess

I'd be confused too. Most of what I am about to say could be posted in Country Girl GG's thread, as I think it fits there too.

I'm in my early 60s. Retired Navy. Was married for almost 30 years. Good marriage, 3 good kids. I've known I was a fetishist and CDer since my preteen days. I am a submissive male, with more kinks than I can count. When I got married in the 60's I did what many did, put that part of myself in the closet, letting it out sometimes when the family traveled. After the divorce, which had nothing to do with my kinks or CDing, I explored a little bit, and found the SF Bay Area kink community. Served me well. I hosted 2 munches, had a relationship or two. And, as a counselor, helped some people resolve some kink and relationship issues.

When I counsel such folk, I start with having them strip away all the D&S or kink, or CDing issues, and try to get them to focus on relationship stuff first. If there are no serious relationship issues, then we can move on to the kink or Cding. I do think that is important, as the kinks or CDing may not be the real issues. That said.....

There is a quotation I use in my personal life.. "A submissive reality is giving your fantasy to the dominant so that She can use it Her way."

There were many times in both my marriage and in the short kink relationships where I might not be in the mood to do things. Yes, I may not be in the mood to take the kid to softball; to do the dishes, to mow the lawn, or, :-), to play the game(s) my kinky partner might want to play. But, as a partner, it is my job, my duty, to do things when I might not be in the mood. If we are in a good, healthy relationship, she will be doing things with me when she might not be in the mood. It's part of the responsibility of being in a relationship.

I guarantee this, regardless of my mood, if I was in a relationship and my SO told me she had arranged for some time for me to dress (or whatever), I'd be going for it. Just as I want to be accepted for who I am, I am sure she wants to be appreciated for her efforts.

So many of us here wish that we had a supportive and participating SO. Should we ever get so lucky, I believe it would be counter productive to a good relationship to expect our CDing (or kinks) to be the total sum of the relationship. On the other side of the coin, having an SO that says something like "ok.. whatever.. just keep it out of sight." isn't good either.

I'm starting to get in ramble mode.. not sure if this helps much, Jess. All I do know, is that I'd be thrilled to death whenever my partner made time for me do "do my stuff."

[Raychel]

Very well said Bobbie

[RobertaFermina]

Jess,

Since he 'couldn't be bothered' there was simply not enough payoff in it for him.

My response to such a statement is "tell me more, honey" and listen with affection and without judgement, speaking only to ask questions that help me verify and clarify what I am hearing, and assure my SO of my support until the moment of truth arrives.

Sometimes the truth is not known by us until someone encourages and follows us in the journey to the heart of the matter. Also, completing the journey, getting the why, is not always necessary. Taking the journey says "I love you, I want to support you, and our life together." When his participation says "me too", it may be better than learning any reason "why?"

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Bethany Ann]

Jess,

Sometimes I feel guilty for what I do....selfish because it seems to put my needs above others...and other feelings. Just ask why and I bet he <she..heheh> will tell you why.

Bethany

[Satrana]

Also for crossdressers for whom the novelty of just dressing up is no longer overwhelming, they may be looking for more than just the dressing. It takes time and effort to crossdress satisfactorily and after doing so...what comes next? I think if there had been a reason to dress such as you were going to do something together with him en-femme then he would have had more enthusiastic. To dress up and then just to get undressed a couple of hours later for no reason is not such an inviting idea.

[JenniferR771]

Jess,
he doesn't appreciate you enough. Billiejo and Robert are right. We are hard to understand. The mood has to be right.
In my case, if I am not exactly in the mood sometimes it helps to just get started. Last week I decided to just try on my new shoes--but--of course I needed pantyhose under the shoes--and of course I needed panties under the pantyhose--well one thing led to another and I spent 6 hours trying on different shoes, tops, earrings, lipstick and wigs. Ended up washing 6 wigs.
The thrill of secrecy and hiding is important at times.
However I went through some of my oldest stuff from 4 years ago--and maybe I have matured--corsets and things that seemed erotic then--are more mundane now.