Rachel Signy
01-28-2007, 12:09 AM
I've noticed several people talk about how their interest in dressing comes and goes. I'm feeling it right now.
It's been an intense week. I joined this place, and got a big enough cheque to fund my biggest splurge ever. Since I've spent most of my life in borderline poverty, this wasn't that big a splurge, but I feel guilty about a couple of unwise purchases (paying full price for a denim skirt that screams hippy grandmother - what was I thinking? I know what I was thinking:eek: - I badly wanted a skirt, any skirt. And it's even a bit big: I didn't have to shop in the plus size section!. I could get a size 14 just about anywhere - but I digress).
I've been clothes shopping for both guy-me and girl-me - girl-me is starting from scratch after a purge, and both-mes are smaller now and need smaller clothes. And you know what? I've enjoyed the guy stuff at least as much. I *know* what male clothing I like - my female self is in the adolescent experimentation and making horrible mistakes stage.
And sometimes I'm just pooped. I went dressed this evening (in that hippy-granny skirt) to a coffeeshop and then to the supermarket. Things went OK but I just felt self-conscious. Mind you, I was wearing bright red lipstick to go with my top, and I need to feel extra-confident to feel comfortable wearing that shade even home alone. But I felt pooped and un-special and even took everything off including the makeup the minute I got home.
I'm thinking of taking things easy for a bit, although I found some shoes (1" pumps) while doing some shopping for guy-me that have my name on them - if the store carries larger sizes: I'm 10 1/2 - 11 and have definitely WIDE feet.
Can anyone relate? I don't have any partner issues (or partner), I just find I have bursts of enthusiasm and times I'm less interested.
It's been an intense week. I joined this place, and got a big enough cheque to fund my biggest splurge ever. Since I've spent most of my life in borderline poverty, this wasn't that big a splurge, but I feel guilty about a couple of unwise purchases (paying full price for a denim skirt that screams hippy grandmother - what was I thinking? I know what I was thinking:eek: - I badly wanted a skirt, any skirt. And it's even a bit big: I didn't have to shop in the plus size section!. I could get a size 14 just about anywhere - but I digress).
I've been clothes shopping for both guy-me and girl-me - girl-me is starting from scratch after a purge, and both-mes are smaller now and need smaller clothes. And you know what? I've enjoyed the guy stuff at least as much. I *know* what male clothing I like - my female self is in the adolescent experimentation and making horrible mistakes stage.
And sometimes I'm just pooped. I went dressed this evening (in that hippy-granny skirt) to a coffeeshop and then to the supermarket. Things went OK but I just felt self-conscious. Mind you, I was wearing bright red lipstick to go with my top, and I need to feel extra-confident to feel comfortable wearing that shade even home alone. But I felt pooped and un-special and even took everything off including the makeup the minute I got home.
I'm thinking of taking things easy for a bit, although I found some shoes (1" pumps) while doing some shopping for guy-me that have my name on them - if the store carries larger sizes: I'm 10 1/2 - 11 and have definitely WIDE feet.
Can anyone relate? I don't have any partner issues (or partner), I just find I have bursts of enthusiasm and times I'm less interested.