Worried about sons?

[lynnegirlie]

Ladies,

I just finished reading a very interesting post by TanyaLynn. One thing that caught my attention was the concern over revealing her femmeself to her boys.

That is something that has troubled me since my wonderful children were born (1 girl and 1 boy). My outlook here is somewhat conflicted, so please bear with me:

I feel (and my wife does too) that the femme part of me that loves to feel pretty, feminine, soft, vulnerable, etc. is the same part of me that helps me be understanding, nurturing, caring, etc. I'm glad I have those qualities because I believe they help me keep a close, loving marriage intact.

My desire for my son is that he have those "relationship" qualities as he goes through life. However, and here's the big however, I do worry that he'll have CD tendencies and experience the same anguish it has sometimes caused me (guilt, purges, am I O.K.?, etc.). :confused: Are the "femme" personality traits and the deisre to be feminine related? :confused:

Am I "borrowing" worries? Has anyone else had similar feelings? :o

Thanks Sisters! :o

Lynne

[Georgette]

Let him decide and whatever he chooses be supportive of it.

[ChristineRenee]

Lynne,

I don't have a son, but I feel compelled to answer just the same so here goes.

Give it time. Things are changing for the better...very, very slowly...but nonetheless for the better. Hopefully, by the time your son comes of age, it will be perfectly natural for him to dress in any manner that he sees fit to without any repercussions or harrassment of any kind at all.:cool:

This is the world we all hope and aspire to live in...much sooner of course, rather than later!;)


Love,
Christine Renee

[derminator]

My 2cents worth on this is my own view..... first of all, i am a closet CD... my wife, nor my two sons are aware of my CD'ing... so I feel like I can make an honest assessment of my two boys tendencies, without feeling like i have imposed my ways onto them... my 9yr old went through a phase of wanting to wear nail polish (David Beckham style) that was a couple of years ago now... since then, other little things have crept up..... like, pink is a huge boys colour at the moment.... he has a pink 'von dutch' cap, he wants to paint his walls pink, he even wears the odd pink elastic around his wrists sometimes.... yet, in spite of all this, i can honestly say that he is not CD minded at all.... these things have all come about because of fashion trends and peer gorup pressure.

As for my 18month old, he simply cannot get by withiut getting into mum's panty drawer at least once a day. :)

Just let your boys be themselves. After all, who started you CD'ing???? Did anyone impose their beliefs onto you???? Or, did it just happen????

[DonnaT]

There has been no connection made that CDing is inherited.

If either of your sons are transgendered, then he was born that way and it will show on its own.

If you are not out to friends and family, then note that boys don't know how to keep secrets.

[CarrieGG]

I have to honest that I am not so sure that I would be OK with my husband making his CDing public with children we may have. I'm still new to this so I will have time to work it out with him. I don't want them to feel all the things that I have felt and I don't want them to feel they need to keep a secret from people who wouldn't understand --mainly our parents. I don't want to make crossdressing seem inappropriate but I don't want them to wonder why their dad isn't like other dads

[DonnaT]

Well I can't argue that Carrie. My son and daughter (27 and 26) have not been told. Although I am tempted now, because I hate having to hide it and change clothes when they are around. My son still lives with us, so there is less freedom. But, my wife says no, so I can't tell.

[Ashleigh]

Same here Carrie. My son and daughter (24 and 22) do not, and will not know. They don't need to know that their father, retired military officer, retired law enforcement, etc. is a CD. My wife is supportive and is more supportive as time goes on. Yes, she is still dealing with some issue relating to this but is coming along fine. Our relationship, although good before I came out of the closet, is much better now and getting better. I am no longer the hardened individual that I was. I even mentioned to her again today that being able to come out to her, and having her support has made me a much more gentle and tolerant person and how gratefu I am to her.

I guess I am taking the long way to say that they (my family, friends, acquaintances, and me for that matter) are the beneficiaries of a better me and that is what is important.

[AmberDay]

I don't see a reason for me to tell my kids that I crossdress. I have a girl now and soon to have another girl with two boys. I fear that my boys will be like me. I cry myself to sleep because I don't want my boys to turn out the way I did. I know first hand how it feels to crossdress. All the stress, fear, anxiety. I love crossdressing and wouldn't change myself, but I pray they have a different path. It would be alot easier for them. I'll let them lead their own lives, but I will try to influence their way. I won't let them play with dolls and girl games. I know it sounds harsh, but the less feminity they are exposed to, I hope that will cancel out the predesposition (I believe that crossdressing is genetic.) However, if the day comes when I come home from work early and I see one of them wearing one of my wife's (or even mine?) dresses, I know I can help him not to feel ashamed about crossdressing, and will support them with all the material I can. I just hope they don't.

Amber

[CarrieGG]

I don't know if I agree with trying to keep them your boys from girls games and dolls, I think it may make them more aware that there's something wrong not necessarily make him less want to play with it or be more understanding of others who do like girl things. It was hard on me when "Megan" suppressed her "girl" tendancy... she went way the other way. She didn't want smelly sents or anyting that may be perceived as girly. She was very growly too... (macho growl is not cute)

[Celeste GG]

Tell or. or not tell. It is up to you to work out what is best for your family situation. But If don't let your children in on the real you from the start then they are only getting to know half of you.

Then you are perpetuating the feeling of shame. If however you are gradually up front about it the future generations will be more accepting and supportive.

My daughters know aboit all my Cd friends and thingk it's great.

[Tamara Croft]

My eldest daughter who is 16 knows.... I recently told her and she took it pretty well. Although she hasn't see Tam enfemme, she has seen a few pics of her dad and was pretty shocked to find she didn't recognise him at all. It doesn't bother her, but she isn't ready to see him as Tammy. I think you know your own children and how they would react to something like that. You should use your own judgement and instincts and go with them.

If your son does crossdress when he gets older.... that is up to him and I agree its not like father like son. All you can do is support him and educate him.

Tamara x

[Wendy me]

lynne i have two sons now at the age of 26 and 23 the younger son kinda knows been mini busted a few times ...............so far the only intrest in fem. clouthing that thay have is to get there girlfreinds out of them..........so if this runs in the famaly it's skipped a genaration here ........if my boys should cd i could only hope for a more understanding world for them.......................

i don't think being a cd is catchey like a cold ......eather you are or your not..........

[lynnegirlie]

Ladies (both GG and CD :D ),

Thank you all for your thoughtful posts. I didn't mean to imply I was planning on telling my son (he's only 6). I was just concerned that he may feel the same shame and difficulties I've dealt with because of Cding. :(

When I step back and look at it from a distance it seems like an unfounded worry.....I don't think I could influence it one way or the other.

XOXO

Lynne