ashamed of cding

[occdresser]

Ok I very much love cding- it is a part of me; something that will never! go away, I never ever told 1 person, but my S.O. found out after 15 years. I was embarrased:redface: She was whipping out questions like do you have another girlfriend (I didnt know I had any;) ) are you gay. And I had to answer these +? s right know. But I feel very ashamed of cding-should I feel this way+?

[jennig]

hi she caught you off gard with no right or wrong answer. no you should not be asshamed its a part of you and theay always come out with the gay thing. If you thing about it she was overwelmb by you cding and that was the only thing she could say sit her down and explain how you feel .

best of luck
jennig

[Lisa Marie]

No you shouldnt be ashamed of being a cd. Girls like to wear guys stuff all the time and get away with it easliy dont they? I wouldnt worry what anyone would say about cding its a part of me also. I enjoy dressing as a girl very much. Its fun to have two sides. So dont give up!:love:

[donna h]

My SO found out the same way, by surprise,not good. My advice is to talk to her honestly about it and go from there. By the way how do I start a new post on here cant find the new post symbol?

[Andrea Nicole]

Occ,
The only real shame you brought on was the deception all those years. Marraige is built on trust, and meant to be a sharing of lives. Sit down and talk this out with her, hopefully you can re-new the trust.
Take Care,
Andi ...

[Holly]

I don't think any of us have the right to tell another how they should or shouldn't feel. The best advice I can give you is to ask yourself why you feel the way that you do. My own experience is that we tend to have negative feelings about those things that we do not understand. I suspect that once you are more confident as to why you cross dress, that your self acceptance will soar. And once you can accept yourself for who and what you are, the feelings of shame should diminish. Honestly, the exploration of ourselves is half the fun!

[marie354]

I can understand how you would feel. Even though I told my SO about my dressing, I was a little embarrased when she first saw me. This was long before I found this site and I still felt like I was an odd one. She laughed loud and hard at first and thought it was a joke. When she asked if I was serious and I told her... well it was a whole nother story. Just to say I understand is not enough, I'm sure. It's different for eveyone.

[kathy gg]

Hi ...

Welcome to the forum.

I am just sorry you did not discover this forum and the wonderful resource that is the internet before you told your SO.

Actually her questions and concerns are quiet common. I mean, the reality is most people who dont' have prior education or know someone in this community dont' have a clue. And really I dont' think it is uncommon, I certainly was not given this information in my birds and the bees talk from my mother. If a person does not have any of thse feelings most people are not going to know about it. And if one depends on talk shows or the odd movie here or there it never is as close to reality as the reality we all discuss in here.

Also, due to you feeling shame it will be hard to explain or to sound confident in the face of a line of questioning. Really time and education knowing you are not alone and that many people are able to lead happy and regular lives and still be a crossdressers...might help you on your journey to self acceptance.

But.....now that you have found this forum, you have found the net. I think it is an absolute MUST and RESPONSIBILITY of a crossdresser {espically those in marriage where this was NOT disclosed} to immeidatly begin the process of self education and then material gathering for their partner. You need to read up on this...either here or with books, or other websites that deal with this. Sometimes having a third party source of info makes things sound less one sided.

YOU alone have to be able to talk about your feelings .....books, websites and forums are all good starts, but ultimatly ONLY you can tell the story of YOU. What will matter in the end is not other people's stories and feelings...but yours...in our own words to your SO.

There is no shame in cding.

This could be the start of your self acceptance, because if you cannot accept who you are...is it fair to ask another to accept you?




Ok I very much love cding- it is a part of me; something that will never! go away, I never ever told 1 person, but my S.O. found out after 15 years. I was embarrased:redface: She was whipping out questions like do you have another girlfriend (I didnt know I had any;) ) are you gay. And I had to answer these +? s right know. But I feel very ashamed of cding-should I feel this way+?

[PatyR]

Occ,
The only real shame you brought on was the deception all those years. Marraige is built on trust, and meant to be a sharing of lives. Sit down and talk this out with her, hopefully you can re-new the trust.
Take Care,
Andi ...

This a very important thing, you don't have to be ashamed, but you really need to talk to her.

[Marla S]

But I feel very ashamed of cding-should I feel this way+?
You don't have to feel this way. CDing is nothing one has to be ashamed of.
More interesting is the question "Why you feel ashamed of CDing ?"
Try to figure out that, than you might get rid of that feeling by working on the reasons.
An answer of the quality "because it feels wrong" certainly doesn't help here, because it would be followed by "What does wrong mean ?".

[Bethany Ann]

I felt the same way when my wife of 15 years last month caught me. For days I could not even look her in the eyes till she took me by the face and made me look at her while she talked to me for an hour telling me everything is ok. Give it some time what your doing is YOU...and you cant change that. I have tried and have never been able to stop since I was 10. Just take time and everythinfg will be fine.

Bethany

[occdresser]

thanx for the replies ladies and the good information. I could not have went to a psychiatrist and get better info-which was also suggested.

[noname]

forgive my anger buy, I'd turn the tables. Are you lesbian? Your wearing pants. Do you have a bf?

[Bethanygirl]

Guilt is something you feel for yourself, to make you stop hurtfull or destructive behavior. Shame is something society trains you to feel for social non-conformity. Your dressing is something that you are compelled to experience, you are not compelled to feel shame just because society tells you to. Reject it, otherwise you will never deal with your cd-ing, and if you can't deal with it, how will your SO?
Good luck honey.
:love:

[occdresser]

forgive my anger buy, I'd turn the tables. Are you lesbian? Your wearing pants. Do you have a bf?

is there a doctor in the house?:devil:

[gennee]

My spouse found my stuff so I told her that I'm a CD. She asked the same questions that you mentioned. I was relieved that I told her because I wanted to. It just came sooner than I expected. Now we share tops, blouses, skirts, and dresses. Funny how things can work out.


Gennee

:happy:

[Stephenie S]

What is soooo clear from all of these answers is the absolute truth that we all should share our need for CDing with our spouses or SOs BEFORE they find out. Because find out they will, sooner or later. Then we have to deal with the awful truth of the years of deception. This ALWAYS hurts more than the actual CDing.

Lovies,
Steph

[Wendi0012]

Let me first say no it is not wrong being and expressing ourselves as who we are. The problem is when we don't prepare ourselves for times like this. We expect that the day when we have to face society or our s/o with the cold hard truth will never come well guess what it does come and being prepared and honest with ourselves and others is the best way to handle this situation. I was discovered a few years back by my s/o when I left a skirt of mine on our bed. When confronted about it I simply took a deep breath and explained that it was mine and not some other woman's (my s/o thaught it was someone I was cheating with) and after a long conversation and being honestwith her and myself things got better not worse. The point is be honest with ourselves and others and things will be better for all involved.

[Wendi0012]

Hi donna at the top of page to thee left you will see a post thresd box click and go from there

[Kerry Owens]

Take a deep breath, and just explain the plain truth, and reminding her as I've often said. There are far worse things a guy can get into than mere cross dressing. This is a cake walk to deal with compared to what some GG's face. I know.

[Sierra Evon]

Never be ashamed of who you are , rule # 1..........:thumbsup: