G-G-g P-p-p T-tt-oday....gulp....

[pocoyo]

Hey dudes n' dudettes,

I have just booked an appointment with my GP for today, for like in HALF AN HOUR'S TIME!!! AAAARGH!!!
The appointment is so I can ask her about being referred to a therapist that is knowledgable about gender issues.
I am well nervous because I'm worried she will think I'm weird or hate me.
Last time she saw me she seemed to think I was nice and was sweet to me "Hallo cutie! You look a lot better than the last time I saw you!"
(Weirdly enough when she called me "cutie" I felt like she was addressing me as a young boy, but that's another story lol...)

She was referring me to my old counsellor on that occasion, for the natural anxiety that accompanies my balance thingy, and I sort of mumbled "er.. can I talk to him about other issues too?" and she sweetly said "of course!" So maybe she will know... or suspect.... or just... not mind. *Swallows hard*

I kept thinking "ah no... I'll make the appointment another day" but I mean... I shouldn't keep putting it off, and the sooner I start sorting my issues out with a professional/get the ball rolling, the better, right?
.............(little whimper)...................right?
But, but... will it just push me into fooling myself I have gender issues when I don't? (Er.. dude.. HE-LLO?! Wake up and smell the testosterone :rolleyes: !)
Or, or... will I convince myself that I have stronger gender issues than I really have? Or, or or................................................ .......???

Meeuurgh! :yikes: (noise of confusion/worry lol).... so I guess today I am "officially" coming out... wish me luck! I hope that she doesn't hate me and that she knows of someone in the area so I don't have to travel!

purser pocs xx

p.s. when the receptionist asked me what it was about I said "Erm... it's a bit private so I'd rather not say if that's alright... sorry?!" She was cool about that but I hope I didn't offend her lol!

[Kieron Andrew]

yay Poc im so proud of you :), you''ll be fine

[KrazyKat]

:hugs: There, There, pocoyo, you will be just wonderful!!

There is only one way to find out the answers to your life questions, and that, my dear Laddie, is to LIVE LIFE!!!

I think your Doc's will be supportive, and if they aren't, tell 'em you have friends in High Places!! LOL

Or tell "em you'll sick KrazyKat on them!! Yeah, that's the ticket!!

Holding your hand long distance!! You'll be awesome. My Mom told me, when I was young and afraid of authority, "They put their pants on one leg at a time, just like your Father!" That always brought a smile to my face, seeing them hopping around trying to get the other leg into their pants!! Always made it easier! (Hoping the lady wears pants, of course!!)

Hope this helps!! :hugs: :hugs:

[Abraxas]

Hope all goes well, Poc! Good vibes being sent. I know how nerve-wracking stuff like that can be.

[pocoyo]

Well I did it!!

[Incidentally that's like the 2nd time I've actually ever gone to the Dr's on my own too, and the 1st at this surgery, (apart from for the counsellor)... so it was also quite a big step anxiety-wise too!]

Aww Kieron, yay! Thank you! (You're actually the 1st person who suggested to me that I do that... so thank you. Your "action advice" has well helped me over the last few months hasn't it?! What with the thingy and now this....thanks AUK :luvu:)

KK GG, aww thank you! Your answer has really made me feel cheery :D
I love that trouser thing... that's wicked! I will remember that in the future hehe! Thanks so much for the hand holding :hugs: :hugs:


Thanks 'braxas!! I think those vibes helped! Yeah it was a little nervy... but kind of exciting too...that I'm taking action to straighten things out :straightface: But the actual telling her bit was awkward....

Ok so here's what happened:

She called me in and we had a bit of friendly chat "how are you?" etc...
and had a brief discussion about how I'm doing with my ear-stuff.
Then I stumblingly reminded her that I had mentioned "other issues" when she referred me to my counsellor and she said "and those issues aare..?"
And I continued the vocal stumbling and eventually managed to get to the point "...uh so I was wondering if you knew of a counsellor in the local area who has experience with gender things."
And she said "What is the problem?"
And I said "I hope you don't think I'm weird but... well er... it's just that sometimes I feel like I'm a boy or would be happier with a boy's body..."

She didn't really look too shocked and typed in "gender" into her pc and did some stuff. She said she didn't really often have to deal with GID so wasn't sure of any people that specialised in that in the area... but she said she'd bring it up with my old counsellor & the staff in a meeting (all anonymous/confidential) to see if anyone knows of anyone in the local area. Then she will phone me to let me know.

So... phew. That feels good to have that off my shoulders. Just as long as she doesn't dislike me or think I'm odd now. (I don't think she does). :happy:

[Kieron Andrew]

Just as long as she doesn't dislike me or think I'm odd now. (I don't think she does). :happy:
shes not paid to think or have a personal opinion....she has to be objective

[RevMoonSerpent]

I'm glad things went so well for you Poc. I'll keep my fingers crossed that they will get back to you soon with a specialist. :happy:

[Sheila]

poc,

glad you managed to see doc and discuss your gender issues with her, looks like you got a positive response from her. Am pleased for you

:hugs: Jess

[mylitta]

Good for you- a big step forward. And I wouldn't worry about your GP's opinion is- she may not have a lot of experience in this area, but most GP's are beyond being shocked by anything like this. I'm sure if she has an opninion, she'll be pleased that you are being so sensible.

[Sandra]

See it wasn't to bad was it?

I'm gald things went ok for you.
:hugs:

[Abraxas]

Good on ya Poc, glad things went well. I trust you'll keep us informed of new developments? :D

[Kate Simmons]

Don't worry Poc. As Kieron said, they are trained to be objective and neutral. They actually have to go through therapy themselves while in training to confront their own issues. You should have seen the first time I went to mine as Victoria(then). She wasn't so shocked as much as being surprised with just how different I looked. She had to admit that if she had seen me in public, she would not have known it was me as the transformation was so successful. She said she even had a hard time believing it while we were having the session if she didn't know better. I guess the real key that they look for is just how you convinced you are of being yourself.Don't worry Hon, you will be fine.:hugs:

[Lex]

Sounds awesome that you're looking for proffesional help. I'm still being a dick about it and only talking about it to you guys and Andrew. But you're brave enough to get help, that's pretty cool.
I don't think she'll be weirded out by it, I'm sure she's run into loads of things that are way weirder, and even if she is weirded out by it, I'm sure she'll at least be proffesional enough not to let it show.
Good luck buddy! :)

[crossing-the-rain]

I'msure you'll be OK ,good luck and all the best to you.
Rain.

[John]

shes not paid to think or have a personal opinion.

Not paid to think? That explains my doctor...:heehee:

Glad it went O.K. Pokoyo :D

[Kieron Andrew]

Not paid to think? That explains my doctor...:heehee:

smart arse!:p :tongueout you knew what i meant lol

[bi_weird]

Hey Poc, congrats! I remember how hard it was for me to go to the therapist for the first time (for depression stuff), just terrifying, and that's something that's much more socially acceptable to want to talk about. I can't imagine what it'd be like to talk to my GP about finding a gender therapist. Of course, it doesn't help that he's been my family doctor my entire life. It's great that you're going to get some help with all this, though, from someone who really knows what he or she is talking about.

[CaptLex]

Wow, I bet that's a big relief, huh? I'm so proud that you took the initiative and asked for help with this, and doubly proud that you were able to go by yourself - I know how hard that is for you. I'll keep my fingers crossed that they'll find one near you so you don't have to travel too. I know that's a big concern of yours.

I just want to point out one thing, though, and please don't take this as criticism. If you worry too much about how she (or anyone) will perceive you, that is, whether they'll think you're "weird" or won't like you or think less of you because of your gender issues (or anything else, really), this can be a big hindrance in getting yourself the help you need. In other words, if she has a problem with the reason you're seeking help or has any kind of prejudice about transgendered people, it's her problem, not yours. There's NOTHING wrong with you, hun, and anyone who thinks so needs to get over it (or they'll get tossed in the brig).

You're a brave lad, and I'm so happy that you're taking these major steps. Extra rum for you! :hugs:

[Kimberley]

You already know what I want to say so I dont have to.

:hugs: :love:
Kimberley

[Tamera]

Poc,
You'll find out that no matter who you talk to the decision is going to be all up to you. Hopefully they will provide support in the direction that you choose. Many of us on this forum can provide support and answer questions you may have. It's kinda like group therapy.

Gender issues can be confusing and whether or not to change your gender can be more confusing.

Start out small. Get the feel of what you want and like. There are so many directions to go and it may or may not be easy at first.

If you have a SO it could even make it a little more difficult. I would suggest not to throw to much into the pot at once and if you don't have a SO wait until you have started to sort things out.

[Casey Morgan]

Good for you Poc for doing talking to your GP. It takes a brave person to do what they need to do for themselves when it would be so much easier, and less scary, to keep putting it off.

I know you're worried about coming away with a false sense of your gender issues. But in my experience one of the therapist's jobs is to keep you honest with yourself. At my last session I said that I felt like I was just spinning my wheels, not really getting anywhere with becoming "me". He said that was odd to hear, since the last time I had been talking about the little steps I had taken over the Christmas and New Year's holidays. So we explored both of those feelings (standing still and moving forward).

There haven't been any pronouncements, he's never forced me to think one way or another. It's all been about how I'm thinking and feeling, and how does that relate to what I've said before. As I said, it's all been about keeping me honest with myself. There hasn't been any danger of me "becoming" something I'm not.

[Dasein9]

Good for you, Poc the Brave! *trumpet blast* (Or would you prefer a strumpet blast?)

One thing about counselors -- They are people, and not all people get along well all the time. So if you go to one you don't want to open up to, don't. Find another.

[KrazyKat]

WooHaa!! Put another notch in your belt, Pocoyo!!

Glad it went well! Now, next................move!!

One foot in front of the other, that's how we get down this path of life!!

Okay, sometimes we have to stumble and crawl a little, but forward motion is always a great thing!!

[Felix]

Well done Poc ya got balls dude. I'm glad it went well for ya so keep us posted xx Felix :hugs:

[kerrianna]

:hugs: Good boy, glad to hear you're moving forward like that. Like the others have said you're dealing with pros now so don't worry about what they think. Believe me they've seen it all. I hate to break this to you Pocs, but you're not actually that weird. A little geeky maybe :D , a whole lot of fun, a wonderful person; actually you seem like a very thoughtful reasonable guy.

Awww, your description of that meeting was so Pocs-like...I just wish I could have been there to hold your hand, and try not to smile too much as you hummed and hawed. :heehee: Makes me want to tussle up your hair good-looking. :love:

:kiss: 'Kez'

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Good going boy-o! Very brave of you.

BTW, let me just second the good advice you got from the Capt'n. Any problems they have with you are their problem.

[dancinginthedark]

I'm adding my voice to everyone else's if the doc has a problem(s) with you or your gender it is their problem not yours. The idea is to help you not to confuse the issue by bringing in their own issues. And like the others I wouldn't let another's opinion or lack of one influence you. It does not matter a hill of beans if the doctor likes you or thinks you are odd, what matters is how you feel and think of yourself. So no letting them color your self-perception. You are YOU. Nothing will change that. You will always be pocoyo no matter what. And if you’d like a second opinion I think you’re a cutie too.

Well done on taken these steps on your journey. :cheers: Now where is the rum? This calls for a celebration. Yippie for Pocoyo!! :worship: YRTM

dancin

[ZenFrost]

Hey, good luck with the therapy stuff. (I've never had much luck with any therapists.) I hope you find one that's understanding and knowledgable about your gender 'issues'.

Anywho, keep us informed of how it goes, I'm sure many of us would like to know more about gender related therapy.

[Di]

Awesome.....sounds like it went well...........onward with your journey....very brave there Poc...hugs :hugs: Di

[pocoyo]

Woah I've got behind!
Hehe.. time to catch up.....

Kieron - yus true, that's reassuring, thanks. I want her to like me though hehe!

LMS - Yay! Thank you... me too. I'm EVEN bothering to get out of bed to answer when the phone rings in the morning now haha!

Jess - thanks so much :happy: **hugs**

mylitta - aww thats really reassuring too. Thank you! Hope so!!

Sandra - hehe...*shuffles foot* no, it wasn't that bad :D

Abraxas - thanks dude! Yes of course I will!!!

Salandra - Thank you! Oh cool, that sounds very good... that if they are good then they just want you to be yourself. (((hug)))

Lex - haha you're not being a dick! Just being sensible and not rushing into things. You're like only 18 anyway so that's very sensible!! And you have been taking some positive action with that chest surgery anyway so...less of the calling yourself a dick :p Hehe! Thank you. Yeah... she didn't seem to let anything show too much....!

CTRain - Thanks very much for the support!!

Haha!! Thanks Joshua :)

Bi - thank you :hugs: Awww I hope you got the depression stuff sorted out. Cor yeah... talking gender stuff with a family gp you've had your whole life could be a tad shy-making! I'm sure you could manage it if you wanted to though *grins*

CaptLex - yaay thank you for your lovely words and support!!
Oh yes you're right, sometimes I do worry about what people think a bit too much. I think that it comes from 1) being bullied at school, and hating people seeing things "wrongly" and 2) Not wanting someone to want to hurt me 'cos I'm "different" (I guess that's part of number 1 too actually). But about other stuff.. like acting like a silly loon, I don't care what people think of me hehe!!
Yeah I should just think "well I know I'm not weird... if they think that, it's their problem." (Can't stand injustice though... but I need to learn to just "let it GO maayaan!")

Kimberley - hehe you are the other person that told me to go through my GP. I expect that you are pleased that I'm being sensible and doing it? Hehe. Thank you for the great advice you saucy wench :love:

Tamera - Hehe oh dear, yes, don't I know that all too well "Only you know the truth.. only you can decide" etc. Ooh it's so confusing lol! Yeah, baby steps is a gooood plan. SO? Well I'm lucky that I don't have one actually... it's just too complicated for me at the moment. Yeah totally... good plan... waiting until I'm a little more sorted to get one. Thanks for wise words Tamera!! :happy:

Casey - thank you so much. Yes... it is easy to keep putting things off. I actually did that for a few years in a way. I mean I was old enough to realise something was a little different, but was reluctant to seek help because I knew I wasn't weird or anything, and I was scared of being pushed or influenced into thinking I wanted to transition. What you said is great! That if you get a good therapist they just gently let you do what you feel. Not push you either way. Thanks Casey *hugs*


Das - Haha! Youre post made me laugh!! Hmm a strumpet blast eh? *nudge nudge, wink wink , say no mowah!*
Thank you, that's good advice! I will remember that.

KrazyKat - awww yay! Thank you *grin* That's so cool. *hug hug*

Felix - hehe!! Thank you so much (((hug))) Yes I will keep you posted!

Kerrianna - Awwwwwww!! You're so sweeeeet. Thank you lovely. Hand holding would have been nice :happy: YAAAY I'M NOT WEIRD... YAAAYY! Hehehe!! *hug hug hug*

Marlena - Thank you cool lady!! I will try and remember that advice.

Hehehehe Dancing! Thank you very much!!
Yus, I know.. I shouldn't worry so much about what people think. (See what I said to Cap ^ about why I'm so silly about it).


Zen - meep.. me too! I don't want a horrible one. But if I do get a horrible one I won't put up with it, I will ask to see another or something. *puts on camp voice* Ooh can't be doin' with mean/misunderstanding people! Thanks Zen!!

Di - Thanks so much!! :hugs:

WOW I'm tired after answering all those! But THANK YOU SO MUCH for the huge amount of support and lovliness. Aren't you all wonderful eh?
:bighug: to you all!

[Kimberley]

Well, you just make sure you keep us posted on any major develeopments. A lot of us are pulling for you and just want to see you happy as you.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[pocoyo]

:hugs: :hugs:
Awww thank you!! Hehe I reckon I will keep you posted.
If it's good stuff I won't be able to keep my mouth shut LOL and if it's annoying/confusing stuff I will want to moan :p

[bi_weird]

"Only you know the truth.. only you can decide" etc. Ooh it's so confusing lol! Yeah, baby steps is a gooood plan.
Hehe have you seen "What About Bob?" The main character has OCD (it's a comedy) and his therapist fixes him by telling him to take baby steps, rather than think about big things. Bob does so well he ends up driving his therapist crazy. Good times. :-)
About the depression thing - luckily, that was a year ago. I took my counselor's advice and changed some things about my life, as well as watching 18 movies in 14 days over Christmas break to give myself time to recouperate, and I'm better now. But yeah, the fear involved in that first visit...that's crazy. I'm so thankful I had a friend who insisted on going with me.

[pocoyo]

Hehe have you seen "What About Bob?" The main character has OCD (it's a comedy) and his therapist fixes him by telling him to take baby steps, rather than think about big things. Bob does so well he ends up driving his therapist crazy. Good times. :-)
About the depression thing - luckily, that was a year ago. I took my counselor's advice and changed some things about my life, as well as watching 18 movies in 14 days over Christmas break to give myself time to recouperate, and I'm better now. But yeah, the fear involved in that first visit...that's crazy. I'm so thankful I had a friend who insisted on going with me.

Hehe no I haven't seen that but it sounds really good!

Oh good you! I'm so glad that you were sensible and looked after yourself.
That's fantastic :hugs:
Aww I'm glad a nice friend went with you.
So SO glad to hear you are feeling better now. My mum has had depression/is slowly recovering from it, and I know it's no picnic.
Here have another hug for being so excellent and looking after yourself :bighug:

[pocoyo]

*While washing some dishes/cooking some dinner, suddenly has a flashback to something Kerrianna said*.....



Awww, your description of that meeting was so Pocs-like...

E-hem! Meaaaning? :heehee:
(Lol talk about slow reaction!)

[kerrianna]

:heehee: ..silly boy...

I just meant you not only have a very sweet and unique way of moving through the world, you also have a very distinctive 'voice' as a writer. I love reading anything you write - you wear your heart on your sleeve and that's so refreshing in this world of fakes and phonies. :hugs:

[pocoyo]

AWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!

I think I might love you :D
You're so lovely.

:bighug:

[kerrianna]

:blushing: :blushing: :blushing: :blushing: :blushing: :p