How did you feel when your SO told you he was a CD?

[JoJoGG]

This is for all the GG's who have accepted their guys dressing. I'm interested in hearing what you thought when you first herad that your man was a CDer. I'll give ya my answer after i see some of yours.

JoJoGG

[Sheila]

if you discount the anger& hurt over the fact that he had lied to me for 2 1/2 years, I could & still can see the wonderful person I fell in love with and remain in love with. Dosen't mean it's ben an easy ride but I would rather travel this road with him than be on any other road without him

Jess

[Kerry Owens]

at first, it was "whaddya mean crossdressing" didn't take long on google to learn something more and then as I've said so often...there are worse things a guy can do, this isn't a biggie. One year later we're married happily and I'm convinced it truely isn't a huge problem compared to other things that can happen.

[Bernadina]

I had asked my wife that same question and she said that she thought that it was bit odd but that it was OK. I told her shortly after we started dating.

[susie evans]

Well how do I start. First when we got married I found "womens clothes" and shoes... I thought it was another woman. Sounds crazy huh. Then waiting for the right moment to figure out what was going on. Then the right moment to ask..... then back in those days off to the library. Very little information... it took me a while to figure out the term "cross dressing". .... Then years of not accepting it ... not really.... hoping this would go away... because susie wanted it to go away too. But it would never go away. I never wanted susie to take the step too far to the other side and not want to come back to me and our 6 kids.

However some extended health problems ... ended up in front of a counselor.... talking about depression...etc ...... didn't expect to find out that the depression was not associated with illness as much as the childhood and upbringing etc. Experiences that molded the c/d personality I believe.
Well getting this hidden secret out in the open was the best thing. Three months later no depression and now we can enjoy each others company. I no longer have to "worry" about "crossing over the line" of no return and susie has been able to be guilt free. I must say it is nice to have a web site because I still have not found any historical data to explain the whys to cross dressing, however the transition seems to be a sense of "relaxation" more than anything. However, there is pain with "secrets" especially with a family and the worry that the news will get out. We are not ready to let everyone know...but we are comfortable together after we were able to discuss it openly with another person.

Susies GG:love:

[EmmaB GG]

I was told a few weeks after we started seeing each other, but as I'd known him years previously I'd known there was something different about him (!)

At first, probably because of lack of knowledge about it all, it didn't really register that much - what did though, was the broader social unacceptability of it and the thought of "how is this going to affect us because of how others react?"

Since then I have found out a lot about how it affects my SO, which is not good as he hates having these feeling and finds it very difficult to come to terms with but will then suddenly go off on a mission to "prepare" and I get left behind (its amazing how lonely you can feel living with someone).

Much of the time I'd like to go back to the innocence of how I felt & how stable he was when I first found out ....

[Sandra]

What I first thought?

"Yeah your joking aren't you"
But after a long haul we are were we are now and I wouldn't change a thing.


Why did you want to see our answers before you posted yours?

[JoJoGG]

Because when we first started to date I had no clue that he was doing this. He did tell me about his dressing he did dress for me one night in our bedroom and i freaked out and didn't want nothing to do with it. So for a long time i had no idea he was still dressing behind my back. I made him promise not to ever do it again. Then when i found out he was talking to other CD's on this forum. We got into a few fights over it. Then when i found out he was trying to get with another girl who would accept his dressing. It made me stop and think if i don't accept this i'll lose him over it. I don't want to lose him because i love him with all my heart. So when he told me he was still doing it we finally sat down and really talked about how he really feels about it. After reading a few threads about other CD's i became more understanding.

JoJoGG

[Holly]

Wow, JoJo... you are just unbelievable.

[BoyBrittany]

JOJO.. That all sounds so familiar..wife still does that one day she accepts and the nexxt shell struggle..

[cocopuff's girl GG]

I caught him with my make-up and he had to explain and spill the beans at that point that's how I found out. My first reaction was what the Heck is he gonna do with make-up. I'm sure the look on my face was priceless. He explained further and I sat in silence and let him bair all. He told me he had secretly been dressing in his truck for about 9 month's but had a history of it on and off in his life since in his teens. He had secretly been washing his panties aand such at the truck stops which explains why all his guy underwear was at the house. :rolleyes: He dressed for me all but a wig on Christmas Eve. He asked if I wanted to see and curious me said ok. I don't think I was as ready as I thought I was. It was really weird and to be honest he looked silly. You have to understand coming from my eyes though all I had known was the flannel channel truck driving man. We are talking big here not just a regular truck I thought how much manlyer <---- not a word can you get. I cried, I was in shock I beleive but after seeing and hearing in his voice how these things brought him pleasure not just in a sexual scense in a neccessity scense.; I have come to terms with it and I love him.

[kittypw GG]

We sort of developed the cd'ing together. I found it sort of interesting and sexy. It was role playing to me. We tried to find stuff on the internet about cd'ing and came up with mostly porn. As time went on I found myself wanting to find other gg's who had cd husbands. I guess for self validation. If I found other women like me who loved their cd husband and had sucessful marriages then I guess I felt that it was, well not so strange of a life.

It was when my husband had serious confusion about his gender that the acceptance scale tipped for me. All along I was thinking that it was more of a fetish thing then it became something different all together. Something serious. It totally changed the way I saw things and I sort of freaked out. He was talking about hormones and boobs and srs :eek: The pink fog set in and it was as dense as it could get and lasted for too long. I was saturated and blind sided. In retrospect I wish that I would have had the knowledge that I do now. (all of this took place before we joined this forum) I wish that I would have had my boundries set in place but at that time I did not know what they were. Instead my response was to wash my hands of the whole business because I needed a break from it before it broke me. This in turn freaked my hubby out :eek:

The only way that we have survived this whole thing and are still married is that we found others like us. I first joined Kathy's Yahoo group and as you all know what a treasure she is. She is not just accepting but is very realistic in her acceptance and knowledge of the tg comunity and I can relate to that. My husband foud this forum and suggested that I join. It has been a real eye opener to interact with others like my hubby, that interaction has proven invaluable to me. We were also lucky enough to meet a real live flesh and blood married couple to interact with who are so similar to us in a lot of ways. I no longer feel like I am an island and that is huge in my book. It is also invaluable to my hubby to have someone to relate to that knows what he is thinking and going through.

This all said I guess in answer to your question. There was no one moment that he "told" me or revieled himself to me. I think he did not know anything more than he had this desire that was barely acted upon before he met me.

It started with blind acceptance, built up steam, came to a peak, crashed to the other side and now we are at the bottom of the hill. Healing our broken relationship with hope that we will only suffer with a slight limp when all is said and done. Perhaps all of the struggles were necessary, I don't know. All I know is that we aren't going back. We are trying to live lives with purpose now and that feels good.

Kitty

[Tree GG]

Initially it was presented to me as a sometimes, fetish thing he did for and by himself. I only saw it once in the 16 mos that followed - and I have to agree w/ the silly observation. Him in a garter, stockings & high heels just didn't do anything for me (he had a full beard at that time as well)

And denial can be a wonderful thing. I just figured it was a little sexual quirk he'd enjoyed and if I didn't encourage or ridicule him, it'd just fade back into oblivion where it was before.

Wrong! Everytime he mentioned "full femme" & "passing" I panicked inside, changed the subject, and spouted every reason I could think of why it wouldn't work.

Cut to now (some of the in-between parts get unpleasant). With months of soul searching, a little therapy, alot of communication, hard/honest dialogue, and some great people found on this website, it's OK. Issues still pop up from time to time, but we've learned the skills to deal with them before they get blown out of proportion.

In all honesty - I'm in the lucky group. He's committed to his family and professional life and has really demonstrated in the past few months just how loving, generous & appreciative he can be. I try to respond in kind.

[Cheryl GG]

I was in raged, felt he was cheating on me, felt worthless (and hell I already have a low self-esteem from early childhood traumas), wondered was he gay, like I had not done something I was supposed to do and that I had pushed him to this....I literally did the ultimatum....stop or I am gone....he didnt hesitate and told me that I knew where the door was....my stubbornness - I had him drive me to a homeless shelter.....took nothing with me but my meds and two pictures - one of our wedding pictures and one of my kids....I was just so hurt that he never once hesitated just as much as I was hurt that he was a CDer.....I stayed at the shelter about all of 10 mins and a woman drove me back here to our house....I sat outside in 30 degree weather for a little over an hour and a half...still to this day have no clue where he went....and you gotta know there were so many thoughts that ran thru my head of where he COULD be and what he COULD be doing....he came home and told me to come inside and proceeded to tell me I was in a psychotic episode - which no I was in shock.....I had a mini-nervous breakdown in the days that followed and have felt somewhat alone since....for about two and a half months, we didnt really speak much and he dressed daily...not listening to a word I tried to say...I was hurt angry sad....god....it hurt so bad to see him walk across our office and for him to know how it upset me and do nothing....I found this site during that time...came here and poured my heart out....I went into the chatroom a couple of times....and met a CDer who to this day I will never be able to say thank you enough to (you know who you are and you made a difference in the world - my world - so you accomplished your life goal deary)....not only did he help me drag myself out of what to date has been the darkest time of my life.....but one night that I drug Gary in there....he just told Gary how it was - which pissed Gary off....but in less than 12 hours....Gary was alot diff....he was the man I married only better....I thought I was strong and coping better, but recently, due to my own fault (thought I could handle a progression and bought something to help that progression out - wow was I wrong) I found out that just wasnt the case....now...once again....I sit alone...and as I type these words, I am crying - ruining my make-up....grrrrrrrr.....I am not coping much better now than I was the night I was told....only now I cant fall apart....my son has moved in with us...and I have to hold it all together for him....I dont get the kisses anymore.....I dont get the I love yous.....I dont get much conversation....I am combative on everything....I have pushed him away totally and am not sure if the damage can be fixed....I know its (CDing) here....I know its not going anywhere....I cant seem to come to grips with what all he is asking for....and my marriage is dying.....I hate that I am not near as strong as many of my GG buddies.....but we all cope in different ways....and at the moment...guess I am not one of the coping.....you asked...I shared....as depressing as it all might be.....sorry to be the party pooper......xoxoC/