CDing becoming a "normal" part of my life

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Those of you who are long-time members will remember that I used to post a lot, but lately I've been pretty quiet (up to until a few weeks ago) and I just wanted to talk about why.

It's pretty well known that a number of post-ops "disappear into the woodwork" after transitioning. While I think it's unfortunate in some ways (because they're not there to provide role models), I can certainly understand their desire to be "normal" for once in your life. I've been doing something similar, albeit for very different reasons.

Part of the reason I haven't been around here that much is other competing demands on my time (both life in general and being a mod on another forum). Part of it is just the normal dynamic of being a long-term member in a forum where topics tend to repeat themselves. (When you've seen threads on favorite panties 17 times before, it just gets hard to muster enough interest to reply to the latest one.)

But mostly it's because my crossdressing has become just another part of my life. (I do have some advantages here. I live in a trans-friendly area. I'm single, so I don't have to work through the relationship troubles that coming out to an SO can cause. (There is the whole dating issue, however...)

When I first went out, it was such a new and exciting experience, I felt the need to write about it in great detail each time I did it. But over time, I felt less and less need do so. But unless it was a special occasion, it was being "normal."

For example, a couple weekends ago this was my en femme outing: going to a boutique (http://www.fogcityleather.com/) to get a leather jacket altered, stopping for a late lunch, checking out the sales at the department stores, realizing it was a clear day and driving up to Twin Peaks (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twin_Peaks%2C_San_Francisco%2C_California) to admire the view. In short, pretty similar to a woman running errands on a Sunday afternoon. (And no I didn't call ahead to any of the stores I visited, I just want there and was treated like any other customer.) At this point it's just "normal," nothing to write about.

At this point, I usually go out a couple times a month. Sometimes it's to trans events, such as the monthly "girl's night out" dinner. (http://www.carlas.com/calendar/current.html#cmd) Sometimes it's to trans-friendly spaces, like Marlena's, which hosts the Faux Girls show. (http://www.fauxgirls.com) (If you want to learn to boost your confidence, hanging out with DQ is a great way -- they don't take nuthin' from nobody.) But it's equally like to be going out to dinner with friends, shopping, going out to a local museum or concert, or just hanging out on the town.

So even if I'm not writing about it anymore, you can safely assume this weekend princess is out most weekends -- and being treated graciously and respectfully by the vast majority of people I interact with. I've told a number friends and several co-workers, who've all been pretty accepting. When I go shopping these days, if I'm en homme, I'm upfront that a skirt is for me (and bring along a photo of me en femme to show the sales clerks). In short, while I'm not fully out, it's now just another (enjoyable) part of my life.

Standard disclaimer: Going out of the house was right for me, it may or may not be right for you. If you've got no desire to leave the house, that's fine, I'm not trying to push you out the door. But for those who've been yearning to do so, I just want to let you the world may not be as scary a place as you think.

[Lori SC]

At this point it's just "normal," nothing to write about.



I know how you feel Marlena.... Sometimes I kinda miss the days when it wasn't normal - the scary feeling, nervousness, etc.

Hugs, Lori

[sandra-leigh]

So even if I'm not writing about it anymore, you can safely assume this weekend princess is out most weekends -- and being treated graciously and respectfully by the vast majority of people I interact with.

I don't get out nearly as often as you, but you are right: aspects, particularily my femme shopping, are just becoming "normal" for me.

For example I didn't write about going (in drab) to the specialty makeup store last week and trying on lipsticks for an hour, nor about going (in drab) this week to a hair-care place and trying on nail-polish for half an hour, nor about going yesterday into a consignment clothing boutique (wearing femme clothes and my forms but no makeup -- and they know me by my drab name) and trying on blouses for half an hour. Okay, so I did write very indirectly about going and buying a 40G bra, but only about the result, not about the experience itself. Going in and getting full fitting assistance from a specialty bra store is still a bit unusual for me, yes, but on the other hand, once I knew that I was going to shop at that particular store, it was nothing special for me to go in and deal with them matter-of-factly, as just another knowledgable customer.

No-one gives me any trouble in stores these days; clerks and other other customers barely even blink. It is true that it is not [I]common for guys to buy the things I buy, and so I perhaps become a bit more memorable to the clerks than the average woman would be, but in several stores I've been told that I am definitely not the only male shopper; for example, the manager of Tall Girls tells me that she gets guys buying clothes for themselves "all the time".

Just another shopping outing. Just another customer. Nothing to write home about :)

[Kristen Kelly]

I am there myself lately being enfem has become such a normal part of my life. I go out in the daylight and have the confidence to go anywhere. My dressing has changed me in my "drab" life too. I used to wonder why there were only newbees here I see why after the 17th panty post need to save all my replies in alphabetical order to repost them with a link to the past post.

I have posted a lot about myself and not just the petty or pretty things but how my life has changed and how I told my GF and what has happened since. This site has been my shrink I have learned a lot about myself by sharing with others and am still learning much about myself. I still chat with many girls from here old and new and welcome all for I am a good ear and won’t judge….Yahoo IM…..KristenKelly77

I'm like a fine wine mellowed with time, but not so far from the simple grape juice where it started and if let dormate to long or not nurtured under the right conditions will turn sour.

[Sally24]

Thanks for sharing Marlena. "Normal" is not a bad feeling. I have a T-girl friend who really doesn't like to wear clothes much more than once. She says that the first wear is exciting and new, but after that it is just a comfortable old friend and not the same. Dressing can be much the same. After going out for awhile, you sometimes miss the feeling of that first time out in the Spring/Summer with a light skirt on and not much else between you and the world. That was a great feeling! But I was also terrified at the same time! Now I feel much more comfortable with myself and the world at large. There is still some paranoia and fear, but it is usually in the background.

I think for some of us, normal is probably our ultimate goal. We should enjoy that. It's like wishing you had youth back. You get one shot at it, then move on to something a little different. That's life!

"Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!" - AUNTIE MAME

Sally

[melissacd]

It is the normal process for us to hopefully evolve in our thinking about all of this. If we don't then we are not making any progress. I, as all, started with many misconceptions and fears about the whole cross dressing thing, however, with a place to ask questions, make mistakes and solicit advice I have been able to go from a place where I could not accept or feel good about my dressing to a place where I love, embrace and enjoy it both within the four walls of my home office, as well as, out in the larger world when I get a chance to get out. I will continue to evolve in my femme persona, although I hope that I never forget where I started so that I can share my learning with others who are a bit further back on the path and need help, guidance and a kind supportive thought or word.

We are on this continuum together and I am so happy that I can be there with all of my other sisters. You all make me very proud to be who I am.

So normal is wherever yo are at gurl...

[Karren H]

You go Darla...... I mean Marlena!!! Can't get used to that name.... hehehe. And you are right ..... it's getting quite normal for me ... changing genders on the fly ....

Love Karren

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Marlena,

I hear you girlfriend. I certainly don't post about every time Marla and I go out together with me en femme, although I used to. And (unfortunately?) I don't visit and post as much here as I used to, but rest assured, just like you, crossdressing is just as much a part of my life as it has ever been. :happy:

I'm glad you were able to tell us what you have, because if and when it happens to others (and I include myself in this) we/they won't feel so bad about not getting the same sort of buzz like we/they used to. It's still a thrill and I enjoy it and I will never stop, it's just a different sort of enjoyment that's all.

Thanks for sharing always great to hear about your thoughts and feelings. :happy: Take care.

[Marla S]

Becoming "normal" is the main goal IMO, and I am happy for each TS that is able to. With their disappearance they become role models in a way, not for CDs though as we usually don't have the chance or wish to live a "normal" woman's life.
If I'd need the thrill I'd go sky diving or do stuff like that.
Personally this "normal moments" exceed the thrilling ones by far emotionally.
But it is more easy to write about the "thrill" than about the normal moments and it's more "interesting" to read about the "thrill" (much like it is easier to play war instead of peace. Nobody wants to read about peace in a newspaper.)

[marie354]

I think that I understand it as well. I dress now all the time I'm at home and it's feeling more like crossdressing when I go out drab anymore. Which I do every time I go out of the house at this point in my life.
I do sometimes, when the thread "What are you wearing today" comes up, respond to it. But being enfemme is becoming the norm to me now, because I feel more comfortable with myself as well.
When I do go out, (hopefully in a week or two), I'm sure that it is going to be very exciting to me as I've never really done it with the feelings of really wanting to be out.
Although, I hope to be able to post some of my adventures here, I see that the excitement of going out will become the norm as well in the future.
This should be a welcome feeling to all of us... A real feeling of acceptance.
Isn't that what we are all striving for, after all?
Thank you very much... This has been a very inspiring thread for me.
:hugs:

[Di]

Marlena,Your title caught my eye because Sher said just about the same thing to me last night. We do post once a week our outings...but there are so many more we don't...it is just our life now. When you do post I love reading what you are up too, when you describe it...the reader feels just like they expereinced it with you.

[EricaCD]

Very similar experience here, aggravated in large part because I tend to focus my limited writing on my blog rather than on starting threads here. I still write about my outings and experiences - even though it's no longer an earth shaking moment every time I venture out. Put simply, for me writing is crucial therapy to improving my own "okay-ness" with being a CD.

That said, I do enjoy posting here and have no plan to stop!

[JoAnnDallas]

If you told me a year ago, that going out en fem would become normal, I would have told you that you don't know what your talking about. Sitting here thinking about my first Tri-Ess meeting this past Saturday evening, It kinda shocks me how at ease and relax I was going to the meeting, at the meeting, coffee, and going home. Since my wife doesn't know about my fem side, so when I left the house, I have a seclued place where I change and then drove 45 minutes to the meeting place. I stayed en fem thru the whole meeting and the 45 minute drive back home. I changed back to drab in the gurage, since it was midnight and wife was asleep. No rapid heart beat, no sweating, or no trying to hide. Even when a few of us went for coffee at the IHOP after the meeting (btw first time en fem at a restruant), it was like normal. LOL BTW, no one paid any attention to us and the IHOP staff was great.