Struggling

[Jodie_Lynn]

>sigh< maybe its that time of year, but I'm afraid I'll be adding another "life as a CD is tuff" thread. :) Apologies in advance if this becomes whiney.

My wife ia aware of my crossdressing predilection. She knows, and I think tries to understand, but I fear she does not accept.

While I try not to overwhelm her with this, when we do talk I try to impress upon her the feeling of doing something shameful, and that her participation would mean so much to me. She says she is "alright" with what I do, but really doesn't want to become involved.

I understand her feelings, and try to be discreet. To date, I have let my body hair grow back, and haven't worn a single feminine item in over 6 months. I have tried to be "all male" for her, hoping against hope that she might throw me a little bone.

But, I'm afraid that will never happen.

On another front, I am dispairing of ever leaving the basement ( the closet was getting too small :) ), and meeting anyone of my sisters.


Is it so wrong to just want to "be"?

[Kimberly]

There is nothing wrong with being who you want to be -- or dressing how you wish. If talking with your wife is getting you nowhere with regard to getting her involved, then I think that maybe her involvement is not what you could acquire: but the involvement of others.

Maybe try looking for groups or sisters in the area you can meet up with and chat with - not even dressed up, but just to talk to. Then build contacts? But I would say: always make your partner aware of your intentions and what's going on.

Talk to her again, tell her how you feel -- and find out how she feels! xx

[Joy Carter]

>sigh< maybe its that time of year, but I'm afraid I'll be adding another "life as a CD is tuff" thread. :) Apologies in advance if this becomes whiney.

My wife ia aware of my crossdressing predilection. She knows, and I think tries to understand, but I fear she does not accept.

While I try not to overwhelm her with this, when we do talk I try to impress upon her the feeling of doing something shameful, and that her participation would mean so much to me. She says she is "alright" with what I do, but really doesn't want to become involved.

I understand her feelings, and try to be discreet. To date, I have let my body hair grow back, and haven't worn a single feminine item in over 6 months. I have tried to be "all male" for her, hoping against hope that she might throw me a little bone.

But, I'm afraid that will never happen.

On another front, I am dispairing of ever leaving the basement ( the closet was getting too small :) ), and meeting anyone of my sisters.


Is it so wrong to just want to "be"?



Jodi Hun. I will put out my offer to take you along on one of our CD outings, if you ever feel the time is right for you. I have two girl friends now and hope this three some can grow. I just want you to know I'm/we are here for you.

[Tamera]

Jodie,
You have come to a fork in the road of which way to go.
1. Do I love my wife enough to stop CD'ing or
2. Do I continue to CD and possible lose my wife. Or its possible she will understand the things I do and all will be alright.

I will say when a SO finds out that communication is the key. You have to understand where she is coming from and she has to find out where you are coming from.

This road is not always black and white and takes time. How much, no one knows.

You also say you have stopped CDing. I'm sure its because of your love for her, but the feeling of CD is always there, once in your blood. And can you choose the road to never CD ever again for your love?

OR;

Her love for you, with understanding of what CDing is all about will let you still CD and carry on a relationship.

COMMUNICATION! between you two is the key. Do not get upset when you talk and scream and shout but rather talk in a calm voice. If you can't do this and it becomes a shouting match. Take a break. And talk about it later.

We are all here to help. Any questions just ask.
Tamera

[Cheryl GG]

While you struggle emotionally.....your wife does as well.....it takes time, sometimes alot of time, for a GG to come to a comfort level.....dont worry, the other GGs will be along soon and explain her side of it all to you.....I wish you much luck with your marriage....my husband and I are going thru the same struggles you and your wife are dealing with....good days bad days for both....just hang in there and if you love her.....then dont ever give up...dont sacrifice YOU but dont give up on HER either......xoxoxoxC/

[Michelle (Oz)]

While I try not to overwhelm her with this, when we do talk I try to impress upon her the feeling of doing something shameful, and that her participation would mean so much to me. She says she is "alright" with what I do, but really doesn't want to become involved.

I understand her feelings, and try to be discreet. To date, I have let my body hair grow back, and haven't worn a single feminine item in over 6 months. I have tried to be "all male" for her, hoping against hope that she might throw me a little bone.

Jodie ... a few quick thoughts based on some relevant experience.

You sowed in your wife's mind that you are/were doing something shameful. You are not!! Just that society and you, as part of society, don't hold men dressing as women in high regard. If you don't accept yourself then your wife never will.

Don't expect your wife to throw you bones. She like most would only be too happy for "it" to go away.

I don't believe that you and your wife need to face a choice about you dressing. You can strike a balance that provides what both need and work on refining that balance over time. You don't have that at present because you feel what you want to do is shameful. Don't give up your natural self nor push your wife into a decision of let me or leave me. There are various forms of participation though; don't expect too much too soon.

Lastly, try to point out to your wife the benefit that a more compassionate, caring, supportive husband brings to the household. That's what makes who you are and your denial of yourself is testament to how important your wife is to you.

There is more that I can add but I suggest that you feel comfortable with yourself (Google The Femme Mirror) and then establish your need with your wife and work on setting acceptable bounds. You indicated that she could well accept some compromise.

Hope this helps and good luck.

Michelle (Oz)

[kassi]

how long has she known? sometimes my other half brings it on strong and then gets sad or a little upset if i don't react exactly how she wants me to. i have to remind her that she just told me about all of this 6-7 months ago and sometimes it's a lot to handel. if your wife has know for a long time and doesn't want to be involved then i would leave it alone and let her come to you. if she has only know for a relativly short amount of time then take it slower it may just be too much all at once. that's the best advice i can give.
it will all work out in the end.
hang in there
-kassi-

[Stephenie S]

I think Michelle gave you some VERY good advice.

Steph

[marie354]

I had simular feelings before I found this site. Now I'm trying to get brave enough to go out in public dressed.
The people here have helped me a lot and I'm sure they can help you too. Keep reading posts and replies, and you can find all or most of the answers that you seek. If not, just ask. I've been there as I sure many others here have been as well.
Just start enjoying your girly side. :happy: It only gets better down the road.
:hugs:

[cocopuff's girl GG]

My So came on strong after he had to come out to me, meaning he got caught and had to explain. Then as the other CD's called it , the pink frog wanted to have the spare bedroom well I punted his little frog hopping self on outta here but since then he has really slacked off. I think it's because he saw I was becoming overwhelmed with it all and it was all about him wanting to dress like a her. The most important thing to me is communication. He wants to know how I feel and I want to know how he feels. Expressing exactly how much and how far you intend to go with it may help reduce some of her anxiety. To me those kinds of questions are important and honest answers are neccessary. I've let him know that I really do not understand it and I don't want my family seeing it cause I don't think they would be as accepting as I am. He seems happy with being private with me. For instance he dressed this weekend in our bedroom hose, new skirt bra and blouse and worked on his laptop doing things. I told him sitting there in the chair at the computer he looked like a secretary ...lol It took me a little while to come to gripps with it that this is something he enjoys doing and being he's done it since in his teens most likely it's not going away for long. I don't want him to feel he has to hide it anymore but we have talked and set up guidelines and time and place senerio's. He seems ok with that. We are taking baby steps and so far so good. I wish you the best. I think communication is the key. Let her know how much you love her and not just in words but in actions. :love:

[Holly]

Jodi, Michelle gave you some wonderful advice. Others will perceive us based on how we perceive ourselves. What you are doing is NOT shameful, NOT immoral, NOT illegal... in fact it hurts nobody and helps you. Heck it completes you, makes you who you are. Please try and develop a more positive attitude about yourself. And then try and open a dialog with your wife. Try and let her do the talking. Listen to what she says. Answer her questions honestly. Don't hide anything (she'll find out anyway). Let her set the pace. See if there is some common ground that the two of you can agree on. And if you make a promise KEEP IT! Finally, and most important, tell how much she means to you. Tell her often. Tell her from your heart.

[Sheila]

My wife is aware of my crossdressing predilection. She knows, and I think tries to understand, but I fear she does not accept.

While I try not to overwhelm her with this, when we do talk I try to impress upon her the feeling of doing something shameful, and that her participation would mean so much to me. She says she is "alright" with what I do, but really doesn't want to become involved. Is it so wrong to just want to "be"?

Jodie, If your wife knows and is trying to understand go with that for the moment, acceptance may or may not come with time.If she is "alright" with what you are doing, as tempting as it is please don't try to force her into acceptance, that way may very well lead to heartbreak for both of you, perhaps in time she may come to accept your crossdressing, and then may want to become involved, but no gaurantees.

Please, you are not doing anything shameful, you are just being you and wishing to explore the inner you.

hoping for the best for both you and your wife

Jess

[Kate Simmons]

We all love you Jodi. Like everyone has said, just try to hang in and hopefully everything will work out for the best for both of you. At least you have your wife. Mine is not here because she cannot accept this and probably never will. I wish you both well.:happy:

[Karren H]

Well, in my opinion.... being "alright" and not wanting to be involved is way better than being "aginst"...... And in a perpect world, your combination may be what I consider the optimum... You get to dress, you get to wear what you want and you get to wear it how you want!!! With no external infulence or pressure... Not to often that our tastes in womens clothing and our wife's are the same.... at least mine aren't!!!

Like how many times have you heard in your male life..."that doesn't look good or appropriate" aka your tastes suck... lol

So I think you should cheer up and go buy a new dress....or better yet... buy me a new dress!!!

:D

Love Karren

[suzy]

Wow... some excellent advise here.... I liked CoCopuff's and Karren Hutton's advise as well.

It sounds to me like your relationship has become a bit stale....or maybe stagnant. I don't see a stalemate here tho....I do see an opportunity for both of you to openly communicate and compromise. This isn't an all or nothing situation. It is obvious that both of you love each other very much and this is just another of life's little mysteries to work together on to resolve. In a word...Communicate!:hugs:

[Amy Hepker]

Don't feel alone. A lot of us go through the same thing. Usally what the wife thinks is that you will outgrow it or it will go away. You know by now that it is not going to go away, if you did you wouldn't be here now. If you want to keep the relationship with your wife going, then you will just have to do it by yourself. DON'T push her or you'll make things worse. Try to talk to her and let her know how you feel, but don't do it on a bad note or at the wrong time. She may never want to talk about it. She may even leave you eventually. But, if she truly does love you then she will be there for you, but you must always be there for her too. She is going through a lot of emotions with this as you can tell and she may come around sooner or later. Don't take it out on yourself or her. Just do what you can to be able to live with yourself and her. She may feel threatened, ahe may feel like she is gay to be around you when you are dressed, and heaven knows she does not want anybody else to know that she married one of them. (sorry) but that is how we are preceived. We are a marked animal without feelings. (ya right) If she truly LOVES you then she will accept you, even though she still may not help. Hang in there, we all know what it's like. Been there, done that.

[Jodie_Lynn]

Thank you all for you kind and supporting words.

A little more background.

My wife and I have been married for 20 years. She has known about "Jodie Lynn" for 17 of those years.

I went through the pink fog a long time ago, ands she was tolerant and allowed my madness to run its course.

As to my comments about being shameful, let me elaborate: I do not consider CD-ing to be shameful, but, when she prefers me to indulge when is is not around, or asleep, then it makes me feel that SHE thinks it is something shameful.

I have tried to let her know that when I am dressed as Jodie, I become more helpful around the house, and somehow feel closer to her. Her response was "well then, put on a pair of panties and start cleaning" Please note that I AM helpful around the house, but Jodie is more so.

When I said that I might like to go to councilling to find out where I stand (CD vs TG), her response was "we can't afford it".

She has stated that I "am not like other men", in that I'm more compassionate, empathic, and emotional than most men she knows. She tells me that my handwriting is more feminine than hers ( lol hers is terrible! ); and that I have great taste in clothes and jewelry. I know that she loves me, as I love her.

BUT........

I do not think she will ever be comfortable with Jodie's existance. It is something I have to accept. I cannot force her to accept this with open arms, but I feel torn between making her happy, and sacrificing my own.

That is why this site is so important to me. It is currently my only outlet.

Again, I thank you all for your thoughts and words.

I feel like this is where I belong. :love:

love you all
Jodie