Here it comes. The urge to purge.

[Lawren]

Yes, the dreaded urge to purge is knocking at my door.

This has nothing to do with Kerry. She is a sweetheart and supporting about my Cding.

This is more about my religious beliefs. Just a bit too much conflict there to reconcile. It seems that every time I get into Cding, the rest of my life slowly disintegrates.

Also, Cding has always been a compensation for not having a GG in my life. That has obviously changed now. I feel like Cding is no longer a justifiable part of my life.

I know that sounds crazy to all of you who are looking for an accepting GG but it is how I feel right now.

These are just my reasons for quitting. I do not want to imply that my reasoning should be applied to anyone else. I'm just having trouble getting my head wrapped around it all right now. I have not purged yet but am thinking about it.

[suzy]

Lawren,

Gosh sweetie....how hard is that to accept?

I have never had an urge to purge.....Thank God....because I know I would return.... but that's me and we are all different. I would ask that you consider putting your clothes and "things" away....up in a closet (no pun intended)....but don't get rid of them.... you never know..

Either way, we're your friends here. I hope to see you visiting frequently...

Good luck and may God bless you and your family!:love:

[Holly]

Lawren, have you talked to God about this? Spend some time with Him and ask how He feels about this. And in all fairness, you should talk with Kerry as well. Like it or not, purging will change you... just ask anyone who has been through it. Do what you must in the end, but please touch all the bases before you make a decision.

[Erica Lauren James]

Hi...

At times I have "given it up", just no interest at the time. I have purged in the past, many many years ago and have regretted it as there are a few things that I tossed that just can't be replaced.

So now my advice to you would to be to put all of your fem. things into large plastic totes and just store them in an attic, an accepting friends place, an extra closet. Where ever you can as there will more than likely come a time that the urge to dress will return and you will still have your things and save alot of money in the process.

Best of luck

Kiera

[Lisa Golightly]

Best of luck.

[Angie G]

Lawren don't purg put the things away and go without for a time andsee how you feel about it just take a break hun abd keep in touch :hugs:
Angie

[stevie b]

I have also had times when the need to purge has come around usually because of religious reasons, but the need/desire to dress has always come back thankfully, this is the real me, which my wife has now fully accepted and is encouraging. Bets wishes, hope it works for you, love Stevie b

[Amy Hepker]

The only reason why I purged was to try to make an unhappy wife happy, didn't happen though I was out all of those beautiful things for nothing. 2 divorses even though I purged.

[Sharon B.]

My advice is to pack everything up and store them somewhere, after the purge for whatever reason you justify you will be glad you still have the clothes.
Been there more times than I care to count, and wished the last I purged I had taken my own advice and packed it all away.
Now I want to dress but hate to spend all of that money I threw away at the first of the year.

[Wendy me]

Lawren purging sucks OK you know that .. having just gone through that myself for the first time.. put it all away and don't touch it do what you must but don't purge...as in time you will regret it for sure....

[Stephenie S]

Yes, yes. All of the above! Don't throw anything away. Just pack it all up carefully and store it somewhere out of sight. If you never need it, it will be fine just sitting whereever you put it. If you do change your mind at any time in the future, there it will all be waiting for you. You will save big bucks big time.

This is not just my advice, EVERYONE on this forum who has purged in the past will tell you EXACTLY the same thing.

I really don't understand when you say it's a religious problem. Are you a Christian? Christ preached love, understanding, and acceptance for ALL. Are you worried about the Old Testament? The thing about the Old Testament is that it's OLD. The passages most often quoted from the Old Testament go on to prohibit so many other things that it would be quite impossible to dress at all in our modern world if you tried to follow them. Listen to Jesus Christ if you are a Christian. He preached many wise and wonderful things but never a word about CDing.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[melissaK]

Sounds like this is a recurring collision between values you hold. A therapist can help you reason out the conflict - and the source of it.

It's probably not a value you hold - it's probably a value you accepted from outside of yourself. If it's religious based, and you think its the word of God that you are in conflict with, do like Holly suggests. You may need to decide if maybe what you have been accepting as the word of God really isn't just the word of some man who is wrong.

Self acceptance is a recurring battle within myself - and trying to figure out the source of that internal battle almost always leads me to realizing I have accepted someone else's view of what's right or wrong, moral or amoral, etc. Finding what's right within me, how God made me, is not easy. And society is relentless in foisting on me its unwriten meassages about how I should behave.

But society is fickle and shallow. Some simple examples of how society has changed always help me realize this. In my Dad's day, if you went to church without a button shirt and tie on, you disrespected God and were sent out. Today at the same church no one wears a tie and button shirt. At my Grandmothers church I couldn't take communion because I hadn't completed her church's membership requirements. At my other grandmothers church I could take communion just because I showed up and wanted to.

With those examples I remind myself that what clothes I wear is because of man's rules, not God's; and what church I go to is based upon man's rules, not God's.

You'll find what reasoning works for you.

Hugs,
'lissa

[Jerry]

The religious considerations are so huge and so personal, I'll just pray you find your way.

I agree with the gurls, store the stuff. If this is all a test, I don't think you hurt any obligations with materials in storage. Maybe that's a bigger challenge until you figure things out.

There is a musician called Carolyn Dawn Johnson. She has a song called, "God Doesn't Make Mistakes" on her Dress Rehearsal CD. It's one of my favorites, and I'm passing it on to you for your time of reflection.

Good luck. Hog Hugs from AR.
Jerry

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Don't throw away your clothes, save them for a "rainy day" or give them away to a good cause. The urge is brutal and will come and go, I agree with others in that you may benefit from counseling or talking this out with your SO or even your minister. I have been down this road at least 6 times and every time I wished that I had saved my clothes, it is unfair to spend money to replenish my wardrobe after a purge subsides, and they almost always do.
good luck and God bless, remember that God loves us all the way we are as long as we are good people

[discovery]

The God I serve made me the way I am---no mistakes. I also look around me at the many variations of people, color, size, personalities, likes and dislikes, the animals, plants, the ever chaning sky and realize God evidently appreciates diversity in the broadest sense of the Word. I am different, You are different. These things that make us different, and hence like everyone else being different, are what He made. it is wonderfully comforting to accept what He has made and enjoy it as He intended us to do. What most people do not realize is according to Genesis God made male and female FROM HIS OWN IMAGE. This tells me that God is both male and female and has the characteristics of both. These variations within us enable us to enjoy the world and see the world others just out right miss! I would not change, as if I could anyway, any of this. My path is to go the peaceful route and accept me for what I am -- another wonderfully and fearfully made expressive (some male and some female or should I say some firm and some soft characteristics) creature with all kinds of love ,understanding, compassion, and encouragement to give other along the way.
There as so many of us around with so many gender variations that me thinks it would surprise the world of we all came out.

[Joy Carter]

Lawren I support you in what ever you do. I think if your faith is the most important thing to you then you must go with it. Just know Hun Cding is not a sin. It's who you are and there is no God that would condem you for being yourself.

Take Care and God Bless JOY Carter

[Marianna Julianna]

My advice is to pack everything up and store them somewhere, after the purge for whatever reason you justify you will be glad you still have the clothes.
Been there more times than I care to count, and wished the last I purged I had taken my own advice and packed it all away.
Now I want to dress but hate to spend all of that money I threw away at the first of the year.


That worked for me too, only problem, when I got back to it I'd grown two sizes bigger! Still trying to get down those and get back into the best of my old stuff (mind it was all pretty old, so a lot I chucked a lot out anyway when I sorted it all out, my image has changed a little since then.)

[LaFem]

I'm assuming you are a Christian. I've been there.
The Old Testament IS part of the Bible, Yes it is old, but it is the word of God, and as you know, God does not make mistakes, LOL. (Don't even THINK about stealing an ox). Maybe he had a personality change in the New Testament, but that is also full of hatred for non-believers and many others. Jesus' words of peace and love were ignored by all those other guys who wrote about him and interpreted his words. Even thinking about CD'ing will get you into Hell quicker than you can buckle your bra. Literal interpretation of the bible leaves no room for crossdressers.

If your faith demands it, quit the CD lifestyle, repent your sins and hope for forgiveness. If you don't purge, you haven't really made a change, have you? Remember also, you can't even crossdress in your mind.

See the thread "Fired" in another part of this forum.

This is about as tough as things get in a spiritual way. Good Luck.

[Tracy_Victoria]

Yes, the dreaded urge to purge is knocking at my door.

This has nothing to do with Kerry. She is a sweetheart and supporting about my Cding.

This is more about my religious beliefs. Just a bit too much conflict there to reconcile. It seems that every time I get into Cding, the rest of my life slowly disintegrates.

Also, Cding has always been a compensation for not having a GG in my life. That has obviously changed now. I feel like Cding is no longer a justifiable part of my life.

I know that sounds crazy to all of you who are looking for an accepting GG but it is how I feel right now.

These are just my reasons for quitting. I do not want to imply that my reasoning should be applied to anyone else. I'm just having trouble getting my head wrapped around it all right now. I have not purged yet but am thinking about it.

I would Suggest putting you stuff in an lockup or the loft and take a break, CDing is a exspensive hobby and therefore if you dump it and want it back you still have it, if not in a couple of years then throw it away.

As for Religion, my thoughts have always been this.

As yet I have not found my God to talk to, but at times I have asked for his help! I've had bad times in my life, they have tended to get better with time, I'm unsure if this is my doing or his. However I try to live by his rules (or good life rules), I enjoy my life, because if he did put me here, i'm sure he wanted me to enjoy it, however I try to live by good rules, ie I don't steal, my family is everything and I work hard, I help friends in need, even if I don't know them. they may become future friends.

On the crossdressing front, it's something I enjoy doing, if I was not suppose to do this, and he made me, why did he make me enjoy it. A penance? a cross to bear? So this is my :2c: on this, many would say, well maybe this is a test, well if it is, and he created me, why did he set me a test he knew I would fail.

Come my day of judgement, I can't see anyone condeming me for the clothes I wear, and enjoying my life how I want to live it. I can understand being condemed, for actions that hurt other or cause distress, but for enjoying myself. No I'm sure my judge is a fairer person than that!

[stacie]

The best part about purging is, All those new outfits, hosiery and shoes you will buy after the urge to purge comes to a end.

[RobertaFermina]

Lawren,

Maybe the GG in your life HAS changed things, and will change your CDing.

Maybe it is time to put it aside for awile (like into a cocoon) and see if it becomes a new butterfly later on. So pack it away until you feel the call and the yearning to answer it.

Meantime, you can see what it is like to not CD with your new GG.

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Ranee Daze]

Purging does feel great, and I am dealing with the urge to purge these days like you, but not for religious reasons.
I may just attempt a secure storage for a time and see how it goes. I do have alot invested in my dowry of stuff, especially when you consider the time I've spent collecting it.
Maybe I should just pare down a bit, there is stuff I wouldn';t be caught dead in.....
In any case I wish you great strength and logic as in, "how will this really improve my life right now?"

[Lawren]

Thank you all for your replies. There is a lot a good advice in them.

Yes, I am Christian. I do not want to give a sermon but do want to explain my convictions a bit. I was taught that the New Testament does not invalidate the Old Testament laws. It gives us an easier way to live within the laws and to be forgiven when we disobey them. By this reasoning, the laws still apply. That is where my internal conflict lies. I was also taught that when things go wrong in my life it is a reminder from God that I have offended Him and that I should make an effort to correct myself. Enough sermonizing.

As for putting my things away for a rainy day, there are two problems there. I have no place away from home where I can put them and if I keep them in my home I will not be able to resist the urge to wear them.

I have, and am still considering reducing my Cding to just lingerie, sleepwear, loungewear, etc. No outerwear. I do not leave my home dressed up anyway so that would not be a huge and radical change.

At any rate, thank you all for your responses. I will keep you posted on things as they happen.

[Kerry Owens]

Argh. I'm talking to him, and if nothing else it all will be put in a backpack and stored, till later. Sheeeesh. The dressing is not a issue to me... we're gonna have a looooo-ong talk here.

[marie354]

I think that you could still save them in your garage or attic or shed, in a way that it would require some effort to get at them. That could at least slow down the urge a bit.
Don't throw out anything! You'll regret it later down the road.
There are so many dresses, skirts, tops, etc that I wish I still had. I don't mean the items that I included in the purge that I was tired of anyway, but some of my favorite items that never ever can be found again.
Some of them probably wouldn't fit me anymore, but had I saved them, I would have the option of giving them to someone that they would fit. Or sending them to the Salvation Army store, or Goodwill, where they would find a good home.
Just don't throw them out.... Please?!?!?!
:hugs:

[Glenda58]

Don't purge just store them away. Enjoy your time with your new GF love makes us do things that after awhile I live are richer and our new love wants us to be happy and CD beings again. But if you can fill your life with things other than CDing it can be every happy life. I know Glenda hasn't been out in over a month on. So enjoy your life.

[Lawren]

After much deliberation, I have decided to put off purging for a while longer. I am still not sure if this is the right choice but so be it. After all, if I quit now I will never have had the chance to wear a wedding dress which is my ultimate CD dream.

[Tina B.]

Go out and buy a trunk pack up every thing in it, and then give the key to Kerry. I once went a few years with out dressing after a purge, but one day I found the only cure for my depression was to go shopping, and quit being afraid to be me. I sure wish I had that pair of Ostrich 3 inch heeled pumps back!
Tina B.

[Staci G]

I am a member of a Southern Baptist church here. My pastor just did a sermon on the old testament laws the verse you refer to is in Deu 22:5 but if you read on you will see we are to build a battlement (railing) on the roof of a house so that no man might fall from it and we are not to wear mixed fabrics in our clothes.. we are not in the law we are living under grace there is no way to live up to the law of Moses. When Jesus died on the cross it put an end to the covenant and started a new one through Jesus.

Any way thats my :2c:
I hope you dont purge just put it away I cant count the money it has cost me

[MJ]

Lawren
cross dressing is in your blood Hun, i am sorry to say i have never met a cd'r who quit. don't think god is punishing you because you cross dress, god loves you for who you are, don't ever forget that.. put your stuff in a box and put it away until you get the itch, you will regret it .. as holly as said pray about it , " lawren" is a big part of your life you cant kill her without hurting yourself . think about it you two lawren/ guy mode are stuck with each other for life try to come to terms with this .
i wish you well
hugs Marissa

[Sheila]

Lawren,

instead of purging, why not let kerry put them someplace, then if you want to dress again they are there waiting for you.

Jess

[marie354]

"Lawren" is a big part of your life you cant kill her without hurting yourself

This is sooo true, Every time I had purged in the past, I always regreted it. When I think about how large my wardrobe would be now, all I can do is sigh... I finally decided that purging is a really BAD thing to do.
Sandy (Originally Samantha), will never leave me as long as I live, and I'm sure that you will find out that Lawren will never leave you either.
If you purge, you'll regret it at a later time too. Please listen to all of the advise from all of us here that have "been there and done that".
XOXOXO
:hugs:

[lissetta]

Oh dont throw away that fav pair like i did 3 year ago and kept the (others) what was i thinkin!!

[Stephenie S]

I did not suggest that the New Testament trumps the Old Testament. What I said was that the Old Testament was OLD. It refers to conditions and social situations that are not aplicable to our modern life. If you read the Old Testament carefully ( and I did not say have someone else INTERPRET it for you, I said read it carefully), you will find that it would be impossible to obey all the restrictions and conditions and still live in the modern world. The one all important foundation of Christianity is a belief in the teachings of Jesus Christ. Read and study the words and teachings of Jesus Christ and you will find a heaven sent font of wise and wonderful truths. You will not find a word about CDing.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Kelsy]

As for putting my things away for a rainy day, there are two problems there. I have no place away from home where I can put them and if I keep them in my home I will not be able to resist the urge to wear them.


Hi Lawren,

I have been where you are! I do have a quetion for you> How will you be able to resist the urge to get some new femm things?. The urge ,as you have stated, is still present even if you toss everything out. I have regreted every time I have purged and have had the overwhelming sense of relief when I retuned to dressing and myself!!:hugs:

Jennifer:happy:

[Lawren]

Hi Lawren,

I have been where you are! I do have a quetion for you> How will you be able to resist the urge to get some new femm things?. The urge ,as you have stated, is still present even if you toss everything out. I have regreted every time I have purged and have had the overwhelming sense of relief when I retuned to dressing and myself!!:hugs:

Jennifer:happy:

For me, resisting the urge to buy things is much easier than resisting wearing things I already have.

[Kelsy]

I hear you Lawren! and you have to do what is best for you. Personally I have been trying to put the years of resisting and purging and the emotional turmoil that went with it, behind me. I have given in, so to speak and am giving myself permission to accept who I am. I am findng peace in letting go of the tortured self doubt and self loathing. I much Happier these days:happy:

I do wish you well :hugs:

Jennifer

[Country girl]

I hear you Lawren! and you have to do what is best for you. Personally I have been trying to put the years of resisting and purging and the emotional turmoil that went with it, behind me. I have given in, so to speak and am giving myself permission to accept who I am. I am findng peace in letting go of the tortured self doubt and self loathing. I much Happier these days:happy:

I do wish you well :hugs: Jennifer

Hey Lawren, for the most part, boy can I vouch for that. Jennifer is always happier when she indulges this side of her.

[Roxi Loh]

The only way I would purge it is if I could afford all new stuff. I have done this and it can be gratifying. If not, store it and take a break.

[ashlee chiffon]

sorry Luv...some day in the near future, you'll be back into panties and wishing you didn't have to buy yet ANOTHER set of clothes...
but purging is a lot like divorce... you get to get all new stuff!

[Alice Torn]

Lauren, I can very much relate, with you, and the religious/Bible reasons, which cause conflict. I also, am in a church, which I believe, is pwerfully warning the world, and telling the good news, of a wonderful, peaceful, healed world, just beyond the bad times today. But, there is that law, in Deuteronomy, outlawing cding. I have struggled with it, for years. At age 52, and still no SO, one gg friend killed herself, and many rejections, and being too poor, to marry, dressing up, kind of fills that wife shaped void in my life. I never did dressup completely, head to toe, until, a year and a half ago. Like you, after I have done it, often times, bad things happened to me, afterwards, like car accidents, near fights, with neighbors, job troubles. I have not dressed up, in about four months, but, have all Lucille's stuff, and just bought a used pair of earings, and have a new dress, I have not worn yet. I hope to dress up, when time allows. I do know, that I tend to be a bit cross, after doing it. I just don't dress up, very often, anymore, and am learning to accept my male side more, as I always exalted women, over men, now accepting my maleness, and Lucille side. If a right gg came into my life, now, I would concentrate on that relationship. No human being is without conflict inside. If a person has no conflicts, he or she, may have no conscience. To be in conflict, about our failings, or compulsions, or addictions, is to be human. Stopping dressing won't end conflict, but, there is a time for every purpose under heaven, a time to dress, and a time to refrain from it. One day at a time.

[Country girl]

Hi Gurls, I am a Christian, and for what it's worth, if you really want to keep bringing up this passage of scripture, then let me point out that women have been sinning for a long time in conjunction with this passage. We have been wearing men's clothing for a long time now with no fear of censure. As far as the New Testament outdating the Old, well if you study your Bible you will find that the New Testament simply reinforces the Old Testament. My minister is a Bible scholar and we have been going through the Old and New testaments and learning how the passage talk about the same things. If you don't know your bible and or Hebrew, [and I don't know to many who do] then it is almost impossible to see the corralation unless you have a Minister such as I do. The corralations are very interesting and obvious once you understand. At any rate, the bottom line is WE ALL HAVE SINNED AND IN GOD'S EYES, ALL SIN IS EQUAL. God loves us and forgives us if we ask. I'm not trying to preach at anyone and if that's how this came across then I'm sorry. It's just that I feel as if a lot of times people take the scriptures out of context, or just don't read the whole passage and that's how debates get started, not to mention a lot of guilt gets thrown around. I hope y'all all have a great day.:hugs: CG gg

[Kerry Owens]

Go out and buy a trunk pack up every thing in it, and then give the key to Kerry. I once went a few years with out dressing after a purge, but one day I found the only cure for my depression was to go shopping, and quit being afraid to be me. I sure wish I had that pair of Ostrich 3 inch heeled pumps back!
Tina B.


:hiding: You mean I gotta keep track of another key?? It's my job to lose the keys!:idontknow: LOL!

OK I'll confess that one thing is true, Lawren is better at behaving with a budget where I rarely can say no to a bookstore.....honest!

[AmyH]

I agree with the others NOT TO PURGE!!!!!! I purged all of my items about 6 weeks ago; donated them to Goodwill. Now I am having to go back and rebuild my clothing back up. If I could do it again, I would get the trunk, or a giant plastic storage trunk, and keep there in my basement.

Amy

[Kieron Andrew]

God created you, so therefore made you just the way you are....and that is a CD'er.........if you feel you need a break from dressing, then store it all away but for pete sake dont throw it all away, if your wife is accepting then ask her to hide your clothes for you if need be, but as i said dont throw anything away, because you might just throw away that favourite frock this month and next month you will require it again so to speak

[PaulaJaneThomas]

God created you

God is actually a badger. He told me to drink lots of Guinness - honest :D

[Kieron Andrew]

God is actually a badger. He told me to drink lots of Guinness - honest :D
and he also told you that you must have a glass in each hand at any one time too lol

[Robin Leigh]

Argh. I'm talking to him, and if nothing else it all will be put in a backpack and stored, till later. Sheeeesh. The dressing is not a issue to me... we're gonna have a looooo-ong talk here.Excellent! Thank God that Lawren has a wife like you, Kerry!

:hugs: :love:

Robin

[Kieron Andrew]

Argh. I'm talking to him, and if nothing else it all will be put in a backpack and stored, till later. Sheeeesh. The dressing is not a issue to me... we're gonna have a looooo-ong talk here.
give him one of these from me lol :kickbutt: & one of these:slap: but better follow it with one of these :hugs: to soften the blow lol

[PaulaJaneThomas]

and he also told you that you must have a glass in each hand at any one time too lol

I read that a balanced diet is good for you :D

[Lovely Rita]

I wish you the best Lawren. Whatever you decide you have my support. No one can decide for you.

Too bad we don't have like a salvation army for all these purged items.

[Elaine Taylor]

Hi Lawren
I found that passage hard to understand, and have had it repeatedly thrown at me. However I read " My Husband wears my clothes " and found the interpretation given there to be spot on. I also find a God who likes to punish us for something that we did not choose, hard to understand, that is not the God who is my friend.

All the best Elaine