Why are you in the closet?

[dods460]

So like the title says, why are you still in the closet. Now by this I mean why not tell everyone that you are a crossdresser, I'm not here to judge I just have a general curiosity. I was in the closet until very recently and now that I'm out I have no idea why I was ever in there in the first place, I get to show off my outfits and I finally know what daytime make up looks like in the daytime:heehee:, however some of you do have your reasons for being in there I was just wondering why?:love:

[Trisha]

to find a nice dress or skirt and top to go out in

[noname]

I'd say I'm 90% out of the closet. I wear what I want and go where I please without any worries. I haven't told mom and dad, and I can only imagine how that would fly around the family grapevine, considering most of them are the uber conservative. I don't tell work for obvious reasons. Work is work and it's professional life and I keep my personal life out of it. Church people have seen me. I have worn womens jeans to church. Church friends have come over and seen my toes. ( though I recently havn't been attending that church )

IMO I'm out, I'm just not in peoples face about it. I'm also not going to hide who I am. If they don't like it, that is there problem.

For anyone thats out, knows that being out and open is so much easier. Like I mentioned in other threads. In one day I got 3 compliments about my makeup. Was told how it brings out my eyes :P

[loki_uk]

I'm out to quite a few friends but not to my partner I'm not sure she'd accept the full truth yet

She does know to a degree but thinks I've just got a fetish for her underwear which provides some cover for the fact I go all the way and have been out dressed up

Having been asked once "your not one of those bloody trannies are you" by your partner, kind of makes you a little bit backward at coming out

So if her knickers go missing she knows why, and she knows its not the full truth now but its not something we talk about

[Amy Hepker]

Well, it's like this, I have to many things in my life going on right now. I would love to come out, but I have my a life for myself as a male and have the need to live it also. I also have a son that lives with me.

[Nigella]

Most people stay in the closet for the security it gives them, or at least the sense of security.

We all have our fears, and only we can conquer them, until that time, the closet feels the safest place to be.

Just my :2c:

[Suzie S.]

I'm in the closet because I don't think Suzie is ready to be out to the world. I don''t think the world is ready for her either, LOL! It's also out of respect for my wife. I'm just lucky she accepts Suzie's existence. There's always once a year to come out of the closet on Halloween, but then thats just a portable closet, isn't it? Oh well, my closet is quite comfy anyway. :happy:

[Vicky_Scot]

I am out of the closet to my wife and have been for a long time. I also attend some tranny weekends.

I would love to come out to everyone but the one thing that stops me is respect for my wife and children. If I was to come out it would not just be me opening myself up for abuse or ridicule or worse but it is the ripple effect as I call it which would then spread out to engulf my wife and kids. Why should they be abused, ridiculed or worse for something I do.

Imagine their life at school/work if this got out to their friends/work collegues that their father/husband is a crossdresser.

Also I really think that friends and people you have known for a long time opinion of you will change as they will percieve you as the way the media portray a crossdresser/tranny.

Is it really worth all that trouble.

[kerrianna]

Oh, you young pups and your carefree lives! :love:

Like Amy said I have a life as a male that will be seriously rattled if I were to come out to anyone more than I have. It's not fair to my SO - besides I don't really see any need for it. It'd be nice to be more open, but I'm content with what I have.

Except....I keep taking small risks so who knows...maybe I am wanting to out myself. :shifty:

[Amanda Shaft]

I supose I've kept myself secret for so long that I'm not sure I would want anyone else to know: it's a private thing. On the otherhand I love this site and talking to other girls, I want to go out and meet the world! So as we all know it just aint that simple, and if it were easy then everyone would be doing it!

[Brenda-Jean]

It's only recently that i discovered this site, and thank heaven's i did. I am in the closet as i am not sure how my wife would react.
i would love to tell her and be able to dress at home as and when i wanted, but coming out of the closet totally terrifies me.

[Karren H]

Because its warm, and comfortable, and safe ......... If it weren't, everyone would be out!!

Love Karren

[susie evans]

it's like most things in life some people can axceptt more than others and the risk is not worth the reward

susie

[PaulaJaneThomas]

I'm very out. It gives me the freedom to come and go as I want. Friends and neighbours accept that it's just part of me being me and give me a cheery wave if they see me :D

[marie354]

FEAR!
Fear of what others will say...
Will I run into an old girlfriend, friend from church, co-worker, etc?
Will they know who I am?

I have started telling people that I know now, so it'll be easier if run into someone.:heehee:
My fear is fading on a daily basis and I feel it's just a matter of time for me, anyway, to feel free and easy about going out.

Maybe the attitide to have is... The Hell with what they think if they see me!

It's hard to think that way at this point in my life... Yet anyway.
Time... It's all a matter of time... I have to believe in me, and I'm getting there.
:hugs:

[suanne]

Almost didn't even answer this one but figured....why not. No cute remarks just the truth as I have experienced it myself for the last 50 some years of crossdressing is secret. I started like most wearing moms stuff. Didn't want anyone knowing cause I knew the difference between boy clothes and girl clothes. But girl clothes looked and felt better and I enjoyed them so much. Now in the 50's and so young I didn't know that anybody else did this and didn't even know what it was called. I thought I was weird but accepted that because it was just me and me alone in secret that was dressing in mom's undies. This lasted for all my school years. I hid and didn't want anyone to know about this because of people making fun of me and calling me a queer. (I am not a homosexual) But that was about the only word people used back then for anything they didn't understand. Oh yes I did discover the word "Transvestite" while in high school. Just couldn't find out much about it except I was one. Now I am a crossdresser. :D I went into the Navy and swore I would never dress again. I did dress but not ever like I wanted to. I was always under some type of restriction from being able to express myself as I wanted. The biggest thing was buying female undergarments and thats what I wanted most. People really looked at you very strange if you did. Well I thought they did. I got married and swore I would stop dressing. I didn't. It gave me a whole new wardrobe. My wife's stuff. I did get caught and we almost divorced. It was terrible. I swore I would never dress again. Oops another lie to her and myself. I have quit more times than you are years old. I have thrown away some of the greatest clothes and shoes......oh I wish I had them back. Today is our 41st wedding aniversary. I am dressed and she is out until 12:00. If she catches me we won't be spending our 42nd aniversary together. Now thats part of the reasons "I am in the closet" If I could or would come out I couldn't pass by a blind person. I am a guy. Now I am good at passing there. Now this is about as truthful as I can get without all the little details of my adventures. I think you get my drift. Oh and by the way I will sign this with my other name. Suanne. But I bet there are quite a few friends here who could sign there name and that would be the only difference to this true life adventure. I wish it could have been a little different. But I am really enjoying Suanne in my life for the first time. The internet has been my helper to find others just like me and be accepted for who I am.

Suanne

[laura47]

I would like to escape from the closet but my lifestyle and community prohibits it. But you go girl for the some of the rest of us.

[Tina B.]

Suanne stole my story, I am just a little older than her, and after dressing as ovten as I could as a boy, I didn't even hear the word Transvestite until I was in by twentys, and in the context I had read it, i thought it was the word thatkind of fit me. So I looked it up in the Dictonary, but the word was not there ( no bad words in the dictonary of that period, and people thought that was a bad word) the only difference is I ended up in devorce, and got lucky in a second marrage, found a woman that understands and excepts me for who I am.
But grown kids from the first marrage would not, and I don't want to lose them again!
Tina B.

[Kimberley]

It is simple; to keep my family together, the one thing that matters most in my life. Any attempt to transition will destroy that, so I went back in the closet and I remain.

I'm not happy about it but it is a reality I have to face. Plain and simple.

:straightface:
Kimberley

[michelle-h]

For me personally, its a matter of responsibility. I have to look out for my wife and children. I have a familly to provide for, and I can't risk losing my job, or public humiliation. My wife and parents already know, and I will tell my kids at some point. I already go out with a few girlfriends from time to time. Otherwise I have nothing to gain from being out to the world. And there is too much at stake for me to risk it. So for now, the closet is ok for me.

Michelle-H

[Marianna Julianna]

Because if my parents found out it would kill them, and the boy is still at school so no doubt the other kids there would give him hell, when natures takes it's course and my parents die, and when the boy is old enough to have more or less done with school, then I intend to be more open about it all, maybe much more so, time will tell.

[MJ]

hey dods
the big reason is fear, the fear of losing my wife , kids , a loving home , friends, family,work, church omg what would happen if they found out ?

well the bottom line is they all did , but i still kept my job everything else went out the window..
and now two years later i have a new life full time as MJ , so was it worth losing everything for >>>>> sometimes i wish i had the best of both worlds

[diane59]

Well, it's like this, I have to many things in my life going on right now. I would love to come out, but I have my a life for myself as a male and have the need to live it also. I also have a son that lives with me.

Ditto here!

[JoAnnDallas]

I guess I am now 50% in the closet and 50% out. The 50% in the closet is the wife, family, work, friends. The 50% out is here on this forum and two other forums, my Tri-Ess chapter and all the girls and SO's there and all the CD friends I have made from this and the other two forums. I go out in the day time and night time and feel very compfy when I do. I know that the Probability the first 50% finding out increases over time but I will face that day when it comes.

[JMO2]

Mainly because I look all man and I look strange in womens clothes. If I had done what I wanted to when I was a kid I would look beautiful in any womens clothes but back then there was no support so I just dressed in the closet.
I thought many times about going to school in a skirt that I had. I thought many times about trying out for cheerleading but stereotyping was very and is very strong in this small hick town. If I went out today dressed up then I would still either be beaten up or killed. It is not worth the problems that it would entail either. Scared? NO! Just facing facts and real life......JMO2

[gennee]

I'm out with my wife. We even share some outfits. If my friends and family found out, they would be shocked. Livelihood has something to do with it. When I told my wife, she was shocked at first. though she doesn't totally approve, she lets me dress.

Gennee


:happy:

[Michelle 51]

Dod's If i was single and young i would do thing's different but with a wife and grown children and grand kids i have to think of their feeling's too.There is a lot envolved and frankly in my case their pain would not be worth what little i would gain. Justabit

[brenda_an]

It's a dirty little secret.

Just like smoking, drinking, Picking your nose or butt.

It has the potential to spoil "The good life"

You have to realize it is nothing more than a hobby (blended with an obsession).

Don't ever ask again !

Don't ever come over for coffee and start with this kinda Shit !

Okay ? Then, take off that dress and those High Heels, get out of here and Mow the grass, like you are suppose to.

[Sierra Evon]

I cant find the key !!!!:yikes:

[Violetgray]

I cant find the key !!!!:yikes:

hehe That was funny!

But as for me, I'm still in the closet to my family because while I myself am I nerd, I'm from the hood and I'm less than anxious to see their reactions..

[JeanneF]

For a lot of people, they stay in the closet because they built a "normal" life for themselves (wife, 2.5 kids, SUV in the driveway) long before they came to terms with their dressing. It's easy for someone young to criticize older people for being closeted, but just imagine how hard it would be to deal with something like this before the Internet and the resources and communication it allows. I'm on the older end of the "Internet Generation", and can still remember the days of FidoNet and the "GayTeen" forum on my local BBS, which is where I first learned about transgenderism. But for a kid growing up in the 70s or early 80s (let alone 1950s), the resources to really understand what the hell was wrong with you were virtually nonexistent. It's relatively easy to come out of the closet when you're 22, it's a lot tougher if you don't come to accept yourself until you're 50 years old.

I'm still coming out gradually. I've told most of my close friends and some family at this point, but I'm not out at work (and probably never will be unless I transition). But I didn't really accept myself until I was about 25, and was well into my career. I only have about 5 years as a "grown-up" to deal with, imagine if you're 30 years into being an adult, and have all the responsibilities that come with that...many people don't want to jeopardize their current lives, and I can totally respect that. I wish I had comes to terms in high school or college...my life now would be VERY different.

[JenniferMBlack]

I came out last year to my family and a few of my friends. It felt really good getting that over with. Family took it much better then I had expected', but dosen't want to see it. Thats ok though not going to stop me and my girlfriend loves it so makes it all that much better.

[Staci G]

My wife has the key and shes not about to open that door.. She knows about my crossdressing but thats all.she calls me p*&^% boy among other things we tried to talk about it but to no avail kinda waste of time. but thats why I am in the closet with out a paddle.....HMMM or is that a creek????

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I would love to fully come out of the closet. I'm currently out to my SO and sister, and I guess you could say this forum. I like to use the term I've gone from a smaller closet to a slightly bigger one.

Like most on this forum I cannot take the risk of losing my job as a result of being out of the closet. Not only would I lose my job but I would basically lose any chance of getting hired anywhere else in my line of work:sad: I also cannot take or am not ready to take the chance losing my friends or family. I do truly enjoy my fem side, however I guess at this point of my life I am not ready to take the chance of sacrificing male side's existence (career, friends, and family) for my fem side.

Perhaps one day I'll be brave enough to post an avatar.:happy: Jocelyn

[dods460]

For a lot of people, they stay in the closet because they built a "normal" life for themselves (wife, 2.5 kids, SUV in the driveway) long before they came to terms with their dressing.

You're right Lisa, being this age I tend to forget about things like this, I was just curious about why some people are in the closet, because I have noticed that all CD experiences are totally different.
The only reason I was in the closet until this year was simply I didn't really know if it was just a childish fase, also I didn't want to be beat into a pulp in the small narrow minded town I grew up in, then I moved away from home and it just didn't stop the urge for make up and femme clothes was still there.
So I would just like to thank everyone for their honest and heartfelt answers
:love:

[Michelle_CD]

Still in the closet here. I fear that I would loose a great set of friends. Although most of them are very open minded I don't see it as an option to come out to them. Besides it is still good to be a man it just sometimes that I enjoy trying to be a women.

Michelle

[MarinaTwelve200]

I dont even think about MY CDing in those terms. To ME, CDing is a PRIVATE activity. Its not like "being in a closet". afraid to face the world, but rather like the shower alegory.

I am nude in the shower, and that is a PRIVATE activity----but to go nude, in public, on the street is unthinkable, taking a whole different psychology to even dare. Im not "Afraid" to go out nude, but it is something that "just isn't done".

I feel CD is a Private activity--going out like that "just isnt done"--as far as I am concerned. Thats why I refer to MYSELF as a PRIVATE CDer rather than merly a "Closet" CDer.

Now I do not criticise other CDers who DO go out---That is their choice, and they DO have a different Psychology from me, I realize that. It just illustrates how we all are different in respcts to our CDing.

[Sarah Coleman]

Fear. Fear of being discovered by family or friends. Church not accepting of such practices. Fear of being assaulted and having to go to ER en femme Also, mom says we may have to look into professional help about my dressing.

[Jenn S.]

I'm out to my mother, but that's about it. My father pays for college and, until I'm in my own place living full time, I'll keep things quiet in this area.

[Helen MC]

I first Crossdressed in 1965 when I was 12 by secretly wearing a pair of my 14 years old sister's knickers, just a plain pair of white cotton briefs, but they were GIRLS' underwear and had the important hallmarks of elastic through the waist band and the cuffs round the leg openings, a double gusset and NO FLY. By wearing these I had crossed my personal Rubicon as in those days all men and boys had as underwear was Y-Fronts or Undershorts very different from Girls' Panties. I soon found that as well as my sister's panties that I was wearing every day instead of Y-Fronts unless I did PE or Games at school, I was also attracted to wearing other items of Girls and Women's clothing such as skirts, blouses and bras and dressed in these when I was alone at home.

There is no way I could have "Come out" in those days as what was then called a Transvestite (an expression I actually prefer to Crossdresser). My father was very old fashioned and I shudder to think what would have happened to me ad I been found out as this was before such measures as decriminalising Homosexuality and the "Free Love" movement of the later 1960s. Also I would have got a very hard time of it at school if I had been discovered there wearing "lassies' knickers" under my trousers. I would have loved to have gone to school wearing the same uniform, grey pleated skirt, pale blue blouse, stockings etc as my sister and the other girls but such an idea was "Fantasy Island" in those days over 40 years ago now. Luckily I was never "busted" at home or school.

When I left home and moved away I was in the mid 1970s accidentally discovered where I then worked and this gave me a hard time and I left that job. I thus became very secretive about my CD activities .

When I was married my wife was quite easy with my dressing at home and we even shared panties and other items.

Although when I was younger I may have been able to pass, these days with middle aged spread etc I could not do so. In any event I am happy to "underdress" 24/7 and only dress externally en-femme at home . The closest I get to wearing a skirt outdoors is a kilt. Yes I know some purists will say that is a mans's garment but they are very lucky to be able to pass and dress en-femme outdoors, for some of us a kilt, with women's knickers beneath , is as close as we can get to wearing a skirt in public.

Things are changing but slowly here in the UK with the appearance of utilikilts for men in plain colours rather than in tartan (plaid) and I have seen a few men in their late teens or 20s wearing them in London and nobody being that bothered. However until these gain widespread acceptance the chance of a man wearing a plain skirt in public never mind a pretty dress etc is still a long way off. I feel it will take some iconic sports or pop or entertainment star to come out ans not only state that he is a CD but appear in public wearing a skirt or dress. I had great hopes that David Beckham might have done this when he said that he wore his wife Victoria's panties and was once seen wearing a sarong but thatw as a false dawn. If some such folk hero did do and younger men copied them the barriers would collapse as surely as did the Berlin Wall.

I have come out of course to my ex-wife and an ex-girlriend and a couple of very liberal male friends , all of whom are in no way critical of my CD side. I think my sister Anne now aged 56 may know and and as she is a very tolerant person I may well tell her as our father is now safely out of it in an old folks home, not that he had any more influence or power over me from when I left the family home at 18, and alas our mother is no longer with us.

[KimberlyS]

I started reading this thread and I quickly had my answer. And as I read the responses I agreed with many of them as why I was in the closet. I have a male life I enjoy most of the time. I have a wife and my 2.5 kids. Have our mini van and car. And I even have my boy toys. Ask you know boys do not grow up, their toys just get bigger. I enjoy my job, for being a job. I enjoy living in a small town for the most part, nice people, slower paced life, little traffic.

But if I did come out her as many have put it, our life would be hell. My job would be very questionable, my wifes job may be safe, but the working environment would get tense, and kids already have a hard enough time, why give the other kids more things to pick on my kids about.

And on top of that I consider myself a guy in a dress type of CDer. While I can and still do get out in full femme attire including a wig and makeup. The wig and makeup is not me. I just want to put on my choice of clothes and go about my current male life. But I do not see that happening in this little town any time soon.

So like most of us, we all make choices in our lives. While I know I am a CDer, I am also a husband, a father, and one who lives in a conservative small town. I make choices so I can have it all.

I also look at my CDing like other things in my life. Many things in our lives and private an most other people do not need to know. Do I let everyone else know how much money I make, how much, how often, or how I have sex with my wife, the details of our nightly conversation. Get real. Many details in our lives we do not share with other as there is no need to share them.

So most of the time I wear a mix of male and unisex visible female clothes. Some days more or all male, some days more or all female. When my kids are out of the house, I can dress in some of the more feminine looking female clothes that I like, such as skirts, frilly tops, heels. And when I need to get out in public I present a male or a female image that the public can handle and looks "Normal" to them.

So am I out. I would say yes I am out. I am out to my wife, I am out to those that we want to know, I am out of the closet, I am even out of the house. I am out the way that I currently want to be to have all that I want.

Would I want to be out differently. Yes. But we all make choices and these are my choice.

KimberlyS-CD
Joe in a skirt

[Michelle Ellis]

Fear.

Coming out is something I feel I have to do, and yet I cannot bring myself to do it.

I've been trying to find a way for about six months now... hinting, beating around the bush, sublte things like growing my nails out, and not so subtle things, like losing 80 pounds...

Now it seems everyone is wondering, but I'm not talking :(

M

[ElleCD]

Because I didn't tell my SO when we married and it would be a little tardy to mention it 20 odd years later. I'm pretty sure of the likely reaction. Crossdressing is a part of my life and it would be unfair to make it a part of hers. I would love her to know and accept Elle but you deal with the situation you have more often than the one you want. Its a compromise but isn't everything?

[Lisa Marie]

Im in the closet cause of my mom. She doesnt believe in that kind of thing. She always says a man is a man and a woman is a woman.

[sarahpectoris]

Having dropped various hints over nearly 18 years of marriage I am pretty certain that my wife would not tolerate my crossdressing. Her seemingly confident exterior, hides significant insecurity and a need for considerable emotional support. I think that it would threaten her self-esteem to introduce crossdressing in our relationship. For me, crossdressing is a private activity and to come out of the closet would be an act of extreme selfishness.

Any point in atttempting to come out in a sympathetic environment? I have wondered about using a dressing service, however what would be achieved other than spending an awkward few hours dressed as a (presumably) unattractive woman in a stranger's house? Even if I enjoyed it I suspect that I would end up frustrated that I could not take things much further.

Go to a meeting of a local support group? Perhaps, but I don't think that I could ever take my CD'ing further at present. Plus, cannot imagine the embarassment if by some chance I met someone I knew!

So for the present CD'ing will be a private activity with large elements of fantasy.

[robyn1114]

I'm out to my wife, but I work for Uncle Sam so I'm still very deep in the closet

[Brenda Love]

I think the reason I keep brenda in the closet is because I fear losing my family and friends if she came out to the world.I tried to come out to my wife back when we were dating,I started wearing her underwear 24/7 to try and guage her response and if it was good then i could tell her everything.Well she laughed and said "you look silly,take those off".:( We have been together sixteen years and in those years she has given me many oportunities to come out,but sadly I won't due to the fact that I don't trust her intentions.

Hugs
Brenda

[Glenda58]

I'm out of the closet but nobody knows Glenda accept her friends here. Living alone I can dress when ever I want and go out but nobody who knows the male me knows. Don't need the problems. And yes I have walked pass the ECG without her knowing it was me.

[Raychel]

I am out to my wife, And whoever she told, and whoever they told. I am just hoping that it didn't get back to my father,

Somehow I don't think that he would really approve. So with that and being a local busniss owner I don't think that it would be wise to be totally out.

[Casey Morgan]

I've been putting this off for a while but I guess this is one of those times where making yourself do it is actually healthy. Fair warning: this may get long. And not just "forum long" but "Casey long".

It sounds like my family knows I crossdress, and I have a feeling that at least some people at work have figured it out too. I would imagine that if anybody was going to have a problem with it I would already have heard about it. So why not just be honest and open about it? Why not just admit it and move forward from there?

Because for me it's not just wearing women's clothes. There are gender issues that go along with it. Well, actually the crossdressing goes along with the gender issues. Heck, I can stop crossdressing if I have to. It's just that I don't want to. But the gender issues go right to the figurative heart of who I am. And that's what keeps me in the closet. That's why part of my family and everybody at work (my father doesn't really count as far as being "people at work") doesn't know the whole story.

Sure I can say I crossdress. But what then? A lie of omission is still a lie. If I'm honest about the fact that I crossdress but I keep my gender issues hidden, then in a very real way I'm not being honest with them. And I'm still in the closet. Eventually they'll ask me why I crossdress. And I can't think of a reason that isn't a half-truth if it doesn't at least acknowledge my gender issues.

As I said, those gender issues go right to the figurative heart of who I am. If they have a problem with those issues, if they reject them, then they are really rejecting me. And I can't really handle that right now. Well, maybe I could. I pretty much already went through that once. But there isn't a good enough reason for me to risk that rejection. I'm getting weary of hiding external things, as much as I'm trying (and, I fear, ultimately failing) to let people see the real me, "uncharacteristic" traits and all.

And part of the problem is that although I know how I feel inside I'm not really sure how to explain it to other people, especially when they're used to there really only being |men| and |women|. Pretty much by the very definition of who I am I don't really get close to the stereotypical extremes of male and female. I live in the moderate zones, the places where male and female overlap. I'm not a man sometimes and a woman other times; I'm a "something else" all the time.

Being genderblind, I have a hard time trying to tease apart who I am into male and female and describe the juxtaposition of the "two sides". A lot of the things I can ascribe to men, there are women who are like that too who aren't men. And a lot of the things I can ascribe to women, there are men who are like that too who aren't women. I guess what I really struggle with is "justifying" myself to others, or maybe I simply struggle with the feeling that I have to justify myself to others. It's like, if I can't "convince" others of how I feel then I'm just a guy, and I know I'm not.

So, to use a metaphore that used to be used a lot around here, this butterfly isn't ready to emerge from its cocoon yet. And you can take that both the cocoon of the self and the cocoon of the figurative closet.

[tommi]

It is the only way to keep my marriage from going out the window or down
the toilet. I love my child too much to do that to him and if being inthe back of my closet is what it takes I am ok with that. I do have some regrets at
times but I can deal with them as well.:(

[Angie G]

I'm 50% out my wife knows but no one else knows but the bird fish and rabbitand they don't care :hugs:
Angie

[ColleenCD]

My wife knows, and my friends here know. My life is too public as it is and I don't need the attention form the rest of the world upset the apple cart.


Colleen