Telling my friends

[Evert]

Okay, just asking it right away: I want to tell my friends I want to be a boy. But I don't have the guts and I have no idea how. So.. How?

I can't just jump in and say: "Hey you know what? Call me Evert. In fact, you can even call me him and he!" :( I mean... I can't do that right?

So how to start and such?

I'm sick and tired of the "hey girl!" stuff... :(

[Abraxas]

Well, I guess the first thing to think about is how they'd react, and how their personalities are. I've told all of my friends, and strangely, it was just as difficult to tell my oldest friends as it was to tell people I was meeting for the first time or whatever. The only person I really found it difficult to tell was Al, who'd thought I was a bio-guy for the entire time I'd known him. Somehow, it's a lot more difficult in reverse. That, and, y'know, being in love with him, haha!

I have a few methods I've sort of devised, unconsciously. First time I told anyone, it was my friend Anth, and we were in my car on our way to my other friend's house to pick her up. I kind of randomly said, during a quiet moment, 'erm... there's something I want to tell you...' and stumbled and muttered on from there. Immediately after I told him, he said he'd known there was something different about me but he couldn't place what it was. And he came out to me as gay. We picked up Amber and I told her straight up, 'hey guess what, I'm a tranny!' lol With her, I find it easier to come off as being silly when I tell her important stuff, because she has a silly personality. Anth is more serious by nature. She came out to me and Anth at the same time, as being Lesbian. Interesting day for all of us, I guess. We had a big laugh over that.
The other method, well, involves a lot of booze, haha! Y'know, stuff always slips out when you're drunk, and it's a bit easier because if the person you're telling has a bad reaction, you can always blame it on the alcohol. If they have a good reaction, they'll probably ask you about it next time yo're sober together, or you can bring it up, like, 'remember what I said the other day? Well, it was true.'

*shrug* I dunno, to me, it all depends on the other person's personality how I go about telling them.
good luck though :thumbsup:

[MJ]

Okay, just asking it right away: I want to tell my friends I want to be a boy. But I don't have the guts and I have no idea how. So.. How?

I can't just jump in and say: "Hey you know what? Call me Evert. In fact, you can even call me him and he!" :( I mean... I can't do that right?

So how to start and such?


I'm sick and tired of the "hey girl!" stuff... :(

i understand how it must feel, but remember everyone knows you as "_________" insert real name here , the young chick !!!. sorry i know better. so you have to just tell them about your true self, and how you wish to be addressed, it will be hard at first but in time your family and friends will come around..
for me everyone was over for a family BBQ and i just told them i felt like i should have been born a woman so i am changing my gender and becoming a woman , after the disbelieve they said they would be there for me and after the BBQ no one was there for me..
i have no regrets

[bi_weird]

oi yeah that's a fun topic...(sarcasm!)
I've come out as bi a bazillion times, as trans-something-ish (why can't I make myself say transgender?) only a couple, so that's the experience I'm coming from. My biggest advice is just be aware ahead of time how you think they'll react. Be honest, open, and prepared to answer a lot of personal questions. Also, for your sake, control the situation. Do it in a place where you're comfortable, and where you're in control. A cafe you've never been in when you need a ride home from the person you're telling, that's just going to make you more nervous 'cause you'll be wondering how you're getting home if it goes bad. Some of them may already know/suspect, keep that in mind so that you can go from what they know already. As for the actual telling...there's no magic words, as far as I know. Pick someone, get them alone, tell them you have something you need to talk about, and spit it out. And remember, you're never done coming out, but it just gets better from here.

[pocoyo]

Awww Evert... I'm so sorry I don't really have much advice to give!
Maybe you could just explain that the reason you like girls... is not actually because you're a lesbian... but because you're a boy?
(Oops I said that in the clubhouse already!!... )
Erm.... orrr, well, maybe ask them if they notice that you're boyish? Then explain to them whay that is.

Sorry if anyone has already said that... I didn't actually bother to read the previous posts lol! Had a heavy evening hehe
Bad lazy poc! :heehee:

I hope it goes really smoothly however you choose to do it my friend.
You are a reallly cool dude and I am sure they will be nice to you about it if they are true friends ... I mean how could they ever be mean to you? You're way too cool!

[ZenFrost]

There are many methods of "coming out" the one I used was "I've decided to give up on being a girl." You could start by emphasizing all the horrible things about being a girl in front of your friends, gradually. You could jokingly tell them to call you Evert and as time progresses, make the joke get more and more serious until they really start to see you as a guy (that's what I did with my male name). You'll have to remind them "Ha ha, call me Evert, remember?" and you can keep it like a joke for a while before it becomes serious on its own.

[CaptLex]

Lots of good advice here, Evert. The way I did it to friends and co-workers was to start with a question, "Do you know what transgender means?" Almost everyone answered "yes", and then I'd ask them what they thought it meant - just to be sure they weren't completely off. After that, I'd give them my definition of what it means and tell them, "well, that's what I am". Some will ask you tons of questions. Others will not be able to think of anything at the moment 'cause they're stunned, but may come back to you the next day or next week with questions. Prepare yourself in advance for two things:

(1) Know what your boundaries are. Know which questions you'll feel comfortable answering (like maybe, "How long have you felt this way?"), and which ones are intrusive and personal, and don't feel that you have to go into any details you're uncomfortable with. I usually tell people up front that they can ask anything, but if something is too personal, I won't be answering it.

(2) Prepare to be amazed that some people you think will get it, really won't, and some people you think will be judgemental and unaccepting will not have a problem with it. There's really no way of knowing who will be okay with it and who won't. Lots of people have surprised me. Also be prepared that some of your relationships may change (for better or worse), and some people may just tell you that they had a feeling all along.

And I agree that you're such a cool guy, anybody who would have a problem with it is an idiot. A smart person would say, "It doesn't matter to me - you're still my friend." Good luck, hun. Let us know how it turns out. :hugs:

[bi_weird]

some people may just tell you that they had a feeling all along.
This is very true, even when you didn't know all along. I dont' know how many of my friends knew I was bi before I did, and of the handful who know about the trans thing most figured something like that. One friend even thought I was out as bi years before I started thinking I was. I decided someone should've sent me the memo.

[Evert]

Thanks for all the advice :hugs:

I will try and hey I've got more than one friend so I can try all the advice you gave me. :heehee:

I will keep you posted.. :hugs:

---------

Poco you made me blush and smile at the sime time, silly boy! :hugs:

[pocoyo]

Yo Evert... where are u dude?
I was wondering if you told any of your friends yet?
:happy:

[Evert]

I'm not dead yet. ;)

Just had some trouble with my internetconnection. I hope it keeps working for a while.. at least untill I'm done typing. :heehee:

I told one. *still trembling* Yesterday. We had a couple of drinks at an irish pub and we started talking there at a table. Just about simple stuff. School, love, etc. Halfway I said something (can't remember what) and he replied:
Whoo! You sound like a guy now! :straightface:
I felt totally embarrased and had the feeling I would like to crawl under the table.. :heehee: But instead I said: Well what would you say if I told you I AM a guy? He couldn't respond. He was just sitting there in total.. I dunno.. disbelief? We just looked at each other for a while. I was to scared to say more. He asked me: You mean as in transsexual? All I could do was nod and thought he wanted to walk away. But then he said: You know, I always had a feeling like that. It's just a little weird to have it confirmed.... always thought I was imaging things.. Wow.

We talked for another 3 hours after that. But now he thinks it's okay. He made me promise I wont steal his girlfriend. That he made a joke like that after all that information... he's cool. :D

[CaptLex]

He was just sitting there in total.. I dunno.. disbelief? We just looked at each other for a while. I was to scared to say more. He asked me: You mean as in transsexual? All I could do was nod and thought he wanted to walk away. But then he said: You know, I always had a feeling like that. It's just a little weird to have it confirmed.... always thought I was imaging things.. Wow.

We talked for another 3 hours after that. But now he thinks it's okay. He made me promise I wont steal his girlfriend. That he made a joke like that after all that information... he's cool. :D

Wow, Evert, that's great - you did it! I know how nerve-wracking that is, but you did well. And aren't you glad you got through it, and didn't bite your tongue? For me each time I told someone it got a little bit easier, so I hope it will be the same for you. Your friend was definitely in shock, but the fact that he was able to talk about it for a long while afterwards and even made a joke about it sounds promising. Big (manly) hug to you guy! :bighug:

[Dasein9]

Good for you, Evert!

In my experience, almost everyone asks the same questions and has pretty much the same reaction. I came out to my dissertation advisor and he said, "Well, I'd never thought about it, but it's not a surprise." Stuff like that just keeps happening. There's something different about people like us, and I think that some people actually become more comfortable, once they have a name for just how it is we're different.

Strangers can be a different matter from friends. For one thing, I don't mind answering the more personal questions as much when friends ask. For a while, it was fun to watch how people I'd just met, like in a bar, would react, but it's getting kind of boring. They all say the same things, like "I'm so intrigued by you!" And for some reason, they all want to kiss me. (Maybe so they can tell their friends that they kissed a tranny.) Lately my reaction's been: Okay. Fine. You're intrigued. But I'm not all that intrigued by the fact that you're intrigued, so either say something interesting or let me go back to hanging out with my friends.

[bi_weird]

Hey congrats on the first one! *BIG HUG* Yeah it's the one's that'll ask questions and make jokes, even if the questions are ignorant and the jokes slightly too far, who'll deal best. At least from my and my friends experience in coming out LGB&A...I'm assuming it's similar for Ts as well.

[michelleupnorth]

I came out to my girlfriend, roomate, and my best friend, all female. I just told them that what i needed was a friend and that I hope they would understand. I then told them that I'll be seeing my Dr. the end of the month to see a specialist. They were all very supportive which meant a lot to me. They are my true friends. My girl friend on the other hand is hoping it's a faze that I just want to do this part-time. She say's that she will be my friend no matter what and I guess time will tell.

Once I made the decission to tell it wasn't so bad.

michelle

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Congrats Evert, that took guts! For what it's worth, it gets easier each time.

[kerrianna]

:hugs: WTG Evert! I'm glad you have cool friends. It's a good test to see who really is a friend or not. It's funny that sometimes we think we're doing such a good job hiding it and everyone else says, 'oh yeah, we were wondering about that...." I hope it gets easier and better for you all the time.

What I want to know is: Have you told them you are also a Pirate? :heehee:

[pocoyo]

Yaaay well done Evert :D
:hugs:
Hope things go nice and smoothly with your other friends. That's a great start! He sounds cool.

[Evert]

What I want to know is: Have you told them you are also a Pirate? :heehee:

Oh no! He would kill me if I did! Being a pirate? Wow, you get bullied if you tell that. I mean, everyone thinks being a pirate is weird and that you are nuts! I will hide the fact that I'm a pirate my whole life! :heehee:

Nah, I'm proud to be part of the crew.. :hugs:

(Hmmm maybe I should go as a pirate to the next fair thingy.. :D )


Yaaay well done Evert :D
:hugs:
Hope things go nice and smoothly with your other friends. That's a great start! He sounds cool.

Wooo! I like your new ava! (See? You're making me gay again! :devil: )

[MJ]

wow Evert
good for you. i hope all your friends react the same way. you are a great guy i wish you well :hugs:
and i want to be a pirate?

[Evert]

Up for a very old thread...because....

I told my very best friend today!! The guy I almost spend every weekend with and such.

He was very cool about it. We talked and talked (and are still talking) and it was a moment of confesssions. Because he confessed he likes to wear skirts. Not because its crossdressing but because he thinks its much more comfortable. And he also said: I don't mind as long as you wont feel bad about it because you don't have to... :D

Im still trembling, but oh the relief! :D

[CaptLex]

Im still trembling, but oh the relief! :D

Oh, dude . . . big hugs for you! :bighug: :bighug:

That's terrific! You have good taste in friends. And you must be a good friend too for people to be so readily accepting and understanding. I know you must feel great. I think this calls for a celebration! :cheers:

[Evert]

Oh, dude . . . big hugs for you! :bighug: :bighug:

That's terrific! You have good taste in friends. And you must be a good friend too for people to be so readily accepting and understanding. I know you must feel great. I think this calls for a celebration! :cheers:


Anything to take out the rum, don't ya? :cheers:

[CaptLex]

Anything to take out the rum, don't ya? :cheers:
You know it! Or we can have champagne if you prefer. :D

[Kieron Andrew]

Anything to take out the rum, don't ya? :cheers:he dont need a reason lol

[Evert]

You know it! Or we can have champagne if you prefer. :D

Am I a pirate or what! RUM! :cheers:

[bi_weird]

DUDE congrats! Browine time! *Hands Evert brownie with rainbow sprinkles*

[pocoyo]

Up for a very old thread...because....

I told my very best friend today!! The guy I almost spend every weekend with and such.

He was very cool about it. We talked and talked (and are still talking) and it was a moment of confesssions. Because he confessed he likes to wear skirts. Not because its crossdressing but because he thinks its much more comfortable. And he also said: I don't mind as long as you wont feel bad about it because you don't have to... :D

Im still trembling, but oh the relief! :D

AWwwwwwww duuude! :^5: Hi 5 for the brave lad!!!

*huge hard hugs*

U rock... totally .. and so does your friend.

BE HAPPY! ..... enjoy the relief dude... you totally deserve to be grinning :D

*hug hug hug noogie hug*

[Evert]

Thanks Bi *loves brownies* :D

Poco :^5:

[Kieron Andrew]

*hug hug hug noogie hug*
someone has to ask so it may as well be me!! wtf is noogie lol

[Tina Dixon]

Well my man there your friends, you know them best, and I'm sure by now they can tell your just not girlie any more, so I guess tell them the truth, and when the heck you going to give me my skirt back or are you a double crossdresser at home:heehee:

[pocoyo]

You knoowww noogie!!
*noogies kieron too!*

[Felix]

Well done hun I definitely needed a drink when I told my mates about my feelings towards myself and that my AKA name was Felix but they were cool about it and that's great. It feels so good when ya friends are supportive of ya xx Felix :hugs:

[Siobhan Marie]

Evert, I'm so pleased for hun. That's just made my day, it really has. Huge amounts of kudos to you. And not forgetting the all important :bighug: *cuddles* and :koc:
I'm out to my parents and a lot of the guys and gals that I work with and apart from my mother, they're great about it.

:hugs: Anna Marie x

[kerrianna]

Yay! Evert! So happy that you guys were cool about it.
:^5: :hugs: :love:
A guy wearing skirts though? Hmmmm, that sounds kinda weird to me. Good thing you're so tolerant. :D :heehee:

He sounds like a wonderful friend. :hugs:

[Evert]

Yay! Evert! So happy that you guys were cool about it.
:^5: :hugs: :love:
A guy wearing skirts though? Hmmmm, that sounds kinda weird to me. Good thing you're so tolerant. :D :heehee:

He sounds like a wonderful friend. :hugs:


I only play tolerant. I mean people who dress like they are from the other gender? The Horror! :heehee: