One Step Back....

[Karren H]

If I was making two steps forward this wouldn't be a problem but the wife and I have been in a stalemate for over a year..... she knows I still crossdress but as long as I keep it out of her face, it hasn't bothered her.... much.

So last night when I got home from work, I said "Hi", she scowled... never a good sigh!! What's wrong? "Nothing". So later when I was admiring her grouting she said "come over here".... by the PC.... GULP!!! "I found some shortcuts to PORN on our computer!! Where did it come from?" Don't know, I replied. Said she found it while looking for someting and deleted it.... made her upset all day..

I'm upset too, because I don't know where it came from! I'm not into porn and if I was, would not be stupid enough to leave a link there!!! She obviously didn't believe me!!!

Luckily for me, she only stays mad for a short period of time and by 7pm it was back to normalish. Though i did say that I needed some windshield wiper fluid and the stuf i got at Walmart worked well...... "You are SHOPPING at Walmart AGAIN???" Why yes I was, I replied.... (She has no sence of humor) hehe

I did figure out where the links came from, the son's friends had a sleep-over in the basement a few weeks ago.... Damn kids but it's better to just let it drop than to look like I'm trying to implicate someone else....

Winning that trust back that was lost on the day she found out I crossdressed is harder thatn anything I've ever done......

I need to go buy a new dress at noon.... cheer me up!!!!

Love karren

[melissacd]

Karren,

I can totally relate to the feeling. The day 10 years back when my wife found out totally transformed our relationship in a way that has not gotten better in all these years. I cannot seem to find anything that will make it better. I am hoping that the counseling that we are going through now will help, but it is difficult. Marriage is a challenge at the best of times.

Melissa

[Cyndie]

Yes, Karen, I know the feeling well. My wife knows about Cyndie, and would rather that she go away, but knows that it is not going to happen. I have to keep Cyndie out of her sight, but sometime I slip and leave something out and she will be upset for a couple of days. I makes for real down times.

TTFN :hugs:
Cyndie

[Carroll]

Hey Karren....can we say...PASSWORD! :D I have found this works to keep my kids from messing up my files. My 5y daughter loves to move the mouse and click on my flight sim.

[GinaVegas]

Cheer up Karren! :gh:

[JenniferR771]

That dark scowl, with the tight chin and jaw muscles--I know it well. Janice also hates it when i go shopping. Gets angry if I bring up the cd subject in any way. And she checks my browsing history every day--sometimes twice per day.
And she insisted that i could not have a log in password. Forced me to delete it.
But she is OK, if i keep it out of sight. My pictures are buried under eight layers of sub menus, but anybody coud find them. Actually sometimes I want her to find stuff "accidentally" . I didn't want her to find the blond wig hairs in my brush--but it didn't cause much of a dust-up.

[Karren H]

Hey Karren....can we say...PASSWORD! :D I have found this works to keep my kids from messing up my files. My 5y daughter loves to move the mouse and click on my flight sim.

Yeah.... Carroll.... Did that! To keep the kids out of my things.... Wife wanted to know why and what was I hiding in there!!! "Nothing".

So I removed the password!!! To show I wasn't doing anything and then this!! Lol. Can't win!

Karren

[Rebecca-L]

Karren,

You might try re-instituting the password and giving to your wife. The explanation could be that you did not know where the links came from and you want the computer under the control of the two of you. That way she knows you are not hiding anything on it from her.

Just a thought.....

[Tree GG]

Karren,

You might try re-instituting the password and giving to your wife. The explanation could be that you did not know where the links came from and you want the computer under the control of the two of you. That way she knows you are not hiding anything on it from her.

Just a thought.....

Trust is hard to rebuild. GG's have very active imaginations. If she's not looking for incriminating material, however, I'd say she pretty much has faith in you.

Just another thought.

From what I've seen on this forum, you're a very committed and responsible husband. I'm sure she appreciates that - could it be time to start rebuilding the romance? May be way out of line here, but from experience I can say the shock of finding out short circuits all the connections in the relationship and each one has to be rebooted before real acceptance can start. Sharing a password may "let her in on the secret" and kinda open the door for her to ask questions if she's ready & willing.

[Angie G]

Karren cheer up and buy some hose with tht dress :hugs:
Angie

[Kendra Irene]

Karren

I had something similar happen, a couple of years ago. I talked to my son about it, and he did fess up to his mom about the sites.
Now its not a problem, he has his own computor.

Kendra

[suzy]

Karren,

OMG.. what you have to be going thru...... I can't imagine.

I can't imagine what I would do if my wife was like that! Well, I know that you can't/ won't give it up so it is either better learn to live with it....or not!

WHEW! I'm sorry for you hon.... I hope all works out for the best!:hugs:

[Michelle 51]

That scowl and tight face sound's familar.Just add crossed arm's and a tapping foot and you got my honey down to a tee.Luckily it does'nt happen often.Karen your so out and about on here i can't believe you had to step back with the missus.What's up with that now.Hee Hee as you say Justabit

[Suzie S.]

Karren, so sorry you had to go through all that! Guess it's time to have a chat with the kids about using your computer, w/o implicating the topic of cding. Maybe just tell them you found the sites without bringing your wife into it. Trust is such a large thing to rebuild. I know it's a tough battle, but please know we are alll here for 'ya! Try to cheer up! And, do somethin' special for your wife also! I hope things work out for you! :hugs:

[Wendy me]

simple answer you and your wife have one computer coded so you two only can use it .... next the kids/ house computer coded by you and your wife so the kids can't change things and access restrions...


the part with your wife ?? girl Friend start a walking ... no not out the door but on that well traveled path to acceptance ... even though you may or may not ever get to were your both comfy ... it all begins with understanding , trust and them small steps .... we encounter a few steps back every now and then .. stop fix or resolve the reason for the step back ... breath ... now time to try to take a norther small step forward .... it's so abought the movement..... good luck ....

[Bobbi Lynn]

What about your OWN computer? Nice laptop with wireless?

Yeah.... Carroll.... Did that! To keep the kids out of my things.... Wife wanted to know why and what was I hiding in there!!! "Nothing".

So I removed the password!!! To show I wasn't doing anything and then this!! Lol. Can't win!

Karren

[Staci G]

Karren

I feel your pain.. Teressa hates the fact I want to even wear panties much less total fem. Therefor here i sit in my little closet with my stash hiding from the right wing militia (Teressa) by name. I never get the scowel it is more of a flaming ball of anger at the 1st sign of wearing panties yesterday she came in asking me if I had been in her mascara I said no ( i have my own):heehee:
she said I look like I tried to clean off make up just did it badly. and that was the end so I concider taht an easy day. Lucky for mr I have a computer she has her own and i am password protected. I cant give advice to someone that is further out to thier SO than I am except to say maybe buy some matching pumps for the new dress

Love hugs and luck to you

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Karen,
I've been there as well. I have nothing to hide from my wife so she has all my passwords for everything. I never view porn sites and we have had links pop up from time to, others have access to our computer and they view all sorts of stuff that I wouldn't think of viewing. My wife looks at everything that I do with a jaded eye but almost always comes around to believing in my honesty.

[MJ]

well Karren you are lucky, my wife found all the web sites dealing with tg issues now she is my ex , so you are a lucky Girl/Boy . it could be much worse

[Bethanygirl]

Karren, think 'flowers'!

No! Not for you! For her! :heehee:

It will help her find something to begin the forgive-and-forgets.
:love:

[Julie York]

Am I the only one who nearly fell off my seat laughing at...."So later when I was admiring her grouting she said...."

Lovely image. That's made my day.


:D

[Kimberley]

Am I the only one who nearly fell off my seat laughing at...."So later when I was admiring her grouting she said...."

Lovely image. That's made my day.


:D

Sure that wasnt a typo? Maybe should have said growling?

I can relate to the password thing too. I had that problem when my son was a teen. I put a password on a user account and that ended it. Unfortunately the software to prevent that kind of access wasnt very good. Anyway, it only happened once.

Gotta love teenagers... After you :Pullhair: you have to :kickbutt:

Kimberley

[marie354]

Karren, think 'flowers'!

No! Not for you! For her! :heehee:

It will help her find something to begin the forgive-and-forgets.
:love:

Good idea! And don't forget chocolates! It has been proven that chocolates relieve stress. I always keep plenty around the house.... Just for special times. Try DOVE "special dark" chocolates. They're wonderful!

Some days I just place a few on my SO's keyboard before she gets to her desk. She just loves the thoughts behind that kind of stuff. Gets her day off to a good start.
:hugs:

[JoAnnDallas]

Karen......Did you see the post that explains what "Nothing" means to a GG?? If not I will send it to you. Beaware if she also says "Fine" too. LOL

[Karren H]

Am I the only one who nearly fell off my seat laughing at...."So later when I was admiring her grouting she said...."

Lovely image. That's made my day.

:D

Well how many wives can grout tile, lay cinder block and shingle roofs?? She's a keeper!! :). Could write a book on our house building experiences!! Hehe

Love kJarren

[laura47]

Had a similar event when I was married. My ex wife (very jealous) went though all of my pictures and trashed all of my single life photos of ex girlfriends and normal “biker events” A couple of months later she found some more and told me that “those bitches and I would be sleeping on the couch together“. I pointed out that she had put the pictures away and I had no knowledge of where they were. Don’t miss her but I do miss the photos of the happy days.

[RobertaFermina]

I'd talk to my kids about the Porn and the sleepover.

Show them how you knew, so they know they are busted next time.

At best, they might own up to it.

At worst, they might be more careful about leaving traces behind.

In a world of optimism, or wishful thinking, they might be induced to have 'the conversation' about porn with you and your wife?


:rose: Roberta :rose:

[JoAnnDallas]

At least show them how to cover their tracks. I found some embarrising links on my son's computer one time when he used to live at home. All I did was show him how to cover his tracks and when I snooped his computer a couple of days later, all of the embarrising links were gone. Never told the wife about it. Kinda like one day I opened his bedroom door and found him pleasering himself. Just said "Ahh, Sorry" and closed the door. Didn't say anything later either. I think we bonded a little closer because I didn't make any fuss over either of the two issues.

[linnea]

Trust is extremely hard to re-build, much harder than getting it in the first place, so I really empathize with you. I think that Tree GG gives good advice on the matter. Good luck.



Trust is hard to rebuild. GG's have very active imaginations. If she's not looking for incriminating material, however, I'd say she pretty much has faith in you.

Just another thought.

From what I've seen on this forum, you're a very committed and responsible husband. I'm sure she appreciates that - could it be time to start rebuilding the romance? May be way out of line here, but from experience I can say the shock of finding out short circuits all the connections in the relationship and each one has to be rebooted before real acceptance can start. Sharing a password may "let her in on the secret" and kinda open the door for her to ask questions if she's ready & willing.

[Melinda]

Open My Computer. Double click on the C: drive to open it. Create a folder at the root of the C: drive and name it something that sounds like part of the operating system like conf54 or something equally cryptic. Then right click on it and select Properties from the menu. On the General tab click the box for Hidden. Then click on the C drive and select Tools - Folder Options - View - Hidden Files and Folders and make sure Do Not Show is selected. Your folder will be hidden. To open it go to Start - Run and type in the Open box c:/foldername (substitute your folder name.) Unless your spouse is a geek who actually uses the Run command she'll never see it. If she does use Run and you need to clear the Run command history see this http://www.windowsitpro.com/Article/ArticleID/13600/13600.html?Ad=1
TweakUI is useful for lots of stuff so you can probably justify installing it.

[slamddoger]

hope thing are going will for you. have you thougt about taken her out for dinner and a show

[TxKimberly]

Well how many wives can grout tile, lay cinder block and shingle roofs??
Love kJarren

Hands down my wife is the "handy man" around our home. We used to have a 100 year old house (AKA fixer upper, money Pit, nightmare) and when she was a stay at home Mom she did a lot of the restoration work. I once got a call from her regarding our bedroom on the second floor:
Wife - "Did you know there is a LOT of space behind the bedroom wall in the attic"
Me - "Errr, no I didn't. What makes you think there is a lot of empty space behind the wall?"
Her - "'Cause I tore it down and I'm gonna make a closet there!"
. . . and she did!
It just doesn't get any gooder than that!
Kim

[Jodi]

Well how many wives can grout tile, lay cinder block and shingle roofs?? She's a keeper!! :). Could write a book on our house building experiences!! Hehe

Love kJarren

Great Karren, but can she wear high heels as well as you can:heehee:

Jodi

[krisla]

My wife knows and also doesn't want to see Krisla, she has on occasion found some of Krisla's things. She just gives them to me saying I think these are yours. When my daughter was 13 we came home to find porn frozen on the PC, she knew our passwords. It's just too easy now, I remember when a Playboy was a major score.

Krisla

[suchacutie]

trust is hard enough to rebuild, but if you know where it came from then letting her know, regardless of her inability to believe you at the moment, must be the best path. If you think it won't work face to face...send her an e-mail...be calm and factual and this way it's also on the record.

trust is hard, but any holding back is a chink in the armor.

:2c:

tina

[susie evans]

karren i think yhe company needs to send you on a trip out of town for a few days :hugs:

susie

[Roxi Loh]

Karen...you are one of the most experienced girls here and I think you know exactly how to handle this. Plus, you are one of the most honest up front and non ****ty girls I have ever chatted with. I know because I fall a little south of that line. Its not a computer issue...its a love-trust issue that you are a master at working out. You are too smart and too cute to let this affect your great relationship. It is a great discussion topic though. Hugs to you girl.

[SandyR]

Mine splits wood, keep the fireplace clean, loves to paint, clean the bathroom, shes a keeper too! Karen, I would say its time for a new dress and some nice thigh highs with the red line up the back......heheh


SandyR

[Roxi Loh]

My wife does an incredible job at grouting tile...I challenge anyone to a SO grouting joust...

[DAVIDA]

Karren, I could use someone like her in my buisness! Can she do plumbing too?:D
DAVIDA

[Karren H]

Great Karren, but can she wear high heels as well as you can:heehee:

Jodi

She hates heels... can't even walk in one inchers...


karren i think yhe company needs to send you on a trip out of town for a few days :hugs:

susie

Aint that the truth!!! no business trips on the radar screen either.... <sigh>


Karren, I could use someone like her in my buisness! Can she do plumbing too?:D
DAVIDA

Nope... I do the plumbing and wiring... built our own 2,500 sqft two story house when we were married... did everything except the heating. Everything!!! Took 4 years..... Wouldn't do it again but it was kind of fun!!


Karen...you are one of the most experienced girls here and I think you know exactly how to handle this. Plus, you are one of the most honest up front and non ****ty girls I have ever chatted with. I know because I fall a little south of that line. Its not a computer issue...its a love-trust issue that you are a master at working out. You are too smart and too cute to let this affect your great relationship. It is a great discussion topic though. Hugs to you girl.

Awwww Roxi your too sweet!!! And I'm up for a grout-off anyday... How about at the Victoria Secret HQ? Probably just down the street from your house? lol

Love Karren

[Karren H]

Did have a chat with her last night about what I suspected... She says that it could be possible and since the son has his own PC in his room, the only time we have to be concerned is when his friends come over. I do check his PC periodically and have never found anything. So last night and this morning we were back to normal... maybe with in half a setp of being the normal i've known the last one and a half years....

I did go shopping yesterday at noon, after I dropped the son's sax off for repair, and returned the extra grout..... but didn't find a thing I couldn't live without. Hope to dress tommorow morning.... still debating the slacks thing... hehehe

Love Karren

[susie evans]

karren i'am glad things are starting to get back to normal on the home front you are very level headed and can think through any issue i have faith that it will work it's self out the only (pun intended) is this slack thing it's got me worried if you do that you will be setting a new trend and that means i will have to go on another shopping spree but i guess thats part of the changing times:hugs: :hugs:

susie:love:

[Robin Leigh]

Open My Computer. Double click on the C: drive to open it. Create a folder at the root of the C: drive and name it something that sounds like part of the operating system like conf54 or something equally cryptic.
Good advice, Belinda. But it's not what Karren's looking for here: she's trying to prove to her wife that she's hiding nothing.

:hugs:

Robin

[tommi]

Karen buy the slacks before you freeze dry the berries:D
Had some similar problems with the wife just finding this web site on our pc
tried to explain the support system here but I definetly know that she doesn't want tommie to come out of the closet:(
Reading about your delema has really helped me get through a tough week thanks.

[MistyCD]

Yeah.... Carroll.... Did that! To keep the kids out of my things.... Wife wanted to know why and what was I hiding in there!!! "Nothing".

So I removed the password!!! To show I wasn't doing anything and then this!! Lol. Can't win!

Karren

Karren, you are better off making individual accounts on the computer, password protecting them and giving some of them limited access. This way your kids friends won't be able to download anything.

With so many viruses out there, i limit the number of accounts with admin rights. Make one, give it a name like sysback and password protect it. When ever you want to surf any CD sites, you can use that account..



Hugs Misty :2c:

[angie12]

Such a shame you wife is so against you dressing up . You look great in your picture - love your hair & make up.

:D

[marie354]

Karren, you are better off making individual accounts on the computer, password protecting them and giving some of them limited access. This way your kids friends won't be able to download anything.

With so many viruses out there, i limit the number of accounts with admin rights. Make one, give it a name like sysback and password protect it. When ever you want to surf any CD sites, you can use that account..



Hugs Misty :2c:

I agree. XP allows you to create accounts for different users and always set other useds to a limited type of account. You, the administrator, can set the security level for them and prevent X-rated sited from being viewed.
:hugs:

[stevie b]

Sorry you have bad times. Hope this cheerrs you up I've looked at your photos and you and your dresses are fantastic. I only wish when the make up, wig and clothes come together this weekend I can look half as good as you.

[Karren H]

Sorry you have bad times. Hope this cheerrs you up I've looked at your photos and you and your dresses are fantastic. I only wish when the make up, wig and clothes come together this weekend I can look half as good as you.

Thanks Stevie!! I'm getting there!! Shopped at noon for the last two days and found nothing... But shopping therapy is very healing!! Lol. And as far as makeup...practice, practice, practice a lot!! Its hell playing catchup to the real girls!! Hehe

Love Karren

[Girdlewoman]

I'm sorry to hear about all you girls and your hardships with your wives. I know marrige is a good thing overall. However, I'm divorced now after 21 years of sharing both my lives. She was pretty cool about Charlene but all the other stuff about the anger and control makes me angry but brightens my day when I feel sorry about being divorced. I'm in my mid 50's now and don't fancy getting involved with anyone again at least past the friend stage. Being gender gifted plays a heavy role/price in my decision. I learn so much from this forum. peace,Charlene

[Marcie Sexton]

You have no idea what hell you can go through, well maybe you do, when they find out there is another woman in the house and that woman is you:rolleyes: .

For months my wife had fits, tolerated my dressing until it finally took its toll and I was given a choice...Marcie or her...well I took her, gave up all my things, and tried to forget Marcie...For months life got worse and we fought about any and every thing...

I would guess every one know by now that in November she gave me a birthday present I would never have dreamed of...She gave me Marcie back...For some unknown reason, thank God, she figured out or talked with some one about my dressing...We now venture :heehee: out together to shop at times...her only worry is me now, afraid what some stupid something might do to me.

I guess Karren what I'm trying to say is hang in there, hon you never know what the future holds...Maybe she'll have you a nice dress and a new pair of boots when you come in...In the mean time, kill< not literally, mind you >, with kindness...flowers, diner out, shoot even take her shopping...I'm sure you love and care for her, but make a renewed effort to show her...Heck you may want to even get a little frisky some nite...:o JUST BECAUSE...

Let her know that you, she and Karren all can survive...My wife, myself and Marcie now live in a peace and have learned to share "every thing" :2c:

[Karren H]

Let her know that you, she and Karren all can survive...My wife, myself and Marcie now live in a peace and have learned to share "every thing" :2c:

You are one lucky girl, Marcie!!! Hope you know that!!

And my wife doesn't even know I have a fem name let alone has never seen me dressed.... Or even a photo! Afraid she'd really freak out if she did see me.... So I know the three of us will survive .... just not all together in the same room!! Lol

I have a system and it work for me right now.... We will see what the future brings..... And if it never gets any better than it is today.... I'll still be a happy girl!!! :)

Love Karren

[bobby-joe]

TRUST winning it back or is it too late for some couples..How do you get back when sooo much has changed in your relationship...if any one has any clues please help.....I am not sure I can go back....

[Karren H]

Well the wife and I went shopping all day for all kinds of stuff.... antiques and new bathroom vanity and sink. Found a neat one in black, looks like a piece of furniture.... and as we were inspecting it she asked me "Is it ok if I move my makeup and things back into the vanity?" Yes...I said, I won't touch it and by the way, I never did.... She smiled and said thanks.... gave me a hug...

Always had my own makeup..... So that sure seems positive on the trust thingy....

Bought her a pair of antique leaded glass hanging lanterns... for valentine's day!!!!

Saw some really nive earrings at a couple antique malls.... need to revisit them this week.....

Love Karren

[Roxi Loh]

She hates heels... can't even walk in one inchers...



Aint that the truth!!! no business trips on the radar screen either.... <sigh>



Nope... I do the plumbing and wiring... built our own 2,500 sqft two story house when we were married... did everything except the heating. Everything!!! Took 4 years..... Wouldn't do it again but it was kind of fun!!



Awwww Roxi your too sweet!!! And I'm up for a grout-off anyday... How about at the Victoria Secret HQ? Probably just down the street from your house? lol

Love Karren

You name the time and place...lets have our wives grout....

[TeriAnn]

I am running a linux op.sys. It has a dual boot it can let two people have their own space by signing in an out. When you get throught you click on the switch user icon and it let her sign in on her side that way you don't have to worry about the other being in your business. My wife and I love it we are both happy the way it is.:2c:
She knows that I crossdress and loves every minute of it. She kinda gets upset when I don't dress:eek: says it makes her very happy knowing that I love my fem side.the way I do. I sure do:love: her:hugs: :hugs:

[Tina B.]

I am surprized, but I didn't see any mention of the fact, that in Windows XP
if you check out folders, you can make a folder, and then make it invisable, and unless you are savy enough to go through the whole operating system you can't find it, it is password activated, when you want it, I did it once just to see what they where talking about, but not being good at remembering passwords, and not really needing to hide anything, I tool it abck off that mode, but it is do able!
Tina B.

[Robin Leigh]

I'm amazed at the number of people who've replied to this thread that think that Karren actually wants to hide stuff on her computer. She doesn't!!! She's trying to prove that she hasn't been hiding stuff. OK?

Believe it or not, some of us just aren't into porn.

:hugs:

Robin

[Karren H]

I'm amazed at the number of people who've replied to this thread that think that Karren actually wants to hide stuff on her computer. She doesn't!!! She's trying to prove that she hasn't been hiding stuff. OK?

Believe it or not, some of us just aren't into porn.

:hugs:

Robin

Bingo.... and my 4.5 gig of photos and movies is on another PC, on a third drive, and backed up to DVD..... plus i use my wireless laptop and blackberry to surf with, and If I wanted to use the home PC I would just turn on the guest account and use it, then turn it off when i was done.... Simple yet secure.... As long as no one looks in C:\documents and settings\gueat\desktop... hehehe

Love Karren

[Marcie Sexton]

Good for you Karren, I'm happy things are on the mend...seems things are firsky there too...I have found that one gals frisky, is frisky, while anothers is buying for the house, fixing grout, laying cinder blocks and fixing roofs:heehee:

Way to go girl...I knew you had it in you...