NATURE vs NURTURE

[nikky]

ok so i am guessing everyone is aware of the terms natures vs nurture right. so, is it that my genes have caused my do become a crossdresser or is it that i was brought up that way. perhaps it is a combination of the two. who nows and who the hell cares right.
NOW TO THE POINT. i am so afraid to come out to the parents and i dont know what i would say if i were caught, but how bout this for everyone in my shoes. (which by the way are 4 inch strappy heels :) ) no matter which of the two is responsible for my secret life and desires, my parents are at fault, at least more so than i am. LETS SEE...they gave me the genetics and they raised me. AM I RIGHT. so what do we have to fear.

;)
just thougth this would make an interesting thread

[Wendy me]

ok let me shock you to start ..................your mom probley at least has a idera that you cd ................mom's know everything...............blame them??????because you cd wow that's off the wall.................one day mabey you can like thank them>>>>>>>>>>>>>................................

[Tristen Cox]

I wouldn't jump the gun on that. Even my mother didn't know after all my slip ups(thinking she caught me but hadn't said anything). It's not really their fault or yours. But thats me, society has made it so that we must live in secret even to our own kin due to fears of being unacceptable. I hope someday this will change:)





Love
Tristen

[Wendy me]

realy i think moms know before you tell them.............................................

[nikky]

dont get me wrong....i am not blaming the parents for the issue. i am simply saying if they had a problem with it. i would simply have a response. believe me i am happy for the genes and the upbringing. and jessica as for you ... you say you made choices, and they are choices that have spawn from the nurture aspect. maybe not from your parents but from friends or whoever or wherever. but it is definitley one of the two.

[Vickie-CD]

I don't think blame (I don't like that word) can be thrown anywhere. You are what you are, But you make the desicion whether or not to act upon your feelings. We are responsible for our own actions. That is why some stay in the closet, some don't. They made a desicion for what action they would take. I'm happy the way I am and so should everyone.
Love,
Vickie

[ChristineRenee]

I would never blame my parents. My dad wasn't around a lot because of working so much. My mom didn't go to work outside the home until I was 15...3 years AFTER I had started CD'ing. Although my mother desperately had wanted a girl, to her everlasting credit she never treated me or raised me in a feminine manner in any way. I really don't have any logical explanation for where my CD'ing as a pre-teen came from. It has to be internal in some manner...hormonal imbalance...something. But definitely not environmental.

[Jennifer_G]

ok so i am guessing everyone is aware of the terms natures vs nurture right. so, is it that my genes have caused my do become a crossdresser or is it that i was brought up that way. perhaps it is a combination of the two. who nows and who the hell cares right.
NOW TO THE POINT. i am so afraid to come out to the parents and i dont know what i would say if i were caught, but how bout this for everyone in my shoes. (which by the way are 4 inch strappy heels :) ) no matter which of the two is responsible for my secret life and desires, my parents are at fault, at least more so than i am. LETS SEE...they gave me the genetics and they raised me. AM I RIGHT. so what do we have to fear.

;)
just thougth this would make an interesting thread


I don't buy the nuture arguement especially when you look at the David Reimer/Money case.
I must be getting soft as I get older cos when I saw that it really upset me.

I think its more to do with the brain wiring.

Jennifer

[DonnaT]

NATURE

See my post at: http://crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?p=76012#post76012

[sherri]

and they are choices that have spawn from the nurture aspect. maybe not from your parents but from friends or whoever or wherever. but it is definitley one of the two.

This is a good example of how oversimplifying can lead to false conclusions. There are more variables than you are acknowledging. They are being discussed in a previously started thread (see Donna's post).

[Helana]

Nikky

No-one knows for sure the reasons behind CDing, but you should always take responsibilty for yourself. Along the way you have made decisions all by yourself that has lead you to where you are now - a crossdresser. To blame it on anyone else, or society or environmental factors is to decline taking the responsibility upon yourself.

The important thing here is to be happy that you are a crossdresser, accept that you always will be for the rest of your life and decide on the best course of action where you can integrate your CDing into your personal life with the minimum of distress to yourself and others.

BTW, parents may be shocked if you came out to them but you are their son and they will always love you.

[racheal]

It's the force that drives us - our mind and feelings - our emotions. our decisions in life are what make us all unique. I find myself lucky to be here with you Girls and also to be able to get to know the best of both worlds.

[LindaTS]

Actually, this is a pretty tough question. I don't think that even the shrinks know for sure how it happens. I definitely don't place the blame anywhere.
However, in my particular case, I believe that this is the way I was born. I consider myself to be a TS and not a CD. But no matter who, if anyone, is to blame I'm glad that I'm the way I am. My only regret is that it took me so many years to really discover myself.

[nancygirl__f]

Nature vs Nurture??? I know that when I started dressing at a very young age, I had no intention or knowledge of where it was leading. What I mean is it, to me, seemed almost instictual. I didnt choose to be drawn towards wearing womens clothes, it chose me. I guess what I am trying to say is that I think it is hard wired into us...

[nikky]

some of you are missing the point here. i am not trying to start an arguement about who is to blame for what i or any of us do. i made choices, yes based on what i was compeled to do. why? who knows?

the point of the thread was supposed to be a cute little insightful thought that it is not our fault for the feelings we have. maybe cding is instinctful and maybe in is learned from whatever variables in our environment. it was sort of a way to joke about the issue with the parents if they were to find out and you wernt ready for it. my dad always jokes with me about something stupid that i had done. just in fun....ya know the joke about "ten million sperm and you were the quickest one" its all in fun. and if i were to be discovered or any of us for that matter. the nature vs nurture idea would be a little light humor in during the conversation. not as a blame, but just to joke and say hey you gave me the genes and you raised me.

[racheal]

And the jeans fit well. :) Those nice womens ones that shows off your shape. Wear them to your heart's content! :)

[celeste26]

I am new here but I certainly have some input to this thread.

I am aware of certian lies that I have believed about myself from a long time ago. Lies about who I am and how worthy or unworthy I may have been. About what is expected of me and how I am expected to act. Lies that produced much of what I turned out to be. But these lies are so ingrained into my psyche that it is hard to determine just where they came from. That would be 'nurture' but certainly not deliberate from the envirnoment I lived in.

It may sound weird but for me it is somehow 'safer' to have CD sex than not. While this may not the 'truth' somehow deep down inside me it makes sense. What do others think?

[Priscilla1018]

In the immortal words of Popeye The Sailor:" I Yam what I Yam." Enjoy who you are.
I know my Dad did'nt take me aside and say these are very comfortable panties, this is a garter belt( oh how I love them) :D and this is how you put on stockings. If my parents found out ,Oy.

Love and Hugs,
Priscilla

[Maddie Knight]

If my dad found out about my cd'ing i'm sure he would not want anything to do with me no matter what exuses or blame was put on him. :mad:
I am fairly sure my mum knows, i came out to my sister many years ago and i think she told my mum but nothing has ever been said.
The way i see it is why do they need to know and if they did find out i would try and get them to understand rather than blame them.
It took a long time and a lot of tears to come to terms with who i am, but its nobodies fault it just life.
From reading your post you seem a little angry with your parents for the way you have turned out. Its not there fault and I think you need to try and accept yourself for who you are.

[nikky]

do you actually read my thread. it wasnt started with any intentions of blaming people. i am happy with myself and dont really care what people think. i have come to terms with it and AM HAPPY. i have no issues with my parents. the thread was supposed to be a BIT OF LIGHT HUMOR. i will type that larger if neccesary because everyone seems to think i am placing blame. IM NOT. im not typing all that again but read the last thread again and take it in the HUMOROUS way NOT ANGRY.

[Helana]

Nikky

Sometimes the intention gets lost in posting, so a liberal amount of :D :p :eek: these avoids misinterpretations.

I will take you up on something you said on your second post

i made choices, yes based on what i was compeled to do. why? who knows?


Nothing in me compels me to crossdress, I desire it. There is a difference. Your body compels you to eat and drink to stay alive, you desire to eat a slice of pizza instead of a leaf of lettuce. Nothing compels you to choose the pizza, it is a matter of choice.

If CDing were a compulsion then it would not be possible to do what many crossdresers do - ignore it for years, sometimes decades without any obvious side effects. The desire to connect with our feminine side remains throughout our life, we choose if, when and how we will act upon our desire. :)

[AmberDay]

I majored in Psychology in college (by no means does that make me an expert. I paid just enough attention to graduate ;) and don't remember too much) and I took advanced courses in Abnormal Psychology. In one of my classes I had to write a thesis on a mental disorder. I wanted to do Transvestic Fetishism, but was too scared the proffesor (and the class since we did our thesis orally in front of 60 people) would see right through me. (I ended up doing a topic on a 'new unclassified disorder' Internet Addiction Disorder. Also, I do see crossdressing as a mental disorder, but nothing to be ashamed about. The way I see it I would rather have this 'disorder' than something harmful, like pedophillia). Anyway back on point. My classmate who did Transvestic Fetishism, who was female, presented her thesis and it was stunning. According to her research it is Nature, Nuture, or both. I can't remember all the details but she did cite studies where they followed the genology of crossdressers from siblings, parents, grandparents, and even great grandparents, and other than the one crossdresser, no one crossdressed. She also cited instances where a family member would dress up a young boy as a girl constantly and that carried over into adulthood. And then she talked about the both category, which I believe I fall into. My earliest memory of crossdressing was when I was about 4 years old, when I put on one of my mother's gowns in front of her. I was just being a little kid at the time, (in retrospect) but she then told me about the differences in the sexes. No big deal, I went back to playing with my G.I.Joes. A few years later, when I was eight years old, my sister dressed my brother and I up as 'sisters'. She put dresses on us, painted our nails, and gave us shoes, tights, etc. My parents laughed and played along, took some pictures. I didn't get the thrill or a feeling about it. I just thought it looked pretty funny too. A few more years went by. I officially declare my crossdressing started at age 12. I was watching Star Trek VI: the Undiscoverd Country, at home and for some reason, I had a strong urge to go try on a bra. Don't know where it came from, but I got up, went into the bathroom, went into the dirty clothes, found a bra, and put it on. Been crossdressing ever since.
So is it nature? If that is the only case, then why am I the only person in my family all the way up to my grandparents that crossdresses? Is it Nurture? If that is the case, why did I not continue after my mothers gown or my sister dressing me; and to that point my brother and I shared the same experience from my sister and yet he doesn't crossdress. I believe I have had a dormant gene that was passed down into me, that was triggered by my limited crossdressing experience by my sister. Well what ever it is Nature, Nuture, or Both, I am glad. I love crossdressing.

Amber

[Helana]

I wanted to do Transvestic Fetishism, but was too scared the proffesor (and the class since we did our thesis orally in front of 60 people) would see right through me.

Amber
Now that is classic crossdressing paranoia - you should get treated for that. :D Thanks for adding to the discussion.

I don't think that your experience when you were 4 is relevant as young children are too naive and innocent to understand that crossdressing is not allowed, however your experience at 8 probably did leave a lasting impression even if you did not realise it at the time.

Like you my CDing also started at age 12 when puberty arrived. Before then I only had 2 experiences - one when I was 9, some girls left clothes lying around after a fashion party. I wanted to try them on but was afraid that I would be called a sissy. I put them on anyway and then pranced around making it a big joke. To my relief my friends laughed and never caught on that I was enjoying myself.

A year later I was watching a school play where the boys were made to wear brown stockings as part of their costume - these were apparently lent to them by the girls in their class. I watched the play fascinated by the idea that these boys were wearing stockings in public.

I guess that shows that my mind was aleady tunned to the idea of crossdressing even though I did not have any desire to crossdress until puberty.

[Kristiania]

After having a quick read through this post, i believe nature is taking its course, and just like the xmen we are the next stage in evolution, hasnt it been hypothasized that human kind is and will continue to evolve into an adrogynous race? perhaps we are just one more step along........

Think about it. When i was at school the only famous public figure that was gay was king edward the 2nd, now look, i dont know about our royal family now. but gay/cd/bi whatever is now somthing that is well known and heard of. Anyway if thats not what this thread is about then call me a melon!

Kris

[Helana]

Kris

You are a melon :D

I would not hold up members of the Royal family as examples of evolution at work, more like regressions looking at the size of Charles' ears. :p

[Rachel Ann]

Both. Nature and nurture.

I already went in to this in excruciating detail at
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=77161&postcount=53
so I will just let that stand.


... more like regressions ...
Inbreeding will get you every time :D



My parents are not at fault of who I have become. I have made my own choices ...
"Fault" means that you aren't happy with the outcome. I am delighted with who I am and only regret that it took so many years for me to come to terms with it. I don't really care how it came to be, although I suspect that I was born this way. :) In any case, I know now that this is who I am, and that Rachel will never again be denied!

[Lindahexi]

I don't blame anybody for the way I am, but my early days surely must have had some effect on me.

Mine was the classic case that my mother wanted a girl and was openly disappointed when I turned out to be a boy, I know this to be true because she told me so later in life. She also told me that for the first six months she dressed me in girls clothes and people really thought I was a girl. Obviously things couldn't continue like that and she finally accepted the reality of the situation. However she sometimes punished me for being naughty by making me wear a dress, I can actually remember this happening.

It's possible that my desire to wear female clothing would have manifested itself anyway, but I can't help concluding that I wanted to be the little girl that Mom always wanted, and now the woman that has grown up. I would actually confide in Mom now that I'm mature enough to accept the way I am, but I can't.

My mother has sadly passed away now, and she never knew about my cross dressing, I wonder how she would have reacted if she'd found out.