Big Question on coming out

[Valerie Nicole]

For those of you who have not read my introduction, I go by Jessica and I'm a 19 year old crossdresser. I've only been comfortable with it for a short time (a few months). Here's the thing...I'm in school and to make things easier I still live with my parents. So far, they only know me as Phil, and probably have no idea that Jessica even exists.

I keep a stash of clothes well hidden in my room, and I only dress when I can be relatively sure they won't see me. I take every precaution. The thing is, I want them to know. I want to tell them. I'm not very close with either of them, so it wouldn't and won't be easy, but I want to do it. I don't think it's right to keep such a large part of who I am hidden from my parents. If they did know about it, I wouldn't have to be so concerned about hiding it. Them not knowing, and my fear of them finding out, is a huge barrier as to when I can do it and what I can do.

I'm sure that they would accept it sooner or later. That's the kind of people they are. Even if they had a problem with it at first, they would work through their issues to be there for me. I know this without doubt, and yet something holds me back and keeps me from telling them, even though I want them to know.

Any thoughts or suggestions on this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

[Tracy_Victoria]

I'm sure that they would accept it sooner or later. That's the kind of people they are. Even if they had a problem with it at first, they would work through their issues to be there for me. Thanks.

if your not close to them, why would they accept it. we all need love and understanding, and that doesn't seem to ring out from this post. your young and you have a lifetime ahead of you. if the time is right, it will come out, and they will understand. however if they don't you have to live with them, and they you, so why put everyone understress.

Go careful, find out there view points, if your parents don't see crossdressing as a problem, then you will know about it, the problem is to many the lines are blured, and some even still believe all CD's are gay, which is far from the truth as well all know.

Basically enjoy what you have, your young, and have a lifetime ahead of you, so why screw it up, in the first quarter!

Good Luck

[Karren H]

That would scare the hell out of me too!! And look at the cold hard reality... Your telling them will put you all through years of torment... Plus if you live at home and are dependent upon them to continure your education?? I'd really think that through... May loose your parents, your home, your education and your future if you tell them now.....

I'd wait.... May be too soon...

Love Karren

[Valerie Nicole]

Okay, I think I need to clear something up. My parents are supportive and caring and the reason I'm not close to them is because I have cut myself off from them. They want to be involved in my life and they want me to open up to them. The challenge for me is letting that happen. I really don't believe there would be any extremely negative reactions. I mean, I can't know for sure, but I certainly don't see anything as extreme as being kicked out of the house as a possibility.

[marie354]

Karren has some good advise. I'd wait until I had at least gotten my own place and could support myself well, before making such a move as "coming out".
:hugs:

[suzy]

I can see Karren's point...and it makes lots of sense.... but you are tormented with what to do and from what you say.....you parents are accepting. Why not bring up the subject of crossdressing and feel your way around??? Test the water.....see what kind of vibes you get and then regroup to analyse the information???:hugs:

[Karren H]

Well don't cut them out of your life... Just don't share both lives!! Or do it gradually over years!! Ease into it!!

Hope for the best but plan for the worste!!

Love Karren

[Josi]

I am sorry, because sometimes when we give advice we put our own fears and experiences in place - but they are OURS and may not be relevant to your situation.

This is YOUR life. My view is, you know yourself and you know your parents.

It may be the most suitable thing to tell them .. and NOT have years of deceit and worry and all the negative forces that come to bear when we hide a significant part of who we are.

Be wise, think it through - look at the "Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats of your options .. to tell or not to tell. I would write them down so I could see them and give time to my thoughts.

Then, with the benefit of considered thought, do what YOU believe to be right.

Its not an easy one, however YOU are the best person to consider the options and the consequences of either.

Kind regards and best wishes

[Valerie Nicole]

Wow, everyone's being so helpful, and I really appreciate all the advice. There's something I want to add to this, and that is one of my motives for wanting to tell them. I already mentioned that I'd like to not have to hide it and that I want to open up to my parents more. Another motive, though, that I don't think should be overlooked is that it would be better for me to come out with it and tell them than it would for them to walk in on me or see me dressed without any warning.

[Rebecca-L]

I have to agree with Karren. Perhaps you could take it easy until you have an opportunity to get your own place. Then ease them into your second life.

In the meantime, the advice of finding out their feelings on the subject without divulging anything seems like the soundest approach.

[Tamara Croft]

Hiya and welcome to the forum :hugs:

I think 'you' should do what you feel is right for yourself. If you're tormented by living shall we say 'a lie' in your parents home, then only you know deep down if telling them is the right thing to do. It seems they've offered you an olive branch, for you to be more open with them. One can only assume, that with them asking you to be more open and honest about yourself, they may already have an idea something is going on with you.

Trust me, parents are extremely knowledgeable, they know everything. I won't tell you what to do, I can only tell you to do what you feel is right. If you feel it's right to tell them, make sure you really know this is something they can understand. It's an extremely hard thing to tell your parents, I know because my partner went through this exact thing not so long ago. His mum knew, had known for years, so it wasn't a shock to her. She just said, I don't care what you do, I'll always love you.

I wish you well, let us know how things go :hugs:

[Karren H]

Another motive, though, that I don't think should be overlooked is that it would be better for me to come out with it and tell them than it would for them to walk in on me or see me dressed without any warning.

Walmart - New locking door knob...... Priceless!!!

:D

Karren

[kassi]

on a slight different note then what the other people are saying i would say that since your so young if you tell your parents now they might think it's just a phase. so i would say that the hardest part would be to convince them that this is who you are not just a phase.

[Tina B.]

Just a reminder! Once a jennie is out of the bottle, you can never get her back in it again!
I hope you are right about both of your parents, some times it is much easier for a mother, than it is for a father to except these things.

"it's not what we don't know that gets us into trouble, it's what we know for sure, and are wrong about" to paraphrase Mark Twain

[Sophie]

My parents found out about me when i was 17. they were rooting through my stuff looking for a backpack to take on holiday when they found some of my lingere. They went on holiday without saying a word about it. I noticed the back pack had gone and pretty much figured it out. When they came home they confronted me with it and i came out to them then. They were very understanding, but have never seen me as sophie.

Your concerns are well thought through. it does make things a lot easier from a hiding point of view but be aware that they will probably prefer to see you as Phil and forcing Jessica (nice name by the way) on them may not do you any favours.

That said, you are your own girl, and you know your parents. From what you say they will love you whatever, just do what's right for you. (maybe leave some stuff lying around and easily found like i did!)

Good luck

Sophie

[Valerie Nicole]

I'm sure it's needless to say that this is not the first time I've considered this, talked about it with people, and debated it myself. Every time I arrive at the same conclusion: I don't know. It's too soon right now. I can't do it anytime soon because I just don't feel the kind of comfort and safety I'd need. I think that maybe my desire to tell them is really just a desire to feel so close to them that I'd know I could tell them without a problem. What I mean is maybe I don't really want to tell them, just know that I could.

Does this make sense to anyone?

[Sharon]

The problem is that we don't know you, your parents, or your relationship with them.

Deep down, what is it you want to do? It seems to me that you have a need to be open about yourself, and who better than your parents? Don't let this gnawl at you forever, because you can always find an excuse not to tell loved ones what you want to tell them.

And do not underestimate your parent's ability to continue loving and caring for you.:happy:

[Valerie Nicole]

Again, thanks for the advice. Does anybody have any suggestions on how I could approach the subject without actually letting my parents know that I am a crossdresser? This seems to be one of the soundest courses of action for the near future, though I still probably wouldn't act on it for quite some time.

[Nina_Hyena]

For those of you who have not read my introduction, I go by Jessica and I'm a 19 year old crossdresser. I've only been comfortable with it for a short time (a few months). Here's the thing...I'm in school and to make things easier I still live with my parents. So far, they only know me as Phil, and probably have no idea that Jessica even exists.

I keep a stash of clothes well hidden in my room, and I only dress when I can be relatively sure they won't see me. I take every precaution. The thing is, I want them to know. I want to tell them. I'm not very close with either of them, so it wouldn't and won't be easy, but I want to do it. I don't think it's right to keep such a large part of who I am hidden from my parents. If they did know about it, I wouldn't have to be so concerned about hiding it. Them not knowing, and my fear of them finding out, is a huge barrier as to when I can do it and what I can do.

I'm sure that they would accept it sooner or later. That's the kind of people they are. Even if they had a problem with it at first, they would work through their issues to be there for me. I know this without doubt, and yet something holds me back and keeps me from telling them, even though I want them to know.

Any thoughts or suggestions on this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

so dont tell them. :happy:

my parents dont know about Nina either but here i am :love:

unless of course you're looking to transission. :wink:

[Joy Carter]

That would scare the hell out of me too!! And look at the cold hard reality... Your telling them will put you all through years of torment... Plus if you live at home and are dependent upon them to continure your education?? I'd really think that through... May loose your parents, your home, your education and your future if you tell them now.....

I'd wait.... May be too soon...

Love Karren

Karren is a wise gurl. Take her advice. Wait till your out on your own before you deal with this. You would make it much easyier on them if your not around while they take it all in. Besides I don't think your old enough yet to have a handle on your gurl self yet.


Take Care Joy