Can One Openly Live a Bigendered Lifestyle?

[maggie]

Throughout my continuing struggle over my gender identity, I keep coming back to the conclusion that I am "bigendered" - having distinct and separate male and female personae. Although I feel much happier, more genuine, and more productive in my female persona, I still can feel okay as a man - as long as I accept and do not try to suppress my feminine side. Furthermore, maintaining my male identity has distinct economic, professional, and social advantages. However, whenever I try to expunge Maggie from my life, I end up feeling depressed, suicidal, and unable to function on any meaningful level.

Ideally I would like to spend roughly half my time as Maggie and the other half in the male identity in which I have become known. Since I am now separated from my wife and I am able to pass reasonably well, I have been doing most of my shopping and other errands as Maggie.

Although it is not my usual denomination, I even attended a large Presbyterian church near my apartment as a very respectable, elderly woman. I was warmly welcomed by everyone I encountered, had extensive conversations with several members during the coffee hour, and was enthusiastically urged me to come back. As far as I could tell, no one suspected that I wasn't a real woman. Here is a picture I took after returning from church.

http://members.aol.com/miscmg/redhead-balcony-grayskirt-500.jpg

I am wrestling with the question of whether I should get involved with the church without letting them know that I am actually transgender.

Other alternatives would be to come out as bigendered to the Unitarian church I actually belong, or to help out en femme in other organizations in which I have been involved.

Have any of you had the experience in trying to live an openly bigendered lifestye - openly living as a man part of the time and openly presenting yourself as a woman for much of the other time? I would be interested in knowing how it worked out and what kinds of problems you encountered.

Thanks.

Maggie

[Tamera]

Hi Maggie,

You are not alone in your confusion. Seems like because of your work, you are Male. Otherwise you are the female role. Your bigender seems to be more on the female side then the male, mabe 60-40 or 70-30 even. Religion is one of the things that can be troublesome to the CD, for the religious faith looks at male and female with no crossing over.

Being open to church activities or other social activities can lead to people knowing where you live. And if these groups find a person is not who he/she represents it can cause trouble. Then on the other hand it may not even matter.

Its amazing that our society has acknowledged more Female to Male then Male to Female. There should be no difference. The reason I say that it seems that if a female dressed boyish goes into a social area is more acceptable than if a male dressed female goes into the same area. In my eyes there should be no difference. For one this is a free world and you should be able to live like you choose.

On the other hand if you feel comfortable in you fem mode to get involved in social activities go for it, but because of the way society looks at CD approach with caution. I don't know if this helps, if not keep asing questions, we are all here to help one another.
Tamera

[Joy Carter]

Maggie we had an all inclusive church here in town. Their motto was "Just As I Am ." I though it was nice of them to accept all for who they are. The church folded several years ago though. If we Christians really live or beliefs then it won't matter how you present your self.

Take Care Joy

[JenniferMint]

Have any of you had the experience in trying to live an openly bigendered lifestye - openly living as a man part of the time and openly presenting yourself as a woman for much of the other time? I would be interested in knowing how it worked out and what kinds of problems you encountered.

Being an M2F TG who is unsure about fully transitioning, that's essentially what I'm doing right now.

Problems I've encountered so far are:
- worrying about being read as a girl
- worrying about what if the people who know me as a girl talk to the people who know me as a guy

So far I have more questions than answers.

I'm most comfortable around people who know both sides of me and are okay with it.

[Veronica E. Scott]

Hi Maggie, Don't know what to say but hoping for you the best.

[Megan72]

Maggie, it seems to me that deception is counter to the values of all Christian denominations. So with that said. How many people in the church ask or tell others that they are male or female? None that I know of. I don't think you should hide it, but I also don;t think you need to flaunt it either. The members should be able to accept in that setting I would think. I would expect some resistance from some members, they are after all only human. Many times all these people need is education.