omg Outed a friend

[MJ]

omg Outed my friend today by mistake and i feel so very very bad. i wish the ground would open up underneath me , and i feel so sick about what i have done. i should have never said anything at all , but it's too late now..
i will take the day off tomorrow and go and say sorry for what i have done god i feel so bad i hope she will forgive me for what i have done ....

so when talking with friends be careful what you say i am so dead.

[Country girl]

MJ, we all make mistakes. Hopefully your friend will understand. Is there anyway to call her and give her a head's up just in case someone says something before you see her tomorow. That way if someone does, she will be ready with a reply and not caught completely off guard. I will pray everything works out for you. Take care. Here's some :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: . I'm sure you can use them!

[Sweet Jane]

Hi

my worst nightmare...accidental outing. It's one reason I'm paranoid about keeping my location off here, just incase. I feel really sorry for your friend, and I hope that you will still be friends after this. It's funny, but a secret is not a secret once one other person knows about it...then you have to assume it's going to get in the public domain one day.

Anyway, heres hoping!!!

[PaulaJaneThomas]

Outing someone else is totally unforgivable. No amount of saying sorry can undo the damage you may have caused.

[Cristi]

omg Outed my friend today by mistake and i feel so very very bad.

:( :( :(

I really hope you can 'make it better' with your friend. If I were you, I don't think I'd be doing much sleeping tonight.

Keeping secrets for a long long time is really hard, especially when the secret belongs to somebody else. That is why I KNOW I'll be 'outed' at some point either through some carelessness of my own or by some other action like somebody identifying my through this site. I'm just trying to prepare myself for when it happens. All I've decided so far is, that when the time comes, I am NOT going to compound the problems by lying about it or trying to cover it up. If I get 'caught' I'm going to try to have an attitude like "Yup, I am a crossdresser. Do you have a problem with it?" but I know that there are probably MILLIONS of CDs that aren't that cofortable with themselves yet.

I guess all you (and the girl you outed) can hope for right now is that the person who learned the secret understands what they have been entrusted with and will show some retraint in spreading the news.

Let us know how it turns out, I'll be hoping for the best.

[Julie York]

Can we have the gruesome details?

[Deborah]

Can we have the gruesome details?

Ditto come on girl spill the beans. :)

[Karren H]

Ouch!!!!

Karren

[MJ]

Can we have the gruesome details
i feel so bad, i was talking with a friend after church in a tea house, we got talking about new events going on at church and we were talking about trans people he knows about me i am full time, anyway he said "i don't know anyone else at the church that is a cd'r or ts ",,, and i said oh you know about "__so n so____" and he said oh no i did not know that.. are you sure wow
and i knew right there what i had done i outed my good friend and feel so bad,
and PaulaJaneThomas
yes i know what i have done "she is post op " but still i should not have said anything. it hurt when it happened to me... so i should have known better. she lives stealth i was wrong in what i did
I just don't know how much damage i have done

[Jodie_Lynn]

Well MJ, if it were me, I think that I would approach the person you spoke with, and inform them that you spoke out of turn. Tell them you aren't sure that your TG friend wanted to be known, and that you want to avoid hurting her.

Stress your churchs position on injuring others with malicious gossip.
Then I would make every possible effort to contact the outed friend and inform them of your faux pas. ASAP.

[amanda barber]

Can we have the gruesome details
anyway he said "i don't know anyone else at the church that is a cd'r or ts ",,, and i said oh you know about "__so n so____" and he said oh no i did not know that.. are you sure wow


Thats more than a slip of the tongue, making a comment that others would connect the dots with, or some other innocent slip. Thats sitting there listening to someone say they don't know anyone but you and you not wanting to be the only one, so you fired off a name ending your status as being the only CD in town or in the church.

[kerrianna]

I hope your friend finds forgiveness in her heart. It wasn't a malicious thing you did...just careless. At least you know how it feels on the other end. Hope it works out for the best in the end for both of you. Don't beat yourself up too much about it - what's done is done - I'm sure you will do your best to apologize and make it as right as it can be.

Is there a chance of convincing the person you told that you were either wrong or making a bad joke? Just to put them back into the uncertain frame of mind. That way they might feel too awkward to ever say anything more about it even if they still suspect it might be true.

Good luck MJ. :hugs: :hugs:

[Andrea Nicole]

Wow,
Who needs enemies, when you have "friends" like ..........
Andi .....

[marie354]

Marissa, I think Jodie-Lynn has the right idea. Communication with both people is the answer. First the one you told and ask for descretion, then to your other friend, just in case. You must be honest with yourself too.

[ColleenCD]

MJ,

IMHO, If your church member friend lives the faith, then she will have grace in her heart and offer forgiveness to you. You intentions were not malicious, and your remorse is clear. Express this to your friend.

MJ, at some point we are all discovered to a level, sometimes through our own misfortunes, and other times by those we have told. We have to take this into account when we dress and to whatever level our dressing is taken to individually. Being a young CD, I lived by the untrusting creedo of "Never tell anyone anything you don't want everyone to know." Don't be too hard on yourself. This may well help your friend in the long run.

Colleen

[Tina B.]

Ouch!!!!

Karren

karen said it all! that is a hard one to get past, but all you can do now is to say I am sorry, and hope for the best. Sometimes it is hard to remember not everyone is as out as you are!

[PaulaJaneThomas]

and PaulaJaneThomas
yes i know what i have done "she is post op " but still i should not have said anything. it hurt when it happened to me... so i should have known better. she lives stealth i was wrong in what i did
I just don't know how much damage i have done

Given what a sick society you clearly live in, quite a lot I'd imagine.

[Kristen Kelly]

MJ the advice others gave was great, dont beat yourself up to later for that, I and others can only pray for a silver lining to this matter, and you might have only been the link in a chain of events that had to happen, for your friend to be true to herself as you are now to yourself.

[tommi]

Hi

my worst nightmare...accidental outing. It's one reason I'm paranoid about keeping my location off here, just incase. I feel really sorry for your friend, and I hope that you will still be friends after this. It's funny, but a secret is not a secret once one other person knows about it...then you have to assume it's going to get in the public domain one day.

Anyway, heres hoping!!!

I'll add it is why I have no pictures what so ever.:(
This could be one very harsh issue intentional or not to deal with good luck
MJ:hugs: .But be ready for the worst out of this it's one of the things that keep so many of us buried in the back of our closets.

[kassi]

this is my greatest fear. i've almost slipped a time or two. luckily i caught myself before i said anything. whew. this is gonna be rough for a while. one thing though is that your friend was post op. so the truth was gonna come out anyways so your friend may just be mad that you said something before them. this may result in them forgiving you sooner.

[MJ]

]Outing someone else is totally unforgivable. No amount of saying sorry can undo the damage you may have caused

i did not mean too, she has been there for years i assume he knew her


Thats more than a slip of the tongue, making a comment that others would connect the dots with, or some other innocent slip. Thats sitting there listening to someone say they don't know anyone but you and you not wanting to be the only one, so you fired off a name [QUOTE]ending your status as being the only CD in town or in the church

and no i was not the only CD in town or that church thank you , there are a few who are members of CD.com attend there




Who needs enemies, when you have "friends" like ..........
Andi

have you ever made a mistake miss perfect!!!


[QUOTE]Given what a sick society you clearly live in, quite a lot I'd imagine
wow big words there huh. next time you cross dress take a look in the mirror
there is no difference between me and you it the same sick society we all clearly live in,
except i have the guts to show my avatar

and i was being honest here the forum as been a Little stale lately what with wanting to know if one should shave off a beard for the fem pictures and the forever pantie thread ...
what about true feeling or how too do makeup what about regret and the lucky ones with so ! ,, are we not here to help each other , or did i miss something here

Thank you to all who said something good and positive " hugs "

[Casey Morgan]

Marissa, have you had a chance to talk to your friend yet?

Yeah, accident or not that sounds like a fairly big boo-boo, if only in her opinion. Hopefully being honest and open with her will go a long way. I haven't heard you say anything in the line of "it wasn't my fault"; you're taking responsibility for what happened, and that's usually well appreciated. Swallow that lump in your throat, look her straight in the eye, and trust that she sees the beautiful and loving person you are inside. She may be hurt (or not), she may be angry (or not), but you're respecting her enough to let her deal with this instead of predetermining how she'll react. Trust that the bond of friendship between you is strong enough to absorb this.

And in case you need to hear this again, you're a good person Marissa.

[Andrea Nicole]

MJ,
Don't try and reverse this ... that's K grade tactics ..... it's you who BETRAYED a trust... and posted it here ....
You have probably did irreconcilable harm.
You should feel well past embarrassed ....
Anyway, look at the positive side .... definitely one less Christmas and/or Birthday present you have to buy.
Remember ...'Two people can keep a secret, ......" Good lesson in life for you.

I still have bad vibes about this post ......
Andi ......

[Julie York]

Given what a sick society you clearly live in, quite a lot I'd imagine.

I don't understand your comment. Why does she live 'clearly' in a sick society? Or did you mean "Given the sick society WE live in..."

MJ..Like most folk said...you've got to bite the bullet and tell the person you told that you will kill their first born and torture their dog to death if he utters a word to anyone.



.....well...you know.


That sort of thing.

:D

[RobertaFermina]

MJ,

Nothing you can do can make you less than a Miracle.

While in essence we are always in a state of Grace...it takes some work to manifest and maintain Grace in our Conscience and Material Being. It is good, if humbling work.

Your friend deserves an honest, and accurate account of what happened, so that she can consider what action she should take.

Please consider, and take or leave what looks interesting to you in the following.

When I screw up, here is my list of actions:

0. I am responsible to the offended person, and for my actions.

1. Tell the person affected what I did...the facts. Do not quote any mitigating circumstances. This is about 'owning up' to my actions.

2. If it is obvious how the person is affected, tell them how I see they were affected by my actions. If it is not obvious, ask them how they were affected. Make it clear that I understand.

3. Tell them "That is not what a friend does, and it is NOT how I want to be as a friend and a human being." I want to make amends.

4a. Beforehand, I think about what part of me needed, wanted, or gave permission to do what I did. Consider how I will address and recondition that part of myself.

4b. Tell them what I will do to change myself so that I do not repeat my offense.

5. While doing steps 1 through 4, listen respectfully to what the offended person has to say. If they have anger to vent, or any other emotion, I let them express it. This is hard, especially when I feel shame for my actions. My feelings of shame can intensify. I may need support, silent prayer, or deep breathing to stay present and attentive. Typically, venting, or expressing emotion is part of their healing; let them heal.

6. Go home and cry, or scream into a pillow, pray....whatever it takes to start to reconnect with my humanity and spark of divinity. Call (on) a friend to speak my feelings and express them...do my healing.


With compassion for your friend, and for you,

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Helen H. Heels]

MJ,
Hi girl, try not to worry. The people at your church are caring enough to help you and your friend get over this.

Hugs back at you. Helen

[PaulaJaneThomas]

I don't understand your comment. Why does she live 'clearly' in a sick society? Or did you mean "Given the sick society WE live in..."


No, they live in a sick society. Whilst ours is imperfect it's immeasurably more civilised than their medaevil barbarism.

[Daphne Renee]

There is not much you can do now.. everyone screws up now and then.. I have done it many times over.. I havent ever outed anyone but I dont know anyone other than myself who isnt allready out. The church teaches forgivness and if your friend is truly a christian she will find a way to forgive you.
I think it was shakespere who said" the only way 2 people can keep a secret is if one of them is dead." While this isnt always true of course. It just goes to show keeping a secret for a long period of time is difficult. You will both move past this in time.. Perhaps it will be benefincial for both of you in the long run.
I hope things work out for you..
:hugs:

[MJ]

thank's to all that gave me positive input , sorry it seems this is not the kind of support that is welcome here

[Sara Kat]

Hey you should try to look on the bright side. Maybe it's just like taking a band-aid off...one motion, RIGHT OFF!

[stlmichelle]

I cannot count the times I have run my mouth just a little too much, only to put my foot in it. I know that you feel really bad about doing it, if she is a good friend, I am sure that she will find it in her heart to forgive you, I know that I would. My mother-in-law did it with malicious intent to me, and I still found it in my heart to forgive her. I wish you the best of luck with your friend, and I know that you did not mean to do that. As I like to say about all that goes wrong. You'll have that.

[Shelly Preston]

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