Have You Been Outed?

[trannie T]

As one who is still hidden deep inside my closet I wonder about being outed. For those of you that have been outed by others or by your own choice, has it been a good experience, a nightmare or a combination? How have you coped with being out?

[Karren H]

My stupidity and untidyness outted me to my wife..... Should have put those skirts back in the hiding place rather than throwing them in the back of the closet...... Grrrrrrrrrrr

And after a year and a half i'm still coping, trying to win back the trust that was lost.......

Love Karren

[MJ]

well i too was outed, by my ex to the church we went too, two years ago that was bad enough !! . i lost all respect from the congregation because of my cding . and i had hope never to do that to anyone else, but i just outed my friend, and she won,t know anything about until i see her tomorrow.
i feel like crap

[rhonda jane]

Why did you out a friend? Accident or disagreement?

[MJ]

Why did you out a friend? Accident or disagreement
it was by accident, i would never "out" because of a disagreement, thats a big trust we have with each other it was wrong just chit chat .. a lose mouth and before i knew it i said something i regret

[Lanore]

What is told to me, stays with me. It's not who you tell, it's who they tell. Friendships only last if we work at it.

Lanore

[Andrea Nicole]

MJ,
Remember this as you go through life ...
"Two people can keep a secret, only if one of them is dead" ....
Andi ....

[marie354]

My second wife outed me, with pictures too, all over town where I worked and lived. Funny, though, not many people really said anything. I remember one girl, Lisa, that I asked out one time... She asked me if I had the right dress to wear for the date. I said "No I don't, but you can buy me one if you want." Well I retracted my offer of dinner immediately.

[DeeInGeorgia]

I hinted to my wife over a couple of years before I came out to her. I gave her permission to tell her best friend. She later told her older sister that has a temper and will use any and everything she knows about a person to hurt them if she gats mad at them. This sister then told her husband.

Dee

[mary sue]

I outed myself to a friend ,she was staying with us and I went to bed early so when I woke up I headed to the bathroom when I opened the door here I was in my panties and bra as she came out of the bathroom. Now she knows and ribs me for sleeping in more than she does. :love:

[Paula G]

I would dress for my wife on occasion, but she didn't know that I also dressed for myself and caught me one night while I was dressed. We talked for over an hour and she wound up completely accepting my dressing. The only person she has told is her therapist.

[MJ]

MJ,
Remember this as you go through life ...

"Two people can keep a secret, only if one of them is dead" ....
Andi ....

so i should die for outing my friend ? hmmm it might be better than facing her !!! hey i feel so bad , why not rub more salt in the wound :Angry3:

[Rachel Morley]

For those of you that have been outed by others or by your own choice, has it been a good experience, a nightmare or a combination?
Well I haven't been exactly outed (proper) yet. But my wife nearly outs me all the time! :heehee: We'll be shopping for clothes and she'll inadvertently declare in a loud voice "this skirt would really look good on you" right in the middle of the store. Suddenly I feel really hot! :o

You see, crossdressing is such an everyday part of our marriage that we sometimes completely forget where we are or what we're doing or who might be within earshot.

Also I almost out myself everyday because I wear obvious women's clothes in boy mode nearly all the time :eek:

[SandyR]

I was in the garage talking on the PC (just like now) alll dressed up, and up goes the door! uhhhhhh, yikes I run upstairs, un-dress, come back down, she asked "why did u run up to the bedroom". I reply "changing the filter on my car got gas in my eyes". Well long story made short, a few weeks latter in bed she asked "do you cross dress?" I said "yes". I am one of the lucky girls, so far so good.....

Huggs....

SandyR

[susie evans]

angel i no what you mean my wife does that all the time and some time it's comeing back to bite me today she was showing our daughter inlaw some new make up she just bought for susie :(

susie

[Mitzi]

Back in the 70's I used to spend a few nights a week in LA for business and had an apartment. Every morning in LA, I'd have breakfast at a coffee shop with a group of guys.

One morning the owner of the apartment came to the coffee shop and said the apartment was going to be sold, so he'd gone into my unit, without my knowledge, to take inventory of what belonged to the apartment. So, undoubtedly he saw all my femme stuff and CD magazines.

The next morning, when I went for breakfast, the gang was very uneasy, I surmised the apartment owner had outed me. I had to have breakfast elsewhere after that.

Mitzi

[marie354]

As one who is still hidden deep inside my closet I wonder about being outed. For those of you that have been outed by others or by your own choice, has it been a good experience, a nightmare or a combination? How have you coped with being out?

I just played it off when my 2nd wife did it by saying that she dressed me and took the pics.
Now I've been slowly telling people one at a time. So the results have been OK. Except for my brother maybe. He just got a new job with more responsibilities and maybe he hasn't had time to answer my E-Mails. I find out sooner or later. He should be OK. He knew about me back in '70 when I tried the drag/gay thing. That's when I determined I wasn't gay.



Well I haven't been exactly outed (proper) yet. But my wife nearly outs me all the time! :heehee: We'll be shopping for clothes and she'll inadvertently declare in a loud voice "this skirt would really look good on you" right in the middle of the store. Suddenly I feel really hot! :o

You see, crossdressing is such an everyday part of our marriage that we sometimes completely forget where we are or what we're doing or who might be within earshot.

Also I almost out myself everyday because I wear obvious women's clothes in boy mode nearly all the time :eek:

I know exactly what you mean there. My SO does the same thing. I'm getting used to it though and not paying attention to anyone else in the store.

[Andrea Nicole]

MJ,
I never said you should die, it's just a valid metaphor for the future.
As far as salt in the wound, definitely. And you rightly deserve it, if this story is true.
Andi ....

[GinaVegas]

My wife found out when she saw some photos of me on the computer a couple of months ago. I was horrified and scared that she would leave me. The thing that bothers her the most is that I didn't trust her enough to tell her about it first.

No one else knows besides her and her sister (she had to talk to someone about it.

I really only dress in the bedroom as it brings out sexual desires and urges for me (i.e. I am not into it 24/7 and don't want to be).

Anyway, I'm glad that it happened although the circumstances could've been a lot better!

[suzy]

Fortunately I have not been outed. My wife knows, understands and participates with me and she is the only one that knows and I sure hope that it stays that way... I would just die...sigh....:(

[Angie G]

I eased my way out to my wife lets say by teickery 2 summers ago in hot weather got her to let my wear a skirt one of hers now I have skirts dresses panties camis hose and lot of heels to dress 5 days a week :hugs:
Angie

[Donna Marie]

I outed myself to my missus - we are separated and were considering getting back together. I thought I'd best get it over with before she found out by accident. It went well, but she has chosen to ignore it since then and we still live 5 miles apart (so I can and do dress whenever.....;)

Then there is my next door neighbor, The Colonel - ret'd. army intelligence officer. He is in the habit of going out for early bird dinner at 4PM. He would return at about 5 and go inside for the night, never to be seen again until morning. He would pass my front door on the way in. One pleasant summer day I had my front door open - just the screen door in place. It mostly obscures the view in. I was nicely done up, wig, makeup, heels et al when The Colonel cruised past and went in to his place. I relaxed, but then he suddenly came out again and headed straight to my door! Gaaaa! No where to go, so I just waved him in and held my breath. He had a magazine for me. He was surprised, but he just said "whatever" and that was that. He did say that he would prefer to see me in drab whenever we might have a drink in the afternoon. No repercussions ever since and we remain friends (man-to-man friends, that is).

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I've been extremely lucky in that my SO has not outed me to anyone. I can relate to Angel's experience with shopping though. Last year me and my SO were at an Easy Spirit Outlet store and my SO all of a sudden becomes vocally excited at the large selection of shoes that are my size saying out loud which ones would look good on me:happy: Jocelyn

[Tina B.]

Another my wife outs me all the time story! She has been known to hold up a skirt in front of me in the middle of a store to see if it looks like it will fit, but the Worst one/(funniest), we where up in Tahoe,Nv and where in a agift shop, where I ahd spotted this cute little tee's with maching short skirts with Tahoe across the chest, I mentioned how cute they where, and off she goes to see if she could find one in my size, I ama checking things on another rack a few feet away, when she calls out, "I think this one will fit you!" as I shrink down I noticed this cute granny type Tahoe is know for, standing there looking at me in what I ahd to take as shock, and awe. that was years ago, and I still have that skirt and tee, and everytime I did it out and put it on, it makes me smile.
She also use to love to snap my bra strap when we where at the mall, and I was under dressing, not so much as outting, but giving me the feeling of being vunarable!

[Joy Carter]

Lost my carrier and my close friends over my dressing. It all came out OK because now I'm free to be myself. I do miss my friends. It's funny three of the GG friends gave me big hugs when when I was going through this. I think they are just not sure what to expect from me.

[lizbendalin]

I've been outed in the past, with not so wonderful results. My ex-wife revealed me, and caused me to be removed from seminary. Then a few years later, I lost my job due to my dressing. Then today, I get outed again, this is getting frustrating. A person from where I worked in the past contacted my current wife's employers (she's an educator) to inform them of the 'deviant' they had in their midst. I can't believe someone would do that after almost 4 years, don't they have a life? Are they that obsessed with me and my life? Luckily, the administration basically said, 'This is your private life, it has nothing to do with your job, we are very happy with you.' End of conversation, but it still freaked both the wife and I out. And the cat's out of the bag. I would prefer to be completely out, but my in-laws are rather close-minded folks, and who knows what would happen. And since we live in the same town......

That's my story.

[Lanore]

MJ
We all make mistakes. No salt rubs in this corner. I'm sure you'll be forgiven.

Lanore

[JoAnnDallas]

Your boss don't have a problem with your dressing as long as you don't take it to work with you. Other than that, I would not worry about the other person. She took her shot and was shot down.

[Sierra Evon]

nothing really extreme, did go to a Sunday church service about a year back , alot of folks their had made it clear with their laser-beam eyed stares that , your kind is'nt welcome here , but they said nothing to me out right .
same thing tho !!!!!!!!

[JenniferMBlack]

I outed myself last year to my family. went much better then I had ever thought. worst thing that any one said was I don't want to see it but thats no big deal any way wasn't dissowned or any thing then outed my self to girl friend like two months into relationship went well there she is really great loves it and all

[Kelsy]

well i too was outed, by my ex to the church we went too, two years ago that was bad enough !! . i lost all respect from the congregation because of my cding . and i had hope never to do that to anyone else, but i just outed my friend, and she won,t know anything about until i see her tomorrow.
i feel like crap

MJ

I didn't get a chance to repond to your post but I just wanted to say that all things are forgivable especially between real friends. There isn't anyone on this site who hasn't screwed up somewhere in their life, where they needed or wanted forgiveness. I think it is just wrong to condem anyone because they made a mistake and was willing to admit it. I believe everything will work out for you and your friend. And please don't forget to forgive yourself:hugs:

Jennifer:happy:

[marie354]

Jennifer... I agree with you about MJ. And MJ, don't worry too much about it. The good in you will shine through and I'm sure everything will work out Oh-Tay... Oh-Tay? :heehee:

But back on subject....
If you've read my other post... I don't know if anyone really believed me for the way I tried to play it off, but looking back, it doesn't matter to me anymore. That town is 30 miles away and my real friends there didn't care anyway.
:hugs:

[Alice B]

So far, otherthan this forum) three times in the past two weeks. Once to my wive (previous discussed), once to my massage therapist (also discussed here) and then to a female friend on the east coast. I trust her strongly and sent pictures, She loved them and now asks for more and shares ideas in clothing and make-up with me. If I ever got out in public it will be with her.

[Kelsy]

I was just thinking that xcept for the fact that we really don't know - for the most part - eachother as male, we have basically outed ourselves to everyone who is a member on this site and to everyone who visits here!:happy:

Jennifer

[krisinpink]

during our divorce, my ex outed me to anyone who would listen. This was 15 years ago, and nothing ever came of it. Either no one cared, or no one listened.

I've told two women with whom I've had serious relationships...CDing was not a big problem for either of them, and was not the reason those relationships did not last.

My current SO is the mother of three daughters (all 17-21) one of whom is not yet in college. She is ok with the dressing (as long as I don't drive her nuts with it) -the girls howver.... I think they are at the VERY least suspicious, if not just aware. Not a word has ever been said, not even hints or inuenndo. Since this thread is about 'outing' I thought it might be found amusing if I share my story about the cat outing me here. As is typical, the girls chase/tease/torment the cat when they are not cooing all over her. One evening the cat was fleeing her tormentor and was bolting down the hallway and darted under the bed in the master bedroom. The kid, of course in hot persuit, ripped the bed skirt away to continue the cat-chase, and quite unexpectedly unveiled several (ok...many) shoe boxes. Being a teenage girl, she could tell immediately that these boxes were not labled as being mom's size. This is how 'The cat got out of the bag' in my current life! (lol -please forgive the pun) Oh well I guess! Mom doesn't seem uptight about the kids evidently knowing, I still have 1/2 my closet filled with bouses and dresses, and have even began to get laizer about tucking away other pretty things.

Kind of "the elephant in the room" phenomenon I think ....outed...probably; but so far, it has not been an issue.

[CarolDonna]

I was outed by my wife several times; a few times before we divorced and a few times after we divorced. Only two people mentioned it to me; one was a former neighbor -- a woman who cheated on her husband and broke up her marriage because of it. She said she didn't like guys to be that way, but I don't put any stock in her opinion, because I don't like people who cheat in their marriages. The other person who mentioned it to me was my ex-wife's brother, who works with me in my business. It wasn't a big deal to him. He told me that he told her "I don't want to hear that sort of thing about my business partner." That was three years ago.

Outside of psychologists, I've personally outed myself to four people -- all women. One was my ex-wife, one was my best friend of thirty years, and the other two are very close friends, one I've known for seventeen years and the other I've known for four.

Outing can be a great detriment, depending on the circumstances. However, it's also a great opportunity to understand how close the friendships you've built really are. I know I feel very good that most of my close friends know about it. Personally, I wouldn't want to be friends with a person who can't accept me as I am.

Keep in mind that if a person feels revulsion, it is their problem, not yours. Also keep in mind that you don't ever want to put your personal safety at risk, so discretion still is important.

[Jenn S.]

Was never actually "outed", but I was pretty much forced to come out to my mother. One day, I decided to go out en femme when I was home from college over the winter break. I left everything laying out in my room, inclding makeup, a couple of skirts and tops on hangers, and some 2" heels. While I was out, I found out my father had come home sick from work. Knowing how he likes to snoop around and that he'd make a big deal of it, I called my mother since I was picking her up later, anyway. It's difficult to explain yourself when one of your parents sees you fully dressed, in public no less. Luckily, she was totally okay with it and figured it was just a "college thing". Since then, we've grown alot closer and the only thing I have to worry about from her is my nail polish disappearing. :heehee:

Oh, and my father slept the whole day instead of going into my room. Figures.:Angry3:

[Country girl]

MJ

I didn't get a chance to repond to your post but I just wanted to say that all things are forgivable especially between real friends. There isn't anyone on this site who hasn't screwed up somewhere in their life, where they needed or wanted forgiveness. I think it is just wrong to condem anyone because they made a mistake and was willing to admit it. I believe everything will work out for you and your friend. And please don't forget to forgive yourself:hugs:

Jennifer:happy:

MJ, I'm with Jennifer on this one. In fact we talked about it before she posted. I'm sorry you felt you had to close your other thread, but I completely understand. It is really sad that there are people in this world who think they are so perfect that they don't mind ripping someone else's eyes out without a second thought. MJ, you are a good person, it shines through in your posts and this was a total accident. Don't let other peoples "holier than thou" attitudes make you feel worse than you already do. Remember, we all make mistakes. Chin up and just go forward. Lots of :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: . :love: CG gg

[marie354]

Anthea, That is a very unfortunate thing that you had to go through, especially for a friend that didn't defend you.
I'm glad that you fought for your rights and won custody. Right on the mark!
Yhee-haw!

[ChristinefromOz]

My second wife outed me, with pictures too, all over town where I worked and lived. Funny, though, not many people really said anything.

Ditto for me with my second wife. Other the occasional veiled comment from people, nothing much happened. I had a full beard at the time and was considered pretty masculine by most people, so I think a lot people may have put it down as her being an angry bitch and disbelieved her.

As I have got older, I have develpoed a thick skin and have stopped agonizing about what people think.

Christine

[RobertaFermina]

I'm in the middle of outing myself to friends, church, men's group community, etc.

I don't like keeping a secret of something that should help me be me, and feel free.

I'm afraid of the stigma, yet moving steadily ahead on this one.

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Angela gg]

Hello M.J.

I believe that you are truly honest when you say that you feel badly about what you did! I don't believe that for one minute it was maliciously done. I have been on the receiving end of such malicious comments. At first it was frightening but it did end on a quiet note. I did not lose all that I thought I would and I actually gained more support for my situation. To all those who would support yuo with understanding comments - you are true friends and truly in touch with your fem side. As for the negative comments - I will continue to pray that you find the true meaning of christian love. Remember the word's He spoke to the crowd that would stone the adultress ... "let he who is without sin cast the first stone." Go in the peace and love of Christ.

[MJ]

well i saw her today. she was not happy has someone told her. what i had done, she was very mad and upset with me. and could not understand how i could out her given i am the same has her. i told her it was not intentional and to please forgive me for what i had done..
she said what's done is done, how much damage will come from this we shall have to see,
i am so sorry for what happened i have to forgive myself over this as well
i hope in time she will forgive and i hope for get. i wish i could...

[Andrea Nicole]

Vicky,
Well said.
I'm sure this person will find a "way to forgive herself" after ruining someone else's life. It is amaazing for someone to be so callous and uncaring.
It's too bad some folks don't have a conscience for being so cavalier regarding others trust.
MJ, ... may you find this forgiveness of yourself, your former friend probably won't.
Take Care,
Andi .....

[marie354]

I'm so sorry that some people just don't seem to know you that well, MJ, and have to be so judgemental of you. I think that you are one sweet lady. I have read some of your threads of your journey that you've been through to get to where you are today, and it's not been an easy road for you, I know. But you've made great progress in becoming who you want to be and I think that it's wonderful.
I'm am sorry about what happened between you and your friend, but it seems that she is as nice as you are and has let bygones-be-bygones. She is really a good friend.

[Tamara Croft]

This thread is being closed, if you want to bitch at each other, then do it via PM and keep it OFF the main board!!!!!! I don't care who did what, you had no right to take this thread off topic and turn it into a flame war. And don't PM me to complain about it, you only have yourselves to blame. EOFD!