Scared-dating/crossdressing/divorce etc...

[jeniinnylons]

Well some may have read post if mine in the past some not but for those that didn't here the quick story.

I'm going thru a divorce not related to crossdressing. So we are not divorced yet but might be soon.

I recently came into contact with someone I met years ago that was married to someone on a team I belonged to. Well they got divorced because he was cheating on her.

So we have been messaging back and forth thru myspace. (my male page) I flirt a lot with her in messages. So I had given her my numbers a few weeks ago and no call. So there was a local sports game that I went to and told her about. Well she always wanted to see them and I had a extra ticket but no number to call her and she had not called me so I told her it was her bad because she hadn't called.

She then gave me her number and I waited a few days and called her. We spoke for over 4.5hrs on sat nite and over 2.5 last nite.

I would love to move real slow and maybe take her to a game or something. I have 2 kids living w/me. They are young.

I am afraid to date. There are many reasons but here they are.

1) Afraid of my crossdressing and what to do about it in regard to her
2) Afraid of going down the same path and getting hurt
3) Afraid to let my kids meet anyone right now
4) Afraid of having a "rebound" relationship

Any advice?

[Kimberley]

1) Afraid of my crossdressing and what to do about it in regard to her
2) Afraid of going down the same path and getting hurt
3) Afraid to let my kids meet anyone right now
4) Afraid of having a "rebound" relationship

Any advice?

********
It is a getting to know you thing. Right? No emotional attachment so why bring up the CD issue yet?

Getting hurt. It may or may not. It really does go back to emotional attachment doesnt it?

Why do your kids have to meet her or anyone?

Rebound? Is that a desparate straw or is that an excuse to not meet someone?

Jenni, you are taking a bold move to date but are cautious. Why wouldnt you be? You have every right to be and the fact that you are questioning says you are aware of your feelings, your children's feelings and hers. It is all good in my opinion.

Enjoy hon and take it a step at a time.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[Kali]

Well, aside from number 1, your other issues are common to any divorced parent. My divorce (also unrelated to crossdressing) has been dragging on for almost 4 years.

Only you can judge the impact another relationship has on your children. My kids like my partner. She never had kids of her own which makes it much easier (no "blended family" issues).

Just because it would be your first relationship after divorce doesn't require that it be a "rebound." If you feel you have come to terms with the death of your prior relationship there is nothing to stop you from moving on to a new healthy relationship. Life has its hurts, and if you are afraid of it your life will be miserable no matter what you do.

As far as being a CD; make friends with her and sound her out. About all you can do.

:2c: minus taxes and tags ;)

[dancinginthedark]

I am afraid to date. There are many reasons but here they are.

1) Afraid of my crossdressing and what to do about it in regard to her
2) Afraid of going down the same path and getting hurt
3) Afraid to let my kids meet anyone right now
4) Afraid of having a "rebound" relationship

Any advice?

Slow down. Now. No need to fill that void just yet. Give yourself some time. Maybe wait on telling her about the CD until you know were this is headed? I'd wonder about your mental health if you weren't scared right about now. :D You're normal or as close to it as any of us gets.

I didn't let my children meet anyone I was just dating. I let them meet my future husband after I realized it not only had potential to be a serious/long term relationship but after I knew him very well. Break ups are hard on adults no need to put little ones though it too. They kids will know right away if the lady is special simply by virtue of your introducing them to her if you keep casual dates and maybe's separate issues and separate from the kids.

Sounds like you are already headed for a rebound relationship. Rebound being that first relationship that occurs too soon after a break up. You aren't divorced yet. Best advise slow down hun. Take your time and take some time to heal.

dancin

[jeniinnylons]

I sort of fired a test shot last nite.

I belong to many forums some are different reason like this then money saving ones.

Well the one has a off topic thing and like myspace I have multiple "names" so I can post things I want but don't want people to know about me. So I posted there about NoNonsense starting to market womens item to men.

Well I mentioned a few other topics about various then I mentioned that one. She laughed and said soemthing about not liking them herself because thye hurt her stomach. It wasn't negative and we even talked about it some because I play sports and wear spandex already.

I have my kids and the other parent gets the visiting so it will be hard to find "me" time where it wold be fair to someone else if things got rolling by trying not to have the kids around when she is.

She has no kids but has wanted them and adores her niece and nephew.

To make things worse as I have got older I've got a"bi" urge that I'm also not sure where/what that is going.

[Karren H]

Well with that much "scared" in your concerns list that should scream Red Light!! Warning warning!! Danger Will Robinson...

I'd wait until you sort things out with your wife and get some of those "scared's" eliminated from the list... In my opinion!! Ohhh and the better clear up the bi thingy too... Could complicate thing considerably..

Love Karren

[CarolDonna]

1) Afraid of my crossdressing and what to do about it in regard to her
2) Afraid of going down the same path and getting hurt
3) Afraid to let my kids meet anyone right now
4) Afraid of having a "rebound" relationship

Any advice?
I got divorced just over three years ago. Crossdressing was a factor, but not the only factor.

Worry about #4 first. I had relationships with two women I really liked within a year after my divorce. I still wasn't ready. If I had waited, chances are one of those relationships would have worked out.

If you worry about number 4, #s 2 and 3 will take care of themselves.

In the meantime, there's nothing wrong with establishing a strong friendship with the woman.

The crossdressing issue is another matter. I recently told two very close female friends about my crossdressing. It wasn't an issue with either of them. It isn't the type of thing that I personally would spring on a woman very early in the dating process, but it also isn't something I would hide for a long period of time; I made that mistake with my wife.

Carol

[jeniinnylons]

Well we talked long agaiin last nte and I know by the way she talks and things she mentions there is definately interest.

All I could think about was things in regards to her divorce (over years ago), mine, my kids and it's hard.

I hate life!

[Karren H]

I hate life!

Life does beat the alternatives.... And though it has its ups and downs. I wouldn't go giving up on it!!! No one ever said our hobby was an easy one.... Takes a lot of work to get everything to balance out but in my opinion its well worth the effort....

Hang in there!!!

Love Karren

[jeniinnylons]

I just am depressed over everything I guess.

I am so lost in life and have no clue as to where it is going.

[trannie T]

You are going through one of the highest stress times of your life. Things will eventually get back to normal. If you are scared and depressed you may wish to talk to a counselor about your anexities. Relax, take a deep breath, things will get better.

[Sugar01]

I just am depressed over everything I guess.

I am so lost in life and have no clue as to where it is going.

That's understandable. No one will fault you for that.

Since I'm not as avid a crossdresser as many of you on here are, maybe I'm not the one to be talking to you. But you're hurting and you want a companion, however I don't see how bringing up crossdressing to her would be of any benefit this early on.

Unless you're hard core, and must dress as a women at all times, I'd work on the more important things: your kids and being a father. CD'ing is a sideline for me, so its easier for me to be in relationships where I don't have to bring it up. But it may not be that way with you.

[Stephenie S]

As another who has "been there, done that", I would say stop worrying. But I wouild also say definately stop thinking about a long term relationship right now. It is MUCH too close to your breakup. If you rush into something before you are even divorced you are asking for trouble. Take it easy. You want to date many different women now to see what you like and don't like. Don't think you have to act fast. An available man is a prize and you will have no lack of women beating on your door if you are half a nice guy. Your CDing should come up only when you think you have found someone who maight be a candidate for a partner, not until then. Of course, at that point it is a requirement. Don't make the same mistake twice.

But for now, relax and have fun. Your kids deserve to see you happy and relaxed. It will help them deal with the divorce also.

Lovies,
Steph

[jeniinnylons]

Strange things happen sometimes.

I got a email on a hardly used email addy asking for my wife's phone number. Well I asked who they were and how they knew her and where they got the email. So we strated chating off and on.

This woman is every CD's dream GG. She says she wanted the info to contact her because she had heard she told everyone about my cding and that she wanted to tell her it wasn't a big deal and that she liked to have her guys dress up and she is a mistress (not a professional mistress).

She is want everone one of us dreams about. She told me the other day that she is looking for a guy to love her, be loyal, let her dominate once in a while in the bedroom and bend over for her once in awhile. :)

My dream girl!

Too bad she lives in FL :(

[michelleupnorth]

My own experiance is I would tell her about the CD thing before you both get too emotionally involved. It will be a lot easier to do that now than later. If she still has a desire to get to know you that's good. Or maybe you will want to stay in the closet which is safer but if she finds out later it could be a problem. Start of with being totally honest no lies and you may be surprised. Now if you do take my advice and it doesn't work out the way you plan don't be upset with me because only you know what is right for you.

[NatieBe]

I'm with Michelle....Honesty is the way to go. Things always look good at the beginning... but you should close one phase of your old life before starting another. If this lady can accept your CD'ing at the start, maybe it could be worth it. :hugs:

[kittypw GG]

Well with that much "scared" in your concerns list that should scream Red Light!! Warning warning!! Danger Will Robinson...

I'd wait until you sort things out with your wife and get some of those "scared's" eliminated from the list... In my opinion!! Ohhh and the better clear up the bi thingy too... Could complicate thing considerably..

Love Karren


I'd be more concerned about the "bi thingy" than the cd thingy myself. I agree with Karen. Do not get into another relationship until you finalize your current one and give yourself some time to be alone and figure out which side of the fence you are on. Maybe you will end up on both but I would advocate to disclose that together with any cd'ing interest. Someone you care about should have the luxury of an informed choice where you are concerned. Good luck Kitty

[Josephine 1941]

Hi Jen,

I was divorced in Dec. of 05 my Xmas present from my wife. I started to date an found out that at my age 65 most of the women for my part were interested in sex. A lot of women out there have had bad marrages so if they find a guy that is interested in them, they are very friendly. If you treat a women with kindness and respected listen to them and not be a jerk you will find that they will be more than interested in you. So out of respected for the women I dated I usually told them about my crossing dressing as early as possible. Never go to bed before telling them. You are setting your self up for a lot of hurt if you do. I am now with a women that love all of the me's, I had two other women as friends an lovers an they knew too. I have found that if you are a good guy that is just a CD but are interested in the women you are with she will love all of you. You will be very surprized how many women love men that have a femmin side.


Josephine