Why do so many women leave

[candlebark]

I've often wondered why so many women leave the relationship once a CD comes out. Sure, it would be something of a shock...but unless the person has revealed bisexual/homosexual preferences, or has admitted to another relationship, there is generally no infidelity and the partner is every bit as masculine and faithfully loving as he was before. In fact, if we acept statistics, most CD'ers enjoy being men first and foremost. It seems quite bizarre that some women will tolerate verbal, and even physical abuse in a relationship yet the moment the guy reveals his interest in wearing her clothes, she calls him a sicko and runs a mile!

I know the question is regularly posed...how would you feel if your wife wanted to cast off her femininity and wear mens clothing. And it's a pretty good question. Somehow I'd like to think that I would give the relationship enough time and effort to find a way around the problem. I'd be really interested to hear some opinions on this one form all quarters...especially from women who simply can't deal with the issue and those who actually embrace and discover new-found pleasure in it. What works for you?..what doesn't.

That sort of insight might just help the male CD manage thngs a bit better. Cheers.

[marie354]

Well put your self in her position... You come home from a hard day at the office and find a strange woman sitting on your couch.... OH NO!!! That's my husband!!! What the hell is going on!?!? Why are you wearing my clothes??? What!! Why??? Get out of my house! If you don't go... I will.

What! Your wearing my bra too!!!!

"Lucy... You've got a lot o splainin to do."

It's a rare woman that can accept what we do, and when you find one you better grab her with both arms and hug her forever.

[Sandra]

For some not all it's not just the dressing that causes the problem, it's the lies, deciet, spending money on themselves all the time, wanting every thing now and expecting the SO to accept just like that.

[bgirl]

Hmmm Why do so many of us hide even from ourselves! I for one have went thru periods of confusion about about my sexual identity.Such as " Am I gay, bi, crazy, perverted, what the f*** am I?" To say the least, I had great difficulty coming to terms with myself. I overcame years of personal revulsion to learn to be ok with myself. I am in my 50's and became aware of my differences 50 years ago.
So if I took years to accept, is it not possible that our SO's sometimes cannot accept? We are afraid that they will not accept because we do not accept.
I didn't tell my wife because I didn't want to lose her, and because I hoped it would all go away. Thank God that neither of them went away, my wife or my crossdressing,and yes, she knows.

[candlebark]

I can fully understand the shock effect and I can also see how many women would see it as completely repulsive.

But I think it's also worth acknowledging the point that in many cases it is a fairly harmless pastime. The man is still faithful to the wife. I think it's also worth acknowledgeing the CD'ers position in this. The deceipt, the lies, the denials...these are all generally driven by a deep sense of fear, uncertainty and humiliation.

The guy often wonders if he's gay, spends years trying supress the urge and lives in terror of being caught out. And all because he's taken a liking to lipstick and high heels.

I suspect that what he needs is empathy, not derision.

In the end, I think it's about acknowledgement, a little bit of compromise on both sides and respecting each others boundaries. Don't you?

[EmmaB GG]

I think that there are situations, current and future, that influence a GG SO's thoughts & reactions -

1. Has this been a secret from her, therefore has she been lied to? (not many GG's feel comfortable with that)
2. How much do you want to (suddenly, in her eyes) dress, therefore has the person she married/thought she was with disappeared?
3. Has the person that she fell in love with disappeared for ever? Could create a sort of bereavement feeling
4. Social acceptance - not something that we should have to worry about, but it can put pressure on everyday life, as some of you possibly know
4. What if you want more and more from CDing to the point of transition? Where does that leave her in the relationship? These things do pop into our heads, you know.

Remember, we have mostly all been brought up with stereotypical western boy/girl relationship expectations, which are so strong & prevalent they tend to be the foundations of many peoples lives - rock those foundations and some people feel the tremors more than others.

I am sure that many GG SO's live a bit like I do - day to day with not too many big expectations of the future, just in case ...... it's hard work, but manageable, with the occasional wobble. Guess we GG's just think about the future too much!

And if you are truely in love with your GG SO you have to reassure her by telling her a lot - it helps greatly!

Not really an answer, but food for thought, I hope .....

[candlebark]

Thanks for yout houghts Sandra...and I am aware of the GG forum. But I still think that the views expressed by the GG's on that forum could also provide many CD'ers with useful insight as to how their lifestyle impacts on GG's - so locking it away from CD'ers doesn;t really help much in that regard. Cheers

[candlebark]

I think that there are situations, current and future, that influence a GG SO's thoughts & reactions -

1. Has this been a secret from her, therefore has she been lied to? (not many GG's feel comfortable with that)
2. How much do you want to (suddenly, in her eyes) dress, therefore has the person she married/thought she was with disappeared?
3. Has the person that she fell in love with disappeared for ever? Could create a sort of bereavement feeling
4. Social acceptance - not something that we should have to worry about, but it can put pressure on everyday life, as some of you possibly know
4. What if you want more and more from CDing to the point of transition? Where does that leave her in the relationship? These things do pop into our heads, you know.

Remember, we have mostly all been brought up with stereotypical western boy/girl relationship expectations, which are so strong & prevalent they tend to be the foundations of many peoples lives - rock those foundations and some people feel the tremors more than others.

I am sure that many GG SO's live a bit like I do - day to day with not too many big expectations of the future, just in case ...... it's hard work, but manageable, with the occasional wobble. Guess we GG's just think about the future too much!

And if you are truely in love with your GG SO you have to reassure her by telling her a lot - it helps greatly!

Not really an answer, but food for thought, I hope .....
" 4. What if you want more and more from CDing to the point of transition? Where does that leave her in the relationship? These things do pop into our heads, you know"

That word Transition is a very key point Emma - and one well made!. And it's one that I don't think I have considered carefully enough. Perhaps that's because I am very certain about my own sexual identity, or maybe it's because CDing plays a very tiny part in my relationship and I don't feel compelled to expand on it. Either way, you have raised some excellent point. Thank you

[EmmaB GG]

I know the question is regularly posed...how would you feel if your wife wanted to cast off her femininity and wear mens clothing. And it's a pretty good question.

Just a thought on this one - I said that to my SO once - "how would you feel if I ... "

His reply - "In my position, I'd really understand what you're saying & accept it totally" so maybe it's not a question that a CDer can answer from the same perspective as a non CDer which is effectively where we GG SO's stand.

[candlebark]

For some not all it's not just the dressing that causes the problem, it's the lies, deciet, spending money on themselves all the time, wanting every thing now and expecting the SO to accept just like that.
That's a very good point Sandra...the impatience factor is such a key thing. Although, it's probably worth remembering that the CD'er may have been living with their secret for many many years; and so when the day comes for admission there is this great sense of relief that the lying is over and now is the time to do what they have always wanted. Still, the point is that patience and understanding is critical on both sides

[marie354]

I agree with EmmaB GG as well on this, especially in reassuring my SO.
I tell her daily, sometimes several times, about how much I love the little things that she does that show her love for me. I too try to doo all of the little things that she likes too.
Just this morning I noticed how goos my SO looked when she first woke up and told her so.
It amazes me just how good GG's look even first thing in the morning.
They have a natural beauty that a lot of us will never achieve in girl mode.
I've always admired women and I'll continue to do so as long as I live.
A woman's life is pretty complicated and sometimes we take it for granted that not only do they have a good job in the outside world, but are a good wife to us and a mother to our children, and a lot of times keep up with all of the household chores without anybodys help.
When you add all that up, women do a lot more than any man would ever think about for less 200 - 300 bucks a day.
So shower your woman with love and attention, hugs & kisses, gifts from time to time for no reason at all except to say how much you love her.
And it will make you feel good knowing that she feels good as well.

[Sandra]

Thanks for yout houghts Sandra...and I am aware of the GG forum. But I still think that the views expressed by the GG's on that forum could also provide many CD'ers with useful insight as to how their lifestyle impacts on GG's - so locking it away from CD'ers doesn;t really help much in that regard. Cheers


Then it wouldn't be private would it? The GGs give plenty of views for the CDers to take on board by posting in the main forums here and wanting to know what is said in the GG forum is going off topic so back to your question............................

[candlebark]

Then it wouldn't be private would it? The GGs give plenty of views for the CDers to take on board by posting in the main forums here and wanting to know what is said in the GG forum is going off topic so back to your question............................
I agree...it wouldn't be private. Being a relatively new member here I'm not quite up to speed with how often GG's contribute to this section of the site...so I guess my perspective on it is a litte bit uninformed. Please be assurred that my comment was not intended as a criticism...moreover a question. Cheers

[tommi]

That's a very good point Sandra...the impatience factor is such a key thing. Although, it's probably worth remembering that the CD'er may have been living with their secret for many many years; and so when the day comes for admission there is this great sense of relief that the lying is over and now is the time to do what they have always wanted. Still, the point is that patience and understanding is critical on both sides

Unfortunately unless we were open about our dressing going in many SO may
feel as mine that it is just as bad as cheating because we are the other
women:( I know my own screwups in this regard have led to huge amount
of mistrust. As I look at it I have gotten what I deserve in many ways
and you have to work to rebuild if possible,what was once there,but don't
ever expect it to be the same.
10 years in and out of closet with my wife has really beatup our marriage.
She would say what we do is emotional abuse.

[Sandra]

I agree...it wouldn't be private. Being a relatively new member here I'm not quite up to speed with how often GG's contribute to this section of the site...so I guess my perspective on it is a litte bit uninformed. Please be assurred that my comment was not intended as a criticism...moreover a question. Cheers

I didn't think you were critisizing maybe I was a little hasty in my reply :)

[candlebark]

Unfortunately unless we were open about our dressing going in many SO may
feel as mine that it is just as bad as cheating because we are the other
women:( I know my own screwups in this regard have led to huge amount
of mistrust. As I look at it I have gotten what I deserve in many ways
and you have to work to rebuild if possible,what was once there,but don't
ever expect it to be the same.
10 years in and out of closet with my wife has really beatup our marriage.
She would say what we do is emotional abuse.
Tommi, I reckon it is so much about being between a rock and hard place! It's a gamble to hide the thing and it's a gamble to fess up...especially if your SO has made it clear that she thinks little of men in dresses. In the end, though, I can't help but thinking that honesty is the lesser of two evils. Perhaps the key rests with how you manage the truth and how manage each others comfort zone. Parading around in a dress at every opportunity once things are out in the open doesn't seem fair on the SO - unless of course she loves the idea! Equally, being forced to completely suppress your desires, or doing it only when your SO is not around (even though she knows about it) seems to be perpetuating the deceipt don't you reckon?

[candlebark]

I agree with EmmaB GG as well on this, especially in reassuring my SO.
I tell her daily, sometimes several times, about how much I love the little things that she does that show her love for me. I too try to doo all of the little things that she likes too.
Just this morning I noticed how goos my SO looked when she first woke up and told her so.
It amazes me just how good GG's look even first thing in the morning.
They have a natural beauty that a lot of us will never achieve in girl mode.
I've always admired women and I'll continue to do so as long as I live.
A woman's life is pretty complicated and sometimes we take it for granted that not only do they have a good job in the outside world, but are a good wife to us and a mother to our children, and a lot of times keep up with all of the household chores without anybodys help.
When you add all that up, women do a lot more than any man would ever think about for less 200 - 300 bucks a day.
So shower your woman with love and attention, hugs & kisses, gifts from time to time for no reason at all except to say how much you love her.
And it will make you feel good knowing that she feels good as well.
lots of very exellent points in your posting Marie..and every one of them underlines the importance of trust and acknowledgement as being deal-breakers in the relationship game. Cheers

[Nigella]

We can do one of two things in answering this question, over simplify it of overcomplicate it.

There may just be a simple solution to the question, it was the excuse that was needed to get out of a relationship.

Only those who have gone through this can honestly answer, and TBH that view will be biased depending upon who is giving it.

[tommi]

I totally agree Candlebark finding a comfort zone is a first step but for so many of us it is to go back in the closet and hope for the best latet on in life.
I can't help but wonder what is in store for us and if working out and thru
our problems if we can't at least patch up the friendship that was there.:(
I know first I need to get a grip on things and then proceed with caution
to find out if at least accepting me back into her everyday love life is possible
and to help her understand that a little nurturing and support will go along
way to helping me put things in perceptive.

[RebeccaLynne]

the partner is every bit as masculine
But from her perspective, is he really? If a woman desires masculinity in her partner, the expression of femininity that crossdressing represents could prove to be a turn-off. Rare indeed is the woman who would readily accept her man's desire to do so.

[tommi]

For those of us who are deep in the closet being found out it may be a huge
wait off of our shoulders but it is a huge burden to put onto a loved one.
What we have to ask ourselves is ,is it fair to put this burden on my wife
when I didn't have enough guts to bring it out in the open on better terms.
I do feel sorry for the extra burden I put on my wife and hope that over time
she will openly and fairly discuss my CDing ,I don't ask her to take an active
part but to allow a release from time to time.
I already actively pursue many traditional femme roles in our household ,cooking ,laundry ,cleaning and I have done these for quite sometime.
These little things are to help her deal with me ,she has set hard walls as to
what she will tolerate and I have to live with them.
I do have a choice and to stay married with our child I must live within the
walls of my closet.
But that is what not being upfront about my cding from day one has brought
me and I have decided that my family is more important than building a huge wardrobe and traveling around outside enfemme.I can only hope with time
and patience that acceptance and some flexiblity occur.:hugs:

[Geneva Lake]

I've seen way too many women who were into the "image" of the guy more than the real person inside.
In a way, women can be far more superficial than men.
Just an opinion.
...
Look! Boots!
Gen:D

[tommi]

I've seen way too many women who were into the "image" of the guy more than the real person inside.
In a way, women can be far more superficial than men.
Just an opinion.
...
Look! Boots!
Gen:D

A very good point Gen but the messenger could end up in the view sites if bringing this up.:heehee:

[ubokvt]

I know the question is regularly posed...how would you feel if your wife wanted to cast off her femininity and wear mens clothing. And it's a pretty good question

They did and they have been doing it for about the last 100 years, voting, moving into the work place, House dresses to jeans, bra burning, the right to abortion, the feminist movement. They are changeing, defining themselves, finding a more ballanced social image than victorian patriachy but its taken 100 years and I think they still believe they have a ways to go. Hmmm 50 years from now what will our idea of feminine be?

[janedoe311]

like most people. No way around it without education. There is also a tendency to doubt yourself. "If I stay with him does that make me a lesbian?"

So they are running away from both possibilities.

The fact is that even if you promised not to CD, you are still you and not CDing would not change that.

[ubokvt]

There is no good answer to this. We are all human, we are all differnent, and each relationship deals differntly with CDing when it comes up. I second Emma B's comments about a GG's reactions a 100%.

My partner and I had a good relationship when I came out, we had the commitment to make this relationship work and the tools. It begins with honesty and trust, next comes comunication, Talk all the time not just when problems come up ask how she feels get lots of feedback on what she feels and where she is. Share with her your growth, your uncertinty, give her a voice in the decissions you are makeing, move only as fast as the relationship adapts. Address the issues when they come up don't let either of you bury them till they fester and poison the relationship. Always remember a relationship is about two people. Understand you are both going to change and that change will be constant. Just as your dressing has changed, it will continue to change. As you change, your partber change, it feeds on its self. So be prepared keep talking. And most important no matter how hard , fearful, painful never lie.

[Sugar01]

It's a rare woman that can accept what we do, and when you find one you better grab her with both arms and hug her forever.

I always thought the ideal relationship would be with a woman who wants her man to dress as a woman, but doesn't know how much he really secretly enjoys it. He pretends to begrudgingly do it for her, but of course he's having a swell time inside. That way she can't bring it up in an argument, because it was all her idea.

Man, that would be sweet!

[ubokvt]

I like this thread sorry

Time is a big thing in this. You have been dressing for 10++++ years she's been married to a CDer for 10 minutes. Think about it how did you feel after you'd first knowingly dressed and liked it. Any shame, any confusion any running from it. Have you ever tried to put it away, why? A lot of your answers are back when you first met the CDer in you. How long did it take? And you want her to accept you into bed tonight in a thong and garter belt. Sure :tongueout give them and you time lots of time

[livy_m_b]

Typically it's a betrayal of one's hopes, dreams and aspirations. One imagines having a husband, children, a home, an established and accepted place in society, neighbors who are friendly, friends who are close and then...one doesn't have a husband one has ... what?...and what will the effect be on me? does he really expect me to want to kiss a woman? and what about the children, what will happen to them, will they be teased, ridiculed, how will they adapt? and those friendly neighbors stop talking, maybe, and close friends withdraw and then...oh, well, no big deal! C'mere and give me a big kiss, doll!

[Karren H]

To put it succinctly... How would you react if you wife wanted to cut her hair, grow a beard and chest hair, bind her chest, and wear a prosthetic male sexual organ? (No offense ment to the F2M's btw...).

Ohhh and maybe belch and spit a lot, watch football all the time, and leave the toilet seat up!!! Hehe.

Love Karren

[tommi]

Well put Karren but the belching thing is why I fell in love with her.:heehee:

[phoebe61]

as fore myself
i am far less unlikley to stray as a cd than before i admited it to myself ,and my wife it was extreamley hard to admit to she is now mostley supportive ,but ocasionally has problems with it emonationally.
to quote what was said (how would you feel if your wife wanted to cast off her femininity and wear mens clothing. And it's a pretty good question.)
as i said to my wife and she agreed most women do that alredy today

[Sierra Evon]

Thats like right on the money for me , my ex-wife was just such a person , we divorced , I tryed to talk to her about it before hand but she was a very unsupportive type , just was unable to contain my urges on day and then all heck broke loose , I remember it well it was on Thanksgiving day 1999 , at our place apt. , Turkey at the table , full spread all the fix'ens " , just some lite family & friends , I came out dressed , in one of my Japanese schoolgirl uniforms , sat down at the table , heard nothing but dead silents , seen my now ex-wife , seated across from me her jaw dropped open , a fork clanked onto a plate loudly (hers) , I said wow food looks great , how come ya'll aint say'in nothing ? thats when she said " I want a divorce " got up and left , the rest was history for me , but still everyone else remaind to chat and eat , as tho it were nothing , I still said grace that day , Yep !!!, Sierra had arrived !!!

[sparks]

My wife said that if I had told her early in the relationship that she would have left. The family trappings made her stay. Though we are happy together this is a facet of me she would flush down the drain immediately. We rarely talk about it and usely ends in tears/anger when we do.
There would be hell to pay if she found out I just tried on one of her shoes.
We are all different in this world what one person can accept anoether would run screaming from.
If my wife decided to dress like a man for the rest of her life and shed her feminine self. The shoe would definitely be on the other foot. And things would sure be different. Maybe I can finally be the girl.
My wife is a very strong person and can deal with a lot but not with me as a woman.

[Sheila]

For some not all it's not just the dressing that causes the problem, it's the lies, deciet, spending money on themselves all the time, wanting every thing now and expecting the SO to accept just like that.


:iagree: and if there are already serious problems within the relationship then in it may be the straw that breaks the camels back......

[Tamera]

I feel you should tell your partner before he/she becomes a SO that you are a CD. That gives them the chance to leave now if for some reason they can't deal with it.
Don't wait till your married or involved before you say anything. From reading past threads this seems to be one of the problems.

[vannesar]

A difficult subject as all of us know.
To be a TV has been like a curse for all of my life ,trouble is I enjoy it !.
We all suffer from the fear of being found out and our partners finding out is even worse because we love them and don't want to lose them.
Mine excepts that it's facet of me that's always there and as long as it doesn't take over or realationship that's okay. marriage is about marrying the right person for better or worse .you have to work at the worse bits .Vanessa

[marie354]

To put it succinctly... How would you react if you wife wanted to cut her hair, grow a beard and chest hair, bind her chest, and wear a prosthetic male sexual organ? (No offense ment to the F2M's btw...).

Ohhh and maybe belch and spit a lot, watch football all the time, and leave the toilet seat up!!! Hehe.

Love Karren

Well said Karren, and I've often wondered how women can put up with us sometimes. I know that a lot really hate the seat being left up.

[Lisa Golightly]

We're mad, bad, 'or' dangerous to know :)

[Jasmine Ellis]

there are a lot of wife's in here with us and my wife is one of them she is everything to me and I call them one in a million. When you have one take care of her
But take it slow let her get use to your CDing
I do hope everything work out for you both

[Sheila]

We're mad, bad, 'or' dangerous to know :)

u forgot cute:D

[Ellie C]

told my ex wife , told my mum and told my now g/f . As time goes on if we are not happy we tend to become self centered on dressing and not probs with others , at forst for me dressing was a place to hide , it was my place , so , the more couples can share this the better :D

[CaptLex]

To put it succinctly... How would you react if you wife wanted to cut her hair, grow a beard and chest hair, bind her chest, and wear a prosthetic male sexual organ? (No offense ment to the F2M's btw...).
No offense taken, hon . . . carry on, ladies.

[SandyR]

Except for the toliet seat left up mine does the other 2.....nuff said.

Trust, is key for a marriage, I broke that! I know we all as persons need our space, but I pushed it. Sometimes I wonder why she is still with me, but like I have said. I am one of the lucky girls.

Huggs...

SandyR

[amanda barber]

Thanks for yout houghts Sandra...and I am aware of the GG forum. But I still think that the views expressed by the GG's on that forum could also provide many CD'ers with useful insight as to how their lifestyle impacts on GG's - so locking it away from CD'ers doesn;t really help much in that regard. Cheers

The locked forums really do create division. Read-only might be better better solution.

[kathy gg]

Actually I think that most women DON"T leave. Now that is me taking a big guess overall.

It seems to me many couples have agrements, like dont' ask-don't tell....or trade off's in regards to time alone or away to do as the husband needs. That is how msot unacepting wives deal with this. Leaving usually when they raelly lvoe everything else abou tthe guy is not an option.

I think that when there is ultimatly a wife leaving who *cites* crossdressing as the whole beging and end reason, it would be very rare.

I don't doubt it happens, but from the stories I have heard through the years, it was not cding alone, but many other things. Things like online flirting, putting ungodly money towards cding, putting cding above family time/children time, making body modifications, changes in overall attitude and deportment, sometimes becoming so brazen and open about it that it goes beyond any level a wife was able to handle. Then in some cases the years of secrecy, the deciet, the hiding, the half truths and hidden agendas....I mean when a marriage ends and a cd claims "she left me because I am a cd"...I often look at the big picture, and alot of times the behavior on the mans part did not help matters in any way shape or form.

I am not defending *all* the women who choose to leave, but merely giving some a glimpse into what I have heard through the years. And truely some of the stories of "woo" that men tell, well sometimes sounds to me like if given the same situation....me....Ms. accepting.....I would have walked out sooner than the poor wife did.

I mean there are couples on this very list that I sit in shock and horror when I read about what stuff the guy has pulled. The stunts and risks that not only put their family in jeporady, but the cd himself. I woudl never deal with the disrespect that I see play out often on this forum, at least in regards to treatment that an SO has recieved. Not to mention the unrealistic expections alot of men put on their SO's when they did nto marry a women *into* this lifestyle.

I mean I looked to date a cd when I was single, for me this is fun...but as I have said before,with the wrong guy this lifestyle could be downright scary and frightening.

It is very easy to sit and *judge* a wife who leaves, because often the only person left to tell the tale is the husband. You dont' get that *other side* of the storey. ANd rarely do people looking for sympathy want to paint a poor picture of what really happened.

Just my .02








I've often wondered why so many women leave the relationship once a CD comes out. Sure, it would be something of a shock...but unless the person has revealed bisexual/homosexual preferences, or has admitted to another relationship, there is generally no infidelity and the partner is every bit as masculine and faithfully loving as he was before. In fact, if we acept statistics, most CD'ers enjoy being men first and foremost. It seems quite bizarre that some women will tolerate verbal, and even physical abuse in a relationship yet the moment the guy reveals his interest in wearing her clothes, she calls him a sicko and runs a mile!

I know the question is regularly posed...how would you feel if your wife wanted to cast off her femininity and wear mens clothing. And it's a pretty good question. Somehow I'd like to think that I would give the relationship enough time and effort to find a way around the problem. I'd be really interested to hear some opinions on this one form all quarters...especially from women who simply can't deal with the issue and those who actually embrace and discover new-found pleasure in it. What works for you?..what doesn't.

That sort of insight might just help the male CD manage thngs a bit better. Cheers.

[Kerry Owens]

Honesty, Honesty, and honesty! Sheeesh we can repeat it it a hundred times but that's the core of it. No lies, no deciet and no games. Just honesty and communication is what will help a GG stay in a CD relationship. Lawren was honest from the very start and that was the very deciding factor.
No woman is going to stay in a relationship with lies. No woman is going to put up with someone (eventually she does get tired of it) playing mind games.
Y'all, it's that simple, honesty. For Lawren's honesty I took a huge leap of faith and it turn out right. I have someone so rare I can trust. I can turn to, and confide in.
So very simple.

[slamddoger]

did you teail her about your cd before you got married it give her chanec to move on if cd is not in her comfortt zone . or did you wate and tail her after you were married if so she may feel trap in no win posone

[discovery]

Hello Ladies and Ladies,
I just had to share this with you about my conversation with Dr Bushong last night.(See TransgenderCare web site). Yeah it cost a little bit of money but worth every penny. We gurls worry about so many things about how we are preceived, accepted or not, treated or mistreated, etc.
The real deal, as Dr Bushong confirmed for me, is THIS IS THE WAY WE ARE MADE UP. We cannot do anything about it, it just is. Most of us hide within ourselves for 40-50 years inside a "phony male persona" (how else to cope with a female brain and a male body when society at large says YOU ARE A MALE see that thing between you legs!) only to be overpowered in later years by the reality of "I am woman (brain speak)". The brain is powerful thing that enables us to survive this dilemna but with repurcussions and baggage along the way. I have to accept who I am and I LOVE ME finally and feel at peace with this revelation an confirmation.
I wish for all of you that need confirmation and clarification could speak with someone as familiar with this anomaly/gift as this man.

[discovery]

Two years ago I told my wife of ten years (shes 35 me 52) as soon as I had come to the realization that I was a crosdresser(this is only a stepping stone to transsexual you know whether you believe it or not). She freaked. This is some one who is in the fashion industry, models, and circulates with all gender types seeminly with out issue. I guess it is fine when its out there but not in here. My wife threatened to commit suicide first of all then told me do whatever makes you happy. I can sense and always have been able to sense(female intuition) here moods feelings and changes. She really does not accept it even today. I WAS HONEST and UPFRONT in that I told her as soon as I knew. She does not even wish to talk about it anymore so I get a stone wall end of conversation. She would not have married me if she had known before. This I know. She is making plans already for her own life some of which she has shared with me. They did not include me however. I have done everything I can but oft times it is just not enough. Live and let live. I wish she was more accepting of differences and realized that we all are on a journey and none of us knows what really is around the next corner. I guess I expected more compassion and understanding but that is jsut the way it is.

[PrincessBelle1959]

Hi everyone, I'm new here! I agree with Kerry on this one. Honesty is the only way to make it work. How can the SO think clearly on anything about cd'ing when she doesn't have the whole picture?

[tommi]

My wife said that if I had told her early in the relationship that she would have left. The family trappings made her stay. Though we are happy together this is a facet of me she would flush down the drain immediately. We rarely talk about it and usely ends in tears/anger when we do.
There would be hell to pay if she found out I just tried on one of her shoes.
We are all different in this world what one person can accept anoether would run screaming from.
If my wife decided to dress like a man for the rest of her life and shed her feminine self. The shoe would definitely be on the other foot. And things would sure be different. Maybe I can finally be the girl.
My wife is a very strong person and can deal with a lot but not with me as a woman.

Well stated and I'm darn glad the family aspect is there.

[Jackie-Ann]

Two years ago I told my wife of ten years (shes 35 me 52) as soon as I had come to the realization that I was a crosdresser(this is only a stepping stone to transsexual you know whether you believe it or not). She freaked. This is some one who is in the fashion industry, models, and circulates with all gender types seeminly with out issue. I guess it is fine when its out there but not in here. My wife threatened to commit suicide first of all then told me do whatever makes you happy. I can sense and always have been able to sense(female intuition) here moods feelings and changes. She really does not accept it even today. I WAS HONEST and UPFRONT in that I told her as soon as I knew. She does not even wish to talk about it anymore so I get a stone wall end of conversation. She would not have married me if she had known before. This I know. She is making plans already for her own life some of which she has shared with me. They did not include me however. I have done everything I can but oft times it is just not enough. Live and let live. I wish she was more accepting of differences and realized that we all are on a journey and none of us knows what really is around the next corner. I guess I expected more compassion and understanding but that is jsut the way it is.

You're just suffering the consequences of not telling a woman the woman in you. I'm sorry and I feel empathy for you. Life is not fair and we need to learn how to roll with the punches or be miserable. Move on, I know that you will find a woman that understands the woman in you.

Jackie-Ann

[amanda barber]

The truth early in the relationship is best, no if's ands or buts about it. No one can keep it a secret forever, the other person will find out from some mistake you make. credit cards, shipping, something in the car, makeup stain, stash found andbeing seen by someone are just a few ways to get caught. It might take years to get caught but you will. So why wait till it gets worse?


If she going to freak when you tell her and the marriage falls apart and you deal joint custody or visitation because you told her, don't you think thats exactly whats going to happen when she finds out anyways? Why waste years heading for a trainwreak. If she accepts it its great, if she doesn't you have alot longer to decide if YOU want to stay with someone that is unaccepting of you and more of your life available to find someone that will.

[Jackie-Ann]

The truth early in the relationship is best, no if's ands or buts about it. No one can keep it a secret forever, the other person will find out from some mistake you make. credit cards, shipping, something in the car, makeup stain, stash found andbeing seen by someone are just a few ways to get caught. It might take years to get caught but you will. So why wait till it gets worse?


If she going to freak when you tell her and the marriage falls apart and you deal joint custody or visitation because you told her, don't you think thats exactly whats going to happen when she finds out anyways? Why waste years heading for a trainwreak. If she accepts it its great, if she doesn't you have alot longer to decide if YOU want to stay with someone that is unaccepting of you and more of your life available to find someone that will.

Well said, indeed !!...I'm with you although I never experience "caught CDing". My SO's always knew about Jackie-Ann before a relationship got on the way. I believe, its not fair to a GG to accept a feminine man without knowing. I believe is a very delicate subject to be confessed later. Its just not right !!
I'm a very extroverted person.In my male persona you cannot tell my feminine side but inside of me is the need to express and live my female side.I don't dress always, I never went out enfemme, I wouldn't pass and to me is embarrassing to be in public looking and feeling "like a freak". I never had the opportunity to meet others like me and their SO's. My SO will go with it but I never had the connections, sort of speak. I would like to be in a private setting with a group of CD's and their SO's, that I know I would enjoy with my SO.