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[Shellybean]

I live in BC Canada and i have been threatened at work buy a guy punching the back of my chair when he walks buy!
So far it looks like there is nothing in can do about this?
looking for advise
help
michelle

[Marcie Sexton]

Willie Mays model...33' long 36 oz...I believe that would take care of things...

I'm only kidding, but I would seek info from the HRC dept...on this side of the border there are certain laws that protect you from such actions...

[TV Wannabe]

carry a weapon in your purse, not like a gun or anything just a collapsible baton or mace or something, also be careful of places that this guy could ambush you like a parking lot or garage, just remember to fight back if you have to.

[Joy Carter]

The only thing you can do is tell management. I'm sure they have rules about violence in the work place. Plus start documenting dates times and places when this happens and get that information to them. It sounds like he wants to fight. It's your responsibility to tell Mgt. By you telling Mgt. it's on their heads if something does happen. Could you tell us what's this meat head's problem ?

[Siobhan Marie]

Michelle, I can only agree with Joy on this one hon as telling management is really the only way to go. Please let us how you get on and also am curious as to what this idiot's problem is with you.

huge :hugs: Anna Marie x

[Tamera]

If I was in fem I would probably make a scene in front of his co-workers and ask him "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING".

Seems like when ever I picked on a girl, and the girl made a scene, I was the one getting in trouble.

But then you could always do JOY'S option also.

[Stephenie S]

Reacting with violence might be satisfying but it would not really be the right thing to do in a workplace situation. The MUST be discrimination and harrassment laws in BC and at your company. Talk to the HR department where you work or to the Provicial Government.

Steph

[Deborah_UK]

Its bullying and harrassment. Where I work, such things are taken very seriously, to the point of dismissal.

Obviously I don't know your place of employment, but as the others have said, approach your manager and put in a formal complaint. If you get no assistance then go to the HR department.

Do you have a trades union that you could also approach to get assistance?

[taren]

maybe he thinks he is being cute by showing off, just don't stoop to his level, sooner or later he will quit when other people start seeing him as a A??.

[michelleupnorth]

When I was very little I used to playfully hit girls because I liked them. Maybe he has a crush on you. For real I would go to the top. Or maybe a bunch of us bigger girls should visit BC.

[Kimberley]

Shelley,
It is my understanding that we are protected under the Charter of Rights and Freedoms. Additional to that. BC probably has a Human Rights Code. These are the strict legal methods.

I would ask him first if there is a problem then if your answers arent satisfactory, go to your supervisor, then HR as a last resort.

Give it as much time as you can to play out throught the channels before doing the HR thing. After that, it is legal avenues. I suspect the company will take a dim view of his actions if they have a diversity policy that includes sexuality and gender. You dont want him fired, just to lay off so go through the channels. It is the best way.

Keep us informed?

:hugs:
Kimberley

[Chrissycd]

he's probably doing it b/c he's afraid of you. You make him uncomfortable b/c he's a small, insecure jerk who has probably spent his whole life behaving that way toward anyone who dares to be a little "different". Bullying is all it is and he's probably gotten away with it. I wouldn't doubt it if he's an abuser at home, too.
I say don't provoke him by trying to embarrass him or by confronting him publicly (in the lunchroom, for example). That would very likely make things worse and you might just find the freak popping up from behind you when you get in your car some night or, at the very least, slashing your tires.
SO, I think Joy is right. Let it go on a while longer so long as it doesn't get worse so that everyone in the world there sees it and keep notes on dates and EXACTLY what he does each time. I would POLITELY request that he stop it, but do so passively so that you can say you've tried to work it out and then go to management and MAKE SURE they know that you want it handle quietly and respectfully (even though he doesn't deserve any respect) b/c that way he will realize that his OWN job is in jeopardy and that he better grow up and stop acting like the idiot he is.
You might be surprised -- some such jerks actually do turn over a new leaf and he may even apologize albeit probably under his breath. Tell management your fears though, so that they understand the seriousness of your anxiety. Tell them that nobody should have to be treated that way and I'd bet they'll readily agree with you.
Good luck.
Chrissy

[Joy Carter]

Hun just get HR involved now because if you don't they might blame you for letting it go on. Plus document all witnesses. I can tell you if he's any kind of bully he will blame you and might not stop until he's confronted by HR. Don't take chances. Bully's are life long in their behavior. Some times even when confronted he won't get it.

[melissaK]

1) Dust off the resume and look for work elsewhere. An unfettered bully is a sign of an unprofessional manager above the bully, a manager who won't, or can't, or doesn't care, to supervise his underlings. That's a bigger problem. BC is big province, there's a better job somewhere.

2) Next time, scream in pain grab your back, drop to the floor and moan "F#@$! Why did you hit me like that?" Insist on going to the doctor and say things like "how do I report an assault?" "I may need an attorney." Hitting chair that a person is in is a legal "battery" under US civil law, and probably is under BC law too. A witness to it would be enough to get a restraining order in my state, a legal order rquiring him to stay more than 50' awy from you at all times - even at work. You could make his life miserable with such a tactic.

3) Absolutley do not take another shot from him without making some sort of scene or the cheap shots will just keep coming with each one delivered harder than the last. I was the new kid in a few too many schools growing up and I am of the firm opinion learned from experience that bullies MUST be confronted by YOU, some way. There's lots of civil ways mentioned in the thread above. But "telling teacher" never worked for me in school. The only thing that actually worked reliably was punching back.

As an adult I know better than to hit back with my fist, but I'd still hit back, with a lawsuit or legal threat. Maybe a letter from your attorney, or a copy of the complaint filed with your law enforcement about the assault on you.

My :2c:
Hugs,
'lissa

[lissetta]

I too had a similar experience,The bashing,the whispers, the usual. It all ended one day while i was on vacation in western mich. and i spotted the jerk drinking at the bar.....a gay bar.I have a photo cellphone. lis.

[kerrianna]

Hi Michelle, sorry you have had to put up with that. :hugs:

I agree with the others that you need to use management (if there is any :rolleyes: ) to help you sort that out. If he is harassing you because you're TG then I'm pretty sure under BC Labour Laws management is obliged to act on it.

However, you might want to try something else first if you feel up to it. Talk to him. Not when he does it, but when he's sitting at his desk or wherever you can grab a quiet moment and have a one on one talk, you staying calm and in control and asking him why he's doing that, telling him how it's making you feel, and asking him as a decent person to please stop it. He may or may not respond, depending on how big of a jerk he is, but by doing that if you later go for help above he can't say he didn't know it was coming.

Most workplaces like their employees to try to sort things out amongst themselves first.

Is your workplace unionized? The union will help you.
Do you have a conflict resolution person in HR? (if there is an HR). If there's a counselor in HR they can also help you sort this thing out.

Worst thing you can do is escalate it (so if you try talking and he tries escalating walk away)...or ignore it.

If nothing works, find a better place to work. There are lots of employers who would be happy to have you.

Good luck. Let us know how it goes. :hugs:

[Joy Carter]

I hate to :dh:. But you need to tell Mgr. now and not let this continue. You are just emboldening them by taking it.

I had the same problem for four years :eek: . I'm a big gurl and I took it. But "they" won in the end. I retired on disability due to the mental strain I was under. So now the state pays me tax free for the next ten years. When my employer (also involved) could have used my services. I never yet met a bully who knew the difference from right or wrong.

[Shellybean]

thanks for all the advise! He has always been mean to me because i am the only t-gurl in this side of the company and i have had whisper/joke harassment from him and his buddies since i started working here. So anyway he made a mistake here at work and i caught it and as is the nature of my job working for msn i had to report it cuz he really messed up someones computer and then hung up on her. After that he blamed me for catching his mistake and the chair punching began...however i did go to management, actually the manager of the management and they summarily sacked him.
Then when i went outside on my break to get a little sun the bugger was driving around in the parking lot giving me dirty looks trying to menace me..so i wrote down his licence plate #etc and gave it to my friends in case something happens to me...
Hugz out there
Michelle

[Vannacd]

Go to human resources and find out what your rights are. I live in New York State and harrassment situations are clearly outlined by the state. There is probably similar legislature in Canada. And harrassment does not always have to be sexual. This guy is a bully and in New York State would be liable for dismissal. In New York State, your workplace is responsible for providing a safe, harrassment free work environment. If your workplace doesn't, you can sue.

Don't address this guy. Head straight for your HR department and find out what your rights are, then fight him legally.

Vanna

[MarieTS]

Shelly: The advice you've been given in this thread is solid. That being said, I can't resist injecting a dose of humor. And don't everyone in here overreact. I know not to incite a bully. I'm just saying it would be nice to give some of these slobs a dose of their own medicine.

Don't get mad. Get even. How about a little glue on his chair? :heehee:
Just don't leave any clues it was you.

But seriously, have you ever addressed your concerns to the perpetrator? If not, you may wish to do so in a nonconfrontational manner. Perhaps he'll stop and that will be the end of it. That is the first step. That way there if you eventually have to bring it to management's attention he can't tell the boss he never knew there was a problem. And if he causes trouble again it will be instant grounds for termination.

Good luck with this slug. It sounds like the world would be a better place without people like him.

[tall_brianna]

Years of dealing with bullies has taught me one thing: they'll never quit. If management is unwilling / uncompelled to help, you have to take him down or sit silently and take his crap. The old adage, "Ignore them and they'll go away" is complete bull.

Me, I'm taking him down. Try this: Get a swivel chair if you don't already have one. Keep your eye out for him. Next time he knocks the back of your chair, quickly spin around counter to the direction he's passing. Extend your legs and "accidently" hook his trailing leg. He trips to the floor, you stand up and say, "Gee, sorry Bob, when you hit my chair it startled me and I spun around. Are you okay?" With any luck "Bob" will be fumed and knock the shit out of you. The beauty of the workplace over the playground: you don't have to physically fight back. That would be assault - perhaps felony - and would definitely make HR take notice of "Bob" and fire his ass.

[Shellybean]

carry a weapon in your purse, not like a gun or anything just a collapsible baton or mace or something, also be careful of places that this guy could ambush you like a parking lot or garage, just remember to fight back if you have to.

i cant carry a weapon here in canada, not even peper spray. It is Illegal, the police are suppose to protect us...lol. The only way that is gonna happen is if i become a starbucks shop..hehehehehe
hugz all
michelle

[Siobhan Marie]

Report it!

I agree with erinwoodrose. You have to report it Shelly as this is harassment.

:hugs: Anna Marie x

[Shellybean]

I am not sure if i have related the rest of the story but on friday last i was startled to hear a carload of people screaming death threats at me. I know this was directed at me cuz they used the phrase "transexual Bi..." Pretty Specific. So i finally have gone to the RCMP and filled out a report, all they had to say was here is your case number and call us if you get hurt. Hoping of course that i can still dial after i have been broken. However the RCMP did call my company and now the ringleader has been sacked and things have settled down a lot. Now if i can only post here without running into nationality issues it will be all good. So from now on i am from Venus, of course. lol
hugz
michelle

[Shellybean]

after every supervisor and hr personell heard me complain i had to report the death threats to the rcmp and now i am keeping my head down and looking for another job. I might go back into security, ironically its more money but midnights again..grrrrr. Oh well, less people to crap on me and there are no bathroom issues at 3am.....
Hugz to all the gurls out there, you have no idea how I lean on this site.
luv you all
michelle

[Lisa Baby]

Joy Carter said it best when she said: "Plus start documenting dates times and places when this happens."

Also make notes of anyone who may see him doing this. Even one witness would be a big help in proveing to mgt. or the law of the problem you are haveing.

If you ever need to involve the law in this matter, this information will be of great importance.

I wish you the best.
Lisa

[kerrianna]

Sorry to hear about all the crap you've had to put up with Michelle. I hope you do find a better situation.

Take care of yourself. :hugs: :love:

[celtic.blue.eyes]

I'm bound to get some real flaming on this one, but here goes anyway.....
When it comes to dumb, stupid, ignorant people, I always liked the idea of fighting fire with rocket fuel. People like this are just too self centered and insecure to deal with any sort of logic that is external to themselves, for the only logic they understand is what's in their own infantile mind. If that was me, I'd take a couple of thin & sharp "factory installed" nails and push them through the fabric so the points are just under the fabric on the back side. Now let the a-hole punch away. :heehee:
Is it mean, nasty, devious and low class? YES! Unfortunately, it's the only language he understands, so under the circumstances, I would venture a guess that it just might be appropriate.

[kerrianna]

I'm bound to get some real flaming on this one, but here goes anyway.....
When it comes to dumb, stupid, ignorant people, I always liked the idea of fighting fire with rocket fuel. People like this are just too self centered and insecure to deal with any sort of logic that is external to themselves, for the only logic they understand is what's in their own infantile mind. If that was me, I'd take a couple of thin & sharp "factory installed" nails and push them through the fabric so the points are just under the fabric on the back side. Now let the a-hole punch away. :heehee:
Is it mean, nasty, devious and low class? YES! Unfortunately, it's the only language he understands, so under the circumstances, I would venture a guess that it just might be appropriate.

Lol Sarah remind me not to get on your bad side! :devil:

[Katelyn]

i have been threatened at work

I don't know what your laws are over there, but over here in the U.S., a person can be fired for harassment and arrested for making threats. Get with your Human Rescourse office and/or the local police and see what action can be taken if this continues.

[AliceHardy]

You might advise that if he does not desist, your big brother might adjust his marriage prospects. In any event, common assault, whether or not causing actual harm, is a criminal offence punishable by a fime or a term of imprisonment.

[Lisa Golightly]

Make a complaint and get him sacked... There is no room for idiots in the workplace. I have a zero tolerance to staff bullying.

[Kerrie Sifton]

Shelly, you did not mention if you have other friends in the company and if it is a good place to work. If it is then work with your allies, focus on the things that are positive, that should reduce the issues you may encounter amongst other closed minded individuals.

But I would also recommend that you consider your security, pay attention to your surroundings until these issues die down, maybe take a self defense course or even Tai Chi, which will leave you better prepared in the event of something serious occuring. All the best, hopefully this will result in a better outcome.