If I Go Out...

[Valerie Nicole]

Hey everyone. I'm considering, sometime in the distant future (summer, maybe), having my first outing. I will need to do lots of preparation before then, building my confidence, working on my posture, voice, and making sure I can pass in general. My question to everyone here is...where should I go? What is safest? I know that a support group would be safest, but I'm not exactly sure how to find one in my city. If not a support group, what are other possibilities? Should I just go out shopping and try to pass so well that nobody will doubt that I truly am a woman? My counsellor also recommended that I might try gay clubs, as they tend to be more accepting. Anyone else got any suggestions?

[Lori SC]

Jessica,

You should definetly try finding a support group. Members here that live in Ontario may be able to help you locate one. The girls in a support group generally have a lot of experience in going out. There is less anxiety when going out with a group. Also going out with others is a lot more fun.

If you cannot find a group, or don't want to join one, it will probably be easier to go out in stages. You start out small, like driving in the car, and stopping for gas, or something where there is no social interaction, and maybe it's dark too. Then progress on from there.

Shopping in a mall is tough to do for the first time out. There will be interaction with SA's so you need a lot of self confidence. Also malls tend to be relatively crowded compared to other venues, so there will be a lot of people looking at you.

There are very few CDs who can pass a close inspection. Most of us just blend in, and as long as no one looks too close (99% of the people) you will do just fine. The other 1% won't say anything.

All of the fear(s) will be inside your head during all of this. Nobody is going to make an issue out of anything as long as you don't do something really stupid. Just act like a woman. Going out is stages just lets you adjust. It also lets you practice things a little at a time.

Let us know how your first outing felt!:balloons:

Hugs, Lori

[Stephenie S]

Almost anywhere there are a lot of people will be safe. Many here go to malls for a day of shopping. Unless you are very, very, good, you will probably not "pass" the first time you go out, but that won't really matter if you dress well, fit in, and behave yourself. Smile, act in a dignified manner, be friendly and confident and you will have no trouble. If you project the aura that you think you are doing something wrong, others will pick up on this, so just act natual, confident, and have a good time.

Steph

[Billijo49504]

Oh, heck just go to Lane Bryant store, or Wall Mart store, if you feel better at a big store.They will both treat you very well. Lon't wait till spring, go now!!!BJ

[Karren H]

My first time out was just a drive, get some fuel and a soda... next time out was a not so crowded park... then just kept building on previous adventures..... Above all, have fun and SMILE!!! All the happy girls do!!

:D

Love Karren

[susie evans]

just act natural smile and have fun :hugs:

susie

[PrincessBelle1959]

I agree with Billijo...Lane Bryant or Walmart is a good start. If you can't bring yourself to get out of the car just go thru a fast food drive thru. Those are easy to get thru and might give you the boost you need to go further. Good Luck! :thumbsup:

[Ashley1]

Lori is absolutely right. Don't try to swallow the whole enchilada in one bite. First, just make it out of your house. Second, just make it out of your car. Third, mingle with people without direct interaction. When your confidence is sky high do some conservative things that you think that you think you would like to do. However, do what you think is best for you.:hugs:
:love:
Ashley

[noname]

I could be wrong, but I've always been of the opinion that stores in broad daylight is the safest. The more people there are, the safer you are imo. I had a group of construction guys look at me as if they wanted to pulverize me. Really a scary looking group of guys. Problem was, I was in a fast food place with customers and employees. So while I could see them reeling inside, they knew they couldn't do crap with out some seriou consiquences (sp?) In fact I feel safer in the day, and generally don't go out at night, unless it's a quick run to the grocery store. But I'm not a night lifer either.

[krisla]

I agree with erin I would not do the club first time out, all of the other suggestions are good, but a support group would be the best since you will know you are not the only one. I just went to a meeting in a very nice hotel and although it was a very public place the other girls help make it comfortable and safe.

[Joy Carter]

Get your self a gal-pal and that way you can support each other. That is what I did and so far it's been successful. Just don't go anywhere there aren't people while you are alone.

[kathy gg]

Well I guess it depends on where in Souther Ontario. Toronto has
www.xpressions.org which is a very nice classy social group. Sadly my sweeite and I cannot attend dinners due to it falling on a night we cannot get a sitter....
Also we have a HUGE gay/lesbian/tg district and there is litearlly an entire 6 blocks of clubs and restaruants and you name it.

but in Kitcherner and such there is a well known tg friendly club called
Club Renisance
http://www.clubzone.com/c/Kitchener/Gay_Club/Club_Renaissance.html

If you are in in Winsor I am sure there would be something, even if not in Detroit.

I also hate to say this, but rarely does anyone pass 100% of the time.....what I find in Toronto is that the kindness and politeness of people is more important than passing. Truely most people in urban area's have seen tg people, so it is not shocking. The more rural you are, the more risk there is in people not being kind and gawking.

But ...I would start by maybe giving more info...I mean Southern Ontario covers a really big area.....maybe sharing the closest large city could help those near you to give more info.

Good luck and if per chance you are near TO....well I am the go-to girl on TO info!

[Amy Hepker]

First off take a drive and try to get comfortable. After you feel confident then try convienent stoes or Walmart early in the mourning.

[JeanneF]

I don't know...my first time out was going to a fetish party (Hellbound in Detroit) and then going clubbing. If you go to a club your first time out, just watch your drinking and you'll be fine.

I never did the driving around or sneaking out for a walk at night thing. I just went full bore from the beginning. It's kind of like pulling a Band-Aid off...just go and do it, and you'll wonder why you were so nervous about going out in the first place. :)