Self-acceptance. What does it mean to you?

[Kimberley]

In answering another thread I thought this would be interesting for opinion. Here is in part what I wrote in Felis "Have ya ever been asked?" thread.


What it means to me. It means being comfortable with myself; not others or society, but me. It means recognizing that this person I am is an ongoing battle of yin and yang that cannot ever be fully satisfied due to the influences of others; even my own internal questioning.

What it doesnt mean is that I will go forward and force myself on others. I wont offend the sensibillities or values of others because of my own needs or desires but I will stand up for myself if I have to, and at that, only if it is necessary.

Why would it be necessary? Persecution or ignorance. To right a wrong or to help someone who is struggling.

[CaptLex]

For me self-acceptance is a two-edged sword. It means no more doubts and no more insecurities about my trans-ness, but it also means facing all that's involved in admitting it. In other words, once I knew for sure and finally accepted it, then I had to face a whole new set of questions . . . I basically had to ask myself what, if anything, I was going to do about it, and how I was going to live my life and interact with others. Sometimes we find that opening one door leads to many other doors. :p

[pocoyo]

Hmmm... what it means to me iiisss....

Feeling relaxed and happy about myself and to just be able to get on with things without feeling upset or worried or disgusted! If that makes sense.

[Felix]

I think to me it means fully accepting who and what I am and embracing it and being proud of it and being empowered. Then once that is accomplished telling the world cos that's what happened when I came out as Lesbian, oh dear and taking all the crap that came with it and I'm still feeling the affects of it now nearly six years on. I think the ramifications will be continuous until both my sons and my step son are all adults in their own rights and even then I still may get negativity cos that's life unfortunately. Being strong enough to face that is the bigger issue. When I am then maybe I will go further with becoming and accepting the real me who ever and whatever that may ultimately be xx Felix :hugs:

[kerrianna]

Hmmm... what it means to me iiisss....

Feeling relaxed and happy about myself and to just be able to get on with things without feeling upset or worried or disgusted! If that makes sense.

YES! It means FREEDOM.
It means being able to freely give of yourself because you love and accept yourself.
It means making the world a better place.
It means making yourself stronger, more resilient, to handle the tough times.
It means challenging myself to handle everything good and bad that comes with self acceptance and the decisions to follow that heartpath.
It means having compassion for others.
It means having an open heart and soul and plugging into the truth of the universe. (how's that for mystical talk?)
It means survival.
:meditate: :o

[pocoyo]

:D Ooh I like it Kez... although "survival" seems somewhat dramatic :yikes:
:worried:

[Kieron Andrew]

:D Ooh I like it Kez... although "survival" seems somewhat dramatic :yikes:
:worried:
not if you look at it as survival over societies prejudices....survival over decisions you make and learning to live with those decisions

[pocoyo]

not if you look at it as survival over societies prejudices....survival over decisions you make and learning to live with those decisions

Oh good one. I didn't think of it like that. You could also call that strength, or resiliance... When I read "survival" it made me think of "struggling to live/stay alive". But hey... I'm used to people being Negative Nellies which grates/clashes with me so I defensively thought of it that way (omg how much did I just sound like Ned Flanders then...."Negative Nellies" haha!)

[Abraxas]

I'm not sure, exactly, because I've never really had moments of not accepting myself, I don't think.
I've always been one to kind of take whatever life hands me. I'm a complainer, yes-- when I get the flu or something, it's 'poor me' but... I dunno as for personality/ mood things, I'll take it as it comes. In fact, everything negative that happens to me, I tend to automatically view as a positive thing. Like, 'ooh! I'm dyslexic! Awesome. That means I'm different from most people.'
Maybe I'm way too optimistic for my own good, maybe I'm a masochist, or maybe I'm just nuts. But stuff that, I think, would traumatise a lot of people (like finding out just how many times I've very nearly died), I tend to think is cool.
So I guess my own little view of self-acceptance is just being able to take the bad with the good and not get freaked out about it. I dunno, I've never really thought about it before.

[ZenFrost]

For me, self acceptance is something like "suck it up and get over it" beacuse I am who I am and if I pretend to be something else, I'll be lying to myself so I might as well just accept me as who I am.

[gennee]

You all have the right idea about acceptance. The day I accepted who I was was the day I was liberated. To me, self acceptance is being who you are and not caring what society and other people think you should be.

Gennee

[boi_0h]

:D Ooh I like it Kez... although "survival" seems somewhat dramatic :yikes:
:worried:

I feel like self acceptance will = survival just on a personal level, because I know that I will truly be able to be myself, and not have to worry about people sensing my insecurities, because i know people will accept me as who i am presented to them as, thus ensuring survival, instead of ridicule or violence from peers etc. I also think on a mental level, self acceptance hedges upon survival in that when some people (at times myself included) of the trans persuasion have committed or attempted suicide because they could not deal with themselves or what was going on within their minds/bodies. but thats just my :2c: , i dunno for sure.

[pocoyo]

I also think on a mental level, self acceptance hedges upon survival in that when some people (at times myself included) of the trans persuasion have committed or attempted suicide because they could not deal with themselves or what was going on within their minds/bodies. but thats just my :2c: , i dunno for sure.

Yeah.... that's the kind of thing I was afraid of... I don't like that (that some transpeople think of doing that/do that). Not good.

[happyfish]

Actually, I think I'm with Abraxas on this one. I can't really describe self-acceptance because I've never really not accepted myself. I've worried about other people's reactions to stuff, but not...I don't know...hated myself because of who I am. Much. Anymore. It seems like such a waste of energy.
And anyway, why would I want to be someone else?:p

[pocoyo]

Actually, I think I'm with Abraxas on this one. I can't really describe self-acceptance because I've never really not accepted myself. I've worried about other people's reactions to stuff, but not...I don't know...hated myself because of who I am. Much. Anymore. It seems like such a waste of energy.
And anyway, why would I want to be someone else?:p

Very cool and healthy attitude :D I like it! :thumbsup:

[Tristan]

For me self acceptance meant finally just being able to admit to myself that I was trans and that it was ok to be trans. It did not make me a freak and etc. But it was a hard place for me to get too. I feel very confident now in how I feel and etc but it hasn't made telling my family and friends any easier. But in the end I know no matter how they react I have to be true to myself. I am a man and any other life for me would be a lie.

[pocoyo]

For me self acceptance meant finally just being able to admit to myself that I was trans and that it was ok to be trans. It did not make me a freak and etc. But it was a hard place for me to get too. I feel very confident now in how I feel and etc but it hasn't made telling my family and friends any easier. But in the end I know no matter how they react I have to be true to myself. I am a man and any other life for me would be a lie.

Thats cool! If you don't mind me asking... what was it that made you finally admit/realise it? And when you say it was a hard place to get to, do you mean because it was confusing and you had a lot of things to deal with?

You don't have to answer lol! I am working stuff out about myself you see, and am interested in how other people went about it.

[Tristan]

It wasn't an overnight point for coming terms with being ts. I clearly knew as a child but got the impression early on that saying I was male was frowned upon by those around me. So I guess like most I probably repressed the feelings. I've been a tomboy all my life but the older I got and the more I was expected to become more "womenly" the more I rebelled. It was a very uneasy feeling for me, but I never really read too much into. There was always this great deal of pain buried deep inside of me but it was just there, I didn't understand the source of what it was or where it had come from, it had just always been there. I started writing stories in high school and the stories were always from a male point of view and etc. I guess it carried over to online gaming in college always playing male characters and etc. In some games I actually did meet another ftm. After that I did reading into it and it freaked me out. I went into an active state of denial for a couple years. I guess everything just kept building and building inside of me. The next step for me was like ok fine I'm a man and I'm trapped in this body, that's fine I just won't mate and etc live my life alone. And carry my secret to my grave. That lasted about a year and it was truly to a point where I'd rather just be in my grave then living that I knew I had to face who I was. It was not something I could wish or will away. That was a little over a year ago now and each month that passes by I grow more comfortable with the fact I am ts and I am going to do something about it. I guess I do regress and still view myself as a freak, but the hardest part for me now isn't so much self acceptance but the patience for the transition. Finances are my main barrier but I'm figuring how to overcome those and I know I will one day see myself in the mirror that matches the person I've always been on the inside. Sorry guess that got a little long, but I guess my self acception really just came out of survival. I've always had some really incrediable friends that I've come out too that have been overwhelmingly supportive.

[pocoyo]

Aww no that's not a too long reply. Thank you so much for explaining. A lot of that sounds very familiar to me. (Not the grave bit though :( ... you poor thing. I'm so glad you don't feel like that now!)

This bit was very similar:

got the impression early on that saying I was male was frowned upon by those around me. So I guess like most I probably repressed the feelings. I've been a tomboy all my life but the older I got and the more I was expected to become more "womenly" the more I rebelled. It was a very uneasy feeling for me, but I never really read too much into. There was always this great deal of pain buried deep inside of me but it was just there, I didn't understand the source of what it was or where it had come from, it had just always been there. I started writing stories in high school and the stories were always from a male point of view and etc. I guess it carried over to online gaming in college always playing male characters and etc
I can't stand it when people want me to be girly... it's just not right.

Despite being a pretty smiley, silly person, I've always had a bit of pain/anger/inner conflict, but I had always assumed it was about something else, I have been wondering lately if it's also to do with being tg.

I always write from a male point of view and always have male characters when I play games!

And this...


each month that passes by I grow more comfortable with the fact I am ts and I am going to do something about it. I guess I do regress and still view myself as a freak,

I do feel as if I'm beginning to enter that territory sometimes, but I am still very unsure of myself. Perhaps I am still in the denial stage, or perhaps I'm just... a screwed up girl (although I don't actually think I can actually be described as a "girl" because that doesn't fit me!) lol. Or perhaps I'm some kind of "hypochondriac" or some sort of fool. Or some sort of fantasist. Perhaps I just always question everything too much. Perhaps I am just worried about not wanting to upset other people. Hmm. Or possibly just a little confused.
Thank goodness I'm finally getting to see a therapist that knows about gender stuff!

Thank you for sharing your story :)
I am very glad for you that you are at.. no even past... a place of self acceptance and are now just dealing with patience. I hope you get lots of money soon so you can get the treatments that you want :happy:
It's also really great that you have good friends! Yay! That's awesome.
I'm really happy for you, and you're certainly not a freak :hugs: