My girlfriend asked me to look at things from her point of view

[bredalee25]

Since she accepted my dressing it's been great to share that part of my life with her. The other night I had planned a dress up for her and she had forgotten about it. This started a conversation between us about looking at things from her point of view. I told her that it was not possible for me to do that because i'm a CD and any thoughts i've got will be tainted by my thinking as a CD. I went on to say it would be like me asking her to to look at things from my point of view which she obviously can't do since she's not a CD and can't think like one. Just like i can't think like a non CDer i can't formulate those kind of thoughts because i've been and ever shall be a CD for the rest of my life.

Has anyone else's SO ever asked them to think like they do?

:love:
ttfn

[Karren H]

Well when I'm around my wife that's how I think.... and act...

I'm her husband .... not her girlfriend .....

Karren

[noname]

I asked that of my SO, I posed it like this. How would you like to have to suddenly hide your bag if someone shows up at the house. Or what if you knew you couldn't just wear pants and go out? But know that you may get stared at, and people may think you are some kind of wierdo and pervert? Now I ask this, does that sound like an enjoyable way to live your life?

[Lanore]

I think it's great you two talk. Keep it up.

Lanore

[marie354]

When my SO asks me that, I try to understand it her way and hope that I can. Isn't that what communication is all about? I try to respect her as much as I respect myself... Maybe more so.

[Rachel Morley]

Of course you can't literally see things from the other person's (complete) viewpoint, but where's the empathy?? I'm wondering if when she said "why can't you see things from my point of view" she actually meant "why can't you TRY to see things from my point of view".

Just a thought.

[Valerie Nicole]

I don't want to speak for the person who started this thread, but I think what she means is that as CDs we have a different view of the world that we can't really escape. I know the example has been raised before where someone asks "how would you like it if your wife/gf/so decided to cut her hair short, hide her breasts, and let her body hair grow?" I've heard it said before and I agree that because we are already crossdressers, we CAN be understanding in that situation, and we can't really look at that situation from the point of view of somebody who is not accepting of crossdressing. :2c:

[Rachel Morley]

I don't want to speak for the person who started this thread, but I think what she means is that as CDs we have a different view of the world that we can't really escape. I know the example has been raised before where someone asks "how would you like it if your wife/gf/so decided to cut her hair short, hide her breasts, and let her body hair grow?" I've heard it said before and I agree that because we are already crossdressers, we CAN be understanding in that situation, and we can't really look at that situation from the point of view of somebody who is not accepting of crossdressing. :2c:

Hummm....yes, good point.

[Jestina]

My s/o and I have a wierd situation.
Even though I am the "man" and I am very masculine in my work and role, I am extremely feminine in my emotions and feelings and reactions.
She on the other hand is very masculine in her emotions and reactions.

I am constantly trying to get her to talk and open up.
She notices that we instincively take on gender roles.
She will sometimes push me against a wall and "take me" when she playfully wants to kiss or be sexy.

Our first valentines day she brought ME a dozen red roses.

I on the other hand will have a softer aproach and pull her to me as I lean against a counter or a car etc.

She noticed these things long before I came out to her.

So there is my :2c: worth.

Now I will go to sleep in my stockings and silk nighty beside
her in a t-shirt and boxers.

Wow is she ever pretty...ok, gotta go.

Jestina.

[suchacutie]

This is a great thread in that there are a number of ways to look at the word "see" as in "see" it from my perspective. This is a Venus/Mars issue, I believe.

1) In one sense the word "see" is just asking you to listen to her and attempt to understand her perspective. This will not be (and should not be) limited to CDing, but to all things. She should also listen and attempt to understand what you are thinking and what your perspectives are. This is called, of course, communication and is a strong trust-building operation.

2) The other thing that comes to mind, since it's been on my mind recently, is that those of us trying to examine our female persona really DO want to "see" things, inherently, from a GG's perspective. This can be a learned trait just like walking and sitting and using speech. I strongly believe that this ability will make us not only better en femme, but will make us much more strongly tied to our mates since we will understand their language and thought patterns better than any men on the planet!

I think that "seeing" things from your SO's perspective is not only positive in all ways, but essential. No, you aren't a GG, but that's what we are striving for, no? I sure am!

tina

[stephanietv]

Well when I'm around my wife that's how I think.... and act...

I'm her husband .... not her girlfriend .....

Karren

:thumbsup:


steph

[Marla S]

I went on to say it would be like me asking her to to look at things from my point of view which she obviously can't do since she's not a CD and can't think like one. Just like i can't think like a non CDer i can't formulate those kind of thoughts because i've been and ever shall be a CD for the rest of my life.

You shouldn't give up to early.

A lot of "her point of view" is probably similar to your point of view before you accepted your CDing yourself.
It's not easy, but stepping back a bit from the own point of view can be learned or re-learned respectively.
With a little help by her it should be possible to "understand" and "accept" her point of view.
Like Angel Darling said: It's called empathy.
Maybe it will not lead to full understanding but to a good part of it.

[Stephenie S]

Since she accepted my dressing it's been great to share that part of my life with her. The other night I had planned a dress up for her and she had forgotten about it. This started a conversation between us about looking at things from her point of view. I told her that it was not possible for me to do that because i'm a CD and any thoughts i've got will be tainted by my thinking as a CD. I went on to say it would be like me asking her to to look at things from my point of view which she obviously can't do since she's not a CD and can't think like one. Just like i can't think like a non CDer i can't formulate those kind of thoughts because i've been and ever shall be a CD for the rest of my life.

Has anyone else's SO ever asked them to think like they do?

:love:
ttfn

Dear Breeda,

Your girlfriend did not ask you to THINK like her. She asked you to try and see things from her point of view. This is perfectly possible. It's called empathy. Look it up. Empathy means thinking about things from the others point of view. You don't have to change your way of thinking, you just have to be able to appreciate HER point of view. We do this all the time in our interactions with other people.

Saying you can't do this seems a bit selfish to me. It may take a bit of work on your part, but it is quite within your ability to do. Here is an example for you to try. If you see your nieghbor's lawnmower out on his front lawn, you may decide not to steal it because it's against the law to do so and you might get in trouble. BUT, if you don't steal his lawnmower because you understand how YOU would feel if you went to get your lawnmower and found that someone had stolen it, that's called EMPATHY. You can do this. It's not really that hard. Try and imagine how your SO feels about your CDing. Put yourself in her shoes by trying to imagine how you would feel if SHE were a CDer and you were not. That's all she is asking from you. Just a little EMPATHY.

Try, you can do it.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Michelia]

Empathy is an essential tool of communication that can be used in many ways. Learn it. Practice it. It will pay off over and over.

You do not have to be a dog to empathize with how the dog feels when he is hungry or barking to protect his property or begging for attention. And the dog is not even human!

Michelia

[DanaJ]

Empathy

em·pa·thy Pronunciation[em-puh-thee] - noun
1. the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.

Michelia has it right - I don't think it is that hard to try to put yourself in another's shoes. By saying it is not possible, it sounds to me like you don't want to try.....

And every relationship I have ever had (be it romantic or just friends) I have tried to see things from the other person's point of view. In fact, I do it every day in person-to-person interactions, especially when there is a difference of opinion.

[Sheila]

The other night I had planned a dress up for her and she had forgotten about it. This started a conversation between us about looking at things from her point of view. I told her that it was not possible for me to do that because i'm a CD and any thoughts i've got will be tainted by my thinking as a CD


Am I to understand that cding precludes you from thinking like a decent caring human being and that cding is to be taken to mean that you are incapable of being unselfish.

Gotta say if this is the case I sure have heck as got myself one weird cdr because he is a decent, caring, loving, wonderful person, that almost always puts myself and our kids before himself, that is probably why I try my darnest to make whatever time I can for him to dress ..... he dosen't always take it (and that does leave me bewildered sometimes)..... and that is just another way he shows that cding is JUST A PART OF HIM --- NOT THE TOTAL

Jess

[Alyshia121]

I was[U] going to post a comment, but so many things that people said made me want to start my own thread.

I [U]have gotten the "see it from my point of view" thing. I've also gotten the role reversal. Sometimes it seems like no amount of communication is enough between you and your SO. In fact, I've gotten so frustrated that I've even thought and said that it would be so much easier if I was single. It's because I care so much and I don't want to hurt her feelings. I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world. But, see, at the time, your thoughts start racing and it's easy for your emotions to get the best of you. And then I think, "Would it really be easier if I was single?" Maybe, maybe not.

Along the lines of this subject, has anyone ever been told, "I am SO jealous of you!" by your SO/female friend? It's kind of bittersweet when I think about it. I start to think "I am oh so cute right now", just like one of the girls, ya know? But on the other hand, you can make anything look like anything if you put some effort into it. I'm not saying my femmes all look like crap, cause they don't. It's just that women are very appearance conscious... like me.... and you, and you, and you *points finger to everyone on forum*

Is any of this making sense? To tell you the truth, I got lost in typing about 1/2 way through, and pretty much have no clue what I just wrote. So if told someone to go to hell and die, I apologize :D

[Makina]

When you share something with someone, you accept to loose a part of what you're sharing, or at least you let the other alter what you are sharing. If you want your girlfriend to participate, she won't participate the exact way you imagined she would. She is not a product of your fantasies, she won't always do what you expect from her. If you don't communicate with each other, trying both to understand priority of others, important symbols, time to share and time to not share, you could miss a lot of happiness really sharing with your girlfriend.

Acceptance is not a definitive right, it's a long long way. She might be frightened to see the first time she forgets about your plans, it's dramatic for you. In fact, wanting her to accept your crossdressing is like wanting her to look things from your point of view. Maybe trying to understand her point of view is a part of the deal.

[Rachaelb64]

You need to empathize not sympathize.

And this is the cux of the problem most people can sympathize quite easily, and can confuss this with empathy.

Empathy is more like stepping into somebody else's shoes and seeing the world from their point of view.

Personally, I believe stating that 'I'm a CD so find it hard to understand my SO/GF's point of view' is just a cheap get out clause. It more like not facing an uncomortable truth.

Face that uncomfortable truth, listen, talk and most of all feel that emotional pit in your stomarch.

And thats my :2c:

[KrazyKat]

:love: Brenda Lee,as already expressed, you can try to understand the other parties feelings. No one know exactly how anyone else feels or thinks,as we are all born uniquely different.
:thumbsup: TIP: the best way to communicate your feelings (from all the communication work seminars I've attended), Is to shut up and listen.:D

This means really listen to what the other person is saying, not thinking about what your next response is going to be. You can't concentrate on what is being communicated(body language, too)if your mind is thinking of other things.:happy:

I only know this from personal experience, I used to totally believe I knew what the other person was saying, but sometimes the words they use don't say it all. Hope this makes sense for you, Brenda. I mean this in the most positive way, not to be hurtful or anything.

Hoping the 2 of you can work through the communications!! Best Wishes to you and JoJo!:hugs:

[kittypw GG]

Dear Breeda,

Your girlfriend did not ask you to THINK like her. She asked you to try and see things from her point of view. This is perfectly possible. It's called empathy. Look it up. Empathy means thinking about things from the others point of view. You don't have to change your way of thinking, you just have to be able to appreciate HER point of view. We do this all the time in our interactions with other people.

Saying you can't do this seems a bit selfish to me. It may take a bit of work on your part, but it is quite within your ability to do. Here is an example for you to try. If you see your nieghbor's lawnmower out on his front lawn, you may decide not to steal it because it's against the law to do so and you might get in trouble. BUT, if you don't steal his lawnmower because you understand how YOU would feel if you went to get your lawnmower and found that someone had stolen it, that's called EMPATHY. You can do this. It's not really that hard. Try and imagine how your SO feels about your CDing. Put yourself in her shoes by trying to imagine how you would feel if SHE were a CDer and you were not. That's all she is asking from you. Just a little EMPATHY.

Try, you can do it.

Lovies,
Stephenie

:iagree: No wiser words were spoken. :D
You are asking her to have empathy for you and accept your crossdressing aren't you? Why in the world can't you give what you are asking for? Selfish comes to my mind as well. :sad: Kitty

Just a word of advice from one who knows. If you don't find a way to empathize you WILL jepordize the acceptance she already has. I have said many times before that when you give you receive. You attract what you put out. So if you act selfish all of the time your partner will have no choice to become selfish as well and only care about herself cause you aren't filling that need. Get the picture?

[ubokvt]

You may not be able to "see" her point of view but reguardless you can LISTEN openly with out judgement to her point of view and HONOR her Truth.

[Tina B.]

Well since we don't know just what the young lady wants you to understand, the question could have been misunderstood, I for one can understand how and why a lot of non CD'ers can't understand us, took me many many years to come to terms with who and what I am, and I still don't understand it.
we all grow up being taught to have certain expectations in life, we want a wife that is a good mother to our children, good and sexy lover, and a good house keeper, and all that we see in the movies, and the families around us that have a happy life. And a girl is taught that she wants a strong man that will protect, and provide for her and her offspring, and a guy like daddy that can fix anything that goes wrong.
Nobody tells a child that may not be what they find in the real world, my wife gets power tools for Christmas, while I get cooking tools, and not from each other, but from the family, and they don't even knkow about Tina!
I am no handyman, but if my wife wants an opinon on what to wear with that skirt, she knows I can put an outfit together for her that will get compliments all night long.
but to make a relationship works, it takes a couple trying to understand each other, and what your partner needs in life and then trying to ajust so you both get enough out of the relationship to find some peace and happiness.
But you seldom ever get it all your way, and she seldom gets it all her way.
Now I will get down off this soap box as ladylike as I can.
:sb: :rant: :dh:

[Di]

Dear Breeda,

Your girlfriend did not ask you to THINK like her. She asked you to try and see things from her point of view. This is perfectly possible. It's called empathy. Look it up. Empathy means thinking about things from the others point of view. You don't have to change your way of thinking, you just have to be able to appreciate HER point of view. We do this all the time in our interactions with other people.

Saying you can't do this seems a bit selfish to me. It may take a bit of work on your part, but it is quite within your ability to do. Here is an example for you to try. If you see your nieghbor's lawnmower out on his front lawn, you may decide not to steal it because it's against the law to do so and you might get in trouble. BUT, if you don't steal his lawnmower because you understand how YOU would feel if you went to get your lawnmower and found that someone had stolen it, that's called EMPATHY. You can do this. It's not really that hard. Try and imagine how your SO feels about your CDing. Put yourself in her shoes by trying to imagine how you would feel if SHE were a CDer and you were not. That's all she is asking from you. Just a little EMPATHY.

Try, you can do it.

Lovies,
Stephenie

Well said...............................anyone can have empathy and TRY to imagine how another PERSON feels and thinks...for you not even wanting to try and saying............ any thoughts i've got will be tainted by my thinking as a CD. ........is very selfish just my :2c: ....it is a two way street......it can't be all your way when in a relationship....sounds like she is trying and you have said she is supportive...you need to step up and be supportive of her as well.Talk with her....you can do this....good luck.

[Sally24]

Sorry, got to agree with most of the other girls. You can make the effort to "understand" her point of view. If you can't "get it", the least you can do is see if it looks reasonable to you. Listen to her, talk to her, and let the female in you try to empithize with her.

Sally

[TeriAnn]

Try reading My husband wears my clothes. A wife's view of crossdressing
by Peggy Rudd. Then you will understand what she is talking about. I am reading it now and I am learning a lot about a GG's point of view I never even thought of. Read it you will like it!!!!!!!

[Rikkicn]

If you don't learn how to think like others how will ever get to really, really know them.

[Delila]

My wife and I think so much the same that I usually know what she is thinking before she says a word. That is great for some but if we did not have that and she asked me to look at things from her point of view I would work to be as unbiased as I could. I think something that many of us forget is that most women dream of the man they will marry when they are young and I expect few of them actually dream of a man that acts like a woman we really should try to be simpathetic of this. Sometimes a wife or SO need a man as hard as it may be it seems only fair that since they indulge our needs we reciprocate. This may seem unfair but to many women that I have spoken to it seems very unfair that we expect unflinching support from them. Is it really so hard to imagine what they are thinking? Isnt many of our goal to be more feminine? With that in mind I really think that you should be fair and try to think of your SOs needs at least as much as your own. She really may be giving more than you realize to allow your CDing.

[Jestina]

My wife and I think so much the same that I usually know what she is thinking before she says a word. That is great for some but if we did not have that and she asked me to look at things from her point of view I would work to be as unbiased as I could. I think something that many of us forget is that most women dream of the man they will marry when they are young and I expect few of them actually dream of a man that acts like a woman we really should try to be simpathetic of this. Sometimes a wife or SO need a man as hard as it may be it seems only fair that since they indulge our needs we reciprocate. This may seem unfair but to many women that I have spoken to it seems very unfair that we expect unflinching support from them. Is it really so hard to imagine what they are thinking? Isnt many of our goal to be more feminine? With that in mind I really think that you should be fair and try to think of your SOs needs at least as much as your own. She really may be giving more than you realize to allow your CDing.


I am standing on my chair and aplauding to this!

The first concern my S/O had when I came out was almost this precise issue.
This post does not always apply to the true transgenders.
But to the traditional hetrosexual Cross dressers who comprise the majority of us, absolutely.

Jestina.