Would like information PLEASE!!!

[Kris5150]

Hello,

I have a brother who cross dresses and I just became aware of it. I love him very much no matter what he does....I guess I just would like to understand
why? If he is gay or bi or if he just enjoys it. He was married went through a divorce 3 years ago. He hasn't dated or been with anyone since then.

Is anyone there who could just help me to understand? He doesn't have any real friends since the divorce. My husband and I are always there for him though!!

Thank you very much for any feed back!!

[Bernadina]

Here's another thread that is talking about the same thing. Maybe it will help.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=5223

http://www.geocities.com/bernadina_q/CD/thm_frbfly020.gif

[Marissa_CD]

I wish any of us here could give you an answer but honestly the only person who could tell you why is your brother. I do it because I love women and womens fashion so much I wear womens clothes. I am not gay in fact I am married but just love that soft feeling inside and outside when given the chance to wear something fem and act and look like a woman. So I guess what I am really saying is dont worry about your brother he might dress a lot he might dress once a week, he might be gay he might be bi or strait but no one is going to tell you why or howcome except your brother because everyone CD, TV, or TS has their own reason why they started and why they continue on with it. If you approach your brother and he is not wanting to talk about it be patient with him and show support and maybe he will open up if he wants one day. as far as him not having any friends or not dating anyone again there could be any number of reasons he could still be hurt from his last marrage or maybe because of his dressing he is ashamed to be honest with anyone new he meets not wanting to lie or hide anything from anyone new in his life. the great thing is that you are a concerned sister who is worried about her brothers well being and instead of asking how to get him to stop or who he should see for counciling you came here to help yourself understand. I guess after all of my rambling what I am trying to say is just talk to him and make sure he knows he has your support and I am sure you will come to understand real soon.
Kisses, Marissa.

[Holly]

Hi Kris,

First of all, welcome to the forum. Your very presence here tells me that you are a loving and caring person, not given to judging others. The fact that you are seeking an understanding of your brother's CDing speaks volumes to you good character. Your brother is vey fortunate to have such a caring sister and brother-in-law.

I myself am a CD and have been for a number of years. I'm married and very much in love with my wife. Not knowing your brother, I would have no idea as to why he is a CD. The reasons men CD are as varied as the men who do it. Only he can tell you why he does and even at that, he may not fully understand the urges that drive his desire to dress in the clothing of the opposite sex. I am confident, however, that as you make him aware that you have his best interests at heart and you remain open and approachable, he will open his heart to you.

Best wishes to both of you.

[sherri]

Hello,

I have a brother who cross dresses and I just became aware of it. I love him very much no matter what he does....I guess I just would like to understand
why? If he is gay or bi or if he just enjoys it. He was married went through a divorce 3 years ago. He hasn't dated or been with anyone since then.

Is anyone there who could just help me to understand? He doesn't have any real friends since the divorce. My husband and I are always there for him though!!

Thank you very much for any feed back!!
Kris, welcome to the forum.

Approximately how old is your brother? Was the divorce difficult for him? Does he know you know? Have y'all talked about it?

By the way, do you mind my asking how you came across this forum?

[NoraT]

This is very complicated. I dress up because, to be honest, I prefer women's clothes. I feel more comfortable wearing them and I enjoy letting my feminine side out.

Why not ask him? Before you do, make sure that he understands that you do not disapprove, you do not think that he's perverted or anything like that. (I know that you don't, but he might want to be reassured that you're not judging him.) Just enourage him to tell you how he feels about it. Let him talk.

This is a very individual issue. The best way to get your questions answered is to ask them in a loving and caring way. But, believe me, he is probably very happy right now and maybe more at peace with himself than ever before.

[kirsti]

Once again your brother is the best place to find out why!
As for me I enjoy it,I do not flaunt my preferance but mind my own bussiness,I dont walk the streets proclaiming that I need recognition from society,because I do not want or need,any approval from society but understanding that I am who I am,if my form of self expression does not invade upon anothers rights then I feel no one should invade upon my rights,I was married and divorced,my ex never knew of my passion,I was capable of functioning in marriage without ever sharing that secret part of me.
Divorce was based upon the notification to me from my ex that she loves me but not in love with me.perhapes nothing left to feed the fire,so her needs and passion was not fullfilled after infatuation etc was gone and reality was too much for her to comprehend thus she choose solely to distinguish the fire.
I like her have the same need of passion and desire,to dress and be a free open part of my whole self.
My girlfriend of over 15 years now knows of my passion she is not comfortable with having sex if im dressed,but I accept that,as she accepts me,a give and take situation,thats our responsibilities to our mates,loves,and self is evidently true.
Do you have a secret that youve never told anyone especially your brother?
How would he react upon discovery?
As for me there is no definant or conclusive reason I dress,but I enjoy it,Im comfortable with it,and feel a neccessity to compel myself to be who I am.
And also I discovered my brother was a crossdresser ,like me.
You have a unique opportunity to be able to have both a brother and a sister,as you will discover that at some point you may feel much more comfortable talking to your sister rather than your brother,and those ties that bind will be much stronger than ever before.
God speed !

[AnnaMaria]

Kris,

Everyobe wants to know why we dress and act as women and the first one to tell you that we don't know will be a cd. Though some of us have a good idea as to why most of us can't really explain it with words other than to say that it is what feels right or comfortable.

It is good that you are seeking information about this subject and trying to gain insight into the world that your brother lives in. Just keep in mind that as a result of the stigma that society has placed on being a cd, we have all learned to hide who we are very well.

If you really want to help your brother or even just be able to talk openly with him about this you should be gentle about it and never judge. I would talk to him when on one else is around to here for sure. Not even your husband. Having another male around my be more than he can handle. And like the others said make sure that he knows that you accept him and love him no matter what before you reveal that you know about it. If he already knows that you know but is unsure how you feel about it then make sure that you tell him.

You might find that having a sister to talk, and shop with will make your relationship with him stronger. And yes we do love shopping and talking just like any woman. Most of us experience a lot of the same feelings a woman does the problem is that we are not as easily able to deal with them because we have not learned to deal with them.

As far as his sexual orentation is concerned, does it really matter? I'm not trying to be harsh about it or anything like that I just want you to see that no matter what his desires are he is still the same person. The only one that should really be effected by that would be a lover. Though I realize that trying to deal with the idea that he is a cd is hard enough without having to deal with this issue at the same time. For most of us the answer is a resounding no I am not gay or bi. In fact there are quite a few who live completely normal lives including wives and children. The only thing that makes us any different from every other man in the world is the fact of the clothes that we prefer to wear and the way that we prefer to present ourselves. Notice I said prefer. That doesn't mean that we are going to do it all the time.

All that siad I recomend that you find a time to talk to him. Believe us when we say talking is the most important thing that you can do right now. But you have to be willing to listen as well. Because like any woman we love to be listened to as well as talked to.

huggs
anna

[jade lee]

kris, put your self in his shoe, alone, shame. He can not help how he feels. If you love him, help him. He is still blood.

[Priscilla1018]

Welcome to the forum Kris,
I think Anna said it best;talk in a non-threatening environment with no one else there. Be open and accepting about his choice of lifestyle. She is still the same person you love. There are as many reasons for being crossdressers or transgendered as there are people who do this. You obviously love your brother very much,love your sister also.And if she does not feel like opening up yet, accept it. She will talk when she can.

Love,
Priscilla

[Katiegirl]

Welcome to the forum Kris

I think the other "girls" have said it all, but I will add that I went through a divorce 20 years ago in which my cding came out through my ex wife and the lawyer. I went through hell during that time and it has made me think twice about having any lasting relationship. I did have one 10 years ago but that failed (Not due to Cding she didn't know about it). I have many friends who are women some I have known for over 15 years and I am hetro.

Your brother may have been effected more than he has let on by the breakup of the marriage especially if his cding was a factor. He may feel ashamed to say anything to you for fear of rejection, so more than likely you will have to bring the subject up when you are ALONE with him.

I only wish a member of my family had been around to help me after my divorce.

:)

Mind of a Woman, Body of Man, Life is a Bitch

[Jennifer_G]

If you directed him to this site he would find lots of support from some wonderful girls.

[Tristen Cox]

We all dress for different reasons. I am TS so I express how I am inside outwardly by dressing in clothes of the opposite physical sex. Without knowing your brother myself I can not give you a truthful answer to your question, but as so many have said already go to the source and get talking with him, then ask. If you can encourage him to join us he is more than welcome.(we prefer to be referred to as 'she' here) We'd be more than happy to have both of you stay and become part of the family. Take care



Love
Tristen

[jjjjohanne]

Kris,

Many of us start dressing as 6-8 year olds. When puberty comes, it often becomes associated with self gratification. However the real source of interest is pre-sexual (I just made that word up).

There are different groups of CDs. Your brother likely fits into a group who:
Wear one or more particular garments such as hosiery.
Wear the full array of female garments, but wants to be perceived as a male.
Wear the full array and they go out on occasion hoping to be perceived as a woman.
Live their lives as women.
Want to have surgery to become physically like a female.

It has been said that homosexuality occurs in CD's at the same rate that it occurs in non CD's. I don't know if that is true. I have also heard it said that 80% of all CD's are straight. (Since I doubt that 1 in 5 are gay, these statistics seem to disagree). Some guys who want the surgery are straight.

He will probably love to talk to you if you are willing to listen and not attack or condemn. It might take him a little time to open up. Men are more comfortable opening up when they are doing something. I felt pretty comfortable coming out to my sister when we were Christmas shopping. We were moving and actively doing something. For me, sitting in a room face to face being very open about things like this is similar to being on stage. It is tough to keep talking. Wash dishes with him, walk around the neighborhood. Do something active. Even if you are disgusted with this, try to shield it from him and he will likely open up.

Some (maybe many) of us have two opinions about whether we should be doing this. I think it is similar to how my wife struggles with Chocolate and Shopping. A good insider question, "Have you ever gotten so guilty that you threw all of your stuff away." Probably he will be able to recall several times. I know I can.

Good Luck.