Moms and Dads: We're coming out!!

[Sweet Susan]

I just read where Quidam is going to come out to her mother this coming Thursday, and it made me wonder why her mother. I have noticed over the past few months where several girls have come out, often quoting this forum as giving them strength. My question for this thread, and it is open to all, but pointed more so at those who have come out, is this. Why is it that nine out of ten of us come out to our mothers, but we don't even mention our fathers? There have been a couple who have mentioned their fathers, but the vast majority refer to their mothers with no mention of the dad. Why is that? :confused:

[Sara Violet]

for me its is the fact that my dad wanted me to be a boy. I am a jr and to my dad it means being a man. My dad has yelled at me many of times for acting like a girl or playing girl games. If i told him he would either disown me, hate me, kill me or worse. The fact that i live with him at this moment prevents me from telling him. Also correct me if im wrong but I feel that girls are more understanding of m to f because we want to be girls. We want to be like our moms and sisters not like our dads and that our dads take it as an insult. In our sociaty men are still a step above woman because of that to our fathers we are lowering ourselves and showing weakness.

[Vallari]

Father's tend to get more angry over the situation (obvious I know...). Me and my father didn't talk for about a week after I came out to the both of them.

Quidam, you are definitely correct about females taking the news better than males. I lost my only male best friend because of this. All my GG friends still remain and we now seem to hang out more then we did in high school.

[Sweet Susan]

It is an interesting dichotomy, and I wonder if Kewt n curvy might have some "scientific information," from whcih to draw and share.

[Amelie]

I told them both at the same time.

[Sweet Susan]

I told them both at the same time.

What did Dad have to say? Was he okay with it? Did he take it any better or worse than Mom?

[Amelie]

They both acted sort of the same. They were not all that thrilled with it, but they weren't violent. My look at the time before I dressed was of a spiky hair, strange clothed, punk. So my next stage was to wear make-up. To them it was just another part of being punk. Then came the wearing of fem clothes, again, I think they thought it just a continuation of being punk. They thought I would grow out of it. But they just got used to it instead. They are not thrilled about it. And I don't flaunt it around them. I will be in drab when i am with them. And when I go home to my place I dress fem. I am happy with this. I don't need to parade around my parents in fem. I understand how they feel so I keep the dressing away from them. But they do know that I still dress.

[Sweet Susan]

I think you are handling that very well. I'm sure that they are appreciative about the way you are handling it.

[Stephanie Brooks]

I told both at the same time. Reaction was horrible.

[Amelie]

I think you are handling that very well. I'm sure that they are appreciative about the way you are handling it.
Thanks
Also they are New Yorkers. They've lived there since just after i was born, so they have seen lots while living in new York. This might have cushioned the blow a bit.

[kirsti]

Well me mom passed away when I was 9 leaving me to be raised by a military dad.
When I was caught by him he didnt get angry,or judge me,or whipped or even ground me,he just ridiculed me in front of all my friends,and girlfriends for years,until I became desensitised from it,and laughed about it whenever he'd bring it up.
As far as my mom I dont really know how she would have reacted had she known,but I do remember before she had died she used to call me her little actor,sometimes I dress as an old man,and sometimes she would even have me dressed in a dress,I know I know sounds a little creepy like a Norman Bates thing,but I think it was all in fun,and besides I really didnt mind it at all,especially the dress part,as I got to wear panties as well.

[Chrissycd]

I am hopeful that there will be more responses to it, though. I too want to tell my mom, even though she is in advanced stages of Alzheimers. I want to tell her, because I want her to KNOW me before she dies, not the sad, shell of a person I have been all of these years to her.
I will tell my dad, but separately, from her. I think it is something that needs to be shared one on one with people. About six months ago, my dad told me about his best friend, and how his son came out as a homosexual, and how it was all a good thing in the end for their family. I think he told me b/c he was fishing to see what is up with me since I am so private, and withdrawn from family much of the time. I don't think he'll be expecting to hear that I'm ts and plan to transition over the next few years, but what can I do? I've promised myself that this is the year that I will begin to finally live life for me.
I will probably tell my mom soon, as well as my sisters. My dad's time will come. To me, it's a no brainer. Shouldn't they know who their own child really is???
Still, it will be very emotional for me, because I want their love and approval, like any child would.

[Tristen Cox]

My father was the first to ever catch me wearing anything, but he has not been a part of my life since my parents were separated in 1988, so there was no one else to tell but mom. None of my so called friends(who have never kept in touch) would have understood or bothered trying so I have let them go their own ways. I have made new friends and will continue to make more that are accepting of who I am. baby steps but steps in the rigt direction nonetheless.



Love
Tristen

[ChristineRenee]

Susan and my fellow ladies,

My father passed away in 1995 at the age of 78. He lived to see me finally get married when I was 43 and died of cancer less than a year later. He never knew or I believe even suspected in any way, that I was a CD. He was a very black and white issue person...no gray areas at all. He would never have understood it had I ever told him. I can imagine his reaction would have been either..."You just think too much"...or..."You have too much time on your hands...get out and do something constructive with it!" Those reactions, along with a feeling of shame for having a son who was, GASP! a CD!, would have probably summed up his feelings in a nutshell.

My mother had her suspicions I believe over the years, but never talked about it and I never confided in her. She is now 88 years old and is in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's and living in an assisted living center. I recently told her about my being a CD, and now TG, but I'm not sure it really registered at all with her. At the time she said she had no idea and she really didn't want to discuss it either like she felt maybe I was blaming her in some way which had nothing to do with why I told her. I just felt it was something she should know. Like I said though, with her present condition being what it is, I don't think she even really comprehends any of it now anyway. Probably just as well.

My only sibling is my older brother who is 10 years older than me (63). He has bi-polar disease and has had it since the mid 1980's. He hasn't worked for the last 25 years now and is on social security disability. He recently told me that he now has Parkinson's disease as well. He has been a chain smoker since he first started at the age of 14. With all that he has gone through I doubt that he will ever make it to 70. I have depression too but not with the same severity as my brother's. All these illnesses come from my mom's side of the family, and in particular, her mother, who had two nervous breakdown's and Parkinson's too before she died in a rest home from it. I have to look at all this and wonder just how much, if any of it, is waiting for me on down the line. To the best of my knowledge, my brother is not CD and knows nothing about me being CD/TG. Because of our age difference, we have never been all that close in the past but with everything that has happened in the past couple of years, we seem to be bonding and getting closer emotionally. I think, though he doesn't know it, Christine has done some fence-mending here as I feel closer to him now than at any time in our relationship...and this is a comforting thing at this point in our lives.

Thanks for listening to my story here Susan and ladies.

Love,
Christine

[racquel]

I offically told both of them in a letter.My Dad had seen me asleep on the couch in the early morning dressed but had never mentioned it again.
Dad died 11years ago and I had never dressed in front of him.
My Mom comes out to b.c. a couple of times a year and I am often dressed.She gives me presents of earings and necklaces all the time.
This past Tuesday she was taken into the hospital (i.c.u.) for a heart attack.It's the shits being 5,000 miles away.
So far it looks positive but still not out of the woods.
Would appreciate your prayers for her.
Thanksss

[Vallari]

I offically told both of them in a letter.My Dad had seen me asleep on the couch in the early morning dressed but had never mentioned it again.
Dad died 11years ago and I had never dressed in front of him.
My Mom comes out to b.c. a couple of times a year and I am often dressed.She gives me presents of earings and necklaces all the time.
This past Tuesday she was taken into the hospital (i.c.u.) for a heart attack.It's the shits being 5,000 miles away.
So far it looks positive but still not out of the woods.
Would appreciate your prayers for her.
Thanksss
I hope that your mother recovers as soon as possible, Racquel. You have my best wishes.

[ChristineRenee]

Racquel,

We will keep your mom in our thoughts and prayers. Thanks for sharing with us.

Love,
Chrissie

[Starluscious]

don't take that literally. I mean the situation

ok here's who would and wouldn't take it right
all my aunts and uncles: would send me to a shrink and sever all ties with any of you gals i'm friends with
sister Denise: accepts but finds it hard to grasp
sister Debbie: doesn't know , might accept but don't want to lose her love as family
brother Dave: doesn't know. doesn't know if he knows of us in the world plus he and I have always been close as brothers. don't want that ruined
grandparents : would think I"m sick in the head and send me to a shrink. tell me I have no right to be this way
cousin Nikki: supportive with my dressing from the start. but doesn't like to talk about it. so that's why I got my own clothes now
mother: accepts it but doesn't like to talk about it. never knew one before so it's hard for her
father: had a bad experience with a crossdresser friend he trusted. they both drank beers. and next thing my dad went to lay down on guests bed who gave him permission and he woke up with a c***k in his a** being raped. he was traumatized his friend would violate him. that goes to show you that some of us girls don't have our heads on straight. cuz I never pictured a pretty girl that's a guy my dad was friends with to rape him like he did. but ever since then my dad hates crossdressers. so obviously I can't change him. and I feel sorry he was violated. he only told me about it and was sad he and his friend couldn't of stayed friends
all cousins: would freak out and not in a good way since they were all born in different generations
so basically
a small amount would accept
the rest would hate, spit upon. not love me the same
so obviously someday when I can afford to move out
the only way I'll have to hide my femmness is when guests come over that wouldn't accept it. I'll just lock my closet door. and when they're gone and I go places. Starluscious will come out to play with your girls. girls that used to be guys. girls that have always been girls. oh and I'll be Starluscious 24/7 for you girls on tour with my band UP SiDe doWn someday. so look for my band and look for a really pretty girl singing , playing bass, and playing electric guitar on stage. I'm not gonna apologize to the world for exploring my femme side. because I'm still being me. just exploring a different part inside of me that was there at a young age. but didn't come out of me til age 16. so yes it kinda sucks the situation I'm in but I can deal with it. and that's what matters. take care girls. I'm getting my beauty sleep. everything will be ok. even if certain someones in my family don't accept it. I still love them as family. I'll just have to remember not to bring up femmeness in front of them. that I can remember. be well luscious ladies and hope you're not in this situation I have to deal with but do pretty good at

love
Starluscious
muah muahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhs whereever you girls want it placed
huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuug
*gives you girls flowers that you like most*

[Amelie]

Racquel, This is such sad news. I will be thinking of your mom. I pray all turns out for the better.
Love Amelie

[Julie]

Racquel, sorry to hear about your mother, my thoughts are with you both. I hope things go well.

JJ

[Janet K.]

First of all, Racquel---your mom is in my thoughts and prayers
Now on to coming out.
No one in my family and none of my friends know that I am dressing.
Here is my take on my family:
My wife, her mom, her siblings and families: Would not understand it at all--would be very hurt and would probably never want to be around me again.
My mom: would probably be shocked but would accept me for who I am
My dad: would be mad and would probably not want anything to do with me for a while.
My brother: I rarely talk to him anyways--not really anything in common--he's Mr. Tough Guy, I'm Mr(s). Sensitive.
My guy friends: I can think of a few of them that would probably accept it but the majority would probably not talk to me ever again.
My GG friends: most of the ones I can think of would be very accepting. I have very liberally minded GG friends---they probably would accept me for what I am.
You can see what I have to risk by coming out---my marriage, my relationship with the male members of my family, my friendships that I have had for years. Will I take that step eventually? Probably. It puts a lot of stress on a person to hide this. My blood pressure is already too high as it is. I just have to find the perfect time and figure out the perfect way to do it.

[DonnaT]

My mom caught me once, and told my dad. No stink was raised, although they did ask why. I didn't answer and the issue was never raised again.

My mom also found my dresses and things under my matress, but never asked about them.

My dad passed a couple of years ago. I wanted to talk about it with my mom last year, but my wife asked me not to. She still does not want me to.

So the only other family member that knows, and has no problems, is my wife's Grandmother.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

Raquel- your mother is in my prayers.

[Stephanie Brooks]

I'll turn my prior response around.

I told my best friend Blade, a GG, and she's been my champion ever since. She and I consider each other to be chosen family: brother and sister, sister and sister.

Sometimes "family" is chosen.

[Sweet Susan]

I have a great step dad that I would never tell that I am a cd. Not sure how my mother would react, though I'm sure she'd be okay with it. My father is a different story. While I would never tell my father, I'd like to just show up one day at his house en femme and make him deal with it. He's done nothing for me, and I think I'd enjoy making him deal with something so vivid.