A Huge Realisation That Even Dressing At Home, We Are Not Truly Free.

[Vicky_Scot]

I will apologise from the start if this seems like the ramblings of a mad person. I am in the position where my wife accepts me for me and I can dress in the home anytime I wish as long as the kids are out. And I have done for many many years.

But the other day the realisation hit me that even dressing in my own home I are not truly free. I will try to explain. I was sitting casually dressed the other morning in bra and panties, breast forms, tights, a denim skirt and a t-shirt. The door bell went so I hurridly ran up the stairs to conceal myself whilst the wife answered the door.

I could hear that it was a friend of ours visiting with her young son, but because of my attire she was left standing chatting at the front door and was not invited in. I know this person is very open minded and would probably not bat an eye about my dressing but they would not be able to keep it to themself.

So when they left I came down the stairs and told the wife that I was very annoyed/upset/angry about what has just occured. Annoyed because a friend was not welcomed into our home as they should have been and they may have well left thinking they had done something wrong or they are not welcome around anymore. Upset that I had to choose between my dressing and allowing a friend in and finally angry at not even being able to be who I am even in my own home and having to hideaway like a freak.

I have experienced in the past hiding away when they window cleaner appears or not answering the door if I am in alone and dressed in the house but for some reason this event really had a big effect on me.

Thankyou for putting up with my ramblings.

Luv

Vicky xxx

[Tina B.]

Yes, I know just what you mean, I hate not being able to anwer the door in my own home, just because of my attire, I have trained my Adult kids, to call before they come over, just to save the drive, in case I'm "not at home" I never drop my their place, without calling them. But that does not work with the neighbors.
But as long as we stay in the closet, it is something that just goes with the territory. I for one am not willing to risk what I would lose by coming out, so I guess I will always have to "run and hide" when the doorbell rings, but I will never learn to like it.
Tina B.

[marie354]

I can't count the number of times that I've heard that knock on the door only to think.... Should I let the wifey get it or should I just do it and get it over with. So far, I've chickened out. I think I need a camera at the door so I can tell if it's someone that knows Sandy or not.

[Michelle 51]

Yeah i know the feeling.You hear a car in the driveway and sometime's you just ignore it( i alway's lock the door) and other time's ( like the wife or kid's unexpected) and it's a mad tear to the bedroom and undressing in zero sec's and trying to dress again in men's.Hard on the heart . Justabit


We'll call it the curse of the closet

[Karren H]

Well one) you need to get out of the house more.... Sounds like a prision to me... And two) even if you didn't dress you aren't free.... Just the society we live in!!

Hey I hide from those anoying pollsters or those environmental groups that come around!! Lol. Ok my wife makes me hide and I'm not even dressed enfemme!! When she's not around I like to torture those cute little environmentalists... Its a coal miner thing I think. Hehe. Got electricity?? Lol

So don't get mad or angry... Get going and go shopping or something.. The worlds not going to change soon so its up to you to take your hobby and blend it into the real world without getting everyone pissed off or getting yourself killed!!! Makes life more interesting!!!

Love Karren

[PaulaJaneThomas]

Simple solution. Just be yourself and tell everyone else to take it or leave it. At least then you'll know who your true friends are.

[Marianna Julianna]

Well of course I agree with that, that we're not free as long as we're confined to the house, or close to it. I'm in a similar position, although I'm usually alone in the house when I dress (just a question of opportunities, not because my wife would stop me) that knock on the door, or ring of the bell makes your heart stop. We have neighbours close as well, so even going near the front window is risky at times as they might catch a glimpse. A few weeks ago though I was feeling so confident I very nearly went to the door to a delivery driver, but then I realised our next door neighbour was there anyway so stopped myself. Then she came knocking on the door too, so I had to hide behind a curtain we have cutting off our stairs as she looked in the window. If you have a situation where you can't be open about what you do, because of where you live ( a consideration for me) or how it might affect a child (another one for me) or whatever then no, of course you're not free. It's no good other saying go for it and tell, some of us just can't and for now we have to just go on, hiding ourselves away and hoping and working for the time to come when we can show ourselves more, and hopefully wow a few people. For me I hope it will be when my son is a few years older, as our daughter knows already (she came in unexpectedly one night when my wife and I thought we were alone together. I had no where to go, so that was that, and she was okay, calls me her other Mum now. But the boy is still a bit too young, and would have a hard time at school if it came out. I personally think that even if, and as in fact, it becomes more acceptable, at least here in the west for us T-girls to show ourselves there will still be those who hide themselves away. The habit gets too strong.

[Deidra Cowen]

I come and go from my place enfemme...and I live in a very tightly bunched condo complex. But I do maintain a bit of closet behavior...I freaking just do not answer the door when dressed up!!! Easy solution. :p

Three times in the past few weeks someone has knocked on my door...two timies while i was in the middle of dressing. I told the story before but there is no way I am answering the door with like half my makeup still to put on!!!

I think some of my neighbors know I am a Tgirl...but everyone still seems to be friendly and not pay me too much attention. There is one 20 something GG that gets a huge grin on her face whenever she sees me in boy or girl mode. :eek:

Only thing that gets on my nerves are there are kids around here...I don't feel they need to be exposed to the crazy tranny in the building so I do try to scoot right past them. I don't think they know I'm a tgirl cause they really pay no attention to me at all.

Living dangerously but I gotta go out!!!!

[JoAnnDallas]

We don't know any of our neighbors, so if I am seen outside en fem, they will just think that an old ugly broad lives in our house. LOL

[KimberlyS]

Vicky, I can very must so relate to your post. And a similar thing happened to me about two years ago. My wife and I were working through the CDing issues and and she said I could dress at home when the kids were not around and I agreed. Well we quickly learned that was not going to work as it gave me little to no time. So about once a month or so we worked out my wife and kids going somewhere for a few hours to a night, to all weekend. Or we would arrange it so the kids all stayed at friends for a night.

Things were going good, I was getting time to dress, and I would do things around the house from cleaning to maintenance tasks. This worked out fine until one weekend I am doing things and I need to go to the garage to get some things. Well the first I remove the shoes and skirt, on with sweat pants and shirt and off to the garage and back doing the reverse change. Well I get that project done and on the the next project. This is were it hit me. I think of a project, and need more things from the garage. Rats what else can I do. I have some projects to do in our storage shed. That will not work I can not dress there.

And then I realize, I can dress all I want in the house, but really my closet has just gotten bigger. It was like I was in a self made jail cell and the only way I could get out was to change clothes. I really could not just be me. I can not do yard work, get something from the garage, or run to the hardware store in a skirt, pumps, and feminine top. I would be the talk of the town before I got home, and the kids life of hell at school would begin the next school day if not before.

So when my wife got home, we had a talk and she agreed to let me get out of the house, either in a male or female presentation that went in line with society's "Normal" rules. And this time out would be away from home and our town. So last year I got out on three different outing trips, two of which were with my wife. And that has helped me, as most of the time I am ok having a feminine look just within our home.

This is currently working for me and my wife. What works for you may be different.

KimberlyS-CD
Joe in a skirt

[Peggy55]

Yes, I too have all these problems. Living alone w/o an s/o and not employeed at the moment means I get to dress everyday. I will never come out so here I am in my house "prison". I too have close neighbors and have to draw blinds and make sure doors are locked. I have gotten very good at dashing to my room flippin the breast forms out and dashing back to answer the door usually in my robe. Seems I am always about to shower when a neighbor comes a knockin' Hmmm. I have recently discovered, and find so sensuous, lipstick. I like the darker reds....the ones that DONT wipe off readily so as a result its never any lipstick during the day just in case. I have to wait till late in the evening to put some on. Crossdressing is something that I enjoy a lot and if not for that given these "confinments" I wouldn't like it so much!

[JulieC]

I too have experienced as others have in this thread. Yes, home is just a big closet. I have kids at home too. My solution is to sequester myself in a section of the house where I can secure the door. I do this after they've done to bed. Sometimes I'll venture out into the rest of the house, if I'm quite certain they're asleep. My wife is quite accepting, so no worries there; we just don't want the kids to have the burden of knowing their father is trans.

I too view home as something of a cage, for en femme anyways. Something I do to help relieve this is to go on walks at night in the rain, en femme. It helps just to get out. It's not to be seen; I'd prefer if I wasn't seen. It's just to be able to do something normal, away from home, en femme, without having to worry about who is going to see me. If someone saw me anyways, they'd just see a woman with an umbrella. Can't see me under that umbrella. It helps.

Some people help themselves contend with this by dressing partially en femme in public, with some combination of under clothes, light makeup, women's outer clothes but not blatantly so, shoes that are women's shoes but could readily be mistaken for men's shoes, etc. I.e., sort of a stealth-femme mode. For me, this doesn't work very well. If I dress en femme, I want to wear a dress/skirt, heels, hose, etc...the works. Dressing stealth...just doesn't work well for me to feel like I'm out of the cage. But, everybody is different.

Still, it ultimately isn't enough; who and what we are is largely rejected by society. If society accepted us 100%, we'd finally find solace. For those lucky few of us who are 100% passable en femme, there's probably solace in knowing you can dress as you like. For the majority of us who can't pass or pass with great difficulty, we do not know this solace. It's sad.

[MJ]

so ask yourself is it worth it ?? . is it. your wife knows so just tell her you want to come out to all your friends get this out in the open then you can be free and open to be you, have a coming out party have all your friends over and you be en femme, hey after the party you will know who your real friends are

[CandyDarling]

Hi - I'm brand new here but a lifelong cd. I have begun to believe that our inanate desire to be "free" still in reality asks too much of the non tg. Dressing for the partly or mostly closetted cd (like me) may best be described as 'private behavior'. Imposing it on others or even sharing with otheres who do not need to know can be seen by them as rude and selfish. I have shared with my wife and one or two gg friends and thats it. No one really needs to know this and if I "crash out" - it may make me feel better but - it may be scary and rude to them.

[Tina B.]

Janis Joplin sang a song that said "Freedom is having nothing more to lose" well for some of us, we still have someting left to lose, that we don't want to lose, so for some, just tell everybody, and let the chips fall where they may is not really an option. I for one have children from a first mariage, that where raised in a very conservative household, and I know they would have a real hard time dealing with it, and I could lose them and my grandkids, that is a price I just won't pay. Anyone that has a life where they are willing to put it all on the line, I say go for it, but don't ask me to pay that price, I had just as soon spend the rest of my life, thinking, what might have been!
just one grandpa's opinon.
Tina B.

[Glenda58]

With a family it's hard to choose what you want and whats good for the family. Living alone is know better I answer the door when I'm dress just don't care who knows anymore.

[Suzie S.]

I have a very similiar situation also. My wife knows and accepts Suzie in our house. I give my wife as much male-mode as she desires. In return, I can dress almost anytime I like, since we have no kids. Big deal!!! We may have no kids, but what we do have is a lot of friendly neighbors who are always welcome in our home, lots of friends that drop in to say hello, lots of family that live within 15 miles of our home, and a wonderful dog that loves to go outdoors for walks.

I am being sarcastic in what I said above. Do you see what I am saying? I have so much to be thankful for: wonderful family, caring friends and helpful neighbors, a wonderful wife I would die for, and a faithful loving dog that loves to go on long walks with me.

I couldn't dress as Suzie for an entire day if my life depended on it! Sure I want to, and sometimes need to, but such is life! YES, that fear of a doorbell sucks! But, It's not fair to call my house a prison. It's also not fair to make my wife a fellow inmate.

I try to find windows of opportunity to be Suzie with the least impact on the environment around me. I'm an early riser, I dress most mornings for a few hours before work. Sometimes when I have a day off I dress til late morning. Other times, after dinner. I try to dress during 'off peak' hours. With a bit of common sense and compassion I make it work. :happy:

For those who can get out and pass, bless your hearts! But for those who are dressing only at home, just try to look at it in a different light. Don't call your home a prison, at least you have one!!! You DO have a choice to step out of you home anytime you want, just put your male duds on go! And, don't make your wife/girlfriend your cellmate. :hugs:

[Brianna Lovely]

Hmm, I never really thought of this, since I sit outside in the afternoon, wearing a skirt and fem top. And I always have my nails done, just had my ears pierced last month, so I'm wearing loops every day.

I did meet a mature gentleman, who is a nudist. So, one day I had to drop off some papers at his house, he was nude, as usual. When I was leaving, and we were saying goodbye, at the front door, I noticed an elderly woman park her car and start walking up his walkway.
I said "Bob", there's a lady comming to your house, he looked around the door, then said, "That's ok, she's my mother, come to pay me a visit".

So, with that in mind, how could I be embarassed answering the door enfemme?

[Vicky_Scot]

so ask yourself is it worth it ?? . is it. your wife knows so just tell her you want to come out to all your friends get this out in the open then you can be free and open to be you, have a coming out party have all your friends over and you be en femme, hey after the party you will know who your real friends are


Simple solution. Just be yourself and tell everyone else to take it or leave it. At least then you'll know who your true friends are.

And do not worry about the fallout.

Do not worry about you children becoming bullied, ridiculed or worse beaten up because of something their father does.

Do not worry about you wife being ridiculed or sniggered at because of something her husband does.

Do not worry about being alienated by friends and neighbours because you dress.

IMO Both your replies and I do not mean to offend but seem selfish and do not take into account the effect this would have on the ones you love.

[PaulaJaneThomas]

And do not worry about the fallout.

Do not worry about you children becoming bullied, ridiculed or worse beaten up because of something their father does.

Do not worry about you wife being ridiculed or sniggered at because of something her husband does.

Do not worry about being alienated by friends and neighbours because you dress.

IMO Both your replies and I do not mean to offend but seem selfish and do not take into account the effect this would have on the ones you love.

You can't have it both ways. You either stay in the closet and accept the consequences of that or come out and accept the consequences of that.

[btmgrl6]

Yes freedom is expensive.It might cost you a bunch to come out. (and I know many of you cannot),but to me it would be would be cheap at twice the price. The freedom to go out,to answser the door,work, play,shop,wash my car in the driveway...I can't even explaine how awesome the feeling is.:2c:

[pointeshoes30215]

I have 2 boys in their early 20's that still live with me. My wife died 15 years ago suddenly, and I rasied them myself. I wear black or white ballet slippers all the time around the house, even in front of my boys friends male and female. I will answer the door, go to the mail box at the end of the driveway. my neighbors male and female have also seen me wearing them. When asked why I wear ballet slippers I just tell them that I used to take ballet years ago and they are very comfortable for house shoes. The girls who use to take ballet agree with me.

[Marcie Sexton]

I found out one thing back in the winter, the majority of the people could care less about who you are...on my first shopping spree enfemme, I got a few stares, but they paid little or no attention to me, they were so self comsumed in their own lives...sure there are those that have no life and want to interject themselves in yours, that is the time to let them know exactly that.

From my personal experiennce I have begun to come out in public, admittingly no breast forms, but in full makeup and jeans and tops. I do pick up the mail which is about 150 feet from the house, I also walk my dog in the yard too...

I had read this so many time before, but now I know exactly what they meant, ATTITUDE, if you project the attitude that you are not different you won't project being different...I now walk around comfortable in my yard and no one pays attention to me.

[Lovely Rita]

ah yes, the inevitable run and hide syndrome. I understand how you feel but I have drawn boundaries and my time as Rita is very important. I believe I give a lot of myself but then there is a time that is sacred to me and I have to engage and enjoy to the fullest, guilt free as well. I have to have my special time to be fulfilled and able to trully love others so I cannot feel bad about those moments when I cannot let others in.