It's time to give this up!

[Salina]

Hi Everyone,

After 30+ years of dressing, many years of heartache, angst, and confusion, some years of acceptance, I have made a decision to quit CDing. I had an epiphany 2 weeks back when I had an entire weekend alone to dress to my hearts content. Without going into excruciating detail I've come to the realization that this is not a positive, uplifting thing for me. It is a detriment to some areas of my life. I have chosen to dress countless times when I could have participated in other activities that would benefitted myself and family more than dressing ever did. It's NOT about being "normal" or more of a man. Much thought, contemplation, prayer, and reflection has gone into this decision. This is the right thing to do for myself and family at this time in my life. My wife, who knew about the CDing before we were married, is very pleased with my decision. She also had no clue I reached this decision until after the fact.

I am NOT saying that anyone else here should quit, just sharing what's happening with me. I, like many of you have attempted this before only to come back. I know the general consensus in here to a thread like this is "You'll quit for a time, but you'll be back". The main difference between the other times and this time is when the urge hit me in the past I meekly succumbed to it. I'm not naive enough to think I won't have urges, thoughts, dreams, weak moments, etc. I have enough self awareness to know the things that trigger it most. I've overcome alcohol and drug addictions for 12+ years, so I know the things that need to be done and have a track record of success. I also have a support system in place. The only day I need to not dress is today. As 12 steppers say, One Day at a Time.

Everything is packed up and ready for the big purge tomorrow. I know many of you will cringe at the P word. :Angry3: I have purged in the past. Needless to say those actions were a temporary solution. One thing I'm sure of today, I ain't gonna succeed if it's all still here. I've been "CD free" for two weeks now and have been visiting here to see if any threads, comments, stories, might cause me to have a change of heart before I purge. None have. I will always be a CDer, just a non practicing one, just as I'll always be an alcoholic/addict..but a sober one.

This isn't the end of something, but rather a new beginning. Time will tell if I can succeed. It won't be easy. Just because I say THAT'S IT today is no guarantee it will last. One day at a Time!

I still believe people and society should be accepting of CDers and not look down on us. I still hope the day will come when all people accept others for who they are on the inside and not what they wear on the outside.:2c: Did I say I'm not naive+? I wish everyone here happiness, peace, and contentment. Take care everyone.:love:

"The CD formerly known as Salina"

[Lovely Rita]

I respect your decision and I wish you the best, as I believe everyone else here does. I appreciate your thoughts and I believe that if it is something you really want to do you will succeed. Look forward and don't look back.

All the best to you and your family.

Sincerely

[Julogden]

Hi Salina,

Good luck dear, sounds like you're doing what you need to do right now. You're right, I can see in my own life how dressing has had detrimental effects too. It may not be a popular thing to say in a place like this, but let's face it, transgender issues can cause and have caused many, many heartaches and ruined many marriages.

I realize that many people and their SO's deal with gender issues just fine, but we're not all the same, not all in the same situations, so we all need to live our lives based on what's best for each of us.

So if you really want to stop, and are able to, then more power to you. You're doing it for love, the best of reasons.

Best wishes from me!!

Carol:hugs:

[MarieTS]

Salina: One thing that is nice for you to know is that the members here will always be sympathetic and understanding of your plight and concerns.
CDA, perhaps... cross dressers anonymous?!?!?
In any case, don't be afraid to drop in for a chat!

[jessica123cd]

Best of luck in your decision. It is true it take's away from other area's of your life.

[cindychan]

I hope all goes good for ya. Hey 30 years is a good run ( thats half a lifetime).

[Daintre]

All I can do is wish you the best Salina, you seem to have thought this out and have weighed the pluses and the negatives. As you say, you do have a support system and I applaud that. Remember though, we will still be here even if it is just for some moral support.

[marie354]

I'm sure that you know what is best for you Salina, but pleast do check in with us from time-to-time. I'd still like us to be friends even if you don't want to dress anymore. I don't think that should make any differance at all anyway. You'll always be the same person.

[melissacd]

If you were completely done with this some how I suspect that you would not have posted your message at all. The fact that you posted a message speaks volumes about how much you, like so many of us, do not, cannot, stop being who we are.

Huggs
Melissa

[Amy07]

Good for you, Man!

That is one of the most thoughful posts on this site. I wish you the best in your future and your family's future. Peace.

[michellebesweet]

All the best to you!

[uknowhoo]

I know what you nean about dressing crowding out other opportunities and such. It was mainly for that reason that I stepped down from the staff here last month, to (as the politicians say) spend more time with my family. I still do come here, but spend far less time here than previously. It's worked out well for me so far. Maybe you'll be back, maybe you won't. Either way, I wish you peace and contentment. xoxo Tammi

[Kelsy]

Dear Salina,

I can empathize with you completely. Cding has been a part of my life for over forty years and I have tried to denigh it for as long. It has colored my life and defined it yet it has also been a burden and a shame and an obstacle in many ways I have often wished I could be free of it. you will be in my prayers and I wish you only good things. If by chance to revisit this part of your life remember you have not failed and you will always find a warm acceptance and understanding here.

Jennifer:hugs:

[Melinda G]

We'll leave the light on for you.:D

[susiej]

Salina,

If you truly wish to be sucessful at leaving behind our quirky little pastime, you will be. I join the rest of your sisters, or brothers, depending on your point of view, in wishing you success, contentment and happiness.

Some time in the next several months, you should come back and check in with us. Assuming you have been successful in putting the girly life behind you, it's important for us, and for you, to tell us that.

Vaya con Dios, querida. Strange as it may seem, I'm rooting for you.

Hugs,
Susie

[lisa68]

If it feels right from the heart and without regret than do it. Remeber we'll keep the light on just in case you need us. Good luck!

[Paulacder]

Good luck in he future, I very much share you;r thoughts and feelings. Although I still dress, I also have paid the price, a marriage, friends, and as you mentioned things I could have done that would have ben more benificial to me and my family, but so be it, it's water under the bridge. Good luck again.

[Khriss]

..Decisions are made...Barriers are crossed (one way or another) ..then... "reality sets in " ...
I wish You a fine "new" reality then Salina !! xx "K"

[Jacqui]

I had an epiphany 2 weeks back when I had an entire weekend alone to dress to my hearts content.


I have often wondered if dressing for a long period of time
without rushing or hiding would diminish the overall thrill and excitement of this part of me.

I believe that too much of a good thing can reveal an objective truth.

I believe that you can beat this if you want to by drawing from your epiphany.

I wish you the best of luck and respect your decision.

Jacqui

[Wenda]

I left the forum in late October, and packed most of my stuff away. A few weeks ago, I started checking, then posting a bit. I hadn't applied breast forms for months, but have worn them 6 outof 8 days recently. I only re-discovered dressing a couple of years ago, but I have invested a couple thousand dollars and weeks of time. I don't regret it, I just recognize that it displaces other priorities.
When I told my GF that Wenda hadn't been around for some time, she was a bit disappointed. From her initial fear that I had 'become homosexual', she has come to regard Wenda as a separate friend.
For me, and it seems for others, this ebbs and flows. All the best in the next chapter of your life. As the others have said, you will always have friends here, and we would be pleased to hear how it's going. As you noted, once an addict, always an addict, only sober. Probably, once a CD always a CD, only not dressing.
Please keep in touch. wenda.

[Alice Torn]

Salina, I can identify with your sharing. Cding, has to be a tightly kept secret, with many of us. I could have gone biking, skating, played hoops, fishing, wrote songs, and more, but, I chose to dress, in spare, private times, often. We are all a work in progress, at different levels, each with things to learn, overcome, experience. One day, or one minute at a time, you will do well, even if you slip up, once in a while. I am single, with no SO. You have a wife, and family. You have their hearts, to consider, and I applaud you, for making your decision. I am not there, in a family, like you are, but know this cding, can bring seen, and unforeseen problems. Almost everything can, for that matter. Success, in what ever you do, or don/t do. Lucille

[Kate Simmons]

Hi Salina, I can only say our individual journey is about self discovery. I've certainly had my share of it in the past year. The main thing is that regardless of who you are or what your appearance is, you will always be our friend. We appreciate you as a person. I wish you well in all your future endeavors my friend.:happy:

[Ginger62]

Salina,

I read your note with a particular focus regarding your thoughts. I can tell that you have thought this through for a good period of time. I have to say that I agree with you. If your crossdressing has taken time away from your family, time that is truly precious, then it is no different than being drunk or strung out. When you made a commitment to your wife and began a family, you made a commitment to be there for them. Let nothing get in the way of that.

I don't see crossdressing as a hobby or an escape where others in one's family can participate. Unlike many other things, like camping, riding motorcycles or doing yard work, crossdressing, many times, is a solitary endeavour. You have chosen your course well. I'm certain you'll be successful at staying on course with the mindset that you have.

Hugs,

Ginger

[Suzie S.]

Salina, I also very much respect the decision you made. I'm sure it was a difficult one. Please know I wish the best for you and for your family, for today and in the future! Be safe and be well! :hugs:

[Mary Morgan]

Salina, Good luck with your commitment. You sound as though you will be successful. As for your "track record", motivation is the key. I suppose the only exception that I take to your statements is the basis for your success. I do not equate cding with the destructive behaviors of alcohol and drug abuse. Certainly abuse of any kind is unhealthy, and yes, dressing can be abused as well, but I think one must choose to do anything within responsible limits. Dressing, for whatever reasons, is a lifelong need of mine.
Because of lack of acceptance by others, I have limited, hidden, obstained from, and denied this part of me. The result in my case is that I overcompensated and interfered with the more loving and compationate person I might have been. I do not dress nearly as often or as openly as I would like to, I operate within limits that for now anyway, work for me. I see nothing destructive in this, and believe it to be a positive force in my life. It is a part of my nature.

Again, I wish you success in whatever you do. Hugs, Louise

[myMichelle]

Good luck in your endeavor to start anew. I'm not sure I could give this up. Maybe, when it comes right down to it, I just wouldn't make the same decision as you. A crossdresser's life is indeed a life filled with struggle--but all the same, I'm not sure I'd know how to act without this in my life. Honestly, I'm not sure I'd want to live without this in my life...In any event, though, I wish you all the best. I can tell you've put much thought into it, and I hope everything works out as you have planned.

[RobertaFermina]

May you find joy, meaning and purpose in more fully engaging and supporting and loving your family, and yourself, and humanity.

If CDing takes you away from that, may you find occupations that take you deeper into service and gratitude and wholeness.

God grant us the serenity ......and the courage......and the wisdom..... !


:rose: Roberta :rose:

[lowlavalentine]

Good luck with your decsion. I had a very good cd friend a few years back that had a similar epiphany in the setting of a religious growth experience. She and her SO had attended a spiritual conference and at the end of the weekend my friend had lost her desire to crossdress. She considered herself cured and gave up dressing.

I talked to her the other day. It's been 10 years. She is back dressing again, but has found balance in her life. She and her SO have a good understanding of limits and my friend is the happiest she has been with herself in years. I think her epiphany and time away from dressing led to increased self awareness that has led to an increased level of understanding and happiness.

Whether you return to dressing or not I hope you find what you are looking for.

[Tina B.]

Be strong, be well, be happy! Good luck, I hope you find what you need in your life. After all that is all any of us want.
Tina B.

[Ranee Daze]

I am inspired by your letter. I have felt your way for many years. I have chosen the path of moderation and management of my hobby, meaning that I choose not crossdress in public very often. I allow myself just a few carefully carefully chosen, carefully planned outings per year and I am satisfied with that, knowing that loved ones, friends etc are not affected in the least.
Your key words "not practising" should be a mantra around here. How much time, money, effort, emotion etc. do we waste on crossdressing when we could all manage it better?

Best wishes in your quest, Ranee

[Sharon]

Good luck, Salina -- I wish you all the best. :happy:

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Good luck Salina, if this is meant to be we will all root for your success! It is and always will be something we do for ourselves first, and I can see how it affects the others in our lives. I don't smoke but I would give that up long before I would give this part of me up, I guess I don't have your courage

[tall_brianna]

Good luck in finding inner peace and happiness. My heart goes out to you.

-b

[Kitty Sue]

Hi Salina and all the best. I too am a friend of Bill and Bob. Another group that may interest you is SAA or SLAA. SAA is very supportive. Anyway all the best, KS.

[cd_lisaplaything]

Best wishes on your journey. In the end you've gotta do what's best for you.

[Lisa Golightly]

I gave up Burger King for a while... Then I had a bacon cheese thing on Friday.... Mmmmmmmmm :)

[CheriTV2006]

Salina, I respect what your doing and your concern for close ones. I'm optimistic
for you in your descision. I myself successfully did not cd during my previous marriage of 6-years. It can be done. Remember, we are not static creatures and change to survive, most in part for ourselves and to some extent for others. Wish you happy trails. Cheri.

[Sierra Evon]

I know what you nean about dressing crowding out other opportunities and such. It was mainly for that reason that I stepped down from the staff here last month, to (as the politicians say) spend more time with my family. I still do come here, but spend far less time here than previously. It's worked out well for me so far. Maybe you'll be back, maybe you won't. Either way, I wish you peace and contentment. xoxo Tammi

best wishes for ya , God Bless ya , peace love and joy !!!!!!!!!:hugs:
I too know the feeling , I respect that !!!!!

[Angie G]

If it is right for you then go for it I wish you all the best in life and be cool
Angie