So close....yet so far.....

[CrossdressinGoth]

Well its been over a year and a half since Ive last gone out in public fully crossdressed. I get all done up and ready to go and either just before leaving or just before arriving to where Im going I back out. I dont know why I do this. I love to dress up so much and Im so happy this is apart of who I am. I just dont understand why I chicken out like this. Its really driving me insane. I know the last time I went out fully dressed in public I had a very bad time with how people were. Very very mean to me and they literally pointed out and made comments quietly and publically. Some even called me a freak and stuff like that to my face. I wasnt even wearing anything "out of the ordinary" I had a hooded shirt on with a denim skirt and a pair of heels.

I think because of this Im affraid of the same type of reactions again but I dont know if it fully is why I do this. This happen to any of you where you're all excited to get, get done up nicely, then bam.....chicken out last second. I need a confidance booster and for some reason Im having troubles getting one

[Maureen Henley]

Have you tried to find a CD group in your area? it's a lot easier to make that first trip out if you're with like-minded people. The chances of negative reactions are minimized, and you meet people who have had similar experiences. It definitely will rebuild your confidence and reassure you about going out.

[GinaVegas]

You could go out at night.....or to places where there are not going to be a lot of people around.

[Tina B.]

The Cruelty of people is a hard thing to deal with, after an experince like you had, no wonder you are having a hard time shaking it off. But if you have any gender friendly places, or a gay bar that is friendly to the trans crowd, that might be the way to get yourself back in to the swing of things.
Tina B.

[steffie39]

Hi,

I go out regularly now but it wasn't that long ago I was like you in some respects. I remember I tried going out for the very first time in 2004 and it didn't go so well. However, after a long while in 2005 I decided it was best if I started off slowly and not just dive in. I went to a CD meeting (kind of like walking a tightrope but with a safety net). This way I was among people I know would not ridicule me. After a couple of months I would get the courage to venture outside of the meeting room into the hotel lobby and I found it was OK. After a while I got to the point that I could venture outside the building dressed. The idiots you sometimes run across did make me feel bad at first (we're all human) but I also ran across many good accepting people and that more then negated the idiots. My confidence grew more and more. I then started to go to malls, the movies, restaurants, the beach and then clubs (gay/lesbian t first and then later even mainstream ones). I now feel I am a confident independent woman and I feel I can go anyplace at any time. I've made a lot of friends (even GG's who consider me a girl:happy: ). I'm still looking to go to new places and do new things as Steffie too. I'm always aware of my surroundings; so don't get me wrong. Remember it takes longer for some CD's than for others. Rome was not build in a day. However, there's nothing like going out into the world as a woman when you finally get to that point!:happy:

Good luck!

Steffie

[melissacd]

It is a challenge to go out into the world dressed en femme. It is helpful to have friends that can go out there with you for moral support. I find that when I am out dressed up with friends that I am more into the conversation with my friends than noticing anyone around me. The more you get out the more confident you become. The more confident you become, the more you will act like you belong there and the less people will notice or bother you.

Confidence is one of the best antidotes that I have found to what you have described and the only way to gain that is to face the fear and do it anyway. Having friends there to support you through this process will help.

[Sally24]

If you're shy or need a confidence booster, try posting some of your pics here for the other girls to comment on. When I'm a little down that always makes me feel better, and sometimes a little pretty!

Sally

[sandra-leigh]

It is a challenge to go out into the world dressed en femme. It is helpful to have friends that can go out there with you for moral support. I find that when I am out dressed up with friends that I am more into the conversation with my friends than noticing anyone around me.

Conversely, when I go out to "destinations" dressed by myself, I am even less likely to start a conversation with someone than I would be in drab (and I must have at least an Advanced Certificate in not knowing how to talk to people :o ). But when I'm dressed or at places that know I dress, I am much much likely to talk to sales clerks and store owners. It is sort of like that when I'm in male mode in a male-mode place, that I am just a customer -- come in, get what I need, go out again -- but when I'm dressed or amongst those who know I dress, that shopping becomes something closer to a personal relationship.

[Trisha]

as for me i dont care if people come up to me and call me a freak or anything like that being english and liveing in the u.s.a. when i talk i have a real strong london accent then thay think im just crazy then thay are moor into where i come from than what im whereing i would say just go out and there is moor danger at night even in guy mode but try going out with someone if you can

[sandra-leigh]

I know the last time I went out fully dressed in public I had a very bad time with how people were. Very very mean to me and they literally pointed out and made comments quietly and publically. Some even called me a freak and stuff like that to my face.

I've really only had three outings with bad parts.
In two of them, in the exact same portion of downtown, bunches of early-20-ish males made rude comments. Really, though, those situations told more about their own tribal workings than about me: it isn't uncommon for youths about that age to establish their group identity by putting down others who aren't in the group.
The other one was a nuisance while it was happening -- a guy in a car drve by and slowed down and was making comments such as "Is that a skirt? You look cute! Do you want some work later?", meanwhile taking my picture -- and not just going away after a couple of catcalls. I could pretty much ignore the verbal comments, but the following me taking pictures felt like a threat to my safety.

But in all three cases, the -rest- of my outing those days went okay, being accepted or not noticed or politely ignored by everyone else.

I've done a number of gender-bending outings, such as wearning forms while out in guy mode, or wearing (clip-on) earrings, or wearing a skirt for a half-hour city bus trip. For the most part, people never notice, or if they do notice, it drops from their attention so quickly that their expression doesn't even change. When I am out and about either dressed or doing some gender-bending, very few people indeed comment.

Mind you, even gender-bending I tend to keep it fairly moderate. No miniskirts without a wig, no -bright- lipstick (there are a variety of lipsticks that are "there" but that people won't pay attention to even on a guy). Maybe a nail or two painted in guy mode, but usually in one of the colours that goes unnoticed unless the light catches it just-so. And I don't wear the big hoop earrings while gender-bending, only smaller ones that tend to blend in.

All in all, it's amazing what you can get away with if you keep your appearance relatively appropriate for the context.

[Trisha]

also i was in guy mode one time back home in england and a real gg was haveing the same thing said to her so i think that we are not the freaks but the ones that call us freaks have something wong with them mabe there upbringing or something the world would be boring if wer was all the same so some people need something to pick on so thay can feel good about them self i guess who knows

[Ellie C]

i only dress for myself , you have had the guts to dress outside , please dont thrash yourself about it , you do what you want to do and more inportantly WHEN :)

[CrossdressinGoth]

Wow thanks everyone for the feedback.

Well the time in which I did go out wasnt my first, just had a bad run I guess. I was wearing a skirt that came just above the knee and a pair of 4"pumps. Im 5'7" so I thought 4" wouldnt make too big of a scene. Id love to get to a support group but where I live and my work hours really cut me back on being able to do that. Im still rather new to where I live so I dont know of any clubs or bars to go to where more are like me to help me feel comfortable.

I think that after reading everything that all of you said helped me out a lot. It was a slap to the face to realize, hey, everyone has good runs and bad runs with going out like this. It happend a long while ago so its time I get it together and do what I should be doing, going out crossdressed and have fun. I dress because I like too, not because Im trying to get approval from people I dont know. Yes it would be nice to not have the rude people with it but hey, it goes with the territory right?

You girls have really helped me do a lot of thinking with this and I really think that its given me a lot of confidence. I've talked with my fiance about it and we are going out this week after Im done with work sometime :D . Shes been a big supporter and coaches me through these times...she even tries to talk me out of backing out and makes sure that I know what Im doing when Im choosing to "back off". She respects my choice and allows me to do it when Im ready.

Thank you all so much. Soon I'll be having a digital camera so I'll finally be able to get pictures posted on here. I'll be sure to make a topic when I finally do it and say how it went. Thanks gals!!!!!