Kimberley
02-25-2007, 10:24 PM
It has been a while since I have done this. I hope everyone enjoys it.
*****************
Sex vs Gender. Is there a difference? You bet!
It's a.....
The screams of new life fill the delivery room and the doctor looks at the newborn and declares "It's a boy!" or "It's a girl!" From that moment forward the approach to raising the child is set within the typical boundaries of its genetic gender; that is as a boy or as a girl. In most cases, this is correct because the child is cisgendered meaning its genetic sex and gender are aligned, or one and the same.
Boys are raised to be athletic, macho and girls are raised to be soft and sensitive. There is a large difference between the sexes and their upbringing. Consider how your brother or sister was raised differently from you. But what happens when the wires get crossed and the little boy knows he is different, that his sex doesn't match the feelings he has about himself or the opposite for the little girl? Their gender role and their sex may be one and the same but their true gender and sex are divergent. The confusion this creates for the child is only the beginning.
The bottom line is that we learn our gender role regardless of our sex. It is forced upon us by society; parents, teachers, religious leaders, peers, employers to name just a few. Everywhere we turn we are assumed to be in the gender of our genetic sex. The child has absolutely no choice in the matter.
Parents are generally ill-equipped or informed to deal with a transgendered child. If they do see symptoms, gender is not usually a consideration in their thinking. They are more likely to tell little Billy "Boys just don't play with dolls. Here are your trucks, play with them." No consideration as to why Billy wants to play with the dolls is given. The same holds true for Cindy who wants to play football instead of badminton. Often the thought that "It's just a phase, s/he will get over it." is foremost in the parent's mind. Most often the child does, but what of that small portion of the population who don't get over it?
Guilt Shame and Fear; The Terrible Trio.
In the vast majority of these transgendered children, they learn to go under the radar. They learn that it is wrong to feel like a girl or in the case of the girl, to feel like a boy. This sets up feelings of guilt. "It is wrong to feel like this so I am bad." The child has no frame of reference for their feelings, only that they are told the feelings when acted upon are wrong.
This leads to the second of the terrible trio; Shame. Knowing that their feelings are wrong, they become ashamed of who they are, of that core person they have to hide and hide them they do. They become accomplished liars just for self preservation because it is wrong to feel as they do. The problem that still exists within, is a driving need to express themselves, their true self.
The child plays dress up. The boy finds lingerie or dresses and the girl becomes a tomboy. This leads to the third of the trio to complete the circle; Fear. Fear of discovery. The cycle is now set for a life of misery.
Isn't that a wonderful way to live out a childhood?
Coming of Age: Puberty.
This is a time of change for everyone. Sexual identities become more prevalent. Bodies change, social attitudes and approaches change. It is the most difficult time for every human being, but for the transgendered child it is doubly so.
First they see the changes and don't particularly want them because they don't fit. While this is a source of anxiety for the transgendered child there is now the second wave of transgenderism emerging. That is the cross dresser.
The cross dresser often emerges at puberty and has never questioned his or her sexuality and gender but they now find that there is need to dress as the opposite sex. This is often fueled by raging hormones and presents a sexual element to their cross dressing. Frequently this is viewed by the CD as a sexual thing and for some it is, but for others it is only a beginning. Regardless, most CD's learn what the child transsexual has already learned; Guilt, shame and fear.
I think it is worth noting at this juncture that not all children who are transgendered as young children are transsexual nor are all adolescents who discover they are cross dressers are transvestic fetishists or for that matter purely CD's. The transsexual can emerge at any time but the one thing every TS can say is "I just know I am the wrong sex." It is a feeling that is rooted in their core.
To the CD, cross dressing is often a celebration of that sex they most relate to and admire. Emulating that gender is natural for them and provides a level of emotional comfort in the role. The transvestic fetishist cross dresses primarily for sexual gratification. As the CD youth ages into young adulthood, the sexual element to cross dressing wanes.
Now, the real kicker to all of this. The cross dresser or transsexual is by and large, heterosexual. This only adds to the confusion.
The truth is;
The incidence of homosexuality within the transgendered community is no greater than the population at large.
Little Billy might be a girl or feel like a girl, but he likes girls, in fact, he loves girls. Same with Cindy, she loves boys.
Adulthood
As adults we have accepted that we are different although we often fight it. We often deny we are who we are. We think we are ill and the terrible trio lives on. We take macho careers, we marry thinking it will cure us. WRONG! It is here to stay. We purge ourselves of everything we own and we are miserable. We hide this from our partners and we are miserable. Of course, eventually it comes out one way or another, and our partners react just the way we knew they would, only now with the passage of time there is a family involved and finances and a partner who is in shock and doesnt understand any of it. S/he wonders how s/he could have been so wrong. S/he wants to know if s/he isnt good enough as a partner in their role as husband or wife. They are horribly affronted by the deception and finally, their social conditioning tells them that this is wrong. CHA CHING! The formula for disintegration of the family is there.
The transgendered finds themselves alone, ashamed, and ripe for a host of mental disorders most often presented as Anxiety and/or Depression. But it doesn't need to be that way. The path to recovery of a marriage from this is long and painful, but if walked together can create even stronger bonds than either partner could have imagined. But, that is for another article.
:hugs:
Kimberley
*****************
Sex vs Gender. Is there a difference? You bet!
It's a.....
The screams of new life fill the delivery room and the doctor looks at the newborn and declares "It's a boy!" or "It's a girl!" From that moment forward the approach to raising the child is set within the typical boundaries of its genetic gender; that is as a boy or as a girl. In most cases, this is correct because the child is cisgendered meaning its genetic sex and gender are aligned, or one and the same.
Boys are raised to be athletic, macho and girls are raised to be soft and sensitive. There is a large difference between the sexes and their upbringing. Consider how your brother or sister was raised differently from you. But what happens when the wires get crossed and the little boy knows he is different, that his sex doesn't match the feelings he has about himself or the opposite for the little girl? Their gender role and their sex may be one and the same but their true gender and sex are divergent. The confusion this creates for the child is only the beginning.
The bottom line is that we learn our gender role regardless of our sex. It is forced upon us by society; parents, teachers, religious leaders, peers, employers to name just a few. Everywhere we turn we are assumed to be in the gender of our genetic sex. The child has absolutely no choice in the matter.
Parents are generally ill-equipped or informed to deal with a transgendered child. If they do see symptoms, gender is not usually a consideration in their thinking. They are more likely to tell little Billy "Boys just don't play with dolls. Here are your trucks, play with them." No consideration as to why Billy wants to play with the dolls is given. The same holds true for Cindy who wants to play football instead of badminton. Often the thought that "It's just a phase, s/he will get over it." is foremost in the parent's mind. Most often the child does, but what of that small portion of the population who don't get over it?
Guilt Shame and Fear; The Terrible Trio.
In the vast majority of these transgendered children, they learn to go under the radar. They learn that it is wrong to feel like a girl or in the case of the girl, to feel like a boy. This sets up feelings of guilt. "It is wrong to feel like this so I am bad." The child has no frame of reference for their feelings, only that they are told the feelings when acted upon are wrong.
This leads to the second of the terrible trio; Shame. Knowing that their feelings are wrong, they become ashamed of who they are, of that core person they have to hide and hide them they do. They become accomplished liars just for self preservation because it is wrong to feel as they do. The problem that still exists within, is a driving need to express themselves, their true self.
The child plays dress up. The boy finds lingerie or dresses and the girl becomes a tomboy. This leads to the third of the trio to complete the circle; Fear. Fear of discovery. The cycle is now set for a life of misery.
Isn't that a wonderful way to live out a childhood?
Coming of Age: Puberty.
This is a time of change for everyone. Sexual identities become more prevalent. Bodies change, social attitudes and approaches change. It is the most difficult time for every human being, but for the transgendered child it is doubly so.
First they see the changes and don't particularly want them because they don't fit. While this is a source of anxiety for the transgendered child there is now the second wave of transgenderism emerging. That is the cross dresser.
The cross dresser often emerges at puberty and has never questioned his or her sexuality and gender but they now find that there is need to dress as the opposite sex. This is often fueled by raging hormones and presents a sexual element to their cross dressing. Frequently this is viewed by the CD as a sexual thing and for some it is, but for others it is only a beginning. Regardless, most CD's learn what the child transsexual has already learned; Guilt, shame and fear.
I think it is worth noting at this juncture that not all children who are transgendered as young children are transsexual nor are all adolescents who discover they are cross dressers are transvestic fetishists or for that matter purely CD's. The transsexual can emerge at any time but the one thing every TS can say is "I just know I am the wrong sex." It is a feeling that is rooted in their core.
To the CD, cross dressing is often a celebration of that sex they most relate to and admire. Emulating that gender is natural for them and provides a level of emotional comfort in the role. The transvestic fetishist cross dresses primarily for sexual gratification. As the CD youth ages into young adulthood, the sexual element to cross dressing wanes.
Now, the real kicker to all of this. The cross dresser or transsexual is by and large, heterosexual. This only adds to the confusion.
The truth is;
The incidence of homosexuality within the transgendered community is no greater than the population at large.
Little Billy might be a girl or feel like a girl, but he likes girls, in fact, he loves girls. Same with Cindy, she loves boys.
Adulthood
As adults we have accepted that we are different although we often fight it. We often deny we are who we are. We think we are ill and the terrible trio lives on. We take macho careers, we marry thinking it will cure us. WRONG! It is here to stay. We purge ourselves of everything we own and we are miserable. We hide this from our partners and we are miserable. Of course, eventually it comes out one way or another, and our partners react just the way we knew they would, only now with the passage of time there is a family involved and finances and a partner who is in shock and doesnt understand any of it. S/he wonders how s/he could have been so wrong. S/he wants to know if s/he isnt good enough as a partner in their role as husband or wife. They are horribly affronted by the deception and finally, their social conditioning tells them that this is wrong. CHA CHING! The formula for disintegration of the family is there.
The transgendered finds themselves alone, ashamed, and ripe for a host of mental disorders most often presented as Anxiety and/or Depression. But it doesn't need to be that way. The path to recovery of a marriage from this is long and painful, but if walked together can create even stronger bonds than either partner could have imagined. But, that is for another article.
:hugs:
Kimberley