Coming out, how to break the ice?

[Michelle Ellis]

OK, first let me apologize to everyone for posting yet another coming out thread... I know I'm over my limit big time... sorry.

A couple weeks ago I invited my sister to come stay for a visit (since she lives out of state she only has this chance once every year or two). I invited her because I'm ready to come out and she is the first person I plan to tell. Well she's on her way and will be here this friday.

Despite all my other concerns and worries the biggest thing on my mind is how to begin...

How have some of you broken the ice?

Thanks SO much...
M

[azure]

Be truthful, be clear, be gentle,be yourself.


oh and try not to chose christmas as the time to tell the family, trust me on this one, its not a good idea, been there done that : [

[CharlaineCadence]

be honest with her and your self it is the only way.

[Michelle Ellis]

I don't think I'll have any problems being honest... I'm having problems with how to start. Every time I talk with her with these thoughts on my mind I find myself thinking how impossible it would be to say anything, and what could I say? Now don't get me wrong, I'm not asking for a script, I just can't visualize it... I don't want to blurt it out and shock her half to death...

I've thought about telling her how depressed I've always been and how it's become so intolerable, and just wait for the inevitable question of "why?"

sorry, just trying to wrap my brain around this... it's absolutely the hardest/scariest, most important thing I've ever done... I'm so tired of this lie I'm living, it just disgusts me.

I know I just gotta do it, and be honest and truthful... I'm just freakin out a little about it all I guess... talking out loud... and publicly at that... (sigh)

M

[Andrea Nicole]

Accidently put a run in her stockings/pantyhose.
Then tell her to pick a color of thi-hi's from your cache.
She'll catch on fast, but only let her take ONE pair.
Huggs,
Andi ...

[fionasboots]

... be happy.

Trite I know but my son keeps singing this song at the moment and it seems apt for the occasion.

First of all, I can guarantee that there will be people to chat to you here no matter what - when I came out to my wife (and things went disastrously wrong at the time) there were people on here ready with advice and comforting words.


I don't think I'll have any problems being honest... I'm having problems with how to start. Every time I talk with her with these thoughts on my mind I find myself thinking how impossible it would be to say anything, and what could I say? Now don't get me wrong, I'm not asking for a script, I just can't visualize it... I don't want to blurt it out and shock her half to death...


In my experience generally, not just shocking people half-to-death, it's always really hard to visualize how things will go but you've got to go through it in your head anyway.



I've thought about telling her how depressed I've always been and how it's become so intolerable, and just wait for the inevitable question of "why?"


That seems like a good idea.



sorry, just trying to wrap my brain around this... it's absolutely the hardest/scariest, most important thing I've ever done... I'm so tired of this lie I'm living, it just disgusts me.


I admire your courage for standing up for yourself and not being ashamed of who and what you are.



I know I just gotta do it, and be honest and truthful... I'm just freakin out a little about it all I guess... talking out loud... and publicly at that... (sigh)

M

We're here for you hun :hugs:

I'll be thinking happy thoughts for you, good luck.

[CaptLex]

Michelle, here's what I told Evert (in the FtM section) when he asked the same question. I hope at least some of it is helpful to you:

The way I did it to friends and co-workers was to start with a question, "Do you know what transgender means?" Almost everyone answered "yes", and then I'd ask them what they thought it meant - just to be sure they weren't completely off. After that, I'd give them my definition of what it means and tell them, "well, that's what I am". Some will ask you tons of questions. Others will not be able to think of anything at the moment 'cause they're stunned, but may come back to you the next day or next week with questions. Prepare yourself in advance for two things:

(1) Know what your boundaries are. Know which questions you'll feel comfortable answering (like maybe, "How long have you felt this way?"), and which ones are intrusive and personal, and don't feel that you have to go into any details you're uncomfortable with. I usually tell people up front that they can ask anything, but if something is too personal, I won't be answering it.

(2) Prepare to be amazed that some people you think will get it, really won't, and some people you think will be judgmental and unaccepting will not have a problem with it. There's really no way of knowing who will be okay with it and who won't. Lots of people have surprised me. Also be prepared that some of your relationships may change (for better or worse), and some people may just tell you that they had a feeling all along.

[GypsyKaren]

Hello my friend

Just tell her, don't tap dance, just bite the bullet and tell her.

Karen

[MarieTS]

Dear Michelle: It sounds like you're really close to your sister. After she gets settled in and you two start reminiscing about the past, talking about your childhood's, past family events etc., you might slip in something like...

"You know, I've always felt close to you and I want YOU to be the first person to know something very important about me that no one else knows..."

Then just kind of take it from there. But you've got to expect it may be a lot for her to handle. Understand she may be somewhat in shock. Let her adjust and keep emphasizing how much you trust her and that your close relationship with her is important for the emotional support you'll need in the furture. If she's as close to you as you seem to feel, she can be a big help laying the ground wortk with the rest of that family when that time comes.

Good luck, Michelle, us Northwest girls have to stick together! :hugs:

[discovery]

Your situation IS different but let me share mine.
I thought I was reasonably close with my older sister me 52 she 62 and we have talked a bit over the years about each of our issues (not CDing though). We have had a tumultous childhood and adulthood but have success in spite of it so I thought she would be a little more understanding that the average person of the street.
My internal pressure recently rose to unbearable levels that I had to tell someone so I called her -- first one to know besides my wife.
She immediately went into this monologue about this is just a continuation of the depravity and "perversion" with sex by which our family is known. She obviously had not a clue as to what I was going through or what transsexuality is about. I should have asked about these first to she if she even was vaguely aware of the condition and then proceeded based upon her response as recommended in a previous post. She comes from a very "spiritual" background and I could hear and feel the preachiness coming through loud and clear!
OOOOPPPPS wrong move for me!!! These are some of the words she used to describe my situation. Needless to say I will not be calling here anymore to discuss anything that deep anymore.
I would test the waters over the phone possibly to determine if your are ready to take the chance (which it is) or not. I do hope things go well for you if and when you do.

[Sally2005]

Maybe put a photo of you dressed up on the fridge or coffee table that she will notice and ask about. Then you have an opportunity to talk to her or you can back out if her response in negative by just saying it was a halloween or other outing.

[Sejd]

I think that the most important thing in this situation you describe is to own your own experience. After all, you are the one who want to tell your sister, so don't put it on her, put it on yourself. Say to ther: Listen, I have something which is important for me to tell you etc.......
This is something that you want her to know. Maybe she doesn't want to hear it, but you want to tell her, right?
Own your own stuff! dare it, and live with the consequences. If you are not ready to do that? don't tell her.
hugs
Sejd

[Lisa Maren]

Hi Michelle

I haven't come out to my family yet, but when I do, I have a couple of books to give them and I will also rent for them the movie Ma Vie En Rose. I have made sure to read at least parts of the books before I give them to my family to make sure they're good ones.

Other than that, all we can do is be understanding of our family members and be willing to help them by answering questions or helping them find support or whatever we can.

I hope it goes really well! *big hug*

Hugs,
Lisa

[Girlieboy]

Hi Michelle,

Have you ever considered the distinct possibility that your sister already has some idea? Strange though this might sound, I have in my life known four cases where the person being told had already suspected (one) or already been aware of the situation (three). In my particular case,I opened the conversation by explaining that I had been a drag artiste many, many years ago. I just felt I had to confide in someone: in my case it was my daughter. I was indeed an "artiste" but, to be frank, I was bl**** awful: the only reason I got away with it was that, in my city at the time, there were only three of us (it was 40 years ago!!) I got away with my act simply because I had the guts to do it - NOT because I was good!). Plus the bank manager was pressing ...........!! Upon being told, my daughter replied "Cool".

And that was all there was to it. Huge sighs of relief on my part, I might add! Good luck,babe. You are in my thoughts.

Love,
Diane XX:love: