Comments about an online CD friend of mine

[Kathryn Philips]

I came across a comment made by a young man, in response to picture posted by online CD friend of mine on a well known website where some of us keep profiles.

It reads as follows:

"You know. I've seen a lot of crossdressers and I think it's okay, but it's people like you [refering to my friend] who have caused the stereotype that crossdressers are ugly. It looks like you didn't even try.

Suggestion:

Workout: A real woman takes care of her body and the ones that don't, know how to hide it.

Read some fashion magazines: Honestly, some clothes don't belong on some people, and that outfit your wearing is one of them. Your body is not perfect so were something to flatter your good parts. You obviously need some makeup tips, because your 5 o'clock shadow is showing. "

Just because your a crossdresser doesn't mean you get to dress with no fashion sense. Ugh."


So I posted a comment sugesting to my friend to ignore him because he was clearly not a very nice young man.

The young man then replied back saying:

"Your right, I'm not. I just hate people that cause bad stereotypes. Same goes for you too Kattie Philips. Fix your face."

Apart from his terrible spelling, what would you say to this person?

[hotbobbie]

I have learned a long time ago to ignore morons like this as i will not climb down in the gutter with them.

[trannie T]

I wasn't aware that crossdressers were supposed to be ugly. Some of my crossdressing friends are quite attractive.

My response to the young man would be deleted by the moderators.

[dann]

Well, yea he was pretty rude, but when we post our pics on certain places on the internet we are kind of openning ourselves up to criticism.
I personally think the guy is a closeted CD that feels more frightened of coming out everytime he sees something he feels is confirming "stereotypes"that he doesn't like.He obviously has a vested interest in it, otherwise he wouldn't have taken the time for such a lengthy commentary on your friends looks.

In the end, it doesn't matter what the hell he thinks. If your friend likes her look is all that matters.

[Tina B.]

Well I have to agree with, the moderators would trow me out of here for my Answer, I ahve read post even among members that worry about the image of some of the girls, but who is that boy kidding, has he been down to the mall, men, women, out of shape dressed in any old thing, who has the right to say we all have to look beuitful, I sure can't live up to that. I wouldn't worry about the big mouth, I would worry about my friend that may now be so insecure, as to want to go and hide in a closet somewhere.
The world is full of rude people, and we have to share the planet with them, but we don't ahve to listen to there judgemental remarks, what makes him so special, I never heard of the Trans cops!
Tina B.

[Casey Morgan]

I would have ignored that person's post from the get go and just posted something nice for your friend. I would probably have sent your friend a PM/IM/whatever and told him to just ignore that guy, sent him some "good vibes".

[Bobbie Jo]

a person like that has the small mind that doesn't have a clue what's going and shouldn't even be around us at all.

[Barb Valentine]

Having a small mind myself
F***off a**hole comes to my mind

[steffie39]

Clearly he is jealous because he is closeted and doesn't like himself.

Remember a TG can still be pretty even if she doesn't "pass" in society's view. If you feel pretty and make a REASONABLE attempt to be, then you are (as is your friend). No one has any right to tell you or your friend that you're not pretty. That guy is ugly on the inside (as well as on the outside).

Steffie

[lisa68]

It sounds to me he is a hater and it doesn't matter who the person is or not. Kattie look fine to me and the other girls from this family. He just has issues with himself and the world. It only matters what's in your and your friends heart. Lisa

[PaulaJaneThomas]

Best to ignore such comments. But if you're going to put your picture up somewhere where anybody can comment you've got to be prepared to take the rough with smooth.

[Lawren]

I have to agree with the man on this one. I think he has offered some good constructive criticism. Good fashion sense is something that everyone needs to some degree. Just because a CD likes the way a woman looks does not mean that he will look good in the same outfit, makeup, and accessories. I KNOW that I do not look very pretty when dressed en femme so I try to choose clothes that will make me look my best. If he had made those comments to me, I would have thanked him for his criticism and tried to improve my appearance.

[Teresa Amina]

The net brings out the worst in some people. That idiot probably wouldn't have the guts to actually say something like that in person.

[Rachel Newark]

Hmm, beauty may be only skin deep, but mean goes down to the bone.
Some people get off on making hurtful remarks, some are just really thoughtless. I could have thrown rocks at my mother when she told my son, then about 13 years old, that he had got a lot of spots. Like he really needed that pointing out. There are those who actually pride themselves on 'telling the truth' and 'calling a spade a spade'. Basically just selfish, arrogant, self opinionated and careless of others feelings.

The world is, sadly, full of people like this.

Rachel Newark

[marie354]

The net brings out the worst in some people. That idiot probably wouldn't have the guts to actually say something like that in person.

I'd be willing to bet that this person that made these comments doesn't like how he/she looks in a dress at all and is actually expressing that, but not admitting to it.

[carolinebrookes]

Just wouldn't dignify him with an answer or reply. Ignore

[Marcie Sexton]

Sounds to me as if he is either bigoted or afraid of admitting to himself what he really is or wants to be....

Sounds to me like his brain is like a BB bouncing down I64...

[Elly]

i'm prolly gonna put the nails in my own cross for this but...
i dunno the post doesn't seem degrading or malicious but appears to be constructive critisism, you have to take the bad with the good cuz you can benefit from it all... it seems to me that most of the CDs that post their pics are looking for cheerleaders, ppl to say wow you look nice, you look great, ect, building a false sense of security in the CD that honestly isn't pulling it off well at all... i don't know your friend but i feel it's a bad idea to say 'piss off' if you don't like anothers opinion, that opinion may be what one needs to become motivated to try harder and do better next time...
of course saying "but it's people like you who have caused the stereotype that crossdressers are ugly" was wrong on his part, he could have worded that better to where it didn't seem like a personal affront on your friend...

[Sheri 4242]

I wouldn't reply! Ignoring him, regardless of how he might try to provoke you, is the best way to handle such a mental midget!!! Ignoring him will drive him nuts!!!

[discovery]

This is what I hear from this thread...
Usually there are elements of truth in most conversations. I think that if we back out of our circle and really take an objective look at ourselves we WILL see there is room for improvement. Improvement in the way we present and converse. Yes this site tends to be cheerleader-like but constructive criticism is also welcome and necessary for us to reach our best. While I do not condone the harshness of the message - the message remains (what i heard) IF YOU ARE GOING TO CROSSDRESS THEN BE THE BEST CROSSDRESSER YOU CAN Be (old army slogan me think!!!). I think this means wearing apparel that fits and becomes you (classy and attractive and sexy). Sleezy dressing just propagates the bad PR that many, not all, crossdressers have embraced. Do not get me wrong, I love tight fitting clothes when the figure inside shows them at their best but there is a limit to how tight and high and low!!!! There are things I cannot and will not wear because they would present an image that would continue to spread the sleezy mesage. As we mature in our dressing and realize that even we have an obligation to society at large, our dressing will reflect our positive side. I believe in dressing to satisfy myself but also realize ,without overdoing it, that I want and strive to look as good if not better than the masses who dont give a damn how they dress or look. Remembe be SEXY, ATTRACTIVE AND CLASSY AND HAVE FUN AND THAT WE ALL ARE REPRESENTATIVES OF OUR CROSSDRESSING (glbt) COMMUNITY.

[JoAnnDallas]

It could be he had good intentions. He also may have been angry because he has seen some CDs in public that really did look like a "guy in a dress" and he strives for the pass look and this fustrates him. When I attended HEF2006, I saw the whole range of CDer's. There were those that it was hard to even believe they were really a man. Then there were others that did look like a man in a dress. The one thing I did notice was all of them stride to look their best. We did have workshops that touched on this subject and it was packed, standing room only. We had a couple of fashion consultants there and these two ladies were swamped with question all the time, on how one can present themselves better.
Not all of us can look like a super model and some of us, as hard as it sounds, are ugly. I know I don't look like a GG, but I constantly am trying to inmprove on my looks, makeup, clothing, and etc.

[Samantha B L]

You know,we really open ourselves up to all kinds of hell everytime any of us post anything in any forum as Dann has pointed out.But Steffi does bring up the point that the guy is probably closeted and frustrated.As far as whether or not "crossdressers" or "trannies" are ugly is concerned a lot of us can't "pass" or would at least need a professional TG makeover like in New York or Chicago.But then,cd'ing is in a way an artificial kind of art and it doesn't matter that much any way.I've seen exquisite cd'rs who had slight tell tale signs that they were guys such as the shape and conjunct of the bones in their face and body or veins in their legs or deep voices.they still managed to putover a fem image and did it very nicely.

[MsJanessa]

does this jerk CD or is he an admirer or just a troll looking to cause trouble--and does he post photos of him/herself for others to comment on?--I bet he doesn't---now why is that I wonder?

[Mitzi]

I agree with Ellie...we tend to look for approval of our appearances in these forums. Not that it's a bad thing, but perhaps leads us to believe we're more covincing than we really may be.

While it is certainly acceptable to present ourselves in whatever manner we choose here, perhaps we should be more "discreet" (in dress and makeup) in presenting ourselves in a wider forum, where the "lay" public will see us and make judgements of our lifestyle.

Like Ellie, I'll probably get skewered for this, but my :2c: .

Mitzi

[Crissy Kay]

I have to agree with Barb Valentine, on this one!!!!

[Marianna Julianna]

In my experience, wherever you go, whatever you do there always someone out there ready to have a pop at you. It's sad, I sometimes wonder if they do it because they feel to bad about themselves they have to try to make themselves feel better by running someone else down. That said, I always say to myself, well they're entitled to their opinion I guess and then carry on ignoring them, best way that, I think.

[Lisa Golightly]

I couldn't be arsed to reply.

[finacarina]

No doubt his comments were rude and hurtful, and he could have expressed his opinions in a much more tactful way, but these kind of comments can serve as motivation. I didnt see the pics of your friend, but there are definitely people, men and women who are slothful in their appearance and need to take better care of themselves, physically, mentally, and spiritually. If you post your pics and are not willing or are afraid to recieve objective critiques, whether done tactfully or not, then you probably shouldnt be posting in the first place.

[noname]

What a loser. He needs to just let people be. Does he tell GG's they are ugly and their makeup is wrong? ( yes, I see GG's all the time with makeup done wrong. )

[Sharon]

The guy's a troll -- ignore him. He proved his intentions with his second post.

[terrinoble]

I call troll too.

[Tamera]

If we all were the same, this would be a boring ass world to live in.

You think much to highly of yourself to lower yourself to his level.

He ain't worth the trouble!!!!

Love,
Tamera

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

I'd probably just ignore this person, too many negative vibes for my taste. people that live in glass houses should not throw stones, i'll bet he isn't in the best of shape either and who is anyway. Good luck to your friend, I do think we all need to put our best face forward whenever we can and to honor the female in all of ourselves by looking and acting the part.

[RobertaFermina]

The young man spoke in a way that betrayed his selfish and arrogant perspective. Whatever he had to say by way of opinion or criticism is severely tainted.

I don't agree with his opinions anyway.

If I HAD to respond to him, I would say that everyone has a right to be seen, heard, and receive polite responses. Criticism is for those who request it. Many CDers have a need to CD and no need to impress anyone about how they look. If someone really thinks they look good, and don't, it is not for anyone to speak of it, save close friends, and those who have been asked for an opinion.

Finally, he is capable if expressing his opinion without pointing his criticism at anyone. Why doesn't he find a less injurious forum for his opinion and do so?

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Angela E.]

:GE: F*** U-Angela.:devil: :devil: :devil:

[Dee Model]

Whatever.

[Sally24]

At least he knows he's not very nice. I would not try to continue any converstaion with him, but I would advice my friend of any of his "helpful" hints that had some truth to them. That's what friends are for. If your CD friend is of the "I'll just wear a dress and I don't care what I look like" style, then leave it alone.

Sally

[Kathryn Philips]

Hi Again,

When I started this thread I knew it would cause some of you to air your opinions. As it turns out there was a wide range of opinions from people who agreed with the young man and people who thought he was a moron. I'm glad it turns out this way because it shows that there is healthy mix of people and opinions in this great forum.

The reason for starting the thread was not because I was outraged or because my friend was hurt, on the contrary she was quite flattered that she had received his attention. I just did not understand what he meant by "causing the stereotype that crossdressers are ugly". In our community there are no stereotypes, just a wide spectrum from people with a 100% male appearance who may like to wear panties ocassionaly via a TV who looks 100% passable (without hormones or surgery) to a post-operative transsexual.

The fact is that I had actually already replied to his second comment before even starting this thread. This is what I said to him (note I have changed his name to protect his identity):

"Peter, making negative comments about a transgendered woman's appearance is like making fun of a fat or ugly genetic woman. It is wrong. I'm sure a lot of us would like to look, dress, move and talk like genetic girls for some, most or all of the time. Unfortunatelly, we neither have the means and/or opportunities to do so. Believe me, each one of us does what the best we can to be our female self, given our own particular circumstances, because our female self is a very important part of our whole self."

[Angie G]

Well he wae a rude *^$)%&@#% being a lady I can't say it :hugs:
Angie

[flatlander_48]

Apart from his terrible spelling, what would you say to this person?

You mean, other than "Bite Me"?

[btmgrl6]

opinions are like ***holes...everybody has one....who cares.Just ignore the jerk.

[Lovely Rita]

I would'nt give him the time of day!

[DawnL]

Sounds to me like someone has repressed feelings. Maybe you should let him know that he should explore that facet of himself.
I wish we could all be as beautiful as some on this site.

Dawn

[silkie h]

I tend to see both points of view. There is a tendency among us to go over the top with flattery where it is sometimes not warranted. Personally, If I do not like someones look I pass no comment. I only comment if I genuinely believe someone looks really well. I do believe that the wonderful feeling that we achieve en femme sometimes clouds our judgement as to what would appear acceptable in public. Bottom line is make the effort. This person however was at the very most, unkind.

[Christina Nicole]

That comment sounds awfully similar to the "Why don't real women dress femininely?" Your friend was just taken to task in a manner similar to that which some crossdressers apply to real women. Congratulations!

Still, not everyone can wear every type of fashion and look attractive or even just good in an outfit. Could have been appropriate advice very badly given.

If one is going to post pictures on the 'net and invite comments, one had better have very thick skin. It's like standing blindfolded in the public square and allowing everyone to take a shot -- anonymously. Some might be fair and some might not. Don't be surprised if more than a few turn out to be real creeps.

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole