I think my marriage maybe over.

[sparks]

I sit in my house all alone. Though I know she will come back at some point today I don't know if she will ever be truly back.
I've got no one to blame but myslf,my carelessness and of couse my selfishness. I can't even type my actions but when your wife is unaccepting and do what I have done there just maybe no forgiveness.
Could I have just destroyed my beautiful family for my few minutes pleasure in wearing womens cloths? Yes with other things added yes.

[JulieC]

I sit in my house all alone. Though I know she will come back at some point today I don't know if she will ever be truly back.
I've got no one to blame but myslf,my carelessness and of couse my selfishness. I can't even type my actions but when your wife is unaccepting and do what I have done there just maybe no forgiveness.
Could I have just destroyed my beautiful family for my few minutes pleasure in wearing womens cloths? Yes with other things added yes.

Maybe. But, as so many of us have learned the hard way, you can't permanently repress it. Exposure in the vast majority of cases is bound to happen. You may try hard, you might even be successful for years, even decades. But eventually, it's likely you will be discovered.

I think all of us have been through this guilt. "If only I could stop then all of this would go away, and I wouldn't harm my family". There's no good answer to that. All you can do is be the best person you can possibly be.

[Sierra Evon]

I tottaly feel ya on that issue , my ex-wife was very un-accepting , I was married for 10 yrs , and my being me , Sierra, had ended it , I tryed everthing I could to save it but it did'nt work , we finally broke ( divorced ) in Nov. 2000
been single and living alone ever since then , looking back for me now I'm kinda glad , actually I'm much happier and stress free, !!!!!!!!
wish you all the best of luck ,,,,,,,,,,,:hugs:

[MsEva]

So sorry to hear of your troubles Sparks. Hold our hope, perhaps there will be some relief!

[Casey Morgan]

Oh Sparks, I'm so sorry to hear that. :hugs: Maybe isn't definitely though. I'm sending you my extra-special good thoughts and good vibes that things turn out OK.

[Daintre]

I am very sorry Sparks, but as MsEva said there may be hope, I have been where you are and I hope your ending is a happier one than mine.

[Peggy55]

Sierra,

Do you have an s/o now?



I tottaly feel ya on that issue , my ex-wife was very un-accepting , I was married for 10 yrs , and my being me , Sierra, had ended it , I tryed everthing I could to save it but it did'nt work , we finally broke ( divorced ) in Nov. 2000
been single and living alone ever since then , looking back for me now I'm kinda glad , actually I'm much happier and stress free, !!!!!!!!
wish you all the best of luck ,,,,,,,,,,,:hugs:

[Andrea Nicole]

Sparks,
Sure doesn't sound good. That's why HONESTY is the best policy.
That's what marraige is all about.
Andi ....

[JulieCDorlando]

I am not sure what if anything I can say to ease your pain. If you truely do love your wife, I would hope that you and your wife will at least sit down together and discuss this issue in more detail, that is if you had not done so already. If she is unrelenting in her firm belief that CDing is an evil thing, try to reach some sort of compromise that is mutually benefiting to both you and her. Dialogue is the best when there is misunderstanding. First thing is seeking forgiveness from her. Reaffirm to her that you do love her, and willing to recomitt yourself to her and your marriage. Listen intently to her, comply with her expectations/demands. A marriage is giving without measure to your spouse, and if need be, at the sacrifice of your own needs first. Who knows maybe in time, she will soon see that CDing isn't such an evil as she first thought. My heart goes out to you. I been where you are. I only hope that your ending will be happier than how mine turned out.

[Janelle Young]

Sparks,

I am sorry to hear this. All I can say is to try to have / keep a positive attitude. If you think it is over than you will do and say things to reinforce the thought that it is over. If you think it will work out you will be in a better position to say and do things to make it work out. Best of luck.

[kerilynn]

I mean did she catch you with a guy? cheating is cheating no matter who you are, if not maybe it 's abreaking point, seems to me dressing isn't big enough for divorce on its own.
Keri

[linnea]

Sorry to read about your troubles, Sparks. My sympathies and best wishes to you.

[Michelle Ellis]

Hi Sparks, I'm sorry to hear this, I know you've been having a hard time, wish I could say something to make it better, but you know a lot of us care about you... I'll just hope for the best.

M

[Kimberley]

Sparks,
Like so many others I am saddened when I hear of this kind of news. I know there is nothing that can be said that will help you feel better. I think we all know that this is a possibility in all our lives and being TG can be a cause, catalyst or more often than not, an excuse to end a marriage.

Just keep your chin up and remember who you are and be proud of that. It is easy to blame ourselves at times like this but more difficult to remember the good things, the things that have been overlooked by others because of our being transgendered.

Please dont believe you are selfish. You are who you are and nothing can change that so think of all the kindness and sensitivity, the caring and wanting to help. These are the good traits, the ones that are you. You will always have them and that is something to be proud of.

Dont let the Guilt, Shame and Fear take over. There are about 2000 friends here for you to lean on.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[Casey Morgan]

I can't even type my actions

I honestly can't imagine anything you could have done that would be so bad you can't talk about it. You know your friends aren't going to judge you, and we can be objective about it. What happened?

[melissacd]

Sparks,

As someone who is going through the same process and the same pain, whose 25 year relationship is ending in large measure because of cross dressing, I feel your pain. After 10 years of trying to fix the relationship and yet finally realizing that I cannot not be who I am I have reached the end of the line with it.

You need to do everything that you reasonably can to work through this with her, however, that should not be at the expense of yourself. That is what makes it so hard, it feels like it is such a selfish act to put cross dressing on the same level as saving a marriage and yet after going through years of denial and suffering the physical effects of that denial I realize that it is really a choice, at least for me, between maintaining a marriage of non-acceptance and my health/perhaps my life itself.

I did not understand and appreciate that until I started having check ups that were showing the adverse effects of all of the negative energy that repression creates. It was killing me. Now I have to choose life and if that means that I have to end the relationship because my spouse will not accept that part of me then, though sad, it is necessary.

I wish you all the best in your struggle and I am here for you if you want to chat about this. I will give you the benefits of my learning process.

Huggs
Melissa

[Joy Carter]

Very sad for ya pal.:(

[Teresa Amina]

Don't know since you can't write but hope it's not as bad as it seems to you :hugs:

[SherriePall]

Sorry to hear about your troubles. As the others have said, keep your head up, and maintain hope. We'll be here for you.

[lahr]

Best wishes. I sincerely hope you can work thru this....larry.

[joanlynn28]

It may seem to you that all is lost but in given time you will enjoy the new found freedom to live your life as your true self. Whether CD or TS the chances of relationships ending because of either of these conditions are all too common. But eventually you will realize how much happier you are in the long run. Just speaking from my own experience.:2c:

[sixstringplayer_58]

i was married for 31 years my x-wife at the time new about my cdind she didnt have a problem with it that isnt what caused the divorce and i can understand how some females is i am single and dress as often as i can havent got up enough courage to go out yet but sometime i hopei am looking for a female companion and was in a online dateing service i always told them about my cding most gals i chatted with didnt have as much of a problem with that as much as they did me looking at porn on the comp
i have been kicked in the head from this GOSH cding, looking at porn,or chatting on the comp as a female is it really that bad???? i dont drink,smoke,chace women,was faithfull to my wife at the time, i guess i am a bad female hehehehehehe oh well i been cding for 40 years why in the hell quit if a female cant understand me and all i do is aturn on for me then so be it SPRKS STAY RIGHT IN THERE AND DO AS BEST AS U CAN AND IF IT WORKS SO BE IT IF IT DOESNT OH WELL U KNOW THE SAYING DAMNED IF U DO AND DAMNED IF U DONT TAKE CARE GLENDA:love:

[Trisha]

sorry to here that we feel for you dont give up on her too soon :D

[Marianna Julianna]

In the end you can't do anything except be true to yourself, living a lie will always make sadness for someone. You can't help who you are, only come to terms with it and live the best life you can. I'm truly sorry to hear of your troubles, and can only have good thoughts that somehow everything will work out for you.

[julie w]

sparks , I have been there done that and have the tee shirt , Its a big gamble telling you wife about you cd ing , but I do believe if she was madly in love with you she would try to work it out . may be there are other things in you relationship that need dealing with too ? You may have to tell her you will not cd again( very hard to do) or move on get you own place and cd as much as you want , only you know the answers good luck

[Sarah Plumber]

And I've been there too..CDing was the catalyst that just opened up a whole can of worms which we had been ignoring for quite a long time...In the long run it worked out best for both of us although I pretty much lost my children compared to my second family which is very close. The kids have grown up now and call me when they wish which is OK but it's taken a lot of years of heart ache.

That said I did find that to a cetain extent it was relief and a weight of my shoulders at the time. Then slowly things got better and better. I had got so used to my first wife I'd started to accept that was the way things were until I met my second and present wife and realised that things could be so much better...we've been together for 17 years now....so far so good....

Patience and a beleif that everything is constantly changing even if it's only little things kept me going....Oh and a "Bollox" to 'em attitude... I had to be a little selfish or I would never had sorted my life out afterwards...

[Robin Leigh]

I can't even type my actions

Could I have just destroyed my beautiful family for my few minutes pleasure in wearing womens cloths? Yes with other things added yes.

Love should be stronger than clothing choices. IIRC, you don't fully dress, wear make-up, or go outside. So why is she so upset?

Sparks, you've been suffering under the status quo for quite a while now. Maybe a change will be for the best. I know it's hard to be strong when you feel like you do now, but please don't let her push you around.

:hugs:

Robin

[RachelDenise]

It's never simple when this happens. I think that talking about it is the key. You, however, need to think about what it is you want. And be honest. Choices are never straightforward but you have to choose. You can't have her and your CD life if she is dead set against it.

[michellebesweet]

Sorry you were left alone with your troubles. She does not sound too supportive of your needs. Hopefully you will be able to work things out, if not, you will survive, be strong girl.

[MsJanessa]

I mean did she catch you with a guy? cheating is cheating no matter who you are, if not maybe it 's abreaking point, seems to me dressing isn't big enough for divorce on its own.
Keri

That's what I would say also---unfortunately there are many GGs out there (usually not found on this forum however) who think otherwise

[MJ]

I mean did she catch you with a guy? cheating is cheating no matter who you are, if not maybe it 's abreaking point, [QUOTE]seems to me dressing isn't big enough for divorce on its own.Keri

you are so wrong. my ex could not understand why i dress or have anything to do with it in any way one week after she found out she ask me to leave
marriage over after 20.5 years oh and one week before my birthday ...

i am sorry sparks what did you do ?. we all would like to know ,we might be able to help you better
i hope things work out for you :hugs:

[dancinginthedark]

I sit in my house all alone. Though I know she will come back at some point today I don't know if she will ever be truly back.
I've got no one to blame but myslf,my carelessness and of couse my selfishness. I can't even type my actions but when your wife is unaccepting and do what I have done there just maybe no forgiveness.
Could I have just destroyed my beautiful family for my few minutes pleasure in wearing womens cloths? Yes with other things added yes.


I am with Kerrilyn and MsJanessa in believing dressing alone would not be a reason to end a marriage. But since I am a member here I suppose that opinion would be a given. I am assuming you meant that the CD-ing was the straw that broke the camel's back. Yes?

Sometimes you have to be brutally honest with yourself and discover if you trashed your own marriage because in your heart of hearts you want/need out. Take some time to find the answer to that one and you'll know what to do next. But if you discover you want it to work a word of encouragement. Don't give up just yet. IF there is even a tiny ember left between you it is enough to hold onto hope.

And forgiveness? Forgiveness isn't a given...something to be expected... it's grace. We are forgiven not because we deserve it. We are forgiven in spite of the fact that far too often we don't. That's grace and that's love.

dancin

[kittypw GG]

Sparks,

After 10 years of trying to fix the relationship and yet finally realizing that I cannot not be who I am I have reached the end of the line with it.

Huggs
Melissa

Here it is the "I want to be who I am" quote. I have heard this before many times from my hubby. Most people don't have a problem with nurturing someone's self expression, nobody ever wants to supress nor destroy someone's spirit. But when you say this "I want to be who I am" what does that really mean? Many times the actions don't match the words and as a spouse of a CD that is a very uncomforting feeling. When asked, who are you?, what is your reply. Who are you and what do you stand for outside of what you wear?

Life is fluid and ever changing like opinions and desires but there is a core that is somewhat unwavering. This core expresses your morrals and your belief systems. Maybe this is what a lot of people are out of touch with or confused about because of an impulsive action. Maybe impulsive actions are a way of testing our core beliefs. We all do this. We all have regrets but these are the things that shape our personalities, make us the people we want to become. Getting in touch with that person and developing them is a life long journey. Pain is our guide. Pain elicits change. It keeps most moving forward. Some wallow in it or refuse to face the truth about ourselves. Some are unwilling to change.

I guess what I am trying to say to you, Sparks is that you should not make what you have done define who you are. Let your pain guide you and get to your core. Decide who you are and your spirt will shine. Let yourself be one of your beautiful paintings. A white canvas, a few brush strokes, then your hand takes on a life of its own as a little piece of you and your vision emerge on the canvas. I have seen your work and it is impressisive, it is a mix of power and beauty that obviously comes from deep within you. I see it there so should you. Tap into this powerful energy source and show your wife who you really are. If she is mature enough to really see she will understand that she will be passing up on something special and outstanding.

You just have to show her, if you really want her, show her who you really are. I don't know her but she would be a fool to pass on such a bright example of a human. I hope she sees past the crossdressing and your mistakes and really sees who you are. My thoughts are with you on your journey.
Kitty

[sparks]

Many thanks for the kind words. I blundered in my eyes huge but I'm not going into details. I can't say how this is going to end but for now we are just ignoring the problem and not talking. Not to say I won't but I just waiting for the correct time.
She didn't pack my bags just simply destroyed all my femme stuff. Still together just not talking. For now.
Thanks for your thoughts.

[Marcie Sexton]

It always gets darkest just before dawn...surley there is a bright spot in your life...Should your marriage end, and if you have children, be the very best father you can...

There is always a grander scheme in life than we can see...perhaps this is the beginning of a new and better life...Good luck & God bless...

[Rachaelb64]

Sorry to hear your news Sparks :sad:

I feel the pain, my marriage end just shy of two years now, my wounds are still tender. My crossdressing was the last straw in my marriage. In hindsight (which is a wonderful thing :rolleyes:) mine had already broke down.

But hang in there, its going to be hard & painful and somtimes the world will feel like are dark and unfriendly place. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel you have to just get there at your own pace and know who your friends.

Take care

[krissy]

i know your pain i too got devorced my current wife knows but cant accepet it ,i know ill never stop i hide but im trying to get over all the guilt.its apart of who iam and i ahve accepted it.please dont get down on your self.there is nothing wrong with you you are not a freak .you are a good person and deservedto be loved for who you are not what you are.please write to us we are here for you in this time of need big huggs to you and write to me if you want to talk:hugs:

krissy:hugs:

[melissacd]

I have been sitting here reading through these threads trying to learn new things. Sparx is going through the same thing that I am. It seems that Sparx is going through the same thing that many have gone through.

The other night, in chatting with my wife about all of this, about trying to understand why it is that cross dressing could be the trigger for ending 25 years, because quite frankly, sometimes it just not make sense to me.

My wife said something that really got me thinking, perhaps because I have been trying to win this battle for 10 years. She said, she will never accept cross dressing, that since she found out all she could see when we made love was images of me dressed, it grossed her out and she could not shake that image and hence the reason that she could never make love to me...finally she said, rather than trying to convince her of something that she refuses to accept, rather than spending all this energy trying to convert someone who won't be converted, why don't I just accept that it is over and start looking around for someone else whom I do not have to convince.

I have been thinking about what she said for two days now. In a twisted way , what she says makes complete sense. She is not being mean, she is just being honest about how she feels and what she feels that my course of action should be. Pondering statements from her more and more each day are helping me to work my way from a position of thinking there is always hope to accepting that perhaps I am trying to flog a dead horse and that the right course of action is to move on. Each day it gets easier and easier to accept this and each day I start thinking to myself, what is it that I need to do today to move me a small step forward.

This evening we got a major snow storm and after I got in from shoveling massage amounts of snow she said to me that we should purchase a snow blower. I said to her, there is no need as we will not be together by next winter and it is too late in the season to buy one now. She said buy one anyway and sell it later. I said no, I will make it through this winter and save myself the trouble of selling one when we split.

It was all so matter of fact and a very simple dialog that re-inforced the decision and helps me get closer to being done with this life and ready to move on to a new life.

In as much as there is great sadness in leaving what I am familiar and comfortable with, I know in the end it will be the best thing for both of us because she will not have to feel uncomfortable with something that she cannot accept and I can continue to evolve as a cross dresser without hindrance.

Hmmmm...life continues on and is certainly never boring.

Sparx, trust that no matter what, your life will unfold as it should.

Huggs
Melissa

[Satrana]

In as much as there is great sadness in leaving what I am familiar and comfortable with, I know in the end it will be the best thing for both of us because she will not have to feel uncomfortable with something that she cannot accept and I can continue to evolve as a cross dresser without hindrance.


It is good that you are reaching closure on this and both of you can move on. It is a shame however that it has taken 10 years to reach this point. If your wife was always fundamentally opposed to crossdressing and never had any intention of changing her viewpoint then she should have forced this situation much earlier. Instead you have consumed a big chunk of your life living with a woman who was repulsed by what you were and you chased a false hope that she would eventually change.

This is the same problem which faces Sparks and others. When you SO makes it perfectly clear she is disgusted and will never accept this, exactly how long are you prepared to wait to see if this is actually true or not? This is vital information which both parties need to know so that the best decision can be made whether to continue with the relationship or not. As painful as it may be, it seems good advice to say that you should set a timetable in your head for progress to be made and if it is not then you need to force the issue to establish whether there really is any hope.:2c:

[melissacd]

Satrana,

I agree in principle with what you say and yet the eternal optimist in me strives to find a way to make things work way past the point where trying should happen. So you are right in that I should have given up long ago and yet I still had to know that I gave it a good try.

Huggs
Melissa

[Melora]

My thoughts are with ya Sparks! But I trully believe that EVERYTHING happens for a reason, and that "reason" is not for us to "Know",.. BUT to find out about,.. And perhapse to "change things". Not always an easy thing to do. Huggs
Melora

[Lovely Rita]

Hopefully your marriage will make it. Don't give up. Try to work things out.